private what i have left // willowroot

[brookstorm]

This time, losing someone hurt more. Losing Buckgait had been a distant pain, unreachable, unfeeling. Her mother had already pulled away from the Clan, almost condemned her fiery nature to that of the nursery for the rest of her life. Yes, watching her be torn from them terrified her, and yes she spilled tears - but in the end, it was nothing. It was normal.

Meadowpaw - Meadowheart - is (was?) her brother. They trained alongside each other, shared a nest when freshly introduced to the apprentice den, and more. He gave his life to save her foolish one and though she and Oxbowpaw killed in his name... that didn't save him. He hunts with the stars, hopefully effortlessly. His belly will never empty and his heart will never pain, yet the trade off is that hers must always struggle.

Last time she struggles with loss on her own. Her family is much too solemn, too quiet, to confide in one another about pain and suffering. But Willowroot was there. Once, twice, maybe more - she was there. And in her sorrow Brookpaw looks for the former queen, chest clenching as she desperately needs comfort, though she knows not how to ask for it.

"Has anyone seen Willowroot?" she asks, her tone as quiet and even as it usually is, though she lashes her tail in a sort of ticking way.​

 

[willowroot]

( ☾ ) she thinks of buckgait every day. she wakes up and seeks her sister's earthen pelt. she beds down and misses her musky scent. she passes by the willow tree den and feels a pain in her chest, shares prey with a clanmate and almost sees her sister in their place, finds rare alone time and knows she would rather be with buck than be alone. the mottled brown she-cat was her sister in everything but blood, and willowroot has not forgotten. it has been moons- her scent has all but faded from her nest, even if a scrap of it still lies tucked in willow's own. still, willow remebers the feline daily. she can't help it.

buckgait's children are a light spot in the cloud of grief devoted to their mother. brookpaw, oxbowpaw, meadowp- meadowheart, all growing and learning, instructed by their father, watched over by their mother's sister. willowroot (finds) had found comfort in the trio, (feels) had felt hopeful at their progress. then the rogue attack happened, the clans raged against their attackers, and buck's family breaks again.

meadowheart isin the stars now (in the stars with his mother? is buckgait in starclan if she's dead? did she ever believe? is she alive?). the bruising pain of buckgait's death weighs on willowroot, and will stay there her whole life, but meadowheart's demise hits anew. a puncutre qound versus brute force, willow has patched herself up and tried not to think hard about it. brookpaw's little voice calling her name allows the emotion to come rushing in.

verdant eyes search for brookpaw's face, softening when they find her, and willowroot hurries towards the apprentice, worry in her chest. "brookpaw, love," she greets the girl, noting the lashing tail, the anxious pawsteps. "let's go someplace quiet, hm?" ​