the dark forest told the reaper when you see her, "sorry" didn't help me either // ST & oneshot

[✧ Siltcloud.]

I'M THE MONSTER YOU INVENTED
HOW COULD YOU EVER FORGET ME NOW ?​

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siltcloud ♕ 21 moons ♖ female ♘ she/her ♙ dark forest rogue ​

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When Siltcloud wakes, it is to darkness. The ink black of what little sky she can glimpse through the thick canopy is strange - murky and starless like a stormy winter night, and yet she can see no clouds overhead. There is nothing familiar about this lace - it is neither the comforting familiarity of shadowclan's marshes, nor the harsh inhospitable wasteland of twolegplace streets. Limbs churn against air for a moment as she rights herself - she seems to have fallen over when she'd been thrown from caterpillarpaw. For a moment, she lies where she is, green eyes content to simply scan her surroundings in paranoia, reality not quite setting in.

It's a sudden thing, knowing she's dead. It's the lack of pain that catches her attention - it is no longer hard to breathe, the rattling ache in her lungs is no longer present and despite the burn of wounds across her neck and stomach she feels whole in a way she hasn't in moons. And then the memories come flooding back - tears dripping down dust hued cheeks as shadowy figure finally takes in the truth of what had happened. She's lost everything now - her love, her kits, her apprentice. Caterpillarpaw - poor Caterpillarpaw. Green eyes had been terrified as claws had found home in her flesh, and as she had bled out she can vaguely recall tears in her apprentices voice. She'd... she'd called her mom, hadn't she? For a moment, dust hued tabby can only blink.

In the end, Siltcloud cannot blame her. She'd only done what siltcloud had taught her - hadn't she? Siltcloud never would've hurt her, could never have followed through with the empty threats she'd worn as a shield from her former clanmates wrath, but she cannot blame Caterpillarpaw for not knowing that. There was a lot she hadn't known.

She hauls herself to her paws with an air of resignation - this starforsaken place, whatever it may be, is clearly not starclan. There is no loampelt waiting for her here. She has been abandoned yet again - they had not forgiven her in the end. But... does it even matter? She'd done all she could, had done the best for herself, her family, her mates, her kits - she'd always known she was a monster, and she does not think she'd choose any differently. She could never have turned her back upon her brother - could never have predicted he'd kill her friends. And the rest of it all - well, she'd only been doing what was best for them. Her paws were dirty and bloodstained so that Loampelt and Lilacfurs wouldn't have to be. They just... hadn't seen it that way.

It doesn't matter.

Alone as she is, here in her solitude, she finds a bittersweet sort of peace. For surely, in a place so dark and dank as this, other monsters must lurk. And so she lets once white paws carry her onwards and into the mists - free at last to be the monster she has always been.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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M A Y H E M ━ F O L L O W S ━ M E ━ A R O U N D

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