private WE SHOULD STICK TOGETHER &. duckshimmer

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

they got hurt, again. and somehow, in some way, they're craving that spitfiring anger that one cat had given them. it came from a place of care. friendship. they wante that again. it reminds them of geckoscreech. no one else ever got so upset with them for getting hurt. maybe thats why they're going to seek it out. she hasn't been to see them and that worries them. they know she cares and as much as chilledstar worries that will break her one day when they actually do die, they can't help but want to be selfish a little bit and revel in it. she isn't hard to find. her very appearance is burned permanently into their brain, much like geckoscreech's. hmph.

"are you avoiding me... are you upset with me?"

they ask duckshimmer, brows furrowing as they look at her. she must be upset. they feel bad for that. they don't intend to upset her but they'd gladly have died if it meant gigglekit was okay. they were oddly protective of the young one... maybe it was because in some way, they're family.

"don't be upset. I'm alright, you know. chilledstar always bounces back. isn't that what they say? chilledstar is always okay."

they're not. never were. but the facade is there, and it's enough, isn't it?

———————---***i try to live in black and white***———————---​

but i'm so blue✧ i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you

•  
• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 46 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

​

​

 

[Duckshimmer]

*+:｡.｡ Duckshimmer wasn't sure when it had become difficult for her to look at Chilledstar. It was an...odd turn of events, considering she had gone out of her way to try and earn her leader's forgiveness. After that night, hiding from the rain, Duckshimmer had vowed to keep away from meddling with her leader's life. They weren't friends, after all. How could they be? Duckshimmer knew nothing of Chilledstar's past or inner thoughts. She wasn't there for them in their youth or close to them while they were with Geckoscreech. She barely paid attention when Chilledstar lost their previous lives - why did losing these matter all of a sudden?

When Duckshimmer found out about Chilledstar's act of heroism, it had been through breathless meows of praise for their leader. Throughout the clan, cats murmured their worries over Chilledstar and purred their compliments. Chilledstar was a hero! I hope Chilledstar feels better soon!
But all Duckshimmer could say she felt was...dread.

It pooled in her stomach, rising high enough to threaten to drown internally. She feels the waves of that sticky emotion burn at her throat, threatening to raise the tide higher still. She refused to give a name to this feeling - refused further to feed it. So she did as she was accused - and she avoided them. Kept her gaze sparkling towards all beside them and their new scars, their precarious life. Pretending like her conversations with Willowburn and Mirepurr could be more riveting than anything Chilledstar had to say.
Because it wasn't Duckshimmer's place to care so much about them.
They weren't friends, right? That's not her job.

It's Geckoscreech's.

Pale snow-flecked fur rises along her back as she fails to scurry off on patrol. Chilledstar's voice sounds to her like the scent of encroaching rainclouds. Her mouth opens and closes, but the air tastes dry, the tide in her chest rises a notch higher. "I..." she begins but finds her silver tongue useless.

I doubt that, she wants to say - but she'd promised not to meddle.
I'm glad you are, she assumes would be better but lying tastes like bile.
I hope you get better soon, feel safest, but painfully dismissive.

She fumbles, struggling to find the right words as she turns around, slowly, nervously, irritably, to look at them.

I hate it when you say that, feels too honest.
I guess you are, feels too fake.
I'm not your friend, feels too painful.

She lifts her gaze to meet theirs, and any further option dies in her mouth - drowns, you could say. Their eyes are a crisp blue, the color of a summer sky trapped beneath a single, falling raindrop. Their eyes...were that color. Now there's only one. So easily lost because they deamed the sacrifice necessary - better an eye, than the life of a clanmate. Better a life, than the life of a clanmate. So selfless.

So utterly selfish.

I hate you, sounds so empty.
I can't stand worrying about you, sounds like too much.

She searches their remaining blue eye, gaze lingering for a moment too long on their missing one.
Finally, the water reaches her tongue, leaving her stomach aching and her chest so full it's ready to break.

Lifting a paw, she gently places it on Chilledstar's cheek, hesitantly on their injured side and finally, like the words of a drowning woman, she asks -

"Are you?"

