A few days ago Sunsetbreeze had overheared a conversation two other warriors had been having who had sparked her interest. " What do you mean that Hyacinthbreath are trans?" She decided to ask as she walked over to them. The two warriors turned thier heads around to glance at the new warrior, and for a second the two shared a look with one another before looking back over at her. " Well...we where just talking about that Hyacinthbreath are a transgender which means she was born into a body that didn't fit her gender identity. " One of them explained, and Sunsetbreeze had been left thinking about this since then none stop. Why?. She couldn't exactly say. Sometimes a cat are born into the wrong body.
That day she had failed with her hunting, her head being all and everywhere except where it was supposed to be. Usually imperfection was a no go for her but...today she didn't even seem to care. In the end the warrior had climpt the top of the Outlock rock to take a seat to stare down at her paws to reflect on the same conversation that had happened days ago. Trans...What did that mean?. Sunsetbreeze had always felt like something was wrong with her, that something inside of her was missing...up until now she had always tried to fill this missing piece with something else like her obsession to always be perfect so...no one would notice. She had thought becoming a warrior would solve everything, that having a place here would make her feel...complete. But it didn't. There was still something that was....missing and she couldn't figure out what it was. No matter what she did, no matter how much she obsessed over her appearance. Whenever she looked into her own reflection saw a stranger that wasn't her. Why was that?.
Slowly she would take off the rose she always had put behind her ear to stare at it with a conflicted gaze. She loved flowers and to wear them but sometimes...she felt like she shouldn't. But then again Rosepaw had which was something she had envied, but why?. " What is wrong with me..." she spoke lowly to herself with pinned ears. Confused and not knowing this unkown uneasy feeling inside of her, telling her that something was not...right. It made her feel suffocated.
Galeforce had been out stretching his legs and keeping his mind clear of any troubles that might have been niggling at his psyche. Life was... well, it was marching on. It was neither great nor bad on his end and he was content with that. Though such steady balance could not be shared by all of his peers, and that seemed to include Sunsetbreeze.
When the tom clocked the sight of the she-cat up on Outlook Rock he couldn't stop himself from approaching. With a mighty and controlled leap he reached the top and he slowly approached the other young warrior. "Hey Sunsetbreeze, is everything alright?" He queried as he came to sit down next to her, his gaze slowly falling to that of the rose. "Is something wrong with your flower?"
♚ It was no secret that Hyacinth was born a tom; she talked about it when she was questioned about it, but she never really put any thought into how it could be wrong in any way. Her family made it known their disappointment, but they had died before she could really put much of a fight up about it. Gossip spread easily in a clan where people couldn't keep their shit to themselves, and her biological gender rarely ever came up as a subject of disdain.
She watches as Galeforce stands to follow Sunsetbreeze, the molly narrowing her eyes in suspicion as she follows after him. She hides behind a tree, grateful the wind kept her scent away from the two. When she was sure they weren't plotting anything stupid, Hyacinth let her body slink out into the open, examining the red rose on the ground. Pity, it was beautiful.
"You loved that rose." Hyacinthbreath remarks bluntly, as if in thought- something was stuck on Sunset's mind; and while she was a bit hesitant to get close to the newly made warriors, she'd make an effort. She sits beside Galeforce with a nod, hoping she's not intruding. "Do you.. Want to talk about it? I find that it helps, sometimes. Well, recently I have."
Perhaps picking Outlock Rock hadn't been the best idea if wanting to be left alone with her thoughts a mistake Sunsetbreeze realised only after hearing the pawsteps that come up behind her. Acknowledging thier presence with a flink of her ear the gaze remained unmoved from the rose even after the other warrior came to sit down beside her asking her if she was alright. She already knew who it was. Sunsetbreeze didn't say anything at first, unsure on how to even respond. " I...don't know. I just suddenly didn't feel like wearing it anymore..." she answered to the second question, leaving the first one unanswerd.
There was a long pause, her gaze unmoved from the rose still. " Galeforce...i know this might sound stupid but...have you ever felt like...crawling out from your own...skin?." There was a clear hesitation in her voice like she knew how absurd she most have sounded right now. Perhaps, she shouldn't have asked it at all. Would Galeforce even understand?.Why was she even having this conversation with him for. Ears fell slightly back on the young warriors head.
