pafp WELCOMING YOU BACK HOME -- return to tunnels

[LUCKYPAW]

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It felt like forever since he'd been back in the tunnels - forever since he'd been woken up this early for training, forever since he'd gotten to see @cygnetstare . It had only been about a moon and a half, he tells himself blearily (less, if you count the stint they'd spent trapped underground, though he was doing his best not to count that or even think about that-, but it really didn't feel like it. Right now, though, he wished it were a little longer, even as he drags himself out of his nest, takes a little time to prepare himself for the day. The routine comes easy, almost as if he'd never left, and it helps to quietly soothe his nerves that shouldn't even be there in the first place - it's not like it's his very first day, or anything like that. Just - it's just his first day in awhile. Luckypaw knows what it's like in the tunnels, knows many of the tunnels themselves, but as he falls into step behind Cygnetstare, something so mundane and something he'd missed so, so much, he can't help the way his paws feel leaden atop the moor grass he'd wondered whether he'd ever see again. All he has to do is get back into the motions, he tells himself, get a few days of good shoring work in and he'd be back to normal, but the reassurances ring hollow the longer he thinks about them.

They'd be working on the new tunnel still, surely - he hadn't heard news of its completion, at least. The new tunnel that...that led directly into RiverClan territory. And, they'd be patrolling the tunnel that lay beneath ShadowClan territory. It had always made him nervous before, but now the thought makes his pelt crawl in an entirely new manner. It didn't seem right, not anymore, skulking around beneath the other Clans, even they wouldn't even be able to take advantage of the tunnel system in the first place. Not that there was anything he could do other than continue to aid efforts to excavate the new tunnel, continue to play sentinel below the dirt, below the ShadowClanners, as if he shouldn't have a care in the world about it. He'd spent so long worrying about what he was going to do in the first moments he stepped paw back into the tunnels (or, at least, long enough trying not to worry about that) that he'd hardly spared a thought to what it meant to be a tunneler, or to what he'd actually be doing down there.

The walk is a practiced one, something that feels like it slots back into place more easily than he'd expected, but somehow it only makes him feel that much more uneasy; surely it couldn't be that easy, just waltzing right in as if nothing had changed in the last moon and a half he'd been gone. As if he hadn't changed. It's not a long time he's left with his thoughts, but Luckypaw is suddenly wishing it were longer as the pair finally approaches the tunnel entrance. The yawning, dark, safe tunnel entrance, that he's willingly entering and not dashing into for some modicum of safety. The tunnel entrance that's perfectly stable, that's not surrounded by a rocky graveyard on all sides, that's not going to collapse behind them -

Weirdly, he's suddenly much more aware of his tail - the way it bends, now, the way it still aches when he tries to move it around too much, the new set of butterfly wings nestled just above it - and he's also suddenly aware of Cygnetstare, already ahead and looking back expectantly at him. Had she - had she said something to him? How long had he been stalling, just standing there and staring at the tunnel entrance? Before he can lapse back into his thoughts, or even think about what he was about to do at all, he tries to ground himself by focusing on Cygnetstare. They hadn't been there, when the world had fallen into pieces, but he was sure he would have felt safer if she had been. Belatedly, he realizes he's still just standing there, who knows what sort of expression on his face, and finally he startles back into the moment. "What? Um - I'm, I'm right behind you." It's lacking even his usual level of confidence, and he can only cringe inwards at the sound of his own voice.

