sensitive topics unprompted - deer

[Lionsnarl]

"LIFE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS"​

CW: depression, loss of appetite, weight loss

Paws tipped with overgrown claws pressed against soft earth as the fallen king padded back into camp, a dove held loosely in his shortened jaws. It was no measly catch, but his mouth did not water at the promise of food. He could, of course, simply keep the thing for himself if he wished - no cat seemed to want to come near him nowadays, just as he preferred it - but he had no appetite for such things. In truth, he had no appetite for anything. Beneath his heavy, shaggy coat, it was clear that he had lost fat and musculature. He was a shell of his former, glorious self, a ragged hand-puppet of a lion rather than the beast he once was. Even the snarl he wore was more dour than aggressive.

He deposited the catch with the rest of the clan's and turned away from the pile without so much as a second glance. His stomach had long since cared to notify him of his own hunger and his mouth had ceased watering. He wished for sleep, though he knew if he slept that he would dream, and in dreaming, he would again lose Rain, again lose Everest, again lose her. Perhaps it would be better to simply go out again, maybe going higher into the trees would clear his head.

He had not so much as made a step towards the entrance of the camp when he ran almost nose-first into her, her sea-glass eyes wide and bright. She smelled like rain and fresh baby's breath today and so he tried to focus on that rather than the faded scars on her cheek. His claws stung.

"Deersong." He grumbled politely. Stiffly.​

✦ ★ ✦​

 

[~Deersong~]

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒​

---

Deersong had been quite busy as of late, her new role came with new responsibilities that she took on with eagerness and grace. She had just finished putting away a stone she had found while out patroling and stepped out of the den to run right into Tugger.

She would tense on instinct, but after a blink or two the smile that melted onto her maw was warm and genuine. A soft laugh would flow from her at the situation and she would purr his name in response. "Well well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes, Tugs?"

She would step, more to give him space then anything else and she would tilt her head at him in her usual whimsical fashion, "Where have you been hiding, Youngblood?" ​

 

[Lionsnarl]

"LIFE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS"​

Trying not to run into you. He almost winced at his own unbidden thought. It was a craven thought - coward, he wanted to take himself by the throat and bleed himself of the cowardice and guilt. Outwardly, he only looked at her with those dark sullen eyes, at least partially grateful that she did not reference his given name. Tugs, she called him, though he knew he did not deserve the courtesy.

"The clan must be fed and these...." Try as he might, no insult flows from mind to mouth. He shakes his massive head. "Has to be done." When he is not hunting, he is hiding - whether it be in his.... well, he wasn't sure what to call Wrath, but when he isn't trying to escape his woes in the canopy of their forest, he is curled into Wrath belly, and he is grateful for the tom who tries his best to fend off the nightmares that plague him. Every day feels the same to him.

The hint of sea-glass catches his eye again and he feels her press up against him, purring, her bright fangs glinting in the sunlight as she laughs at some joke he made. He blinks once and the reverie passes, though now her green eyes just direct him back to the scar. His scar. Wrily, he realizes they match in a way.

"I hear you've gotten the razorback smitten." He responds after a moment. He's trying. A beat too late, he realizes he sounds more bitter than cordial.​

✦ ★ ✦​

 

[~Deersong~]

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒​

---

any negative mannerisims he displays are not acknowledged, at least not outwardly. Her gaze flickers about his frame, as if she keeps seeing small sparks coming from his pelt, and in truth she believed she did. His aura looking as gloomy as his face, and yet she would speak nothing of it.

Deersong nods along at his words about the clan being fed, and she would make a small noise or approval in her throat. "Right you are, we'll do well in the cold days thanks to your efforts." She takes a seat then, as if she seemed to enjoy his company and their talk and in truth she did miss him, though not in the same way she had before.

His words about her love would cause her cheeks beneath her cream fur to blush a charming pale pink, "Im not sure about him. But yes, we are...quite happy together." The smile on her maw now is dreamy, a much more alive version of the dreamy smile she once had for the tom before her. "What about you? I hear you may have found your pair too?" ​

 

[Lionsnarl]

"LIFE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS"​

It was feels like an accusation. The words pull at him, sharp as thorns. His immediate thought is to question where she's heard this, but its not as if the warriors' den is some secluded grotto where secrets go to die. He's not stupid. He knows how it looks. Whether he and Wrath were happy together or a pair... he couldn't say, didn't want to say. To say it would to admit a weakness that could exploited by those unfeeling stars that took his brother. He didn't even want to think about his feelings, let alone his feelings for Wrath. The brute knew well enough what they were, nothing more.... though certainly nothing less.

The ginger king flicked his tail. "He's a good friend. I'm not... looking for anything right now." Like I told you. Like he told everyone. How could he even try when she still took up residence in the corners of his mind, her traitorous little voice still worming its way into his dreams, taunting him, causing him to wake up to a body that wasn't hers, to a clan that wasn't theirs anymore?

"Free beast. Go where I please, I don't..." He felt a fool even trying to posture, especially to the cat in front of him. "It's good you're happy. You deserve that."​

✦ ★ ✦​

 

[~Deersong~]

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒​

---

A thoughtful noise would leave her as she watched his response. Her half tail would thump lightly against the ground as she tilted her head the otherway, blinking at him slowly.

He was still hiding it would seem, it made her sad, but there was now much that could be done for him at the moment, he was still too hurt, to vunerable. She hoped that Wrath would help him heal in a way she could not.