Hyacinthbreath joined in shortly afterwards making her slightly uneasy wondering if they had heared. She didn't have a special high opinion on the former lead warrior at the moment...especially after thier conversation in the apprentice den. Why was she here to begin with acting like she cared now?. Maybe she was here seeking out her weaknesses. A major part of her wanted to hiss at them to go away and leave her and Galeforce alone...but she after a moment of thinking it through decided against it knowing that not was a 'lady-like' thing to do. So, she let them stay to take part of this...conversation. " If you really wanna help...tell me about transgender...how did you...know?." She hadn't even known something like this existed until a few days ago. She didn't know that cats could decide what gender they wanted to be...she had thought a cat was the gender they had been born into....She had thought her fate was to always be a she-cat.
"Oh..." She didn't like the flower anymore? That was unfortunate, but he supposed that tastes could change over time. Maybe this was the case? No. It was something deeper, something that Galeforce hadn't been confronted by before. As Sunsetbreeze continued the tom simply listened, his focus on her and never wavering. Which was hard for him, given his difficulty to focus at times. Where most would attempt to spring a quick answer Galeforce merely remained silent and pondered over the words that had been said. Crawling out of one's skin? It had him perplexed but it did genuinely leave him thinking.
He would say that it sounded absurd, but it didn't initially make sense either. It wasn't until she poised a question to Hyacinthbreath that he seemed to snap back from the realms of his thoughts. Transgender? What was that? Admittedly he didn't know about Hyacinthbreath's history, but he was keen to learn. Did it have anything to do with what was bothering Sunsetbreeze? In which case he wanted to hear about it. "I would like to hear about what transgender is."
♚ The mistrust was mutual, between the three warriors present. Hyacinthbreath doesn't remember when she first technically realized she was transgender, never really thought much of it because she hadn't had a big 'coming out' ceremony like most individuals do. She was simply who she was, but that wouldn't help the two here asking for information. To understand.
Not many people cared enough to understand.
"It started around the time my family died. I had high standards to live up to, my family wasn't the kindest. Being anything but their son was a sin in their eyes." Hyacinth begins with a shrug of her shoulders, the feeling of wanting to crawl out of ones skin a familiar one. Now that, she could understand. "I would stare at myself in puddles and wonder why I didn't feel comfortable in my body. I wanted to run from it, but how does one run from something like yourself? I was told that doing anything feminine was unbecoming of me, that I wasn't being 'tom-like' enough for them." She hums thoughtfully, settling down.
"I met Lavenderstorm on a rainy night. Shortly before the great battle, when she was just named Lavender. I remember, she gave me the most beautiful iris. Set it upon my ear and called me pretty, and it just.. fit in place. I knew I wasn't meant to be a tom, at that moment. I didn't belong in a tom's body. The feeling that overcame me when someone called me a tom, when I looked at myself in reflections.. Disgust. At myself, and my body. I'm thankful I was born small either way, but others aren't so lucky. To be born in a feminine body despite my biological sex.. It's almost destiny, isn't it?" She smiles slightly to herself, a rare sight. "If you don't mind me asking.. Have you ever.. Felt like you didn't belong in your body, Sunsetbreeze?"
Galeforce didn't even give an answer to her. It would be a lie if she said it didn't bother her.. like alot. Of course it was an absurd thing to ask. What had she even been thinking?. Nevermind. Sunsetbreeze refused to let it show how much it hurt when she actually had opened up about something like this. In the future she might have to be more careful with what she said. Trust always cost something so she had to be more careful.
To her suprise, Galeforce was actually curious to learn more about transgender just like she was, or at least it sounded like it. For a brief second the young warrior glanced at them now confused with what exactly was going on inside of thier head. Hasn't this conversation made them feel uncomfortable for just a second ago?. Sunsetbreeze didn't have time to think about this for long as Hyacinthbreath much to her suprise actually was willing to share this information with her. Now that was not something she had been prepared for always having thought thier former lead warrior to be more of the private type.
She would listen to every word the silver lynx point had to share, revealing parts of her that Sunsetbreeze had knew nothing about. Perhaps the two were not so different like they wanted to think.
