TO BE LOVED — vigil for snowmask




Beesong has told her about herbs that hide the scent of death, as far as she knows though there are no such herbs growing among the marshes. Knowing this, some of her clanmates had picked flowers to tuck into the monochrome she cats fur. They stand out brilliantly, mostly covering the long angry gashes that were the cause of a life lost but they do not mask the scent of death. Starlingheart is not sure she will ever get used to the smell.

They all gather round now. Snowmask was not a cat she had known well but she had been a clanmate, a friends mother, and she would grieve for her all the same. "M-may the stars light y-y-your path" she says softly as she gently touches her nose to the departeds forehead and then takes a step back so that others may say their goodbyes.

 

Death was not an unknown thing to the ticked tabby, but it was still a strange one. Being buried, being eaten by little bugs until you make a skeleton she understood - what did it mean to grieve? Her emerald eyes scanned the lifeless husk of her short-term clanmate and the ticked tabby still did not have an answer. There was a panging in her heart that didn't feel like sadness or happiness, she didn't feel empty but there wasn't a fullness either, it was just.... there. Her tail curled over her paws as she neatly sat by the body, Ferndance briefly wondered if Snowmask would walk among the stars as Starlingheart suggested. She didn't know the pale she-cat well, but she'd seemed to be a good mother with a decent enough head on her shoulders, but none of that seemed to mean anything if you did not believe in the Stars - and the former wanderer would have no reason to believe when Ferndance doubted she'd seen the Great Battle. Their young medicine cat moves back but the Lead Warrior doesn't move forwards, she didn't know what to say or if it was even right to say anything. But, feeling the weight of the clan's eyes (they weren't on her, she knew but... it didn't change the feeling), she eventually cleared her throat.

"Oh Snowmask... I didn't really know you and I don't really know if I trusted you... you didn't want us to steal and stealing is... so chaotic and... I don't know how you couldn't love that thrill. But you were a gorgeous cat and you've left behind a good family, I dunno if I'll miss you for long but... others will. Perhaps, if you find a place amidst the stars, you can learn to open your heart to chaos just a little bit. Promise me you'll steal something from Emberstar, won't you?" She lowered her head and closed her eyes, hoping that wherever Snowmask was, that she'd hear Ferndance's prayer.

 

How many cats will ShadowClan have to bury? How many more before the seasons change?

Death feels like an all too familiar friend to many who call ShadowClan home. Even if it hadn't struck personally, nearly all can claim to have at least been friends or familiar with some of the cats who had passed on in recent weeks. It was not so long ago that Dewfrost had said goodbye to her own father and now here the clan was again mourning another fallen cat. Poor Snowmask. Dewfrost could not claim to have known her well but she was a good cat by all accounts who had been a decent mother to her children. Something twists inside of Dewfrost if she lingers too hard on that subject. At least Snowmask got to have time with her children. Dewfrost had given hers up for their safety shortly after the Great Battle and for all she knew they were dead. That Dewfrost, in her hope that they could live a safer life elsewhere, had condemned them to death.

"Rest easy, Snowmask," Dewfrost whispers, bowing her head solemnly. She wants to approach the ivory she-cat's body but it does not feel appropriate in this moment. "Wherever you are I hope you find peace and that you are always warm and well fed."
 


Worn on Smogmaw's features is an expression which falls somewhere between a grimace and a scowl. It's an unpleasant look for him, to say the least, complemented by exposed ivories beneath his downturned chops, and eyes that do not waver from Snowmask's fallen form. Her death comes as a stark reminder of how fragile life tends to be. One moment, you're living life all prim and proper, cleaning out the mats from your long and luscious pelt, enjoying the petrichor-diffused air. The next moment, you're food for the worms, survived only by the child you'd left out in the cold, and not to mention the interim living mates you'd bothered for such a fleeting period.

Just as he hadn't for his former leader, the deputy grieves not for the molly's loss. This isn't indicative of any misgivings he held towards her, though he certainly held a pawful—there's simply no point or reason to trouble oneself over someone who's no longer alive. She's dead, gone, departed from this mortal plane, living on in memory alone. It no longer matters how she may have perceived him in life, and thus, he cannot anymore burden himself with thoughts about her.

