sensitive topics WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN | backwritten

Jun 10, 2022
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// TW for gender dysphoria and maybe hints at tokophobia

Kits had never been a desired plan of his to have but now with a mate it was expected of him. An unavoidable duty to the clan and his mate. At least that was how he felt there he lay in the nest with lives growing inside of him. It was a discomfort he never believed he would get used to. A biological right he had but one he had never felt belonged to him to even have. Somewhere deep inside knew he should have been more firm about it but what was he supposed to do when his mate desired after a family so badly?. The thought of losing them had been too much to take to the point of compromising with his own identity. It had made him have second thoughts, to convince himself that it would all be fine and that once he had given birth to them everything would be fine. This was something he could endure and once it was over they would be a happy family - he would be happy.

" Have you thought out any names yet?."

In truth he hadn't but that was not something he could tell his mate. " I want strong names for them, and one named after you." For him that was the most importand. His mate being all and everything he needed and desired for. Their mate seemed to agree with delight and after a pleasant dicussion about it the two had agreed on names like Storm or Smoke. At least that was his own favorite ones. After that conversation he felt a slight bit better. To have their mate by his side was comforting and overtime he actually started to see a future with the kits and them. It might not be all that bad after all. He even started to believe that he could learn to love them, to care for them fondly. He wanted to believe in a bright future that something good would come out from this on the otherside of the tunnel. For a time he was almost convinced until....

" W-what did you just say?." He was in disbelief over what he had just been told, staring at his mate with bafflement. For just some couple of hours ago he had been given birth to two healthy kits which had been the worst experience he had ever been forced to endure. He was beyond exhausted and had been longing for his mate to show up to comfort him while adoring the two kits the two of them had created together. Instead of a warm and much needed embrace his mate had arrived in to drop the most shocking news of them all. " I said i've decided to choose Cinderberry as my new mate. " Thistlesmoke repeated as he stared unapologicly at his current mate.

Cinderberry?. How?, when?!. Crawlingheart felt like he just had been struck with lightning and for a moment he was far to baffled to even take in this information. Here he had been suffering for hours, no, months to carry this kits that Thistlesmoke had wanted, convinced him to have, and now he was leaving them for Cinderberry? their childhood friend?. Crawlingheart was no fool, he never had been. It didn't take long for him to put all the pieces together. The three of them had always been close and for some couple of months now Thistlesmoke and Cinderberry had grown closer but because of the trust he had for both of them had never thought anything about it. But now he felt like a such fool for not having realized it. " You... you tricked me!!. I...i had this kits for you and now you're leaving me for her. " claws digged into the dirt, teeth bared and showing as Crawlingheart was livid with emotions. For all of this time he had been used like a mouse into another cats claws. He felt his own heart being ript right out from his chest. He had been bedrayed by the two who had stood him the closest and all he could think was for how long this had been going on behind his back?.

Thistlesmoke tried to say something but he would not have it as he throw up dirt straight into the other tom's face.
" GET OUT FROM MY SIGHT YOU SNAKE!!." He yowled at the top of his lungs, with fur bristling. Thistlesmoke wiped away the dirt from his face before silently leaving showing very little regret. And what was left was Crawlingheart with a broken heart beyond repair.

Days past by, and Crawlingheart was like an empty host in his grief as he was trapped with his two mistakes, the biggest one he had ever made. Quickly his heart had turned into spite for the two as he wished for none of them to exist. But his grief soon turned into hatred and soon revenge blossomed inside of him like poison. After days of barely even looking at them Crawlingheart faced both of them as they sleept by his belly. No names had been given to them yet. The names he had been so sure to give them all gone away with the wind. One of them looked exactly like that snakehearted father of theirs and the second one...looked like her the spider who had trapped Thistlesmoke into her web. That just made him hate them even more. Their where like the spitting image of the two cats who once had stood him closest but now filled him with hatred and rage. That was then his plan had formed to get plotted. " Lividkit." he named the spitting image of Thistlesmoke to carry the name of his own emotions he felt for that very tom. He would raise them up to become a far better warrior then Thistlesmoke ever would dream to be. A prideful tom like that with such burning passion for greatness....that would be the most satisfying revenge of them all to watch as their own kit they hadn't even acknowledge the existence of to surpass them and leave them into the dust just like they had done to them. And then of course....

Crawlingheart turned their bitter glare to the smoke looking kit.
" Basilkit." he spat their name out with more spite than the previous name because this one lacked a purpose to them. He saw no reason to even pretend to care. They meant nothing to them just like their name should state or so he thought. Thanks to the misunderstood knowledge Basilkit got saved from the real curse of their name which should have been weed that was the name Crawlingheart had been thinking about but misplaced the two plants meaning with one another at least during that time. A weed that ate and destroyed the beautiful flowers, to be a misfit among something beautiful and worthy of life and growth. Something ugly and unworthy. That was how they viewed their abomination of a child.

That was this two kits fates, destined for two different paths but all planted like seeds from the one who had given birth to them. All because of the bedrayal. What could have been a perfectly happy family was now anything but happy.