private TWO HEARTS BROKE, FOUR HANDS BLOODY \ pinepaw

[iciclefang]

Iciclefang meanders just outside the medicine cats' den; there's a fish clamped in her jaws, the smallest trout she'd ever caught, and it feels heavier than stone between her teeth. She doesn't even know if Pinepaw will have an appetite yet; she doesn't know if her daughter will be awake at all. She hadn't known what else to bring, but coming empty-pawed hadn't seemed like much of an option. This fish is fresh from the river, but it tastes bland as its scales scrape against her tongue.

Fear causes her heart to pound. It is a fear she had not felt, marching into battle behind her leader, locking claws and limbs with Nightbird as war waged around her. She hadn't felt fear at all until she'd seen Flamestar looming over her crouching, bleeding daughter, until she'd heard Stormywing's shriek cut through the clamor.

"She's my daughter," the tabby had cried, and Iciclefang's throat begins to thicken at the memory. Was she, Iciclefang thinks, uncharitably. I cut you off. I took them away from you, and I never let you call yourself Mother. They're not yours at all... they're mine.

Would her children see that? Would they care?

Iciclefang takes a few hesitant steps into the den. Pinepaw's last words — not to her, but about her — echo in her head. "Keep her away from me," she'd spat. Her chest constricts as she nears the nest her apprentice is curled in. She drops the trout, and her mouth is dry. "Pinepaw. I... I brought you something." Her daughter's face is slick with some poultice; she remembers the scent of marigold, of dandelion, from visiting Smokestar in Beesong's den moons ago.

She is quiet for a moment, and then she tries again, falsely brisk. "We have to keep your strength up. You should be up and training again. You fought well, but it will be different now, with your eye. We should waste as little time as possible." She clings to normalcy, hoping Pinepaw will look her way — even for a moment.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: @Pinepaw ⭒
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 29 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​

 

[Pinefrost]

-ˋˏ ༻ ❆༺ ˎˊ- The medicine den was far from home, the scent alone placed Pinepaw in a different world entirely. Shellpaw had always found comfort in this place… but she couldn't see it. The idea of comfort itself seemed to be a thing left in Pinepaw's old world- the one so far away from this.

The pain never truly subsides, no matter what seeds Moonbeam and Robinheart ask her to stuff down her throat. She doesn't speak to anyone besides her brothers, because it is only they that feel a kiss of her turmoil- it is only their faces that she hasn't wanted to rake her claws across for just looking at her; because she knows what they're all thinking. Pinepaw despises it.

When Iciclefang shuffles in, Pinepaw is curled tightly within the confines of her nest. The scent of her mother and a meal stirring the apprentice from her simmering thoughts, the darkest her brain has ever thought of. Iciclefang utters her name but the tortoiseshell doesn't move, unable to stomach the thought of looking at her mentor.

Her head still raises, ears tilting back as Iciclefang's pathetic attempt at normalcy begins to spill from her lips and Pinepaw's teeth sink into her own. When the tortoiseshell finally graces the warrior with a glance, it is only to display her crimson-streaked mask of bitter poultice. When she spares Iciclefang with her words, it is only to shatter her false sense of normalcy.

"I would have torn apart that piece of ThunderClan crow-food." She only corrects at first, singular pupil slivered and snake-like. She had plans for the one that got away, not that Iciclefang would get to hear them. I could have torn apart Stormywing, too. It's a tempting thing to say, to succumb to the way her heart burns and force the gruesome thought into her mothers ears. Pinepaw manages to hold her tongue to that extent.

"Everything you've worked for is gone, you know. Your title, your reputation… Lichenstar won't bat an eye stripping you of your place on her council." The apprentice speaks in a steady tone despite the rasp in her voice, giving her mother one last once-over.

"If it was up to me, I'd have you exiled before you could get a chance to say please." The last word is biting, though Pinepaw had finally mastered the frost that laced her words. Exactly what she had been raised hearing; worshiping.

Without another word, Pinepaw returns to the position Iciclefang had found her in, blocking her vision from the girls face. Stars knew, she had plenty else to say- though her brain was foggy, and she wanted it sharp.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── AND I BEG TO BE TESTED ⋅ ࿏ ⋅ BY GODDESSES RESTING ──┐‎

• 

• 
  PINEPAW ✩ she/her, apprentice of riverclan, 6 moons.
  ⭃ stocky, coarse-furred tortoiseshell she-cat with large, white dipped forepaws, a white tail tip and muzzle. Honey hued optics take the shape of almonds.
  ⭃ apprenticed to Iciclefang.
  ⭃ daughter of Iciclefang && Stormywing ࿏ sister to Cragpaw && Crabpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Noor ↛ @toyangel on discord, feel free to dm for plots.