*+:｡.｡ Updated 12/15/23

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ⚜ Duckshimmer
  ⚜ DFAB— She/Her — Bisexual
  ⚜ 30 moons — Ages 1 moon every month real-time
  ⚜ Mother to Singepaw, Swallowpaw and Sneezepaw
  ⚜ Shadowclan — Warrior
  
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ⚜Physically hard | mentally hard
  ⚜ Attack in bold #ffa98f
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

they freeze and visibly tense up when she ultimately decides to touch them. they dont... know what to do with this. they swallow thickly, brows furrowing as they look at the molly in front of them. are you? she asks. they don't have an answer for that. not one that rings true. not once that wouldn't worry her or any of their clan. so they don't answer it. they can't answer it. they don't think she deserves to be lied to anymore than she already has. so they simply close their eyes in a sigh, allowing themself to relax against her touch.

"what about you? are you alright? you don't look alright, duckie."

she looks troubled. they don't know when they've started to pick up on that from her. with a gentle sigh they push against her paw so that she drops it, only to gently brush against her jaw.

"I'd understand if you were upset with me, you know? I just don't think... out of all the cats around right now... I just don't want you to be upset at all. but I understand it. really."

———————---***i try to live in black and white***———————---​

but i'm so blue✧ i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you

•  
• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 47 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

​

​

 

[Duckshimmer]

*+:｡.｡ Displaying affection has always been easy for Duckshimmer. Nothing got her a reaction better than a well-timed brush against the flank. But this? This felt different. As soon as they felt Chilledstar's cheek against their paw, a rush ran through her - like...suddenly slipping a paw into cold, freezing water.
But...how oddly warm she felt at the same time.

Before Duckshimmer could think to pull her paw away, already planning an apology, she found her focus shifting again. A crisp blue, the color of a summer full of so, so much rain. Duckshimmer thinks, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, how ...odd of a cat Chilledstar is. In Duckshimmer's world, you're either strong and then die; or weak, scrambling for purchase on the same, easier footing before ultimately dying anyway. Chilledstar was somehow neither, and both, and so, so much more. Chilledstar, a cat who has died countless times for their clanmates, never once regretting it...What business did someone so...good care to have with someone like...

Duckshimmer's paw is carefully pushed away by Chilledstar. For a brief moment, the woman's fur lies flat with relief. Now that? That makes sense.

Until they brush against her jaw.

Suddenly, the whole world feels a little bit tilted to the left.

They called me Ducki, she thinks, cheeks warm.
It takes Duckshimmer a beat far too long to remember words and sentence formation. When she finally comes to, it's with a burning-ear-tip resoluteness to ensure everything is fine. Because it was. It was fine.

With a careful sigh, the woman blinks back into focus, letting Chilledstar's questions and statements fall around her like a cleansing rain. The words seep painfully deep into her chest, however. Or rather, what hurt the most were the words Chilledstar didn't say. Duckshimmer would give anything to ensure her leader, her clan's protector...her...friend...is okay. That they'll one day say, with their full chest, that they're ok.

But, Duckshimmer supposes, as she quietly listens to Chilledstar speak, that it isn't the end of the world if Chilledstar isn't okay. Duckshimmer had asked her question intending to know the truth and...she got it. Sharp around the edges, painful, and broken...but true. Once again, Duckshimmer wonders why Chilledstar would be so honest with a cat like Duckshimmer. She recalls their night in the rain, Chilledstar's dull, tired blue eyes.
Their eyes are anything but dull, now.

A pool of soft summer skies trapped within a drop of rain

"Yes, I'd expect you to" Duckshimmer would say, curt and dignified: a proper lady with a procelein mask. Periwinkle eyes soften, her care for Chilledstar undeniable, "but two separate owl attacks to save two separate children, you must be kidding me!"
Duckshimmer lets out a laugh. "and to think, one of them was my idiot of a son" She smiles after her giggles recede, eyes soft as she regards her leader, "to keep your lives safe, I fear we must simply stop letting cats have children" which incurs a light chuckle from her, again.

"I do worry, I won't deny that," she says this with a softer voice. Her gaze lifts to study the half left of Chilledstar's, a somber twinge returning to her chest. It's so much easier to not worry about a cat who would have earned a scar as gnarly as theirs in an act of selfishness or wrath. She almost curses Chilledstar for being...well, themself.
The thought earns forth another reluctant smile upon her maw.

