private WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NOT BE \ sneezeduck

[MARBLELEAF]

Their den is full. Nests, some of them new, are filled, coiled with patients with blood-smeared fur, their pelts raw-smelling with freshly-applied poultices. Marblepaw has not stopped for a moment; she flits between nests like a nervous hummingbird, wondering if her inattentiveness will put even a single one of her Clanmates in danger. She has tended to kittings; she has sat with injured warriors; but this is her first time tending to warriors after a true battle, and she's both light on her paws and all tangled-up from all she has to do.

One of her charges is a little less egregiously-wounded; Sneezeduck's pelt is littered with scratches, and his ear is torn, but otherwise, the tabby is breathing steadily. Marblepaw approaches his nest with a mouthful of bristling brown roots. "Hold still." She drops them at her paws. "Are you still sore? Your shoulder?" She can't imagine the fight he'd put up — his body is weak after its exertion, she knows.

Marblepaw presses her white-streaked muzzle closer to his ragged striped fur and sniffs. After a few heartbeats, she's satisfied. "Well, I don't smell any infection. The marigold is doing its job." Their precious supply of marigold is running thinner and thinner with every new wound; she and Starlingheart are doing their best to stretch it, especially with leafbare on their doorstep, but some cats' injuries... Marblepaw blinks her worries away, beginning to work on weaving the roots through Sneezeduck's nest.

"This is comfrey root," she explains; her voice is brisk. "I'm hoping it will help your joints heal. Sounds like you wrenched them pretty good while you were fighting." She pauses in her work and fixes the amber-eyed warrior with her own pale gaze.

Her lower jaw trembles, if only for a moment. He had seen things she never would, not really — and he had been in the thick of it, when her cousins had lost their mother. When Marblepaw speaks, her voice is hushed, low enough so the other patients and Starlingheart cannot hear her. "What happened? Who did you fight? Who... with... Needledrift...]" Anguish colors her expression, but she bites her tongue.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: @sneezeduck
• 
• Marblekit . Marblepaw, she/they w/ feminine and non-gendered terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 10 moons old, ages realistically on the 1st.
  — mentored by Starlingheart ; mentoring n/a ; previously mentored n/a
  — shadowclan medicine cat apprentice, formerly a rogue. siltcloud x lilacfur, gen 3.
  — currently mated to n/a.
  — penned by Marquette[/b].
  
  
  sh fawn tabby with dull green eyes. courageous, curious, introspective, observant, judgmental, snarky.

​

 

[sneezeduck]

Sneezeduck had never been cooped up in the medicine den like this. He'd never had a reason to - he'd never fought, never coughed, never confided. It's driving him crazy, tossing and turning him each eternity of a night, knowing that she is out there, alive, and there is nothing he can do.

There's never anything he can do. He's sick of it. A snarl rests permanently on his face, as if it had frozen in battle. In reality, the battle had followed him - it lived in his head, like buzzing wasps.

Sneezeduck doesn't notice the approach of Marblepaw until she speaks with a voice somehow meek and stern at the same time. That is the talent of being a medicine cat, is it not? Being kind, being fearful, but knowing your place - your authority. He'd never forgotten how he longed for it once, a different life where he'd never fear setting his paws upon his current path.

Even as she speaks, her voice barely reaches him - and when her whiskers tickle his skin, still tender from the wound he'd received, he winces. "A little," he admits coarsely - a lot, considering he couldn't even stumble his way out for a drink this morning. No infection - it's good, surely? Shouldn't he be relieved?

The rambling of herbs and its uses stir an envy in him that he'd thought he'd grown past. It was merely dormant, overshadowed by the bigger problems in his life. Sneezeduck can't help the small tug to his lips into a bitter frown, but at least he can rest his chin on his paws as she works and avert his gaze. Until, miraculously, she finds it again. He'd never known Marblepaw to be relentless.. but then again, he never quite knew her at all.

Her lip trembles, and her eyes sharpen with pain. She looks like she might cry - and he can't find the energy to summon empathy. "What?" Sneezeduck questions tensely, fixing her a confused glare. "I fought her killer. The deputy. I don't know her name." Shouldn't you know this? Don't you listen? he begs to ask, but sets his jaw and clamps his teeth instead. He thought he made himself clear - he thought everyone had heard. He almost had her, and ShadowClan let her live.

