private walking on the sun [ sunlit ]

[rivewhisper]

"TAKE ME TO YOUR ORCHARD, SO SWEET"​

Rivepaw hadn't admitted how she felt to anyone.

Not since her stomach had been carved open, since Featherpaw had made point after point about Rivepaw, stay back or Rivepaw, you're going to get hurt. Okay, so what? Rivepaw had lived. She could do it. She saved Redheart as best as she could, and she didn't get hurt that time. Sunstar was training her now- which, reflecting upon that was rough, too. She was so far behind, her father and strongest cat in the clan had to take over her training?

A hot breath loosed from her lips, blowing fur out of her face as she and her sibling padded through the growing flowers of the moor. They were just taking a walk- they'd be fine, too. They weren't anywhere near the borders, and weren't too far from camp, and Sunstar and Foxglare were around somewhere. Her paws itched to go for a run, but she couldn't leave her sibling behind. Blue owl eyes turned towards Sunlitpaw, a tiny smile finding her face.

No one had died in the battles that had followed the two kits returning to Shadowclan. The older Rivepaw got, the more.. fucked up she realized the whole thing was. Two children, stolen in a time of need for the clans, harbored here under the illusion that Shadowclan was horrible, you don't want to be there. Rivepaw had believed it, at that age. Shadowclan had to be horrible, right? Definitely not the clan they lived in. But now, seeing what Sootstar had really been, the murder of her own young and the attempted life-steal on her father's life.. anger burned in the belly of the apprentice.

"You think all the issues are over, Sunlitpaw?" She asked them, turning her eyes towards their sibling. Were they over, now that they were in newleaf, laden with pollen? "I hope they are." Rivepaw mumbled, eyes turning towards her paws.

@sunlitpaw
​

"yuh"​

 

[sunlitpaw]

Their siblings were faces that Sunlitpaw didn't find themselves skirting away from quite as much as their fathers, though with every passing sun cycle and each new flower pushing through the thawing soil Sunlitpaw found themselves increasingly less afraid of her fathers too. Time out with Rivepaw was comforting; Sunlitpaw had always found them to be an easy voice to hide behind, to let take control of a situation. Rivepaw was very skilled at being her sibling's voice when Sunlitpaw couldn't, when they were both kits skittering around the camp's clearing with little to worry about. Their kithood had been cut short by sickness and bloodshed and death, so much death. Their apprenticeship, too, had been marred by disloyalty and unjust warfare. Nothing about this life of theirs was particularly just. Now they were back home, but it hardly felt like the home Sunlitpaw had grown up in, for better or worse.

The blood had finally washed out of the snow, traitor's fur and moss thrown to the birds for nests of their own, new kittens poured from the nursery - ah, no longer were she and her littermates the youngest of the Clan. Sunlitpaw had a mentor she liked, too, something she knew might happen to others but had sincerely never believed thought might apply to her. Foxglare pushed her to succeed, but didn't push her to tears or to a point of shaking. Sometimes Sunlitpaw idly wondered how different her life would be had she been given a different mentor under Sootstar, how many of her fears would've carried away like pollen in the breeze. Whenever Sunlitpaw stepped out of camp and padded through thick swaths of wildflowers, many she'd never seen before in her life, it was much easier to stop worrying about all that had happened and focus on what might come next. This was their first newleaf, and soon it would be their first green-leaf. Questions of "am I worthy?" were swept away by whims and wishes, thoughts of "I want to learn how to swim", "what will grow next?", "I've never seen this bug before".

Striding alongside Rivepaw, Sunlitpaw felt at ease. Their mind wandered but did not coil and squeeze around harmful thoughts, trailing close behind their eyes as fern green sweeps over equally bright grass. They catch Rivepaw's little smile and return a curl of their own lips, allowing themselves the simple pleasure of a gentle rumble in their throat. Rivepaw seemed preoccupied in her own thoughts, but Sunlitpaw hardly minded quiet company and knew much better than to pry.