"I'm almost ill with it," she smiles gently, reassuringly, "but I am not upset." Perhaps she should've started all this with just that truth. Oh well - who is Duckshimmer if not a woman determined to keep you on your toes? Sincerity colors her expression with pastel vulnerability - barely there to see, almost timid. "You saved a life. It's difficult to look at you and not see a hero" Duckshimmer leans closer to Chilledstar, bumping her shoulder lightly against theirs, "You know..I never did thank you for saving my son." Periwinkle hues the color of flowers meant to be plucked and discarded, glow with gratitude, "Thank you. And...I apologize-"

At this, she hangs her head with sheepish defeat, "- for avoiding you. Admittedly, I was, maybe, perhaps, a tad upset...but only for a moment!" she scurries to explain.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 6/5/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ⚜ Duckshimmer
  ⚜ DFAB— She/Her — Bisexual
  ⚜ 33 moons — Ages 1 moon every month real-time
  ⚜ Mother to Singepaw, Swallowpaw and Sneezepaw
  ⚜ Shadowclan — Warrior
  
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ⚜Physically medium | mentally hard
  ⚜ Attack in bold #ffa98f
  injuries: None currently

[/COLOR]​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

"ah, there it is. that lovely sound you make. I like it when you laugh more than anything duckshimmer."

they're tired to stuffing those feelings down. they like her. they do. and they've learned more times than they'd have liked to that life is too short to sit around and pretend like it's not, or that they didn't feel the way they did. would they admit their feelings outloud right now? no. but for now, this would be okay. stars only knew how long they'd have multiple lives for. they really don't like dwelling on their inevitable end, but how could they not? it is a fate for everyone. everyone dies eventually. some more than others.

"come now. i would gladly save singepaw over and over. all of the youth... they deserve as many second chances as they can get. they are the next warriors of shadowclan, after all."

they let her talk, humming as they listen to her fully, nodding when she thanks them and laughing quietly when she apologizes. they move closer and aim to lick her across her cheek, and offering a grin afterwards.

"i forgive you, beautiful. now come on. escort me out of camp. I don't think starlingheart would be particularly happy if i left alone after such an injury... even if it's mostly healed anyways."

———————---***i try to live in black and white***———————---​

but i'm so blue✧ i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you

•  
• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 47 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

​

​

 

[Duckshimmer]

*+:｡.｡ Her breath catches in her throat despite her brain being one step too slow on the uptake. As though a gust of wind had suddenly spirited through her, leaving her fur ruffled and her knees unstable. Duckshimmer has been complimented before - flirt as much as you have and it'd be a crime not to receive at least one or two back. But this...this didn't feel like that. There was no game here, no goal in mind. It struck her dumb, then, why Chilledstar would say that. Say it like that.
She searches their gaze. Breathlessly, she notes the sincerity behind that rain-swept look.
They...they mean it.
They like her laugh...?

What is she, a child?

Blinking hard to dispel the clouds that threatened to coalesce within her skull, Duckshimmer determined to seize back control. "Careful now, Chilledstar my dear, it almost sounds like you're flirting with me" Duckshimmer would tease. The best jokes were forged with a half-truth in mind, so perhaps the danger of how close her leader was traipsing on that platonic line would scare them straight. Although, Duckshimmer never took Chilledstar for a flirt before. She supposed she shouldn't be shocked. Flirting by nature was designed to be contagious - boosting the confidence of your partner was the whole goal. Maybe...maybe even Chilledstar was swept away by the allure of Duckshimmer's reputation. Maybe Chileldstar, too, is joining in on the game; flower-plucking.

But, in all the times she's played mouse, she's surprised by how different this version of the chase is. It...almost leaves her bitter, to play it with a cat she looks so highly upon. She...admittedly, didn't want to play these games with Chilledstar. Duckshimmer, she...well, she just...

She focuses on Chilledstar's heroic line, her smile a bit more wane. "Of course you would" she says, her tone grateful despite the light squeeze in her heart, "and I'm sure they'd all be happy to serve their time under a wonderful ruler like yourself" It was a double-edged sword, this heroism of Chilledstar's. Nothing could steal Duckshimmer's heart quicker than seeing a cat so selfless as them, but nothing crushed it in their gripper harder than knowing the risks it put on their life. I'll never stop worrying she thinks with a sigh of resignation. Truthfully, though? She's happy too.

