WHAT IS IT, BOY = [ raccoon ]

[beetlepaw]

It was still fresh in his mind. It played behind his eyelids everytime he tried to lay his head down to sleep. And something like that? He couldn't take it to his father. Refused to tell his siblings, or even Mottledpaw. No, he couldn't bring himself to hold it above anyone's head- even Mottledpaw's. So at dusk on a day following the battle, Beetlepaw was stepping into the darkened medicine den, brushing past his sister before turning to find exactly who he wanted to talk to.

Beetlepaw dropped next to Raccoonstripe with a heavy sigh, his eyes closing and head leaning forward. His shoulders are hunched, and he looks... weighed upon. Beetlepaw was young yet, compared to who he sat next to, yet what he had done weighed on him like a ton of bricks. He isn't even sure if Raccoonstripe is awake, or if he's talking to someone who's out cold. ".. I killed a cat." He finally gasps out, his breath heaving. Beetlepaw's head lifts, green eyes squinted as tears tug at the corner of his eyes. "I can't.. get her out of my head." He spills out, and awaits judgement, his ears lowering again.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ┌── TELL ME DOCTOR WHATS THE CURE ⋅❁⋅ FOR THE WICKED MANS BLUES ──┐‎

• "speech"
  // @RACCOONSTRIPE

• 

• BEETLEPAW he/him, kit of thunderclan, nine moons.
  ⭃ LH black smoke with bright green eyes. is growing into a very broad and built tom-cat of average height, mirroring his father's build. has a nick in his right ear and a new scar on his muzzle.
  ⭃ mentored by BURNSTORM/ / mentoring no one
  ⭃ no romantic interests / / BURNSTORM X ROEFLAME - sibling to dovepaw and littlepaw, adoptive sibling to hopepaw and coalpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.

​

 

[RACCOONSTRIPE]

Time is nebulous — like the river he'd nearly drowned in, his feels like he fights against its current more than he can tread its waters. When he wakes in the night, fevered dreams chasing him on fiery paws, it's only to pain, to loss, to a phantom ache on one side of his face. He swears, in some moments, that he can still feel that eye swivel in its socket, but Gentlestorm had assured him that wasn't possible. There's only cobwebs there, now; there's only marigold.

That's the scent that drives him into sweat-slicked nightmares. Marigold. Berryheart always had plenty of it, too, and back then — back then, he'd found that smell sweet, florid, comforting. He'd never minded his brother's paws, sticky and yellow, his pelt faintly-spiced with the herbs he spent all day chewing and folding. He wants to hold those memories close to him, now — he's certain Berryheart is near him, certain, at times, he can catch the silvery silhouette of a tortoiseshell with half-lidded gray eyes.

When Beetlepaw approaches on stilted paws, Raccoonstripe has just pulled himself from the seizing claws of aching sleep. It's dim, inside Gentlestorm's den, and his single eye adjusts poorly to the shrinking light. His great-nephew looks half a shadow himself, but his teeth catch the glimmer of outside light, the torment in his green eyes. "I killed a cat," he says, and his words are shrouded in agony; it's like he's torn a prey bone from his throat. "I can't... get her out of my head."

It's quiet, between them. Raccoonstripe shifts in his nest, fixing Beetlepaw with his remaining eye. His nephew's son has blood on his claws, staining his fur — and he can't wash it clean, no matter how long he spends pulling his tongue over himself. The tabby knows that feeling well; he still wakes up with the coppery sting of blood in his mouth some mornings, still remembers the throaty screams of a mother losing her child. Of Skyclaw going limp in his jaws.

"It's war, not murder, Beetlepaw." His voice is ragged from disuse. He runs his tongue over his dry lips a few times. "But I know... I know how hard it is to accept that." He blinks the eye; it's tired already. "Have you... told Burnstorm yet?"

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Raccoon . Raccoonstripe, he/him w/ masculine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 47 moons old, ages realistically on the 5th.
  — mentored by n/a ; mentoring Scarletpaw ; previously mentored Wildheart, Moonwhisper
  — thunderclan lead warrior. gray wolf x howlingstar, gen 2.
  — currently mated to Nightbird.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  lh black tabby with white and dark brown eyes. charismatic, charming, calculating, ambitious, shallow, manipulative.

