WHAT IF I... COULD HAVE STOPPED IT ALL? // patchpaw

[WILDHEART]

"LITTLE HELLIONS, KIDS FEELIN' REBELLIOUS"​

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// @Patchpaw

Be brave.

The dogs were still out there, a fact that weighed heavily on Wildpaw's mind. The entire day it was evident that he was agitated, especially in the way that he became more short tempered than ever with just about everyone who dared to cross his path. He simply didn't want to be bothered whilst he worked through the whirlwind of emotions in his heart. He wasn't very good at opening up. Not even his parents stood a chance at drawing out the truth during times like these.

When night fell across the forest and the clan settled in for the eve that was when Wildpaw enacted his plan. He had taken care to note who were on the night patrols and guard duties, using what he knew about the individuals to devise the best time to sneak out of the camp. One of the warriors seemed to have a particular habit of disappearing to the dirtplace after a short time of taking over duties, tonight was no different. As soon as they nipped away on their usual ritual Wildpaw shot past the entrance like a mouse on fire. Now came the next hurdle; reaching Sunningrocks and bringing the tyranny of the dogs to an end!

Little did he know that he was being followed.
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[Patchpaw [in.]]

THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​

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Ever since leaf-bare had began, Patchpaw had struggled to doze off in her comfy moss nest. Her mind felt like a beehive that was shoved off its branch, bustling with unbridled and uncontainable restlessness. Sleep eluded her like a shadow flitting through the undergrowth of the deep, dark forest surrounding her home. To most, she seemed to be asleep, her flank rising and falling with small, even breaths, but a closer look gives away her shining orange eyes that stare at nothing, too deep in thought to focus on the wall of thorns in front of her. Her toes would occasionally twitch, flexing to dig their claws into the moss almost reactively. Dogs... it had to be dogs. You're not going to last long here--oh, Keep yourself together, Patchy... someone might need you.
It was then her entranced state broke, for she had felt someone’s leg brush against the soft, short fur on her back.

As she shifted her head and turned her ears, watching out of the corner of her eye, it was almost unmistakeable: there was a figure slipping out from the apprentice’s den, and even in the darkness, she couldn’t miss the colors of his spiky russet and black fur.
Where was Wildpaw off to at a time like this?

She reluctantly pushes herself to her feet, carefully stepping past the many nests full of sleeping apprentices. Cherrypaw snored away nearby her, undisturbed by the new motion, and she steps past to follow Wildpaw out of the den. It didn't take long for her to catch up to him, watching as he makes a beeline for the camp's entrance.

"Wildpaw? Where do you think you're going?" She stood only a fox's-length away behind him, her soft calico-patterned fur shimmering in the moon's light and her round expression full of worry. She kept her voice down low, though, for she did not wish to awaken anyone else from their slumbers.​

 

[WILDHEART]

"LITTLE HELLIONS, KIDS FEELIN' REBELLIOUS"​

---

Wildpaw? Where do you think you're going?

It drew him to a slow stop but he didn't initially turn around to face the owner of the voice. A part of him wasn't sure that he could, not when it came to her. A long silence descended over them with only the wind rustling the leaves above to be heard, but eventually he spoke. "You know where I'm going. Somebody needs to deal with those dogs and it's gonna be me." He proclaimed in a gruff tone as he dug his claws into the soft earth beneath his paws.

It took quite an effort but he slowly brought himself to turn around so he could look back at Patchpaw, clearly ready to fight his case. To tell her that nothing would change his mind. But there she was, illuminated in silver light that detailed every part of her in a way that he hadn't thought possible. However, it was the expression that she wore that tore at him the most. He wished he could strike it away, to make her stop looking like that! It was suffocating.

"Don't try and stop me. Just go back to your nest and forget that you saw me." He added with a low growl. He'd fight her off if he had to! No you won't. The thought hit like a lightning bolt and it made his fur prickle uneasily. "Just walk away, Patch, please." It felt more like a plea at that point, one that he wasn't sure he could say in any kinder tone. He was only just clinging on to his resolve by a fraying thread, he couldn't afford to buckle now. Gritting his teeth, he turned himself back around with the intentions of continuing on his warpath.
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[Patchpaw [in.]]

THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​

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Despite his attempts to push her away once again, Patchpaw stood her ground, unflinching at the daunting look in his eyes. She couldn't entirely blame him for jumping at the chance to rid ThunderClan of these dogs; they had been terrorizing them for a few days now, unrelenting in their persistence for their blood. Even so, deep down something told her this war-path of his only went one way, and she couldn't bear the thought of Wildpaw walking to his doom.

With a sudden burst of energy, Patchpaw bounds past him to cut his path off short, facing him even closer now under the shadows of the tree's canopy. "Do you think that'll solve anything, throwing yourself to the dogs? You know--you know what they'll do to you. They've already taken Emberstar's last life, they haunt us all like the maddened beasts they are, and they won't hesitate when they see you. The clan can barely take all these casualties as it is, they--fuck, I can't take it!"
Even as her ears flattened back and her head lowers slightly, she doesn't unsheathe her claws, instead taking a slow step closer to him. She was trying with all her might to keep him from leaving camp.

"I can't risk losing you, too, Wildpaw, especially not after everything that's happened already! And--and if you keep going, I'll come with you! I'm not letting you face those monsters on your own. I know Howling Wind ordered all of us to never leave camp alone, and I'll be damned if I give you up to the dogs now." Her own gaze was a mixture of apprehension for him, filled with anxiety over the foolish idea and a burning resolution that matched his.​

 

[WILDHEART]

"LITTLE HELLIONS, KIDS FEELIN' REBELLIOUS"​

---

Wildpaw found himself blinking a few times as a fog descended over his mind, dragging him through a sluggish haze that left him straining to realise what Patchpaw was doing. Why couldn't she just walk away? Why was she standing in his way? He gritted his teeth as his mind caught up with the present once more, shunning the haze back to the recesses of his mind. No, he had to confront her and bring an end to her tantrum over his choice. This was his decision to make, nobody else's!

The voice of defiance was about to erupt forth, but he was rendered silent when a couple choice words were spoken.
"I can't take it!"
It's enough to leave the young tom rattled and he visibly recoiled with a wide eyed stare. His state of shellshock even stops him from backing away when she stepped closer. The flame in his heart still burned like a wild fire, uncontrollable and painful, raging with an energy that he struggled to keep contained. Where he had tried to channel it like his usual anger it was evidently clear that this wasn't any of his usual feelings. What lay beneath was something else, something that had been building for a long, long time.

His shoulders began to slump and he gritted his teeth in an act of desperation to hold himself together. "I want to make a difference. I don't want anyone else dying." It was rare for his voice to be low and soft, but this was one of those times, and with reluctance he tried to maintain eye contact with the she-cat. "What if I had been there that day, what if I could have saved Emberstar? I'm always sneaking out of camp, but I didn't that day and as a result we lost our leader. I was there when she took her last breath, she asked me to brave, and I want to be just that. But..." The tom began to tremble and tears glistened at the edges of his eyes as he was left straining on the brink. "But how can I be brave when I'm so fucking scared? Patchpaw... I don't know what to do!" And just like that he crumpled. Hapless sobs became choked and frantic as everything he had been holding back poured forth. In the end he was terrified and he felt so weak admitting it. "How can I be ThunderClan's bravest when I'm filled with so much fear?!"
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[Patchpaw [in.]]

THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​

---

Even now as Wildpaw's intense, aggressive façade begins to crack and shatter, Patchpaw doesn't seem to be relenting, standing her ground as if she was the only obstacle separating Wildpaw from the camp's entrance. Despite her unwavering resolution, however, her expression softens as he finishes, his tears falling to the dusty ground. There was a strange comfort in his words, as if he had just summed up something she's been feeling ever since she had become an apprentice. While her own situation was not entirely the same, she had an inkling of understanding--and, deep within her chest, a sorrowful pang, as though it hurt her seeing him in such a wrecked state.

"I don't want anyone else dying, either, and that includes you." Her distressed tone dimished, instead allowing a more gentle, empathetic ring to filter through. "And I don't think Emberstar would've wanted you to run straight into dog teeth, either. I'm sorry you had to see her pass away. I--I know, I've dealt with something similar." The memory makes her wince, and she pushes it back out of her mind to focus completely on Wildpaw. "But if she told you to be brave... then it must be for a reason, wasn't it? I don't know much about bravery, I'll admit, but I think she meant something more than this."

While she isn't sure why, there's a new urge to comfort him that stirs her rooted paws, and she takes another careful step further to lean her forehead against his.

