private Who'd you think you're kidding, he's the earth and heaven to you || Smokethroat

[Redpath]

Redpath had watched Smokethroat approach Cicadastars den the other day. She saw him turn away in frustration, and never tried to approach again. She had waited until he seemed calmer to approach him about it.

She knew how he felt about their leader, and she knew how their leader felt about him. She knew what it was like to love, to never say anything, and then to lose that person forever.

She didn't want anyone to go through that.

So she approached Smokethroat in the morning when all was quiet and peaceful. Sure, it took a lot for her to even existed in the morning, but she figured it was the best time to talk to him about it without too many prying eyes and ears.

"Good morning Smokethroat! Do you have a minute?" She asked, greeting him with a smile.
​

 

[SMOKESTAR]

"I've several actually...." He replied with a dry laugh, an offhanded joke about his age that he was sure was lost on the other. His sense of humor was a touch hard to read at times so he didn't often try to make jokes, usually when he did they really died in the water. Like he wanted to. Right now. The dark tom lifted his head from his nest, his impromptu depression nap born of his own foolishness and lack of drive to do anything but wallow in self-pity for the time being. It was laughable really, a cat like him sulking because he couldn't handle a little fluttering in his chest, a few spoken words to emphasize his feelings. He felt stupid. He was stupid. Smokethroat gave a dismissive huff as he stood, tail lashing and paws carrying him out of the den and back into the light of the camp where his gaze deliberately moved to the side to avoid looking in the direction of the leader's den. He was certain just the sight of it would drive him out of camp at this point. "What do you want, Redpath?"


​

 

[Redpath]

She laughed quietly at his joke. She didn't understand it the way he meant it, thought he meant he had a lot of spare time. She moved to let him out of the den and watched as he avoided looking at the leaders den.

"I wanted to talk to you about...... " Hm. How to go about it.

" I saw you give up on giving Cicadastar the rock you found..." She said, motioning for him to walk with her. She didn't want anyone eavesdropping.

" He may not have been in there at the time, but that doesn't mean you can't try again." She continued. " I think he would love that rock, from you."

"I suppose I'm just trying to say....Don't give up." She added with a soft smile.

She could almost feel the depression radiating off of him. She was going to help him FIX IT.
​

 

[SMOKESTAR]

His fur bristled and he hunched his shoulder's at the acknowledgement he'd been seen at all. He knew he should've waited until later in the day but that would have made his chance of catching the tom even more difficult given he knew they were both prone to wandering late in the day and even far past the time most cats were asleep. Smokethroat's teeth showed in a sneer as he listened, struggled to understand that he was not being teased but rather being encouraged. It was a little different, he hadn't expected Redpath of all cats to drop her foolishness enough to offer actual advice. As they walked he found himself calming down a little though his head remained low and ears lay back, despite the realization the red molly was not going to pick at him he still despised having the conversation.
After a moment he paused, stopped walking far enough away from the camp that he felt perfectly justified in bursting at the seams now that it was apparent he was not going to be judged for it, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"
He despised the leader for what he'd done, didn't know how to handle the sudden shift from respect and loyalty blending into something much deeper and more intense than he'd ever felt before and he was afraid. It was new, the shine of it so fresh and sparkling that he couldn't bare to look in its direction for fear of losing himself.

​

 

[Redpath]

She didn't expect him to practically shout in her ear! Startled, she jumped and looked back at him in surprise.

"Firstly- Calm down!" She said, turning around to face him.

"Just breathe. Let yourself feel what you're feeling, there's nothing wrong with it." She continued. " Love is....Hard, sometimes. Especially when you've never felt that way before." She said. She knew from experience. She let fear hold her back, and now her love was gone. Dead, never to know her feelings.

She took a seat by him, wrapping her tail around her paws. " Try and put how you feel into words, and I'll listen." Her voice was gentle and understanding. " It's important to understand yourself, it will make it a lot easier."

She knew well what it was like to have inner turmoil, romantically or not. She learned in time that it was best to examine your feelings, straighten them out and understand them. Makes it less stressful. A lot less stressful.

She didn't have anyone to help her with this, so she spent her time crying under a dumpster about her best friend. Not the finest point in her life.

She didn't want Smokethroat to cry under the dumpster. She wanted him to get in that leaders den and tell Cicadastar I LOVE YOU.

She just hoped she could help him enough to do so.


​

 

[SMOKESTAR]

His ears went flat at being scolded like a child but he had also suddenly shouted like one so he only nodded curtly to the demand to calm down. It was embarrassing to sit here and be lectured about feelings and emotions as if he were not a full grown cat who should have a grasp on who he was and what he wanted but obviously that wasn't the case. Smokethroat had no clear goal or desires before RiverClan, simply surviving was enough for him but losing Moss had sent him on a spiral where he'd clung to whatever he could to stay afloat.

"I..." His nose wrinkled but he closed his eyes, sucked in a breath, "...didn't know what to do. After the great battle, the clans formed and I just stayed here, because it was the easiest. Because I'd always been here." There was no family to draw him elsewhere, no loyalty to otherwise pull him into pieces; he had been more fortunate than some who were split apart and guided down different paths. "So I just worked....I just did work to distract myself, I hunted...I patrolled....I did a terribly job learning to weave dens." Smokethroat really needed to work on that but his paws were naturally clumsy when he wasn't using them to fish or maul a cat who deserved it. "....I didn't think I was being watched but he...was...I've never been recognized for anything before." Despite his fears he'd felt a degree of elation at it, being noticed positively was a new and adrenaline pumping feeling he'd never had the chance to get before in his life so he chased it like a new high, went above and beyond, pushed himself to his limits just for that simple, single gesture of acknowledgement. "I must have looked like a fool...but I realized it wasn't just...being recognized I liked." Because other cats joined, he made friends, he made allies, they spoke highly of him? He had no idea why but they did and although warming it didn't have the same kick as when- "Cicadastar was different..." Smokethroat's eyes opened slowly like rising suns and he curled his own tail tight around his paws where he sat.

"When he looked at me it felt like I was the only cat in the forest, everything else just melted away..."

​

 

[Redpath]

She let him speak with no interruptions, being polite for once and only nodding in understanding as he went on. Her tail tapped against the ground thoughtfully as she thought of how to respond. "Well for one, I don't think you've ever looked like a fool, nor does anyone think you're one. The clan loves and admires you, Smokethroat." She said.

Mans has got it BAD for Cicadastar....But he's so emotionally stuck, he doesn't know what to do. How to handle it.

" Mhm.... He does look at you a lot... Perks up a bit when you're around too." She said, agreeing. " I think you two have got it BAD for each other." She says with a small giggle.

"So, Smokey. What you should do, I think..... Is take a deep breath, and listen to what your  heart says. Not your mind, your heart." She says. " Listen to it, let it feel."

"When you go to him, when you're ready, speak from your heart. It doesn't have to be perfect. Nobody is perfect at confessions and if they say they are, they're lying." She said.

"Though! It may do some good to practice first. Pretend I'm Cicadastar and say what you'd say to him if you were to confess right now."
​