Was he, though? Despite his words, Luckypaw still hesitates, still hovers anxiously at the edge of the tunnel entrance as if it's his first day. As if he's waiting for something - for someone - to swoop in, to tell him that things were fine and that he didn't have to do this, not yet. Like it's his first day of training all over again, when Badgermoon and Scorchpaw had appeared to see him off even as they set off on their first day, too (and that memory stings, too, these days, just like the rest). After another agonizing moment of stillness, he's finally able to shake the frost, enough to move forward, even if he still wants to turn tail and run. Even musters up enough to offer a smile to Cygnetstare, as if nothing was wrong. And nothing was wrong - nothing has happened, nothing at all, and somehow that's the problem and the solution all at once. It takes everything in him not to tremble as he steps forward, and even more than that not to think about the last time that he'd ducked into a tunnel. It's dirt below his paws, not rocks, there's no rocks thundering around, it's fine, everyone's fine, he's fine and Scorchstreak and Scorchpaw are fine, he tells himself, repeating it over and over and over again.

"So, uh, what today?" he asks, somehow keeping his voice under control as he fishes for something else to think of as he steps forward alongside Cygnetstare, right at the tunnel entrance now. Still nothing wrong, even if his racing heart is trying to convince him otherwise. Things are fine out here, and they will be fine in there, too, because this wasn't like the mountains, and it never would be. No canyons to crumble, only the occasional badger, which - maybe not the best thing to think about, but it feels safer than cracking stone, at least in this moment.​

i'm falling into place, but still the timing's not right (☘) yeah that's a fire i just can't seem to light

• OOC: --​
• 
• 
  - Luckykit Luckypaw
  - He/him (AFAB)
  - 7 moons (Ages on the 1st)
  - Kit Apprentice of WindClan
  - Small blue tortoiseshell with white spotting & green eyes
  - Art by myself & meghan respectively! <33
  - Minor powerplay allowed!
  - Penned by Hijinks​

 

[cygnetstare]

Cygnetstare is eager to see their apprentice's return. Luckypaw's absence had dulled the tunnels' pearlescent shine, their endless siren song reduced to a low murmur. She'd missed having a patched shape by her side, nervous but ready to answer her questions or listen to her instructions. Their pelt is as crusted with dirt and their ribs as spare as ever, remaining perpetual where her apprentice had evidently changed. He's grown, she notes, though not that much—it was a tunneler's curse of size, and she sports the evidence at the base of her throat. Luckypaw falls in dutiful step behind her, and they drawl, "We'll just pick up where we left off, ayuh? Ease y'into it."

"So don't pressure y'self too much," she mews instructively as they approach the tunnel's yawning mouth. "Once we get ya back into the swing o' things, we can work on the new tunnel, too. Still ain't done." Cygnetstare's voice carries no judgement; digging a new tunnel is a difficult task, and one without a precedent set before them. They're groundbreaking, quite literally. Pausing at the crevasse's dark entrance, she glances backwards with wide doll eyes, eager to dip into a world away from the cruel sun.

They pause, reddened eyes narrowing. Luckypaw's voice is pale and wavering, absent of the kind of confidence in one's work she wanted him to cultivate. Her apprentice hovers anxiously about the tunnel entrance as though he hadn't been living and breathing dirt not two moons ago, and Cygnetstare's sunken gaze softens. Perhaps the time away has shaken the foundation they'd carefully built; she'll have to ease Luckypaw back into tunneling, then. As they duck into the entrance's shade, they keep their voice void of judgement. "Just shorin' up some sandy walls. Standard maintenance, the usual. Don't worry too much, 'lright?"

you will not choke the divine from me ♱ ( i am my own god and martyr )

• 

  ​

• 

  cygnetstare ; warrior of windclan
  x. she/they ; 35 moons ; tags
  x. tiny, corpselike black smoke / albino chimera with gut-pink eyes and a large throat scar
  x. mentor to luckypaw.
  x. played by dejavu

​

 

[LUCKYPAW]

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It's hard not to fidget under Cygnetstare's searching gaze - impossible, even, he realizes, as he tries and fails to stay still and collected. It's not like he doesn't want things to return to normal, it's just...hard. Again, he's reminded of his first day of apprenticeship, of bumbling nervously behind Cygnetstare - had they looked at him like that before, he wonders? In the shelter of the dark, when he would have had no idea? Even now, he's still not sure he has any idea; no longer is he fresh from the nursery, but Luckypaw still can't decipher what sort of emotions lie behind that red stare. Clearly, he must look just as nervous as he feels, but...he's not sure how to not be nervous, not about this. It's like Cygnetstare is looking right through him, right to his very core, and he's left hoping that whatever she sees isn't disappointing. Once they got back in the tunnels, it would be fine - it would be fine, he wouldn't feel so flighty, and Cygnetstare wouldn't look at him like that.

