- Jun 1, 2023
- 135
- 28
- 28
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It felt like forever since he'd been back in the tunnels - forever since he'd been woken up this early for training, forever since he'd gotten to see @cygnetstare . It had only been about a moon and a half, he tells himself blearily (less, if you count the stint they'd spent trapped underground, though he was doing his best not to count that or even think about that-, but it really didn't feel like it. Right now, though, he wished it were a little longer, even as he drags himself out of his nest, takes a little time to prepare himself for the day. The routine comes easy, almost as if he'd never left, and it helps to quietly soothe his nerves that shouldn't even be there in the first place - it's not like it's his very first day, or anything like that. Just - it's just his first day in awhile. Luckypaw knows what it's like in the tunnels, knows many of the tunnels themselves, but as he falls into step behind Cygnetstare, something so mundane and something he'd missed so, so much, he can't help the way his paws feel leaden atop the moor grass he'd wondered whether he'd ever see again. All he has to do is get back into the motions, he tells himself, get a few days of good shoring work in and he'd be back to normal, but the reassurances ring hollow the longer he thinks about them.
They'd be working on the new tunnel still, surely - he hadn't heard news of its completion, at least. The new tunnel that...that led directly into RiverClan territory. And, they'd be patrolling the tunnel that lay beneath ShadowClan territory. It had always made him nervous before, but now the thought makes his pelt crawl in an entirely new manner. It didn't seem right, not anymore, skulking around beneath the other Clans, even they wouldn't even be able to take advantage of the tunnel system in the first place. Not that there was anything he could do other than continue to aid efforts to excavate the new tunnel, continue to play sentinel below the dirt, below the ShadowClanners, as if he shouldn't have a care in the world about it. He'd spent so long worrying about what he was going to do in the first moments he stepped paw back into the tunnels (or, at least, long enough trying not to worry about that) that he'd hardly spared a thought to what it meant to be a tunneler, or to what he'd actually be doing down there.
The walk is a practiced one, something that feels like it slots back into place more easily than he'd expected, but somehow it only makes him feel that much more uneasy; surely it couldn't be that easy, just waltzing right in as if nothing had changed in the last moon and a half he'd been gone. As if he hadn't changed. It's not a long time he's left with his thoughts, but Luckypaw is suddenly wishing it were longer as the pair finally approaches the tunnel entrance. The yawning, dark, safe tunnel entrance, that he's willingly entering and not dashing into for some modicum of safety. The tunnel entrance that's perfectly stable, that's not surrounded by a rocky graveyard on all sides, that's not going to collapse behind them -
Weirdly, he's suddenly much more aware of his tail - the way it bends, now, the way it still aches when he tries to move it around too much, the new set of butterfly wings nestled just above it - and he's also suddenly aware of Cygnetstare, already ahead and looking back expectantly at him. Had she - had she said something to him? How long had he been stalling, just standing there and staring at the tunnel entrance? Before he can lapse back into his thoughts, or even think about what he was about to do at all, he tries to ground himself by focusing on Cygnetstare. They hadn't been there, when the world had fallen into pieces, but he was sure he would have felt safer if she had been. Belatedly, he realizes he's still just standing there, who knows what sort of expression on his face, and finally he startles back into the moment. "What? Um - I'm, I'm right behind you." It's lacking even his usual level of confidence, and he can only cringe inwards at the sound of his own voice.
Was he, though? Despite his words, Luckypaw still hesitates, still hovers anxiously at the edge of the tunnel entrance as if it's his first day. As if he's waiting for something - for someone - to swoop in, to tell him that things were fine and that he didn't have to do this, not yet. Like it's his first day of training all over again, when Badgermoon and Scorchpaw had appeared to see him off even as they set off on their first day, too (and that memory stings, too, these days, just like the rest). After another agonizing moment of stillness, he's finally able to shake the frost, enough to move forward, even if he still wants to turn tail and run. Even musters up enough to offer a smile to Cygnetstare, as if nothing was wrong. And nothing was wrong - nothing has happened, nothing at all, and somehow that's the problem and the solution all at once. It takes everything in him not to tremble as he steps forward, and even more than that not to think about the last time that he'd ducked into a tunnel. It's dirt below his paws, not rocks, there's no rocks thundering around, it's fine, everyone's fine, he's fine and Scorchstreak and Scorchpaw are fine, he tells himself, repeating it over and over and over again.
