private WAR OF HEARTS ♥ Aspenhaze

[Petalnose]

The sun had fallen and the sweet sounds of night began to sleep into the forest. After the patrol, exhaustion had overwhelmed her enough to skip her meal and crawl into her nest for early rest. Normally, she would struggle for awhile, although she was quick to fall into the warm welcome of dreams. She had not been bombarded by night terrors and occuring bad memories, something that was of rarity for the she-cat. It was instead of her memories with Aspenhaze, never had she dreamt of someone of the present time. Echo and her family haunted her, repeated in her dreams as if she was being scolded of an unknown entity every night. Like something or someone wanted her to suffer or it was her guilt holding on and fretting over what she had done. But now it was peace, comfortability and trust. All that she felt with her beloved friend.

She was not aware her paws were carrying her body again amongst these dreams. Her head hung low, out of character for her confident trot and long strides. Her body swayed now and then as if it was out of balance, tired eyes holding that of no other expression or search. Her body carefully settled beside a familiar body, her flank pressed against their's and eyes slowly closing as her head had attempted to lay upon their shoulders. She was not aware whether she had awoken Apsenhaze or not, or if they were awake all along, her breaths soft and deep within her sleep with a rare quiet purr rumbling within each breath. There was questioning within her own dreams of the comfortable warmth that bathed her, although she simply let herself enjoy it if her friend was still present. She was not aware of the embarrassment she may face whenever she would be awoken and the embarrassment she would cause to Aspenhaze.

@Aspenhaze

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[Aspenhaze]

When coming home from their own patrol, Aspenhaze had struggled to keep it together. Even when they reported to Cicadastar, it was hard not to cry and admit how they were truly feeling in front of their leader. They're almost surprised at how well their mask was keeping up, but when they reached their den to retire for the night, they finally let it loose. They tried their best to hide their sobs, sniffling into their paws, and prayed to StarClan that no one was seeing them in such a vulnerable state. Their tears had only stopped when their body finally gave up, being lulled into a deep sleep. Aspenhaze luckily didn't have any nightmares plaguing them, but the feeling of grossness still pervaded them even as their body attempted to recover.

They only got a moment of peace when they were stirred awake by the feeling of someone laying right next to them. They were fully prepared to hiss at whoever interrupted them, but immediately calmed down when they recognize Petalnose's visage. She was probably the only cat they wanted to see right now, though she didn't seem to actually be awake, unconsciously finding her way to their side. Their face heats up at that, recognizing she probably felt the same way about them. Maybe even...in another way? That thought quickly gets shot down as they remember their atrocious crime. Did they even deserve love? They don't know how long it'll take to forgive themself, if ever. But maybe...maybe Petalnose could help them through it. They'll tell her in the morning about what happen, they decide as they close their eyes again, purring back even as they pass back out.

They don't move when morning arrives, instead smiling at how cute Petalnose looks when she's asleep. They enjoy the sight until she's roused, and no matter how the she-cat reacts to the situation she's found herself in, they still smile the entire time as they're not bothered at all. "Good morning, Petalnose," Aspenhaze says softly to her, the sadness still present in the way they hold themself and reflected in their eyes. They hope she asks what's wrong with them instead of having to admit how they're feeling right now.​

 

[Petalnose]

The patched feline arose with the sun, eyes slowly opening and blinking away to adjust to the shift of light. It took her a second to acknowledge the figure her body laid against, raising her head and spinning it in Aspenhaze's direction with a "mrr" of alarm and curiousity. She nearly jumped at the close recognition, her heart thudding and pelt heating as she began to become flustered. "How long.. was I.. here?" Petalnose was aware how she made it over, her sleepwalking was an occuring problem that led her into odd situations. It seemed, sleep talking was an addition to the package. She wondered if she had said anything, panic stirring within her bewildered expression. Shit. What should I do now?

If it was anyone else, it was likely the woman would start demanding answers and become angerily frantic. She had held that reaction back, for reasons she was and wasn't quite sure she knew. As her chest fur began to prickle, she was quick to groom it down. Just act natural, they're not moving. Don't look weak. Don't make it look obvious.

She cleared her throat, furrowing her brows and shook her head, "Forget that." She now confidently spoke, tucking her limbs underneath her body. Underneath her mask, there was fear. Deep down she knew why her legs dragged her here. She may have forgotten the feeling, the feeling she last felt may have been far in the past. It was that of someone familiar, someone who did her wrong but she still shared those same feelings for. She tried to shake it away, shove it and drown it away. She wasn't loveable, her character was quick to snap and unpredictable. The way she tried to solve situations was through threats and claws and teeth. Why would anyone love her? She didn't even love herself. Her own character was her worst enemy and she was constantly in battle with herself amongst her mind.