"It's alright to be scared--I am too. I've always been, especially for you, and that hasn't changed since. Bravery--bravery isn't always the lack of fear. Sometimes... it's the fact that Emberstar faced death, knowing they would kill her if not Ragwortpaw, and doing it anyway. I don't entirely know what she was thinking at the time, but I don't have a doubt in my mind that she was terrified. But she did it, not to carelessly throw herself at them expecting to drive them away all alone on her own, but to save a clanmate in need of help."
Patchpaw pulls back to gaze back into his eyes, and there's a flame glowing in her orange irises, sparked by this blazing urge growing into a kind of fierceness.

"If she was telling you to be brave, then she must've been proud of how far you've come already when she did." At this, she gives him a warm and bittersweet smile. "And, well... I've got a much better idea for both of us, if you're still up for it."​

 

[WILDHEART]

"LITTLE HELLIONS, KIDS FEELIN' REBELLIOUS"​

---

Never before in all his life had he found himself drawing strength from a moment of close physical contact. When their foreheads met he honestly found himself leaning into it and finding a rare comfort that he hadn't felt since his first moon of life. It was safe, it was real. It was like having an island rise up in the middle of the raging sea within his mind that he could find refuge on. On instinct he found himself closing his eyes and simply relying on his other senses. Her scent, her words, her touch; it was all he could focus on at that moment.

Bravery and fear. Could he really allow both to exist within him? It was still farfetched in his opinion, but Patchpaw did speak the truth. How did Emberstar feel on that day? It was true, she must have been terrified but she had still acted. Her body must have still found the strength to move in order to save a young clanmate. Ragwortpaw was alive, after all. Emberstar had died a hero, in truth. It was a stark realisation but he believed that he was beginning to understand.

Wildpaw opened his eyes after he felt Patchpaw pull away and slowly he found himself gazing into the pools of orange before him. He took a moment to blink away the tears before the resolve returned to his amber eyes. "You're right." He concludes with a slight nod of his head. He doesn't need to elaborate further because Patchpaw had thoroughly covered things. Though his interest peaks in regard to her final statement. "And what idea is that?"
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[Patchpaw [in.]]

THERE'S A WORLD THAT WAS MEANT FOR OUR EYES TO SEE​

---

She was grateful to see that her words had, at least, some kind of positive effect on him. She couldn't help her heart swelling with warmth in her chest at the thought, and a new, bubbly enthusiasm grows in her eyes.
"I was thinking--what if you and I started training together? Like—sparring? It’d help both of us get better at fighting, and we could prepare for the dogs. That way, if something comes up again, we’ll be ready.”

This offer had been persisting in her mind for quite some time, and she was itching to suggest it to Wildpaw. It was an offer she knew neither of them could refuse, and besides--she needed the extra training, and Wildpaw was, quite honestly, the best choice she had for a sparring partner, apart from her brother.
"Heh, it’s only a suggestion really, but to be fair… you’re the best hope I’ve got, too. Y’know?” Patchpaw chuckles softly. There was a new warmth about the way she presented it—after all, this was personal to her. She still struggled even now with fighting—how would she get better, if not by sparring with him, the wildest apprentice around?

”So what do you say… Partner?” Mirth glinted in her eyes at the joking name; it was an offer she knew he would like, after all.​

 

[WILDHEART]

"LITTLE HELLIONS, KIDS FEELIN' REBELLIOUS"​

---

"Training together?" At first he seemed perplexed by the idea, though the rigid logical side of his brain that took things as being matter-of-fact caused him to think that he could only really train alongside Moonpaw since they were both tied to Raccoonstripe. But fortunately the rigidity subsided enough for him to see reason. He could train with anyone he wanted, and more importantly he could pass on what he knew to others. Like to Patchpaw. Not to mention that he could benefit from learning a few of her own moves to broaden his own arsenal when it came to combat.

The embers of confidence returned to his eyes as he settled into what was being proposed to him. A wicked grin filled his features as he took a step closer to the she-cat. "What do I say? I say you better get back to your nest to get some rest because we start our training early, partner." He purred out the final word before he slowly began to turn himself around so he could begin the trek back to the apprentice den. Tossing his life away would have to wait for another night. Though he was relieved that he had been found, and by none other than Patchpaw. He didn't know what it was but she just had a way of swaying his frenzied heart. If it had been anyone else then he might have found his death by now out in the night woods.
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