Deersongs smile would ease into something smaller at his comment about her deserving to be happy, and she meowed softly, "Is that so? Hmm, guess I never thought of it that way." She looked out over camp for a moment before continuing, "All cats deserve it I think, happiness." Looking back to him she would blink and coo, "Are you going back out to hunt?" ​

 

[Lionsnarl]

"LIFE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS"​

"That's my plan." A half-truth. He had no plan except escapism, to attempt to both feel something other than crushing nothingness and also not think about anything at all. What else was there to do? "You - uh- do you want to come?" He almost bites his tongue as soon as the words leave his lips. Of course, what an idea to bring along somebody who should hate him so viciously, so fiercely that it sears her soul. He knows she doesn't have that fire in her.

He wouldn't blame her if she did.

But her steady, dreamy gaze doesn't portray smoke or ash in their depths, only a sort of serenity he could never even hope for. Serenity, joy at merely existing. For a small moment, he is reminded of why he hated her so, why she made him so angry, why he wished that she would just stop smiling. And then she stopped smiling with him and he hated that more. A funny contradiction that, how he wanted so desperately for her to go away and now he was the one asking for her companionship.

Coward. His mind supplied again.​

✦ ★ ✦​

 

[~Deersong~]

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒​

---

Her eyes light up happily at the invitation and she nods her head as she rises to her paws once more, "I'd love to join you, Tugs. Where are we headed?" She waits for him to lead the way, walking beside him as if they were simply old friends going on a small outing together.

In truth, that's exactly how Deer thought of the two of them. The intensity and heartbreak that had manifested between them long since forgiven in the cream and mocha molly's mind, replaced with the love and security she felt with Thistleback. Once they were out of camp, the lead warrior would look up towards the sky and hum a gentle tune, gaze flickering from tree to tree as she tries to spot any birds or squirrels overhead.

"I love hunting," She muses quietly, "it's peaceful and lets you think." Deersongs' airy tone carries on the light breezes as the pair walk and she turns her head to look at him, "What do you usually think about when you hunt?" ​

 

[Lionsnarl]

"LIFE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS"​

He's not quite sure where they should be headed, but he flicks his tail and leads the way, allowing himself to settle into his own awkwardness with the situation. The question comes before he can even prepare himself for it and the answer tumbles out of his mouth before he can temper it with a jest or an insult or even a grunt:

"Her. My kits. You. I used you, wanted to use you, to get back at her. We were going to have a family, she promised she loved me, asked that I never leave and then..." All of those fanciful dreams went up in smoke, gone literally with the wind. Seven children borne into a clan of traitors and murderers. His children. Children he would never have a relationship with now. "I wanted something - somebody - to take it all out on and you were so -" Willing. Eager. Stupid.

He sighs and looks down at his paws. "I'm sorry. I fucked up with you. I just want to fix that."​

✦ ★ ✦​

 

[~Deersong~]

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒​

---

Deersong listens, her ears slowly flattening against her skull as his inner thoughts spill out of him far easier than she thought they would. She says nothing as he speaks, wanting to let him say everything he feels he needs to and as his apology hits her ears she feels her throat tighten.

She stops walking as he looks down at his paws, closing her eyes as if she needs a moment to compose herself before meowing in her gentle coo, "I'm sorry too, Tugs." She opens her eyes only halfway, her tail swaying behind her like a contemplative flag, "We were both looking for outlets for our hurt, so we both used each other, and I was nothing but a jive turkey who believed that I was destined to fix you. Now I only see the only cat who can heal you, is you."

Looking up she would smile and catch up with him as she continued, "I accept your apology, and I hope you can accept mine too. I should have been the friend you needed rather than the lover I wanted to be. I'd like to try again, if you feel up to it." ​

 

[Lionsnarl]

"LIFE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS"​

He doesn't quite smile, but he feels the corners of his lips turn up at her own apology - unneeded. He didn't know how to respond to that one. What an odd thing to be sorry about, wanting to fix somebody as broken as he was. It was almost cute how she ever thought she could fix him. Fix -

He swallowed back a retort, something along the lines of him being incapable of healing. She wouldn't take that, especially not from him. instead, he angled his ears up as if he were catching the vaguest hint of a bird's wing. He had heard a rustle, at least. Maybe not a bird but a something. Anything was better than dwelling on.... this....

He lurches forward, too quick to be steady, into the underbrush after that faint little sound. Paws outstretched, maw at the ready... only to catch a mouthful of leaves as he crashes into the dirt, unstable from his unprepared leap.​

✦ ★ ✦​

 

[~Deersong~]

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝐼 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒​

---

She can only blink in amusement as he remains silent, clearly pleased with her response and yet unsure of what to say or rather not wanting to voice his true thoughts on the matter. Fair enough, he had been honest enough for the time being.

As he suddenly hones in on something and then leaps into the undergrowth, she follows on unhurried paws. The sight that greets her makes her blink in surprise before a snort and then laughter bubbles up from his funny display. "Got a bit too eager in your task, huh Tugs?" She would tease lightly. Stretching a paw out to lightly bat at one of the leaves that hung from his mouth. She shakes her head, amused yet exasperated, and then scents the air herself.

She catches the scent of a mouse, and with a flick of her tail she stalks off, returning a few heartbeats later with her prize. Her gaze glows with triumph as she buries it and meows softly, "Deer one, Tug zero." ​

 

[Lionsnarl]

"LIFE DOESN'T DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN THE SINNERS AND THE SAINTS"​

The golden warrior lets out a sulky little puff of air. "Mhm." He growls out before stalking off, though not so fast that the cream tabby would think him to abandon her. He's annoyed by her win, and of course by her chipper attitude, but his sour demeanor seems less... pitiful now. Still, he continues on, huffing and mumbling under his breath.

Hm. For the first time in a long time, he was actually tired.

<exit to border>​

✦ ★ ✦​