What if she did go with it? Get stuck into something that was hard for her fragile heart to rip from? Something that would be determental to her already waning mentality. She shook it off as her friend did, excusing her unconscious travels as chance. Maybe next time she'll find herself in a tree when she didn't know how to climb.

The greeting was almost unheard over the deep thoughts of her mind, mix matched ears twitching. "Hm..? Oh- Good morning Aspenhaze." She greeted, turning to make eye contact with them again. She caught the sad look upon their face, her neutral frown deepening. Petalnose had never seen them upset and it pulled anger within her heart to attack whatever caused this emotion within them. She stayed put beside them as if it was regular routine, furrowing her brows in concern, "You don't look so good. Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?" She whispered, watching for their expression, "I'm sure Cicadastar wouldn't mind if I borrowed you to hunt with me if you're more comfortable talking then. Unless.. this.. is okay with you."

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[Aspenhaze]

Aspenhaze can’t help but chuckle at how flustered they still continue to make her feel, and it lightens their heart just slightly. Part of their brain however scolds them at them feeling any sort of happy while the previous day haunts them. It’s a little easier to block out the cloud of negativity today, but that doesn’t mean what they learned still didn’t affect them. They’re happy Petalnose looks concerned for them, at the very least. “You joined me in the middle of the night, but don’t worry about it. I really don’t mind. In fact…I’d prefer it,” they readily admit. They’ll probably need it after what they’re about to tell her.

There’s some hesitation as they look around the den, but not a lot of cats are up at the moment, and they doubt it’ll be something that stays between them and a select few cats for very long. Might as well come out of their own mouth. “We can hunt after. This is fine. I just…” What to even say? How do you say this to someone who you don’t want to lose? “I…during the ThunderClan skirmish, the cat who rushed me, he…he was pregnant. And I kicked him in the stomach! I didn’t know, I didn’t know, but…” But they still could have taken an innocent life. Many, in fact.

“I got called a kit harmer, and that’s the very last thing I would ever do. I wish I could take it back! I wish I didn’t go!” The panic has set back in their body, eyes back to being frantic as they fear how she’ll react. Would she not want to ever talk with them again? They would rather die right now if so. They would do anything to keep her by their side. Yes…even in their sorry state, Aspenhaze's feelings are clear. But that’s not important right now. Now they wait for her reply.​

 

[Petalnose]

Aspenhaze mentioned she had made it over in the middle of the night, which had ultimately meant her friend let her rest beside them. Heat bubbled in her face, one part of her telling her to move away and the other part fighting for her to stay put. She didn't let it show, instead keeping her concerned look and dismissing the topic to herself in order to hear what they had to say. It was best not to question it further for her own sake, she wasn't sure if she'd sleep tonight. Rumors were sure to come.

Mix-matched ears leaned forward in preparation to hear, humming at the mention of joining her later. She leaned in to listen to their whispers, eyes fluttering in surprise as they started. Anger started to make her fur prickle, although, she made it easy to see it wasn't toward them. Her gaze continued to be soft and understanding, something that was rare of her. Petalnose did not see Aspenhaze as a monster, she let that show through her gentleness towards her friend. Instead, she saw the warrior who fought Aspenhaze as a monster. She opened her mouth to speak but they had more to say, quickly shutting her maw to listen more intently.

I got called a kit harmer.

More anger bubbled in her tall frame, holding in everything she had to not let her claws flex. If she had been standing she would look as if she was prepared to go into battle. Instead, she was tense in her vulnerable position beside them.

It hurt her seeing her friend panicked and fearful, holding back her urge to make her voice boom in anger. She didn’t want to scare them. Although, some of her uncontrollable emotions slipped. Her teeth held in a half snarl as she opened her maw to speak, "I believe you. That's his fault. I go into battle knowing I may not come back, that I may lose my only life that day and bleed out infront of everyone. I'm content with it. But eagerness to battle when carrying your mate's kittens is selfish, hurting innocent lives. They're the monsters, not you Aspenhaze. Do you hear me?" Her voice was of whisper but held apparent anger and authority, "I will happily fight for you if it comes up in battle. You were only protecting yourself and fighting for your clan. What you did was out of your knowledge and out of your control!"