He takes after his clanmates' examples, drawing inspiration from Dewfrost and the medicine cats' farewells, alongside Ferndance's eulogy. "You weren't here for long, Snowmask," he asserts, tone almost as dead as the cadaver itself. "But, you made your presence known. Whether it was demandin' us to respect your boundaries (and so soon after she crossed our own), askin' questions about how the clan worked, or struggling to fit in, you usually made the days more interesting." He isn't that good at this. Passing himself off as someone who cares certainly has its limits. "Ehrm," he musters, plainly struggling, "have a safe trip."


 
If you don't like me, that's your problem
Tornadopaw is crouched before the form of Snowmask, muscles tense and expression hollow, empty as she stares wordlessly forward. Many gather around to relinquish parting words that sound like muffled drowning in her ears. Citrine eyes are still wet with tears, ears impossibly flat as the laperm draws further in on herself. Grief clings to her like a second coat, prickly and uncomfortable like burrs digging deep into tender flesh. If not for the jagged marks carved through alabaster Tornadopaw would have thought her to be peacefully resting. Serene and beautiful, even in death. "It was never meant to be this way..." Another tear slides down ebony cheeks as she sucks in a stuttering breath.
When I let it bother me, that's my problem
 
Snowmask had been a nuisance, more than anything. It'd only been a matter of time until she'd gotten herself killed.

Was that fair to think? ...Was she sure that she cared what was fair? Snowmask had cared a little too much, and didn't care at all in the process. Perhaps the stench had not clung to her, but her fur glistened and her eyes were dim like that of a kittypet's. She was not meant for the forest, Sharppaw doesn't think, and the forest was not meant for her. She could have tried harder. Could've done better. She paid for what she sought.

Sharppaw is surprised by how much they have to say. But it isn't much different, is it? The death of a Shadowclanner was never so... nice, he imagines. He imagines Emberstar had been heralded as something great, bright as her flaming coat, and as the stubborn smile she'd worn at each and every gathering. Flickerfire had gone down as an enemy. Pitchstar, as a madman. Snowmask as... untrustworthy. Rainshade...

Sharppaw cannot bring himself to look any sadder than he typically did. His gaze is askance, silver eyes are blank. The signs of a struggle are in his wrinkled nose.

But Tornadopaw looks differently. She's so different from all of them here. Her eyes are glassy. Low hum of a grief. Sharppaw tries to ignore her, he really does.

It's a shame that you can still miss them, no matter how they'd truly been.
 

She kept her mouth shut, not for any reason other than Tornadopaw's peace of mind. Halfshade wasn't surprised to find the ex-kittypet had died, that it wasn't by starvation because her food was not caught with good morals and pure hearts was the real shocker. Thankfully, Halfshade had good sense and a smile that crossed her maw in a calm and placid manner that did not betray her inner feelings. The torbie didn't care, she couldn't find it in her to have any sense of grief for the she-cat who showed up, preached to them about manners and morality, had the audacity to judge them and then turn around and get killed by wandering off to hunt alone. An imbecile to the very end, at least she was consistent. Still, she remained willfully silent and dipped her head in a respectful nod to the grieving apprentice. To get her mother back only to lose her so instantly, it was cruel really. Why that molly bothered coming here just to die was anyones guess, she should have known soft kittypets like herself weren't made for such a lifestyle and she could have spared Tornadopaw such grief if she'd just stayed away, she could've spared her own life in doing so as well.
 
DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP

chilledstar knew that grief. that very pain that ate away at one's insides. they'd lost so many, and all of that pain never went away. it was often as painful as the day it happened, to know that you'd never see the one you'd love ever again. to hear their laugh, feel their touch or even smell their scent. it was... painful. sure, chilledstar didn't like snowmask all that much– kittypets had no place within clanlife. tornadopaw had been lucky enough to be training as an actual warrior. snowmask would never get that chance. still, it didn't take away from that void that tornadopaw will feel. they sat down, remaining quiet as they thought about their own mother with a sigh. this was not a pain they wished upon anyone.