"I almost killed her," he reaffirms. The words are foreign on his tongue, but dull without meaning. His efforts had been useless, and thusly the use of kill holds no weight. "Someone had to." They had all acted like he had stole something from them - but if Ferndance wasn't too busy crying, and her children too big of babies, perhaps he wouldn't have had to avenge Needledrift. A sour 'tsk' leaves his mouth at these unspoken words, and again he drops his chin to his paws, wincing at the careless impact it makes.

WADE THROUGH WATER IN DARKNESS YOULL SOON DISAPPEAR ☾

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  sneezeduck. a young shadowclan warrior with a thirst for vengeance - a self-appointed justiciar. son of duckshimmer. brother to singeglare and swallowflutter. mentored by sharpshadow. mentor to none.​

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• ooc. text

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[MARBLELEAF]

Sneezeduck does not regard her warmly, but Marblepaw is used to this with the bulk of her Clanmates. Her muzzle twitches as his amber gaze rakes over her, as he reluctantly admits there's still pain emanating from his shoulder. The medicine cat apprentice nods, but is otherwise quiet as she works on tucking the comfrey into his nest.

It's not until she begins to prod about the battle that the tabby reacts with any real emotion. He bristles at once, his eyes narrowing into fiery slits. "I fought her killer," he growls. "The deputy." Marblepaw remembers the patrol's shuddering return into camp, the way their shoulders flexed and fell with grief, the emptiness in their eyes. She hadn't remembered that Sneezeduck had been the one to fight Roeflame off for good — she'd been too focused on pressing damp moss to weeping wounds, had been too worried about Branchpaw, Gigglepaw, and Morelpaw.

Marblepaw regards Sneezeduck for a moment as he tells her he'd almost killed her. "That wouldn't have brought Needledrift back," she murmurs, though there's no scolding in her voice. "But maybe it would have brought her kits some justice." She does not pretend to know; she has never fought in a battle, not the way Sneezeduck has.

After a heartbeat, Sneezeduck lowers his chin back to his forepaws. Is this an attempt to get me to shut up? She's almost amused by this, though she would never verbalize this aloud. The fawn tabby mews, brisk: "You'll be well enough to hunt sooner than you know it. We'll need to make good use of that land we won from ThunderClan. Hopefully you all picked a piece of territory with marigold, too." She busies her paws with a stray tendril of comfrey root. "Maybe you can help me find some. Once you're feeling better, of course."

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Marblekit . Marblepaw, she/they w/ feminine and non-gendered terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 10 moons old, ages realistically on the 1st.
  — mentored by Starlingheart ; mentoring n/a ; previously mentored n/a
  — shadowclan medicine cat apprentice, formerly a rogue. siltcloud x lilacfur, gen 3.
  — currently mated to n/a.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh fawn tabby with dull green eyes. courageous, curious, introspective, observant, judgmental, snarky.

​

 

[sneezeduck]

He's heard it a million times. That killing another wouldn't avenge the fallen. They must think him bloodthirsty, crazy, delusional - if only they understood.. A frustrated sigh escapes his maw as he thinks of such. Marblepaw should be familiar with StarClan by now - would they understand if he had told them the truth? That this purpose was bestowed upon him by his ancestors? That this was the only way for his loved ones to stay safe, and for everyone else's loved ones to feel peace in death?

At least they understand.. a little bit. Sneezeduck shakes his head slowly, in a way that almost spells disappointment. "They don't think so," he mumbles. Not so much as a 'thanks' was given his way from Needledrift's offspring. Not even Bloodwing, a cat he was starting to consider a friend. Was it because he failed?

Marblepaw continues with her instructions, cutting through the small talk. They remind him of the land ShadowClan won, and he finds a little bit of comfort in knowing it wasn't a complete loss. And yet, with a heavy heart, he can't find himself celebrating. Not while one of their beloved warriors rests underground. "Great," Sneezeduck mutters in response, disinterestedly. At their offer, though, his ears twitch in acknowledgement. "..Okay. Sure." Maybe they'll get his mind away from things. Maybe he'll make a friend.

An awkward silence befalls them for a moment, and he realizes he's been too dry in his side of the conversation. Sneezeduck glances back up at Marblepaw again, pretending to be busy with a loose piece of plant matter. There is.. more he could speak of, persistent thoughts everlasting in his mind. "Do you ever wish you could fight?" Sneezeduck mews abruptly, raising his brows inquisitively. "Sometimes.. I wish I could heal. But grinding plants and mixing poultices wouldn't bring Needledrift back, either." Perhaps, unlike his previous silent assertions, there was no purpose - and it was his fate to be useless.