"So, uh, what today?" he asks, somehow keeping his voice under control as he fishes for something else to think of as he steps forward alongside Cygnetstare, right at the tunnel entrance now. Still nothing wrong, even if his racing heart is trying to convince him otherwise. Things are fine out here, and they will be fine in there, too, because this wasn't like the mountains, and it never would be. No canyons to crumble, only the occasional badger, which - maybe not the best thing to think about, but it feels safer than cracking stone, at least in this moment.
They'd be working on the new tunnel still, surely - he hadn't heard news of its completion, at least. The new tunnel that...that led directly into RiverClan territory. And, they'd be patrolling the tunnel that lay beneath ShadowClan territory. It had always made him nervous before, but now the thought makes his pelt crawl in an entirely new manner. It didn't seem right, not anymore, skulking around beneath the other Clans, even they wouldn't even be able to take advantage of the tunnel system in the first place. Not that there was anything he could do other than continue to aid efforts to excavate the new tunnel, continue to play sentinel below the dirt, below the ShadowClanners, as if he shouldn't have a care in the world about it. He'd spent so long worrying about what he was going to do in the first moments he stepped paw back into the tunnels (or, at least, long enough trying not to worry about that) that he'd hardly spared a thought to what it meant to be a tunneler, or to what he'd actually be doing down there.
The walk is a practiced one, something that feels like it slots back into place more easily than he'd expected, but somehow it only makes him feel that much more uneasy; surely it couldn't be that easy, just waltzing right in as if nothing had changed in the last moon and a half he'd been gone. As if he hadn't changed. It's not a long time he's left with his thoughts, but Luckypaw is suddenly wishing it were longer as the pair finally approaches the tunnel entrance. The yawning, dark, safe tunnel entrance, that he's willingly entering and not dashing into for some modicum of safety. The tunnel entrance that's perfectly stable, that's not surrounded by a rocky graveyard on all sides, that's not going to collapse behind them -
Weirdly, he's suddenly much more aware of his tail - the way it bends, now, the way it still aches when he tries to move it around too much, the new set of butterfly wings nestled just above it - and he's also suddenly aware of Cygnetstare, already ahead and looking back expectantly at him. Had she - had she said something to him? How long had he been stalling, just standing there and staring at the tunnel entrance? Before he can lapse back into his thoughts, or even think about what he was about to do at all, he tries to ground himself by focusing on Cygnetstare. They hadn't been there, when the world had fallen into pieces, but he was sure he would have felt safer if she had been. Belatedly, he realizes he's still just standing there, who knows what sort of expression on his face, and finally he startles back into the moment. "What? Um - I'm, I'm right behind you." It's lacking even his usual level of confidence, and he can only cringe inwards at the sound of his own voice.
Was he, though? Despite his words, Luckypaw still hesitates, still hovers anxiously at the edge of the tunnel entrance as if it's his first day. As if he's waiting for something - for someone - to swoop in, to tell him that things were fine and that he didn't have to do this, not yet. Like it's his first day of training all over again, when Badgermoon and Scorchpaw had appeared to see him off even as they set off on their first day, too (and that memory stings, too, these days, just like the rest). After another agonizing moment of stillness, he's finally able to shake the frost, enough to move forward, even if he still wants to turn tail and run. Even musters up enough to offer a smile to Cygnetstare, as if nothing was wrong. And nothing was wrong - nothing has happened, nothing at all, and somehow that's the problem and the solution all at once. It takes everything in him not to tremble as he steps forward, and even more than that not to think about the last time that he'd ducked into a tunnel. It's dirt below his paws, not rocks, there's no rocks thundering around, it's fine, everyone's fine, he's fine and Scorchstreak and Scorchpaw are fine, he tells himself, repeating it over and over and over again.
"So, uh, what today?" he asks, somehow keeping his voice under control as he fishes for something else to think of as he steps forward alongside Cygnetstare, right at the tunnel entrance now. Still nothing wrong, even if his racing heart is trying to convince him otherwise. Things are fine out here, and they will be fine in there, too, because this wasn't like the mountains, and it never would be. No canyons to crumble, only the occasional badger, which - maybe not the best thing to think about, but it feels safer than cracking stone, at least in this moment.
i'm falling into place, but still the timing's not right
(☘)
yeah that's a fire i just can't seem to light
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OOC: --
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LuckykitLuckypaw
- He/him (AFAB)
- 7 moons (Ages on the 1st)
-KitApprentice of WindClan
- Small blue tortoiseshell with white spotting & green eyes
- Art by myself & meghan respectively! <33
- Minor powerplay allowed!
- Penned by Hijinks