And yet, as quickly as it had begun, it's already over, her expression morphing into something less grating, less searching. Somehow, it's hard for him to feel better even at that, the memory of that piercing gaze already being supplied in his mind. It's not like he had completely forgotten everything, even if they had been gone for such an extended period - he'd even picked up some new skills, honed some old ones, too. The cave-in had been...not something he wants to think about now, not on the cusp of entering into even a familiar tunnel, but he'd still managed to catch something down there. His second catch in the tunnels, really, which lights a new roil of emotion within him. Still, going so long without any proper training - without any guidance from his mentor? He can only hope they don't jump into anything serious before he has time to reorient himself. And to get rid of the nagging fear in him, and that look Cygnetstare had given. He's about ready to repeat another dozen iterations of 'it's fine' when Cygnetstare picks up up, and so does he, sending one last glance over his shoulder at the grass swaying in the breeze.

The easy way Cygnetstare speaks (and this time, he makes sure to pay attention - a half-learned lesson would probably be just as bad as one not learned at all) and slides into the darkness bolsters him enough to follow, the few stiff blades left beneath his paws giving way entirely to soothing, familiar dirt, and he's doing it, he really is. Just a little trepidation, a little clenching of his heart at being back underground for the first time since they had all been trapped. The plan for the day helps, and Luckypaw finds himself nodding along thoughtfully before he quite realizes what he's doing. "Oh - yeah, that sounds good. Maintenance is good. I - I like shoring up the walls, I think. I like knowing that they've been checked recently." The more he talks, the less stilted his words feel, as if he's growing into the dark walls that surround them, but he can't quite ease the anxiety entirely. At the very least, when he falls silent this time he makes an effort not to drift off into some thought or another, keeping his senses trained on the world around him and on Cygnetstare.

Every stray rock that juts into his pawpads sends alarm ringing through him, every little sound that might have been slightly worrying a few moons ago putting him on edge, but against it all he puts one paw in front of the other, determined not to fall even further behind that he already has. If he hadn't gone on the journey, what would he have learned during that time, he wonders? Would he possess even a modicum of the confidence Cygnetstare displays, the wisdom they dispense, or is even that too much to ask for? The thought of how much he must have missed suddenly makes him feel markedly worse, the temporary silence between them suddenly suffocating, and he can't help but break it. "Uh, I don't know if you've heard about it yet or not, but we got...stuck in some tunnels, on the journey. Well, it was more like a cave than our tunnels, really. There was - a bunch of rocks fell, trapped us in there. It wasn't anything like this, but...I caught a pretty good lizard, down there. Caught some other stuff, too, but that was aboveground." Even with the experience haunting his memories, Luckypaw's not sure why he's fallen back on that as a conversational topic, but maybe it would interest Cygnetstare, or anybody else they might come across. Besides, as tentative as he is to talk about those days, maybe it'd make him feel a little better, in some minute way.​

i&#039;m falling into place, but still the timing&#039;s not right (☘) yeah that&#039;s a fire i just can&#039;t seem to light

• OOC: --​
• 
• 
  - Luckykit Luckypaw
  - He/him (AFAB)
  - 7 moons (Ages on the 1st)
  - Kit Apprentice of WindClan
  - Small blue tortoiseshell with white spotting & green eyes
  - Art by myself & meghan respectively! <33
  - Minor powerplay allowed!
  - Penned by Hijinks​