Sneeezeduck nestles his chin against his paws again, this time something pitiful-like and thoughtful. "Do you ever wonder what you'd be like if you had chosen a different path?" A stern and guiding queen? A strong leader? A vengeful warrior set upon a lonely path?

WADE THROUGH WATER IN DARKNESS YOULL SOON DISAPPEAR ☾

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  sneezeduck. a young shadowclan warrior with a thirst for vengeance - a self-appointed justiciar. son of duckshimmer. brother to singeglare and swallowflutter. mentored by sharpshadow. mentor to none.​

• 
• ooc. text

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[MARBLELEAF]

"They don't think so," Sneezeduck mutters, and Marblepaw looks at him with some sympathy. "They're all grieving. It's... hard. To lose a mother." Her gaze lowers to her paws, still idly playing with the comfrey root. She remembers the way Siltcloud had looked across the Thunderpath, half-hidden by the bristling cedars, thin and gaunt and tired, her face contorted with misery as she watched Lilacfur haul her children away. She remembers, too, the patrol's return, Caterpillarfuzz splashed with blood, the hushed whispers: Siltcloud is dead.

Marblepaw shakes her head, trying to push the memories away. Sneezeduck is asking her about something else, now — something she'd pondered herself more than once. "Do you ever wish you could fight?" The pale tabby nods. "Lilacfur said she would teach me. But she's busy enough being a lead warrior and mentoring my brother, and now she has Mirestar and those kits. So... I still can't really fight." She flicks her ear. "Starlingheart should've been taught to fight, too. Maybe then she wouldn't have been so horribly hurt by Granitepelt."

Her eyes narrow slightly as Sneezeduck continues: "Sometimes.. I wish I could heal." Marblepaw does not reply, initially. "But grinding plants and mixing poultices wouldn't bring Needledrift back, either." "There is a lot medicine can do," she says after a heartbeat. "But I've learned there's a lot it can't do, too. Sometimes Starlingheart and I are just as much at the mercy of StarClan as any warrior."

Sneezeduck's initial hostility has seemingly faded, and Marblepaw finds that she's glad. She tucks her tail around her paws as his chin finds his forepaws. "Do you ever wonder what you'd be like if you had chosen a different path?" She nods, her whiskers trembling with thought. "I do. I would have done anything asked of me to serve ShadowClan, because of..." She thinks of Betonyfrost, the gray queen's snapping teeth, the accusations flung from her lips. Murderer. "I wanted to heal, instead of hurt. My mother... not Lilacfur, but Siltcloud... she hurt a lot of cats. Hurt ShadowClan." She fixes Sneezeduck with her green gaze, troubled. "I thought it was my duty to fix the wounds she left."

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Marblekit . Marblepaw, she/they w/ feminine and non-gendered terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 10 moons old, ages realistically on the 1st.
  — mentored by Starlingheart ; mentoring n/a ; previously mentored n/a
  — shadowclan medicine cat apprentice, formerly a rogue. siltcloud x lilacfur, gen 3.
  — currently mated to n/a.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh fawn tabby with dull green eyes. courageous, curious, introspective, observant, judgmental, snarky.

​

 

[sneezeduck]

It's hard to lose a mother. Was that the true reason for Ferndance's indifference? For Sharpshadow snapping at him, blaming him for the murderer's escape? Grief? It makes sense, he realizes, though he's loathed to admit it. Grief manifested an anger in him, too - and it wasn't his kin that had been lost.

He doesn't respond to Marblepaw's sentiment, but listens intently to their answers. He always assumed medicine cats didn't fight at all, and finds himself relieved that at least somebody wanted to teach him. If only it had worked out. Sneezeduck's mouth sets in a thoughtful frown for a moment. "I.. could teach you," he suggests eventually. "In return for you taking me marigold-gathering." They could both learn a thing or two. Why can't everyone learn both fields? he wonders. Perhaps more lives could've been saved and less cats hurt, just like Marblepaw said.

There's not much he can find to respond with, to her next statement. They're right, as they had been so far in this conversation. It's a little amusing how much wisdom is packed into such a young cat, when he is lacking in it so severely. Medicine cats have to be wise, he supposes.

It's been a normal conversation so far. Sneezeduck's cold shoulder had turned at last, and he was beginning to find some comfort in the chattery apprentice's conversation. But then, at the mention of Siltcloud, he feels his shoulders stiffen. Oh - that's.. right.. how had he forgotten that Marblepaw was Siltcloud's kit? He feels awkward, suddenly, with the knowledge that she had taken him under her wing - and Marblepaw didn't know. Like he was keeping a big secret.