Their purr sputters out as Rivepaw speaks, a voice so small and uncharacteristic to her. The apprentice blinks, almost stumbling over their footing. Sunlitpaw had similar thoughts before, though they had never dared to vocalize such a thing. "I don't know," they confess in equal quietness. Her nose tells her nobody else is nearby, but Sunlitpaw lifts their head regardless, scanning their surroundings to ensure that the two of them are well and truly on their own. They turn to face Rivepaw, meeting winter blue with spring green. "I wonder sometimes if - if like... If our lives would always be a sequence of running away from something." Sunlitpaw puffs out a sigh, tufted ears reclining back slightly. "From yellowcough, rogues, Sootstar and her followers... Sometimes I wonder if life will always be this hard." Sunlitpaw would never dream of voicing such a thing aloud, but part of her envies the barn cats they had left behind.

Sunlitpaw puts on another gentle smile, letting it reach their eyes as she leans over to rub reassuringly against their sister. "I think it's better now, though. At least we all lived." Scorchstreak's voice rings between her ears, and Sunlitpaw can almost see the senior calico's gaze in their sisters'. A thoughtful pause passes, and Sunlitpaw asks, "How are you doing, after everything? Your scars..." Sunlitpaw flounders for words, failing to find a conclusion to that thought. The apprentice pulls her gaze away in embarrassment, though she trusts Rivepaw doesn't need them to finish their clarification.
​

𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦, ———— 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚.

• 

• 
  

  

  ₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾

  sunlitpaw

  
  

  — they / she, 8 moon old moor-runner apprentice of windclan. mentored by foxglare
  — a large yet timid chocolate tabby-tortoiseshell with spring green eyes
  — sunstar x wolfsong, sibling to rivepaw, bearpaw, singedpaw, & featherpaw
  — full length biography
  — penned by izanami, contact on discord @nullmoons for plots or threads :)

  ​

 

[rivewhisper]

"TAKE ME TO YOUR ORCHARD, SO SWEET"​

Sunlitpaw's brief smile caused Rivepaw to relax some. Seeing that was light sunlight after rain- a brief reminder to relax. What she wanted to say wouldn't be received poorly, would it? Out of her siblings, Sunlitpaw was her closest, if Rivepaw had to rank them. Featherpaw's overbearing worry often fell short in appreciation from Rivepaw. Her tail swept low over flowering blooms, eyes shifting over the territory. I don't know. That wasn't reassuring, but how was Sunlit to know, anyways?

Rivepaw blew hot air out of her mouth, a sigh drifting between them. Her eyes lifted again, making definite eye contact with her sibling, ears gently perking before sweeping back down. Her head dipped, gently nodding before her chin pressed against her neck, eyes closing again. Would Rivepaw forever feel like she was staring down the claw of some enemy? There was rumors, wasn't there, of the Sootstar loyalists still near the territory? Her shoulders tensed, vision snapping up akin to how Sunlitpaw's had, glancing over the territory once more to ensure no ears were listening.

When she spoke, her tone was still wobbly, still afraid. "Yeah. Maybe it was always running. We did end up standing our ground, right?" That was something, she had to reflect. Rivepaw standing over Redheart's body in the final battle of that strife, teeth bared and darkened with blood. That was... well, it was something, right? Defending Redheart? Her heart skipped a beat briefly before Sunlitpaw is speaking once more, her head turning to look at her sibling.

Briefly, Rivepaw had to reset her brain back onto the thoughts that had brought this conversation on in the first place. ".. My scars are healing, though I'm not sure the ones that were inflicted on my mind are healing." The last sentence is whispered, as Rivepaw moves closer to her sibling and sits down, head ducking so that the grasses blocked any prying eyes, if they were to crest into the territory. "Do... do you think Featherpaw hates me? Considers me weak?" She mumbled out.