​

 

[beetlepaw]

His head dips back down as Raccoonstripe fixes him with that eye. He can't bear to make eye contact longer then a few seconds, despite how badly he wanted to. Despite how badly he wanted to present himself and raise himself like the strong, courageous son of Burnstorm and Roeflame. A kill should mean nothing to him- but this was his first. He killed a cat before he managed to catch a piece of prey. That should mean something, right?

It only meant bitter regret and grief. The only noises shared between him and the lead warrior was the noises of withheld sobs, ones he desperately tried to keep quiet. A sniffle here, a tiny cough there. When his uncle speaks, his voice is tired, hoarse. Green eyes lift to find the single amber set within the tired sockets of the lead. Guilt finds him then- he woke his healing uncle up for what, a bit of overwhelming emotion? He was better then that, right? His ears flatten backwards. It's war, not murder.

But his.. his uncle understands. Even now, he can see Raccoonstripe's fangs around Skyclaw's neck. His eyes slide close, then his face scrunches, his head hunching down again. His head shook at the question. "Haven't told... anyone beside you." He admits quietly, his voice like a scolded child, their hand in the cookie jar. Except it was far from a cookie jar- it was his paws holding her head under the water. ".. It.. I just..." A breath, a sharp one. "She tried to do it to me first. Drown me." He finally whispers. "I just... returned what I knew Burnstorm had warned me about. The water. Drowning."

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ┌── TELL ME DOCTOR WHATS THE CURE ⋅❁⋅ FOR THE WICKED MANS BLUES ──┐‎

• "speech"

• 

• BEETLEPAW he/him, kit of thunderclan, nine moons.
  ⭃ LH black smoke with bright green eyes. is growing into a very broad and built tom-cat of average height, mirroring his father's build. has a nick in his right ear and a new scar on his muzzle.
  ⭃ mentored by BURNSTORM/ / mentoring no one
  ⭃ no romantic interests / / BURNSTORM X ROEFLAME - sibling to dovepaw and littlepaw, adoptive sibling to hopepaw and coalpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.

​

 

[RACCOONSTRIPE]

Raccoonstripe's bleary expression softens as Beetlepaw continues. "Haven't told... anyone beside you." The tabby shifts in his sickbed, his limbs aching from forcing them into one position for too long. "She tried to do it to me first. Drown me." His ears flick. He remembers the force of Beefang's forepaws, the collision of his back against the river, the way it had swallowed him whole and refused to let him up again. The way his lungs had filled, the way he'd tried to scream, the way the water had become black and red with blood and shadow.

"Then... you did what you had to do. Maybe Burnstorm hasn't told you this yet, but you have to do what you need to do to make it home alive. Your Clan needs you, Beetlepaw." Raccoonstripe's tired dark eye fixes on his great nephew, but still, the young black tom won't meet his gaze. What is he afraid of finding there?

Raccoonstripe knows. Judgment. Pity. Fear.

He expresses none of that. It is only understanding.

"That RiverClan she-cat would have taken your life, and ThunderClan would have lost a great warrior-to-be. I'm glad you did what you did." He does not reach for Beetlepaw — there is no comforting physical gesture, no sweet words. That is for Roeflame to give him, not him. But he does lower his voice. "You defended your Clan. That is what matters most at the end of the day. Sometimes we have to bloody our claws to do that... and it never gets easier. That, I can promise you." He thinks of Skyclaw's blood in his mouth again. It does not deter him. "The day that it does get easy... that's when you should be afraid."

Because that means it's gotten too easy, he thinks, to take another's life. Because that means death is a part of you now, and you can't shake it off, no matter how hard you try.

This, he leaves unspoken.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Raccoon . Raccoonstripe, he/him w/ masculine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 48 moons old, ages realistically on the 5th.
  — mentored by n/a ; mentoring Scarletpaw and Berrypaw ; previously mentored Wildheart, Moonwhisper
  — thunderclan lead warrior. gray wolf x howlingstar, gen 2.
  — currently mated to Nightbird.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  lh black tabby with white and a single dark brown eye. charismatic, charming, calculating, ambitious, shallow, manipulative.

​