They mention that Siltcloud hurt a lot of cats - and Sneezeduck's brows raise. He's heard stories in passing, but was only a mere moon or two old when Granitepelt and Siltcloud were exiled; he hadn't witnessed the horrors and outrage first-hand. But he'd met Siltcloud.. and it doesn't make sense to him that she would be malicious. Why would she train him to uplift ShadowClan's curse if she harbored ill intent towards them? Why would she offer to help him keep his family safe? He recalls their first meeting, when he was an apprentice - so lost, after Chilledstar's death. She comforted him, promised him greatness.

Something wasn't right. Somewhere along the line, a terrible lie was spun.

Sneezeduck means to tell her that it's not her duty, to clean up after the chaos strewn before her time. But with his conflicting thoughts, he skips over it entirely, questioning in a quiet voice; "Do you remember her much?" Did they ever see her now, when they spoke with StarClan.. like him?

WADE THROUGH WATER IN DARKNESS YOULL SOON DISAPPEAR ☾

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  * ✵ · · .
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  sneezeduck. a young shadowclan warrior with a thirst for vengeance - a self-appointed justiciar. son of duckshimmer. brother to singeglare and swallowflutter. mentored by sharpshadow. mentor to none.​

• 
• ooc. text

​

 

[MARBLELEAF]

Sneezeduck is quiet, in response to Marblepaw spilling her heart. She wonders if she's said too much; she and the tabby have not spoken much before this, after all. Perhaps he finds her annoying; he is a warrior, after all, and she has moons to go before she earns her medicine cat name. But when he speaks again, fixing her with that yellow gaze, he offers to teach her the fighting techniques Lilacfur never had. The pale she-cat's ears flick, her eyes round with surprise. "You would? Truly?" She remembers learning the hunting crouch from Ferndance, remembers practicing on her own for hours until she'd finally caught a lizard to bring to the nursery.

After a heartbeat, Marblepaw smiles. "I would like that. Thank you. Maybe you can show me the basics after we harvest some marigold." After all, Sneezeduck doesn't have an apprentice of his own yet; he could spare the time, for now. She finds herself strangely giddy at the thought of circling the dark tabby in the snow, of him showing her the best way to set her shoulders, her hindlegs. He could teach me to be a great fighter, just like him.

The conversation circles back to Siltcloud, and Marblepaw, again, fears she has said something she should not have. Siltcloud had hurt a lot of cats; she'd covered for Granitepelt's murders, knowing her brother was the worst kind of sinner and traitor to his Clan, and then when she'd been exiled, she'd taken the life of Betonyfrost's daughter. That had been out of vengeance, surely — or cruelty. She is not sure. She had never asked her mother about the accusations leveled against her by the Clan, and after their last meeting in the starless forest, she is not sure she'd want to...

But Sneezeduck only asks her what she remembers of her mother. Marblepaw's thoughtful gaze softens. "She was a kind and protective mother, but she grew weak and sick not long after we were born." Her mouth twitches at the memory. "There is so little prey in Twolegplace, and so many other cats who hunt there. It's cold and miserable. She had no choice but to give us away to ShadowClan, or we would have died." Their gaze flickers. "I didn't know back then that she had done so many bad things. I just knew that I missed her, and I wanted her to come back for me. But she couldn't. She had nowhere safe to take us. And it wasn't long before ShadowClan found her and..."

She thinks of Caterpillarfuzz's muzzle streaked with blood. Of the rest of the patrol, their faces grim upon return. The way she'd scented Siltcloud on their pelts, the way she'd screamed for a mother who could never have come back for her...

Marblepaw brushes the memories away like so many cobwebs. "I do see her, sometimes. In my dreams." And she does not know why she's said that, either... why had she told Sneezeduck something she had never revealed to any Clan leader, to Starlingheart herself?

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Marblekit . Marblepaw, she/they w/ feminine and non-gendered terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 11 moons old, ages realistically on the 1st.
  — mentored by Starlingheart ; mentoring n/a ; previously mentored n/a
  — shadowclan medicine cat apprentice, formerly a rogue. siltcloud x lilacfur, gen 3.
  — currently mated to n/a.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh fawn tabby with dull green eyes. courageous, curious, introspective, observant, judgmental, snarky.

​