This was highly unlike her after all, considering the fact that Rivepaw was normally the loudest and most spirited of them all. Doubt and confidence issues weren't something she did. "Maybe that's why Sunstar made me his apprentice. To make sure I stopped getting into trouble, that I could manage to be a moor runner. I don't think I'm going to pass my assessments." Rivepaw had begun speaking. As soon as she had, it kept coming, like a rush of pain and hurt. Rivepaw hadn't considered that dumping all of this on Sunlitpaw made things harder, just that she felt pathetic for having to think them in the first place.
​

"yuh"​

 

[sunlitpaw]

Rivepaw's voice wavers as she speaks, drawing Sunlitpaw's attention sharply toward her. Rivepaw had always been so confident in her own choices, it's a strange dichotomy to face. Their upbringing, the most recent history carved bloody into WindClan's scripts, had changed them irreversibly in some ways. Sunlitpaw wonders, in the back of her mind, if this is another root in the path for Rivepaw to step over in time. Sunlitpaw nods their head, a gentle and slow tilt of their head. They hum in agreeance, foregoing words to mull over the other's. What was Rivepaw wanting to hear? What was it that she was seeking out of Sunlitpaw, if anything? Sunlitpaw wasn't sure how to help - they'd always been on the other end, the one timidly asking for advice.

The topic moves onto wounds, and Sunlitpaw's head ducks nervously. They'd never been bluntly questioned on their own lack of wounds, when their sisters suffered marks that would follow them into elderhood. Rivepaw murmurs instead of their mind, and Sunlitpaw's head snaps up much faster than it had ducked. "I understand," they direly want to say, but the words fizzle pitifully on their tongue. Who are they to even begin to sympathize with Rivepaw? Their sister had actually risked her life, surely her burden would be much heavier. Leaf-fall ears are pricked forward to catch her sister's thoughts, tilting her head slightly to one side. "I think time will heal that wound too," Sunlitpaw offers quietly. "It might take longer, and it might be... harder, but... I don't think it'll hold you down forever." The sun-dappled apprentice was slowly scrounging together their own courage - they were very confident in Rivepaw's ability to heal, physically and mentally. If Sunlitpaw could do it, surely her much more capable siblings could, too.

Featherpaw's name is mentioned next and Sunlitpaw nips back any strong reaction as they listen. Sunlitpaw does not immediately jump in to correct Rivepaw; they let the two of them sit in a brief silence, lets Rivepaw collect and finish airing her thoughts. Their father's name comes up next and Sunlitpaw spares an ear twitch at the mention, eyebrows pinching slightly. How long had Rivepaw been alone with these kinds of thoughts? Sunlitpaw was uncomfortably familiar with such considerations. Sunlitpaw shuffles over to bridge the small gap between the two of them. Broken stripes rub against braids of color, and part of Sunlitpaw pains at their loss of childhood. They miss cuddling up to their siblings like this, but such a thing is often considered not becoming of apprentices approaching warriorhood. They take a deep comfort in just enjoying closeness again.

"No," they break their quiet. "Featherpaw loves you. I know he does." Their sour-faced sibling was hard to pick apart, but Sunlitpaw was skilled at seeing through his expressions. "And he definitely doesn't see you as weak. He just wants to see you alive. He doesn't... wanna see you hurt. And sometimes, maybe you're..." Sunlitpaw hesitates on how to finish that thought. "Rash" came to mind, but they wouldn't dare put their sibling down like that. "Quick to act" was a kinder way of saying it, but it still didn't encompass everything Sunlitpaw felt about it. Rivepaw fought like she had something to prove, and now Sunlitpaw is beginning to realize that maybe she feels she does need to prove herself. "Scorchstreak told me that sometimes bravery can feel really cowardly, and... putting your life at risk, dying for something, isn't always the brave thing to do. Losing doesn't make you weak - Featherpaw lost, too." Sunlitpaw hesitates on whether they wish to elaborate on why they'd had such a conversation with a cat that was very clearly not their mentor. The hushed atmosphere, the painful truth pouring from Rivepaw's lips, spurs sincerity from Sunlitpaw's own.

"I... am not strong. I'm not a fighter, Rivepaw, I just... I get so scared and can't move. Sunstar is the strongest cat in the Clan, and even our ðir, our medicine cat, has skill and experience in fighting. I feel like... a failure to them, sometimes. So... I do. Understand. I really do get it, Rivepaw, I promise. Sunstar - Dad - changed your mentor because yours was loyal to Sootstar. Because... because he loves you, and doesn't want you under Sootstar's paws anymore, even if that's through Snakehiss. Downypaw was reassigned too, even though Sootspot's still here. It's not..."

