- Oct 17, 2022
- 489
- 85
- 28
MAYBE I'D BE A SAINT IF I WEREN'T ————————————
If anyone were to ask how he is, Snakeblink’s reply — that he’s perfectly fine, but thank you for your concern — would most likely fail to convince. His eyes are wild, his movements jerky; if he doesn’t look even worse, it’s only because frequent fishing keeps his fur somewhat clean even as he consistently forgets to groom himself. Most of it could be passed off as his characteristically unfortunate appearance, but closer inspection would quickly reveal it to be somehow worse than usual.
That’s if anyone asked — and thankfully no one has so far. Small mercies.
It's hardly sustainable — but what else is he meant to do? Even wearing himself out is barely enough. He goes on every border patrol the other leads agree to put him on, yet their markings are still trampled and disrespected by Thunderclanners laying claim on Sunningrock; he watches their apprentices like a hawk, yet Ashpaw was still stolen from them in broad daylight. Clearly, his best isn’t sufficient; he must do more. As much as he can bear. He’ll rest later, once they are safe and at peace again.
(The memory of Ashpaw’s disappearance lingers in his mind — would haunt him, if he could bear the thought of her as a ghost. She was his friend, beloved by so many in the clan, and their inattention caused her loss, just like it caused Pumpkinpaw’s—)
(So many threats they did not anticipate; so many dangers they, he, did not properly protect them from.)
Snakeblink will not have any more apprentices be lost to inattention. Which is why the past few nights have found him sitting in front of the apprentice's den, guarding it to the best of his — limited — ability. He can't protect them from everything, perhaps not from anything, but he can at least do this much. If he's going to lie sleepless anyway, he might as well lay himself across the entrance to their den, another obstacle for enemies to go through if they wish to reach the younger cats. Staring into the impenetrable night, twitching at every noise, it almost feels like it would make a difference in the event of an attack. Eventually this hypervigilance will tire him out sufficiently for him to slink back to his own nest and pass out for the few hours left before dawn patrol, feeling a little better for his pointless guard duty and the clan none the wiser about his nocturnal activities.
Except today, it sneaks up on him. The night is very dark and very quiet, with only distant frogsong breaking the silence. His head falls on top of his folded paws and he blinks blearily; it's peaceful and he is so, so tired.
He’s asleep before he’s noticed himself dozing off — and he’s still there, rather than inside the warrior's den, when the sun begins to rise.
That’s if anyone asked — and thankfully no one has so far. Small mercies.
It's hardly sustainable — but what else is he meant to do? Even wearing himself out is barely enough. He goes on every border patrol the other leads agree to put him on, yet their markings are still trampled and disrespected by Thunderclanners laying claim on Sunningrock; he watches their apprentices like a hawk, yet Ashpaw was still stolen from them in broad daylight. Clearly, his best isn’t sufficient; he must do more. As much as he can bear. He’ll rest later, once they are safe and at peace again.
(The memory of Ashpaw’s disappearance lingers in his mind — would haunt him, if he could bear the thought of her as a ghost. She was his friend, beloved by so many in the clan, and their inattention caused her loss, just like it caused Pumpkinpaw’s—)
(So many threats they did not anticipate; so many dangers they, he, did not properly protect them from.)
Snakeblink will not have any more apprentices be lost to inattention. Which is why the past few nights have found him sitting in front of the apprentice's den, guarding it to the best of his — limited — ability. He can't protect them from everything, perhaps not from anything, but he can at least do this much. If he's going to lie sleepless anyway, he might as well lay himself across the entrance to their den, another obstacle for enemies to go through if they wish to reach the younger cats. Staring into the impenetrable night, twitching at every noise, it almost feels like it would make a difference in the event of an attack. Eventually this hypervigilance will tire him out sufficiently for him to slink back to his own nest and pass out for the few hours left before dawn patrol, feeling a little better for his pointless guard duty and the clan none the wiser about his nocturnal activities.
Except today, it sneaks up on him. The night is very dark and very quiet, with only distant frogsong breaking the silence. His head falls on top of his folded paws and he blinks blearily; it's peaceful and he is so, so tired.
He’s asleep before he’s noticed himself dozing off — and he’s still there, rather than inside the warrior's den, when the sun begins to rise.
——————————————————————————————————— so god damn lonely
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— Snakeblink • he / him. 40 ☾, riverclan warrior
— a sleek, skinny tabby with long ears and a scar over his right eye.
— gay, not actually evil, penned by @Kangoo