She softened her lips to cover her snarl and softened her expression again, forcing her fur to flatten, "If the other lead warriors are against you if you so happen to admit this.. or a Thunderclanner, I will do my best to speak for you. Don't fret." she would aim to touch noses with her friend to comfort them, hoping she didn't bring any panic through her previous reaction. Protectiveness she didn't know she possessed for her friend stirred within her, aiming to then softly put her paw on top of theirs to show her support. "I will try my best to make sure nothing happens to you."

May those flea infested mouse-brains pray to Starclan once I get my claws on one of them.

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[Aspenhaze]

Aspenhaze realizes that what she's saying is perfectly reasonable, and despite the fact that they still feel like mentally scolding themself, they're so happy for her kind words. Well…kind for them, not ThunderClan. They chuckle at the thought, happy to have some sense of humor despite the serious conversation. It makes them feel that much better already. "…Thank you, Petalnose. You're making perfect sense." They smile lightly at the touch of her paw on theirs, and puts their nose right up to hers, and it's instantly comforting. They always enjoy these small, intimate moments with her, becoming a highlight of their day whenever she does show them affection. "And I know you'll always have my back, that I'm certain of. I might have doubted it for a moment…but no. I trust you more than any other cat."

After admitting that, the conviction in their heart hardens, and they're sure they're ready. But first. "I know this is against what I would normally say, I'm very much aware, but if anyone in ThunderClan gives me grief for this, I ask you let it go. They can come to their own senses, or not. If I'm attacked over it, however, feel free to give it right back." They're okay with that compromise, at the very least. But if it's true that some of the kits don't end up making it, they're okay with some blame being put on them. They know now that it really wasn't their fault, but if it gives some peace of mind, they really can't judge. As long as it doesn't end up with them having an awful reputation among every clan, then there would be a problem.

They let out a huge sigh of relief. Aspenhaze's faith in Petalnose and their clan are rock solid now, knowing that they all would have their back. But the entire conversation just solidifies in their mind that they're ready to ask the question. Not here, though. "I think I'd like to take up that offer about hunting. I want to talk in private now." Just the two of them; the clan can learn later, if all goes well. They hope she feels the same way they do, and that they're not just reading into it too much. Their next conversation will confirm it, and butterflies enter their stomach as they look towards the den's exit, ready to finally have the conversation they've been preparing themself for.​

 

[Petalnose]

Petalnose made her lips fall in a weak smile at the confirmation that they felt comforted by her words. There was a warm feeling when they pressed noses, closing her eyes to take in the moment. "Of course." She returned, hesitation at the end of her tone as she had almost mused 'you're my friend' but for some reason that now felt wrong in her heart. Was this how friends felt? How friends reacted? She was angry at the confusion of feelings even if she knew full well what it was, she denied it, pushed it aside. She was scared of it. The simple hesitation of saying a couple of words had crept up on her normal confidence and bravery. She instead tried to search for another description of the feeling. That was an extrodinarily rare feeling from the molly. Fear. Hesitation. Nevertheless, she purred at the mention of trust, "The feeling is returned. I'll never slash at your back. I'm here whenever you need me."

Petalnose cocked her head to the side at Aspen's surrender to Thunderclans judgement, thinking it wasn't very of their character to not back themself up. She knew Aspenhaze could take care of themself but she did still feel an overwhelming amount of protectiveness to anything they had to say or do to them. She didn't know if she could promise Aspen anything as her emotions were hard to control when it came to the overstimulating feeling of anger. She just nodded in understandment, breathing in thoughtfully to herself and staying silent for a moment.

The silence was quickly interupted at their acceptance to her previous invitation, fluttering her lashes inquisitively of talking in private. She didn't question it despite her mind searching frantically for answers, standing and stretching her body. She didn't stand at the entrance as she normally had, instead standing at their side patiently until they were ready. "Alright, well lets go have this talk and feed the clan." She meowed, aiming to brush her tail against them when they had both finally sauntered out of the den.

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[Aspenhaze]

They’re extremely grateful she didn’t question them further, as they know they’re being a bit irrational right now. They also know that Petalnose was likely to strike out if things got bad, and honestly they don’t think they’d be mad at the end of the day, for now though silence is better than a straight no. But the reinforced peace of mind really is helping calm their nerves, as they steel themself for probably the most important conversation of their life. Aspenhaze is so overjoyed at her admitting she’ll always be here for them, brushing their own tail against hers as they headed out.