Sunlitpaw quiets, moving to bump their head against Rivepaw affectionately. They had not expected to be able to be so open about wounds they thought would never heal - maybe this is why they felt all the more apt to help. "It's not about skill or ability. I know you'll pass your assessments, because..." Sunlitpaw's reasons have run dry, throat almost sore from how much they've spoken. It's the chattiest they've been in the week. "Well, I just... know. Dad didn't pick you to make you catch up, I think he picked you because you can already keep up with him." Sunlitpaw lifts her eyes and gives Rivepaw a smile. "It's okay, I promise."
​

𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦, ———— 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚.

• 

• 
  

  

  ₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾

  sunlitpaw

  
  

  — they / she, 8 moon old moor-runner apprentice of windclan. mentored by foxglare
  — a large yet timid chocolate tabby-tortoiseshell with spring green eyes
  — sunstar x wolfsong, sibling to rivepaw, bearpaw, singedpaw, & featherpaw
  — full length biography
  — penned by izanami, contact on discord @nullmoons for plots or threads :)

  ​

 

[rivewhisper]

"TAKE ME TO YOUR ORCHARD, SO SWEET"​

Silence was hair raising as Rivepaw was left to consider what she had said. Was that a betrayal to the innate trust to family? A love that was supposed to be beyond platonic but before romantic- there was a saying. Something about water of the womb, or whatever? Rivepaw didn't know. She wasn't supposed to focus on things like that. She was supposed to be focusing on her training, becoming stronger, abandoning these doubts on the soil that her and her sibling shared now.

The close contact caused her breathing to hesitate, but she pressed into the warmth, eyes closing and head lowering to press against her sibling. The familiar touch was grounding- she missed it as much as Sunlitpaw did. There wasn't anything stopping them from doing this from time to time around other cats, but too often and it was a hint strange the older that they got. But who's to say they didn't grow older too quickly? A soft breath left Rivepaw as her sibling began to speak, drawing her out of the safety cocoon that she had found herself deep within.

"You are... better then I am, at picking through those things." She murmured gently, a claw lifting to gently tug a stray leaf out of Sunlit's fur. "I have brief flashes of fear and anger each time we fight against something. That is what rests heavy in my mind." Rivepaw is almost apologetic in the way she speaks- because she is guilty. She didn't want to have this innate.. it wasn't quite fear, but apprehension? She didn't want that innate apprehension of Featherpaw to highlight their relationship. She trusted him, of course, but it was difficult trusting herself in turn.

Just as Rivepaw had spouted her own fears, soon Sunlit spoke too. Her eyes lifted, blinking gently at her sibling in a soft way. She understood. The bravery, the stupid bravery, that Rivepaw inherently had, was something that Sunlitpaw perhaps didn't. She shook her head in brief surprise. The apprentice hadn't exactly expected this to happen on their outing, but Rivepaw was glad to be the one to hear it from her sibling. "No, no, our sun." Her voice is a whisper for a different reason now, not for fear but in support- familial loving support of her sibling. Rivepaw even pulled out the nickname she had reserved only for moments like these.

"Dad and ðir could never think of us that way. Not failures. It's like you just told me." She bumped head back with Sunlitpaw, a small noise leaving her at the comfort. The smile is brief on her lips- the thoughts still weigh upon her, but they were beginning to clear like rainclouds, the petrichor on her lungs. "It's not about skill or ability." She repeated warmly. She shifted closer, head moving to lay back upon her sibling's shoulder, pressed as tight as she could. A hug, in a sense. "They love us, right? We don't need to be great or unmoving. We just need to be... theirs. And we are."

Her words were mumbles against Sunlitpaw's fur, as close to her heart as she could get. "I think... maybe we can teach eachother a bit. I'll take Sunstar's lessons and repeat them for you and.. you can teach me patience. Whatever you want to teach me. I want to help you." Rivepaw's head picked up again, owl-eyes studying her sibling's own. "Would that help?"
​

"yuh"​