As the conversation drifts onwards, Chilledstar's patient eyes a multitude of glittering blues with flecks of silver, Duckshimmer feels her shoulders relax. Their life is always a pleasant song. A reminder that everything will eventually find its way back into the light...Duckshimmer's just glad she's able to help lead them there. "You deserve to be happy" Duckshimmer doesn't realize she spoke the thought aloud, a soft whisper that barely reaches her own ears.

Then, Chilledstar kisses them.


Once upon a time, Chilledstar told Duckshimmer that the moon of love took place in late leaf-bare because it was the best time to snuggle close to the person you love. When the world around you is just a little too cold, nothing is meant to warm your heart more than by pressing into the sides of your beloved. Duckshimmer had believed the thought sweet, but ultimately unromantic. It was logical that if Duckshimmer was cold, she'd seek out warmth; forging it with with well-timed words and a thoughtfully placed swoon. To relieve oneself of a burden by putting it on the shoulders of another - yeah, truly romantic.

When Chilledstar leaned close and licked her cheek, Duckshimmer finally understood what they meant.

Never before has she felt so warm.

Games, masks, flowers, and mice were swept from Duckshimmer's mind like she'd been bathed in a cleansing rain. She could only stare, wide-eyed and foolish, when Chilledstar finally pulled away. After all her moons carefully crafting snappy dialogue, Duckshimmer was left with only one thought swimming in the sparkling waters in her head.

They called me beautiful.

"I...uh" They think I'm beautiful, she should probably recall by now how to speak, "are you, um" it wasn't proper to use the word 'um' - They think I'm beautiful, "Of course" what did they ask her to do again? They think I'm beautiful
Oh right they called me beautiful a walk, yes they called me beautiful, Duckshimmer remembers they called me beautiful now.

"I think you're beautiful too" she responds, breathless and squeaky, warm and cozy, awestruck and...and...

Starclan, Chilledstar truly was so beautiful.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 6/5/24

• 
  
  
• 
  
  
  GENERAL:
  ⚜ Duckshimmer
  ⚜ DFAB— She/Her — Bisexual
  ⚜ 33 moons — Ages 1 moon every month real-time
  ⚜ Mother to Singepaw, Swallowpaw and Sneezepaw
  ⚜ Shadowclan — Warrior
  
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ⚜Physically medium | mentally hard
  ⚜ Attack in bold #ffa98f
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[CHILLEDSTAR.]

now that... was unexpected. it's not a surprise that chilledstar doesn't flirt. not in the same way that duckshimmer does because if they're flirting, they damn well mean it. they mean what they're saying. it seems to register that they meant it because for a moment, duckshimmer is stunned to silence. not like the one of her thinking, trying to figure out what to say while trying to calm her anger towards the feline. no. this is different. this is her realizing. this is her feeling. truly. they can't say they blame her for being silent because as soon as she repeats their words, with her own feelings behind it, after she's finished stuttering, they gasp. they've never been called that before. not once. they didn't even think themself to be that way and she... thinks so. really? honestly?

"you really think so?"

they don't mean to question her. they just... want to hear it again, they think. they just laugh, brushing against her and purring softly.

"that was supposed to be my compliment to you, duckie. must you always one up me?"

they hum, walking beside her and curling their tail against hers.

"you're too kind to me. but thank you anyways, love."

it isn't her fault they can't truly believe that but they at least would keep thst in their thoughts. forever. to be called beautiful by such a lovely cat, who is one of the pinnacles of beauty? yeah. that was nice. it was lovely. they think they love it. they think they might love her. and they always would love geckoscreech. but they'd always love duckshimmer, too.

———————---***i try to live in black and white***———————---​

but i'm so blue✧ i'd like to mean it when i say i'm over you

•  
• — black feline with a white marking across their face, a white chin, a white right front paw, and blue eyes. chilledstar is covered in scars, the most prominent ones being the one across their face, and the one across their neck.
  — 47 moons old; ages the 3rd every month
  — they / them pronouns
  — aromantic / homosexual ; currently not looking
  — child of JAGGED and RAVEN
  — shadowclan ; loyal to shadowclan ; other info if applicable
  — mildly difficult to befriend ; trusts barely anyone; trusts no one outside of shadowclan
  — "speech", thoughts, attacking
  — peaceful powerplay allowed

​

​