through the summer and the fall | blaze

[Howlfire]

It had been worrying hearing her father had been struck down with yellowcough. Knowing she couldn't do anything to help, that she couldn't even see him, that he had lost one of his lives, was greatly troubling. Much as she wanted to do something or just to be there for him, she reminded herself she needed to be mindful not just for her sake, but that of her unborn kits.

Seeing her father around camp again, looking healthy again, was a great comfort and reassurance to Howlfire. When her father came to seek her out when she sitting outside, she nodded, and invited him to take the space next to her. "I haven't had chance to say it lately, but I'm glad you're doing better," She told him earnestly, staring at him with warm orange eyes. "I'm not sure how Fireflypaw or I would cope if you left us." Hopefully, that wouldn't be for a while yet, even tho Howlfire knew in her bones he likely didn't have many lives left now.

"Can I ask you something?" Howlfire asked, shifting her gaze to her paws briefly. She shuffled them in front of her before tucking them under herself. "How did you feel when Little Wolf was pregnant with us? Were you nervous? Excited?"

@BLAZESTAR ​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

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XXXXXThe sunlight, though weaker than it had been in greenleaf, still warms him through his pale fur and through to his bones. Backlit with gold and dappled with treeshadow, Blazestar, though gaunt, looks stronger than he has in sometime. When he spots Howlfire sunning, her belly round and pronounced, he goes to take the place beside her. Her gaze is warm, her voice full of love. “I’m glad you’re doing better. I’m not sure how Fireflypaw or I would cope if you left us.” Blazestar blinks at her, pushing a wave of sadness away that always comes when he thinks about leaving his kits for good. “You don’t have to worry about that for awhile yet,” he tells her, leaning forward to brush his muzzle against her dark tabby ear. “I’ll watch Fireflypaw become a full medicine cat, and besides, I want to watch your kits grow up, at least.”

XXXXXIt seems the kits are on his daughter’s mind. Hazel eyes shift to her paws, and she asks about Little Wolf’s pregnancy. The memory nearly sweeps him off of his paws—he’d wept, he remembers. “Your mother and I were separated for a bit… I had gone to the Twolegplace, and Little Wolf had to flee with ThunderClan after the forest fire.” His mouth twitches. “When I found her again at SkyClan’s border, she still smelled like smoke, and… and your grandmother had brought her there. She was deputy still. She looked at me so disapprovingly, I thought my pelt would go up in flames like the rest of their territory. But when Little Wolf told me she was expecting kits, I… I wept.”

XXXXXHe turns to look at Howlfire fondly. “I was so worried, worried the smoke would have harmed you all, worried about ThunderClan’s medicine cat delivering you. She was… your mother didn’t trust her.” He realizes he doesn’t know how much Howlfire knows about Cinderfrost, or the extent of her crimes, but he brushes past it. “And then when you all were born, there was so much blood. Dawnglare saved your mother’s life, I’m convinced, and he brought all five of you into the world as healthy as five kits could be.”

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[Howlfire]

She listens to his tale intently. Howlfire hadn't known the full story herself, only bits and pieces of her parent's past, and the lives they had lived before she and her siblings were born. "It must have been frightening for you during that time," Howflire mused. Whilst it had been fortunate that she and her siblings had been born healthy and strong, she could understand why certain factors leading up to her birth would have made her father nervous. Fire and an uneasy relationship with a former ThunderClan would have made it a difficult time to be sure. "Lucky us for Dawnglare then." Howlfire knows things between her father and Dawnglare have not been good for some time but she hopes he still looks back fondly on some of the memories they had together.

"Hopefully when my kits are born there will be nothing so hectic happening," Howlfire remarks, tittering slightly. It's a bit of a poor joke given the circumstances currently faced by SkyClan but she hopes the rogue issue will be resolved soon and that the journey cats will return with the herbs needed to fend off the yellowcough. "You know I find myself thinking as of late that I wish Little Wolf were here," She confessed. It's a strange concept to think about, knowing that her mother had her own life in ThunderClan, but she did wish she was here. A part of her always missed her mother and often wondered how she was doing, not having seen her at many gatherings since joining SkyClan proper. Perhaps it was her own impending motherhood making her feel more sentimental and emotional as of late. "I think I'd ask her about her own experiences raising us and how she coped with everything."​

 

[BLAZESTAR]

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XXXXXHowlfire meows that she and her littermates had been lucky Dawnglare had been there. Blazestar’s ear twitches, but he only says, “Yes. We all were.” His friendship with the prophet had once been a sacred thing, forged by foolish kittypet kithoods, clumsy riddles and word games and long-winded stories, but considering their history leaves a taste like dust on his tongue. He latches onto the next subject semi-eagerly, though it is just as painful. Little Wolf.

XXXXX“She doesn’t know yet,” he murmurs. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear you had healthy, strong kits when she returns.” His blue eyes color with bruised violet. “When they start attending Gatherings, she can even meet them…” It’s faltering, hesitant. What sort of life is that? The sort of ties he has to Burnstorm and Moonwhisper, feeble and tenuous. When his ThunderClan kits have children of their own, he will not be a part of their lives—knowing those two, he’ll be reduced to some sordid, shameful part of their kittypet history.

XXXXXHowlfire’s kits will be different, brought up surrounded by daylight warriors and cats of varying backgrounds and experience. Like their mother and like Fireflypaw, the world they grow up in will be different. Not better, he quickly reasons with himself, but different. “Your mother did not have an easy go of it, either,” he says after a few heartbeats. “Her pregnancy was rough, and then with Morningpaw…” He blinks. “It’s little wonder she wanted to bury the past and look forward to the future.” Obliquely, he refers to Duskpaw and Skypaw, but with a start, he realizes he’s talking about her pelt brushing against that ThunderClan warrior’s, too.

XXXXXI don’t blame you, he thinks, wishing she were home already so he could let her know that.

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[Howlfire]

When Blazestar points out Little Wolf didn't know yet, Howlfire frowns slightly. "I wish there'd been a chance to tell her sooner," She sighs. "I can take comfort in knowing she can celebrate the news upon her return." Not many of her ThunderClan kin were likely to celebrate the new arrivals to the family, but she knew her mother would. Even though she wouldn't have as much a presence in their lives, she would still be their grandmother, and Howlfire would ensure they knew that.

The mention of Little Wolf's own struggles and desire to bury the past and move forward again makes her reflective. "I think after everything our family has been through, its about time we all deserved some moons of peace."​