- Jun 10, 2023
- 190
- 48
- 28
There was a growing distance between him and his mother. He's noticed with jealousy how she would drag Lupinepaw or Drowsypaw away with her, but not him. Oh, how he wanted her to come up to him and ask if she could spend time with him. However, he understood. She was training to be a warrior just like him. The only difference was that he wasn't sure who her mentor was exactly, bet it's Blazestar. She's always with him. Ugh, no, bad. Crowpaw bad. Mommy is happy. That much was certain. He'd catch glimpses of her while he followed Silversmoke, and he'd never seen his mother so free. It was as if she became someone he never knew. It scared him, but maybe that was his fault. The fault of not wanting to grow up and leaving his mother's side. Now that he thinks about it... How much does Cherry hang out with her mommy? What about Aspenpaw? I don't think I've seen Aspen or Cherry with their mommies too much. He can't help but feel as if he's the only one losing his mind over this. Everyone else seems so well adjusted and it looks like he's always the slow one. The different one. It was times like these he wished he was normal like Lupinepaw. Everyone likes Lulu too.
If anything he supposed he isn't entirely alone. He has Silversmoke now. Silversmoke is his mentor and he understands that, but his heart can't seem to be on the same page with him mind. When he looks at Silversmoke the first thing he notices is how huge the warrior is, which honestly is a workout for his neck to look up at Silversmoke sometimes. The reason why he even pays attention so much to Silversmoke is because he feels as though they are alike. He and his siblings don't look like their mother. Despite his mentors lighter pelt, he can see many similarities with the other tom. Maybe it's horrible of him. To want to be like Silversmoke and admire him just for looking like they would get along. Although, if he were to be honest. Silversmoke was beyond awkward with him. It was as if the older tom was both afraid of him and liked him. Mommy is it bad? I want Silversmoke to like me. Not a normal like. A like as in Crowpaw you are best son I ever had? Dad is a bad cat. I know mommy. If he was a good cat, I could see him and know him.
A father figure. That's what he desires. Even when knowing that there is a reason why it wasn't meant to be. He thinks about his denmates. Selfish. Aspenpaw and Cherry don't have dads either. Doompaw too. Never seen Doom's daddy. Maybe that's why they were close in the first place. Most of them only knew love from their mothers. He would sometimes dream about Orangeblossom, Mottledove, and Yukio looking after him when his mother needed a break. They were all nice, yet he wanted more. He wanted to know who his father was and for his real father to teach him things. The inky tom shakes his head, and then... He sees her.
She's come back to camp. The urge to run up to her was powerful enough that before he knows it, he's already padding up to her. Covered in debris he is from training, which maybe he should have groomed himself before greeting his mother. She would understand. I think. Hazel eyes look down at dirt covered paws, "Hi." A moment of silence passes before he voices his internal thoughts to his mother, "What do I say to mom?" Hazel eyes would widen and while an inky head would shoot up. That's not how I should've started it. Honestly, he should give up. He was looking dumb in front of her. Still, was it wrong to want to speak to her now? Even if she was busy with other things? "C-can. Speak... With mommy?"
// this is so late sobs but this is before he got sick @bobbie
If anything he supposed he isn't entirely alone. He has Silversmoke now. Silversmoke is his mentor and he understands that, but his heart can't seem to be on the same page with him mind. When he looks at Silversmoke the first thing he notices is how huge the warrior is, which honestly is a workout for his neck to look up at Silversmoke sometimes. The reason why he even pays attention so much to Silversmoke is because he feels as though they are alike. He and his siblings don't look like their mother. Despite his mentors lighter pelt, he can see many similarities with the other tom. Maybe it's horrible of him. To want to be like Silversmoke and admire him just for looking like they would get along. Although, if he were to be honest. Silversmoke was beyond awkward with him. It was as if the older tom was both afraid of him and liked him. Mommy is it bad? I want Silversmoke to like me. Not a normal like. A like as in Crowpaw you are best son I ever had? Dad is a bad cat. I know mommy. If he was a good cat, I could see him and know him.
A father figure. That's what he desires. Even when knowing that there is a reason why it wasn't meant to be. He thinks about his denmates. Selfish. Aspenpaw and Cherry don't have dads either. Doompaw too. Never seen Doom's daddy. Maybe that's why they were close in the first place. Most of them only knew love from their mothers. He would sometimes dream about Orangeblossom, Mottledove, and Yukio looking after him when his mother needed a break. They were all nice, yet he wanted more. He wanted to know who his father was and for his real father to teach him things. The inky tom shakes his head, and then... He sees her.
She's come back to camp. The urge to run up to her was powerful enough that before he knows it, he's already padding up to her. Covered in debris he is from training, which maybe he should have groomed himself before greeting his mother. She would understand. I think. Hazel eyes look down at dirt covered paws, "Hi." A moment of silence passes before he voices his internal thoughts to his mother, "What do I say to mom?" Hazel eyes would widen and while an inky head would shoot up. That's not how I should've started it. Honestly, he should give up. He was looking dumb in front of her. Still, was it wrong to want to speak to her now? Even if she was busy with other things? "C-can. Speak... With mommy?"
// this is so late sobs but this is before he got sick @bobbie