UNDER WICKED SKY \ betonyfrost; yarrowpaw; jitterpaw

[COMFREYPAW]

Comfreypaw’s feet slap the ground in pursuit of Betonyfrost. The marsh attempts to hide her scent, but she’s born from it—it’s in her blood, has been fed to her through mother’s milk. Betonyfrost can’t hide from her. And some part of her wonders—if she had seen Comfreypaw sitting there, would she have acted differently? Would she have chosen kinder words, averted her eyes from Chilledstar and Emberkit?

And just why do you hate them? She can’t puzzle it out. Their leader, and the orphaned kit their leader had taken pity on. They’re hardly subjects for aggression. So there must be something that had happened! Betonyfrost wouldn’t just act like that. Comfreypaw refuses to believe that.

If her siblings are with her, Comfreypaw will give them each a look when they stumble upon Betonyfrost, as if to say, tread carefully. “Mother?” She begins, hesitation hitching her girlish voice. “I… I saw what happened, with Chilledstar… and Emberkit.” Best to let Betonyfrost know up front why they’ve sought her out. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay… you seemed really upset.” She frowns, padding a few steps closer.

// @betonyfrost @Yarrowpaw @JITTERPAW
​

[ PENNED BY MARQUETTE ]​

 

[betonyfrost]

The world is a small place after tragedy. It's Betonyfrost and her paws, the slick ground beneath her. She hadn't meant to run, and yet she finds herself breathless from the effort. In her narrow world, it is Betonyfrost and the ache of her limbs; there isn't room for anything else. The place that Betonyfrost stops in is completely arbitrary. She gives in to the burning in her lungs, stops before the quivering of her legs can grow into a collapse, but despite her exhaustion Betonyfrost doesn't rest.

She slashes the muddy surface of a puddle and, when that does little to soothe her, she scratches the ground hard enough to pull grass free completely, thin white roots exposed to the world. It isn't enough — the anger hits Betonyfrost in waves. She shouts curses, pulls her claws across the rough bark of a cedar tree, gouges marks into the ground. Betonyfrost is angry enough to burst. She moves as if she plans to shred the entire marsh, as if she could beat clay into something beautiful, and her life could be the shape she wants.

"Liar!" She shouts; her voice breaks. The cedar tree again — as much as Betonyfrost tries, she can't seem to dig her claws in as deeply as she wishes she could. Her claws catch the surface but the bark comes off in flakes instead of chips.

"Liar! Liar!" The scratches she leaves are shallow. They don't even expose the inner, pale bark that Betonyfrost knows sits just below the gray-brown surface.

"Such a liar," Betonyfrost sighs.

The crown of her head presses against the cedar tree. Teeth still clenched, uneven ears folded to her neck, but exhausted. She's shaking — Betonyfrost had never stopped shaking. She's never been this angry before. Only Chilledstar can do this to her; it started with them. Chilledstar was the one who did this to Betonyfrost. They brought this out of her.

Mother, someone says, and Betonyfrost turns immediately to find Comfreypaw. A correction sits on her tongue but doesn't leave her. Rather, Betonyfrost looks away sharply. She thinks Comfreypaw would understand the motion for what it is.

"I seemed upset, did I?" Her voice isn't harsh, but it carries an intensity with it that Betonyfrost had missed, "I have a — a right to be upset. So if you're here to tell me to just go off to another clan or — or get over myself and be silent then—!" The rant dies before Betonyfrost can sink her teeth fully into it. This was before Comfreypaw's birth. She's too young to look at Betonyfrost with judgement. She doesn't know.

Betonyfrost exhales. It doesn't settle her.

"You can sit," It isn't an apology, or even meant as such, but it's said quietly like an apology, and Betonyfrost still isn't looking at Comfreypaw like it's an apology, "Yes, I'm upset but you — you have questions. You can sit."​

shadowclan queen | blue mackerel tabby | 20 moons | tags​

 

[COMFREYPAW]

Betonyfrost’s cries—Liar! Liar!—ring feebly in Comfreypaw’s ears. She looks at her mother, amber eyes stretching to all corners of her small tabby face and glowing with an unknown emotion, too big for her body. Her tail begins to anxiously flick behind her, movements erratic. Her mother hears her—and looks at her—and it’s not with limpid eyes of love, or an apology for her outburst. She says, “I seemed upset, did I?” The young she-cat hesitates, wondering if this is rhetorical or if she should agree.

