private watching people live ✧ willowroot

[lichenstar]

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It insists upon itself, the thoughts of nervousness that bubble up near constantly... It was both an honor and an incredible weight to wield, to learn how to brandish this weapon safely, to position herself a shield against the coming torrents. Smokestar would not say it but he knew it just the same from his own experience. To be deputy was not just a bid for successor, it meant becoming the thin veil between leader and the world that sought to ruin him. There is another she had assumed might be a better selection, had she not chosen moons ago that her fate led elsewhere- free of the nursery and Lichentail was already eager to cling to her wisdom, to the delicate way her tongue articulated meaning Lichentail could only offer in jumbled, twisted words.

Maybe there was something to be taught.. to learn? Could it even be explained in a way she might make use of it sooner rather than later? Hazecloud had tried, for neigh on two years, to teach her a better way of speaking, of accepting (sometimes bitterly) how badly she was at sharing her feelings or thoughts. The line between what was overstepping grew blurred every time her duties changed, made her sit and re-evaluate her role in quiet, frustrated thought.

"Willowroot," she searched for her in earnest, hoping to find a break where she were not fussing over her kin (a fluttering in her chest gives tell of her anxiety; would she be as invested, involved? Would she get the chance, with the winter so rapidly approaching?)-- "How is Robinpaw doing? I... truly appreciate her gentle nature, she did a great service to try to break up a fight that Velvetpaw and Cicadapaw got into... Some of that credit has to go to you, I'm sure." A doting mother, an encouraging mentor and once a beloved member of the council... was there anything Willowroot couldn't do with her eyes closed and her paws behind her back?

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WELL IF YOU WANT MY BLOOD I'LL MAKE SO MUCH BLOOD

THAT YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DROWN​

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[willowroot]

( ☾ ) she isn't jealous. at least, she thinks she isn't. why would she be? why would she have the right, even? stepping down from lead had been a decision that was for the best at the time she had done it, but she has grown past her problems. now, there's a sense of missing out. she finds contentedness in her family, in her duties as a mother, a teacher, a trusted warrior, but there is no feeling quite like the power that comes with promotion. cicadastar had not reacted as he once might have, at the beginning. the clan hadn't either- looking at her with pity or distain. how could she have abandoned her station? is to lead not the primary goal of every warrior?

so she really has no right to be jealous. she is soft, motherly, and her life has lead her to so many mistakes that there is no way she might be reappointed. she puts on the face of contentedness, the thrill of being a parent and a warrior seemingly being enough for her. she'll keep her angst hidden inside- she hasn't had the guts to tell even poppysplash. to help lead riverclan, to have to step up to primary leadership- it's a dream unfulfilled, and willowroot is of the knowledge that it might never be. still, she knows exactly what she would change, what she would keep. she knows the kind of queen she could be.

still, lichentail is the correct choice if everything is considered. willowroot feels no ill will towards the pale molly, and in fact feels a flicker of satisfaction at the promotion of a she-cat into deputyship. lichen is kind but brisk, able to balance a variety of needs, and most of all, she is trusted. that it is not willowroot, the smoke femme mourns, but that it is lichentail, she celebrates. so, when the earnest and slightly anxious voice of her deputy reaches tufted ears, the feline turns with bright eyes.

"lichentail!" she will greet the woman with a purr, scanning the point's face for any sign of destress. coming to the conclusion that the molly has come to chat, the smoke moves closer, tipping her head. a compliment for her apprentice - sweet, darling robinpaw, who's early life had been plagued by trauma and mistakes. lichentail compliments her gentle nature, decides some credit must go to willowroot herself, and the feline feels her face heat slightly. "oh, thank you!" she accepts the compliment, tail twitching. "yes, robinpaw is getting along well. to tell you the truth, sometimes it feels she is more mature than some warriors. the patrol to skyclan i lead days ago..." she trails off, eyebrows raising in an obvious annoyance at the memory. "anyway, robinpaw is doing well. i'm sure she'd love to know the deputy thinks so."

leaf-green eyes sparkle slightly as the other's rank is mentioned. "i never got the chance to say congratulations on the promotion! smokestar made a good choice," willowroot's tone is earnest, eyes crinkling kindly as she speaks. "how're you handling it so far?" ​

 

[lichenstar]

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The hum of a rumbling chest suggests Willowroot is more than happy to see her face- Lichentail is taken by surprise for it, to hear purring associated so easily with her name. A tightness in her lips falls away into an easy, polite smile, already eased to comfort in the presence of someone so naturally nurturing. Her dark pelt does not look unlike Cindershade, in some ways, and it stirs as a funny thought that the two couldn't be more unalike. For all of Cindershade's sharpness, Willowroot is twice as soft.

The molly seems more than overjoyed to talk about Robinpaw and it serves as a reminder that though the young girl had started off on unsteady paws, she was making leaps and bounds and much adored by her mentor. It had been a good choice.. to pass off the little runaway to someone so patient, someone experienced with children and their wild ideas. A solid, steady figure to lean on, not far off from her namesake. The roots of a willow tree... they did not shy away from anything, dug deep into its home, provided structure. "I am... sorry about how that went. It was by no means my intention to give you a troublesome group after returning to duty..." It was, granted, her first time assigning patrols but... she'd expected the adults to act more civilly, even if the apprentices still deserved a good admonishing for their own reactivity. Bowing her head in a small nod, the lynx point makes a note of her suggestion, "I'll make sure she knows that then."

It still sits like an weight on her shoulders, the mention of Smokestar. She had led him astray, to have assured him Cicadastar had not been dead... it still stuck like a thorn in her throat what harm she may've caused- and yet. He chose her. It was hard to make excuses for all the reasons she shouldn't have been when the decision was already made. "A-ah! Yes, thank you..." Her heart flutters, made flustered by the prompting to share her feelings on her new role.

It was a great honor! And a new stress, all the same. Her face scrunches in thought, mulling over how to explain the complicated relationship she feels with the title 'deputy.'

"I can't say I was expecting it," they meow, offering a sheepish smile, "But I am... excited, I think? That I have more to give to RiverClan now. I hope I can trust you to tell me if I stray off course? Admittedly, you and most of the clan are better with words than I've ever been." She laughs, despite the suffering of acknowledging her flaws, hoping that the shadow-striped molly would understand why that might be a cause for anxiety. "Your praise means a lot."

Wow... that's kind of corny. It's just Willowroot... Her ear flicks, trying to swat the embarrassment out of her head like a fly.

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WELL IF YOU WANT MY BLOOD I'LL MAKE SO MUCH BLOOD

THAT YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DROWN​

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