It was a sad story Hyacinthbreath had to share with her, and Sunsetbreeze actually felt sympathy for them. She was far from being cold or uncable to feel for someones situation. If things had ended up different for the chocolate point, then perhaps she could have shown a more sweet side of herself. Unfortunately the cruelity of the world had already taken a taste of the young molly, and so her heart was harden and well protected. So all she would give as a nod, showing the older molly that she was listening still.
That disgust that was felt when looking into the reflection, that was something Sunsetbreeze often felt. How many times hadn't she wanted to run away from herself?. In a way she had because the cat she was today was far from the cat she once had been. But this was a different runaway yet not so much different. So, after gathering everything up Hyacinthbreath had just known from the start. Still, there was something that left her puzzled. Blinking her eyes, a soft smile settled upon her lips being the nicest she could offer to Hya in that moment of her destiny to be a molly when born in a such small body.
Her smile faded away straight away when she was being asked how she felt about her own body. That was an absurd question to ask her, was it not?. Anyone would have said so anyway...because of course Sunsetbreeze loved her apperance, why else would she be so obsessed over her looks for?. Most would either admire or feel envious over her apperance. But that...hadn't always been the case. In truth, she had never felt comfortable with her own reflection, clean or filthy. She could never see what everyone else did.
" I...of course i haven't. I like flowers...i like to look feminine. So...i most be. " Who was she trying to convince here, Hyacinthbreath or herself?.
Galeforce listened, his expression remaining neutral despite the whirlwind going on inside his head. There was a lot to process and it somewhat shattered his perception of the world, even of himself. Was he in the right body? After a brief moment of personal assessment he knew that he was indeed male, he felt comfortable with that. But what it must be like to not be in the right body... it sent a shiver through him. It was something beyond his comprehension but not outside his ability to sympathise with.
The tom's attention turned to that of Sunsetbreeze when Hyacinthbreath addressed her, and he tilted his head slightly in a questioning manner. "Guys can like flowers and look feminine if they wish. I like flowers, I've always liked your rose, yet I'm a male." He felt like he was rambling so he offered a shrug of his shoulders in addition to his words. His gaze fell and he stared down at the rock surface beneath his paws, now idly scraping his claws over it. "We like what we like... we are who we are."
What was...wrong with this male sometimes. From not saying anything at all he suddenly struck them with such words...Sunsetbreeze full attention was on them now, eyes growing wide with what they said. Guys can like flowers and look feminine if they wish. And come again. He had said something about liking her rose too, right?. Some unknown feeling bubbled up inside of them, something cozy and warm. Sunsetbreeze had no clue what it was, or what she felt about this somewhat...uncomfortable spark but it was hardly a time to think about that now. For sure she wouldn't forget what he had said about her rose though.
Blinking her eyes, the gaze soften but she was not even less surprised with what this warrior finished saying. We are who we are. Hearing these words, it was like a heavy stone had just got lifted away from her chest. There was a comfort to hearing these words, something that clearly was worth to think more carefully about. Still it was a bit funny, was it not?. Who would have thought that Galeforce out of all cats could say such wiseful words. A soft smile would fall over these elegant features of the molly directly meant to them, a blush hidden underneath thier fur. " I don't think all cats share your opinion on that...but... I'm glad that you...think that. " Her voice was softer than usual, trying her best to express her gratitude to the other warrior.
Her gaze grow more serious again, returning back her focus on the fallen rose. " I've alot to think about...I think i need sometime to work this out." he would admit to both of them. This was all a new unexplored territory to her. She needed to think, to be houndred percent certain before making a decision on anything. Something like this should be thought out carefully. But she thought today was the first step into the right direction.
"In which case those other cats are thinking wrong." Galeforce murmured with a shrug. He knew that cats existed who were intolerant or failed to understand the feelings of others. It wasn't like he was perfect either, he knew he didn't understand everything about the world, but he could grasp the understanding revolving around gender identity. It was something at least. "Take your time to think it over, Sunsetbreeze. I know you'll reach an answer someday, and I'll be there to welcome you all the same." That much he could promise. In the end it'll still be Sunsetbreeze he would be friends with, just a happier version of herself. Or so he hoped.
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