She need not worry herself, for the gray queen continues, her mouth twitching with residual anger. “I have a right to be, so if you’re here to tell me to just go off to another Clan—or get over myself, or be silent, then--!” Comfreypaw shakes her head in mute denial, and suddenly the ground seems to fall out from beneath her paws. Another Clan—Betonyfrost would never leave, would she? Over this? Why was this so bad—what about it had caused such a strong reaction?

Betonyfrost’s exhale is meant to be self-soothing, but Comfreypaw can see the muscles twitch beneath her fur. She tells Comfreypaw she can sit, acknowledges she has questions. Her mother’s voice is brittle, and she senses a dark undercurrent running between them, full of hidden creatures slithering against her forelegs and threatening to pull her beneath the surface.

Tread carefully.

“I’m not…” She’s not Betonyfrost’s enemy, is what she wants to say, but she can’t bring herself to verbalize that fear. “Why…” Her throat is dry, mouth like cotton. She runs her tongue around her lips a few times, trying again: “Why did that upset you so much—why does it matter if Chilledstar wants to call Emberkit their daughter?” Not treading carefully, but her youthful blunder is genuine. She stares into Betonyfrost’s face, wondering what is being whispered behind those strange green eyes.

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — comfreykit . comfreypaw
  — she/her, apprentice of shadowclan
  — bisexual ; single
  — short-haired charcoal tabby with amber eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — art by Meadowllark

​

 

[betonyfrost]

For a small moment, Betonyfrost wonders what she must look like through Comfreypaw's eyes. She's never seen her own mother like this: she'd never had the luxury to know her mother so well. Does Comfreypaw understand this for the privilege that it is? Betonyfrost chances a look as Comfreypaw speaks, and the hesitance on her face is enough for Betonyfrost to look away once again.

"I get angry sometimes, I get so angry," An imperfect reflection of words she has said before, and Betonyfrost can only hope that Comfreypaw understands, "But I wouldn't get angry if things were just, if things were just fair. It's a good thing to be angry about things being unfair. If no one said anything, then things would just continue on being unfair."

Nevermind that Betonyfrost has never changed anything with her words or with her claws. It's enough for the world to know where Betonyfrost stands.

"Earlier, with Chilledstar..." She doesn't want to think about it. She doesn't want to think about any of it, but if she doesn't tell Comfreypaw, then would Comfreypaw come to resent her too? "There was a lot between me and Chilledstar. Back before they were even deputy. They— I love Chilledstar. I've never been ashamed of it. Most of the clan knows it too. I've never been good with keeping secrets."

It is no secret, and yet Betonyfrost feels breathless when admitting it, "And I told Chilledstar. I told them I loved them and they said, they told me that they didn't feel that way. Not just about me, no, they said about anyone." Her mouth twitches, the start of a snarl that overtakes her expression the longer she speaks, "I knew it was a lie then. I knew it, but — don't you see how Chilledstar lied to me? I don't lie, and I don't think I deserve to be lied to. And then Chilledstar and Geckoscreech and little Emberkit together as living proof towards Chilledstar's lie to me, anyone in my position would be upset."​

shadowclan warrior | blue mackerel tabby | 21 moons | tags​

 

[COMFREYPAW]

Betonyfrost tells her, “I get angry sometimes, I get so angry.” Comfreypaw resists the urge that threatens her like a hiccup to say, I know. She has never seen the public show of wrath her mother had shown all of ShadowClan just now, but she’s felt is running through her veins like an undercurrent alongside her blood. The apprentice wonders if that’s something you inherit—if there’s the same potential for rage inside of her like that, brightly-colored as newleaf blooms.

She unsheathes her claws and begins to knead the earth. Dirt springs up under her nails, under her plucking paw pads. She listens with a muted expression to Betonyfrost’s explanation. Chilledstar. Betonyfrost loved—loves—Chilledstar. “I told them I loved them and they told me they didn’t feel that way about me. About anybody.” Comfreypaw’s amber eyes glow with understanding—what little a five moon old apprentice can have, anyway. “What if Chilledstar didn’t lie?” She glances at the ground. “Maybe they just didn’t know they could feel that way, until Geckoscreech.”

But it’s probably the wrong thing to say. She realizes that belatedly. Quickly, she looks up, a nervous smile pinned to her caramel muzzle. “I—I know. That they lied. I think…” Her gaze wanders, “I think they didn’t mean to hurt you, but I understand that they lied.” An idea occurs to her, and again, without thinking, she blurts, “Maybe Chilledstar thought you lied because you got with our father."

✧ INFO.

•  
• 
  — comfreykit . comfreypaw
  — she/her, apprentice of shadowclan
  — bisexual ; single
  — short-haired charcoal tabby with amber eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — art by Meadowllark

​