Of course they don’t really intend to hunt, at least not at first. They’ll bring something back at least, but their heart feels like it’s about to burst and they need to let their feelings out. The walk from camp feels like an eternity as it takes everything in them to not just confess right there, but they wanted it to be more comfortable for Petalnose so they wait until they’re a safe distance away. It’s now or never.

“Alright, here goes. I…I like you, Petalnose. More than just like, I love you with all my being. It’s hard to realize my feelings sometimes, but I know for certain that what I’m feeling is real. You’re so sweet and kind to me, and even if sometimes I doubt if I deserve it, I know you think the best of me, and I appreciate it. Just know that even if you refuse, I could never hate you for it. You’ll always be someone that is precious to me. But even so…would you be my mate, Petalnose?”​

 

[Petalnose]

The scents of the forest were strong in her scents, making her stomach ache with hunger. Although, her curiousity of what this talk may be would not leave her alone. Was it something similar to Lichentail? Where she was told the way others saw her? How she came off? Something told her in her gut that the assumption was wrong and she was only left to wonder in silence. Aspenhaze seemed too friendly to her to do such, and why would they want it to be totally private? Was this business matters or personal?

Her softened gaze settled upon Aspenhaze, turning to face them in a way of respect and to show them she was intently listening. Her tail twitched in a friendly way, admiring their beauty from her spot. She said nothing, instead showing them through her body language. Mix-matched ears pricked intently as they began.

I…I like you, Petalnose. More than just like, I love you with all my being.

It felt as if her heart shut down for a moment, her whole body frozen as she listened to the rest of the confession. Petalnose couldn't fight, run or hide from this feeling. Fighting was the first thing that came into her instincts for anything. Although, there was no threat. Her instincts could not register a threat. So she merely shut down into a form of surrender and shock, though she fought everything she could to not let her thoughts numb out their words. It felt as if many moons passed before she felt her heart pounding out of her chest. Heat quickly warmed her body like a hot Greenleaf ray.

For the first few moons she woke up from her incident, she did not believe she would ever be loved. She wasn't lovable. Sure, she believed there were several who cared for her. Though.. love. Love was complicated. She was stabbed in the back many times from someone she thought was supposed to love her and then ripped away from her twice. This would tie her down into something she would either enjoy or be torn in the end. Fear told her she couldn't go through this again. She didn't want to be hurt again and she also didn't want to hurt someone with the way she acted. She didn't want to make them feel hurt. Fear told her she couldn't do this. She needed to run away, run from this encounter or fight.

Would you be my mate, Petalnose?

It was her turn to talk. Her jaw opened slightly agap, though nothing came out as she searched for answers. She couldn't say no, even if her fear made her feel incapable of a relationship.

She let these feelings go for once. She adored Aspenhaze, more than anyone in her camp. She loved them. Petalnose knew she couldn't see them with anyone else, they practically were always at each other's sides when they could. She knew if she saw anyone else take her spot she would want to thrash her claws at the individual. Was that selfish of her? To love? Could she even love properly? Would she even be a good mate? Those questions fluttered in her mind for a moment of silence, adverting her gaze towards the territory around them.

This was the biggest decision she could make. Even bigger than choosing to be a lead warrior. Relationships were a big commitment, harder to get out of than a position within the ranks. Even if you did get out of the relationship either in good terms or bad, they would still walk close in camp. You couldn't escape them if you were loyal to your clan. But.. she didn't actually care, as if that would never happen in her power.

The molly swiftly locked eyes back onto them, as if her confidence and bravery struck the fear looming over her and swallowed it whole. It won the battle. Just like it always had.

"I will. I love you too, Aspenhaze. I don't think I could've denied it any longer. I will do everything in my power to be the best I can. Of course, I will be your mate!" She purred excitedly, pushing away her panicked thoughts to celebrate their courtship to herself. It wasn't even as if she pushed them away, it was as if her mind came to peace upon the decision. Like it was satisfied and pleased with it. Her once hungry stomach felt as if it was full, anxiety and excitement pushing back her appetite and twisting her stomach.

Shaky and tense limbs finally moved closer towards them to comfort any anxiety Aspenhaze had, aiming to draw her tongue across their face with a loud purr. For a moment, tears of enlightenment sparkled in her eyes, looking down upon her mate in a lovestruck manner. I will do everything in my power to protect you.

"I will live and die for you with a smile on my face. You're everything to me, Aspenhaze."

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