​

 

[iciclefang]

It's a long, long time before Pinepaw finally turns her face to Iciclefang. The older she-cat waits, tense, waiting as patiently as she can bare to — and when her daughter finally turns to acknowledge her, it's with a single, simmering golden eye. The first thing Pinepaw utters is swimming in hatred. "I would have torn apart that piece of ThunderClan crowfood." The tortoiseshell warrior frowns; since when has Pinepaw talked this way? She had taught her children to be fierce, yes, but ferocity is not... this. This chills her akin to the leafbare frost outside.

"You already did," Iciclefang reminds her, her tone mild at first. "And that's why Flamestar attacked you like she did." She waits, wondering if Pinepaw will take the trout, if she will acknowledge that her training will be delayed, anything.

The younger girl continues, her voice raspy and ragged with anger too deep for her mother to comprehend. "Everything you've worked for is gone, you know. Your title, your reputation... Lichenstar won't bat an eye stripping you of your place on her council." Iciclefang recoils as though she's been struck; the venom seeps in her, venom from an adder. "Watch your mouth, Pinepaw. I'm still your mentor." She can hear something unsteady in her tone, and she adds, almost desperately, "I'm still your mother."

Pinepaw is not done, though. That single eye sears through Iciclefang's pelt. "If it was up to me, I'd have you exiled before you could get a chance to say please." Exile. Iciclefang remembers Swiftfire, presented with the ears of her mate, chased from the Clan. She cannot deny this is a possibility, and she does not want to deny it, but to hear it from Pinepaw, to hear it from her daughter, it's —

"Is that what you want, Pinepaw?" Her voice, always cool, always steady, trembles like shallow water. "Would that make you happy, if I was?"

She's reminded of Pinepaw at two moons, bristling and angry. "I hate you," she'd spit, childish, and Iciclefang had felt those words like teeth in her heart. "So be it," she'd said, and she wonders if Pinepaw remembers, too.

So be it.

If only she could steel her spine that way now.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 29 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​

 

[Pinefrost]

-ˋˏ ༻ ❆༺ ˎˊ- It's almost a gut-wrenching thing, to hear the one cat who had been unshakeable her entire life begin to waver, at the paws of Pinepaw no less. It was a power that both made the girls heart skip and churned over her belly. I'm still your mentor. I'm still your mother. The words flow into one ear and out of the other, and Pinepaw feels the need to step away from her own being for a moment.

From where she stares at nothing but wall, Iciclefang still pushes, grasping for something. Where Iciclefang is reminded of a younger Pinekit, all Pinepaw can see is them, huddled at the fresh-kill pile; all she can think of is the pang of disgust she had felt for Splashdances very existence. Would that make you happy, if I was?

Rolling her singular eye backwards, Pinepaw lets herself give into the desire to detach, to step away. She exhales slowly.

"I am a half-blinded, half-clan abomination. My mere existence spits on the Warrior Code, it spits on everything you taught me to believe in." Pinepaw's voice is lower now, though disdain continues to creep into her tone. The apprentice flicks her tail dismissively, "There is nothing that's going to make me happy." Nothing to do with you, anyways.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── AND I BEG TO BE TESTED ⋅ ࿏ ⋅ BY GODDESSES RESTING ──┐‎

• 

• 
  PINEPAW ✩ she/her, apprentice of riverclan, 6 moons.
  ⭃ stocky, coarse-furred tortoiseshell she-cat with large, white dipped forepaws, a white tail tip and muzzle. Honey hued optics take the shape of almonds.
  ⭃ apprenticed to Iciclefang.
  ⭃ daughter of Iciclefang && Stormywing ࿏ sister to Cragpaw && Crabpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Noor ↛ @toyangel on discord, feel free to dm for plots.

​

 

[iciclefang]

Pinepaw barely stirs at Iciclefang's admonition. The girl's single amber eye is trained on something distant, something her mother cannot reach, and though the warrior tries to swim in those fiery depths, she finds herself burned upon every attempt. Pinepaw is purposefully unreachable, now, and when she does speak again, it's with enough disdain to shred Iciclefang's heart.

"I am a half-blinded, half-Clan abomination." The tortoiseshell flinches away like she'd been clawed. "You are a RiverClan apprentice," she rebels, desperate as she'd been with her boys. "I'm the one who broke the warrior code. Not you. You've done nothing but follow what you are taught, so don't punish yourself, Pinepaw." Your Clan will do it for you. "Please."

Pinepaw does not stir again. Iciclefang doesn't know if she had heard her mother's pleadings, if she had internalized them or not, but she can feel their conversation is over. She wants more than anything to reach for her daughter and hold her close, but — that has not been her place since she'd reached her sixth moon. Iciclefang is her mentor first; that is the expectation, isn't it? And Pinepaw had not felt her mother's affection since she had left the nursery.

She certainly would not welcome it now, wounded inside and out, coiled like an adder with venom to spare.

Iciclefang emits a shaking breath before turning and leaving Moonbeam's den.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 30 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan lead warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​