will we ever find our neverland? // featherkit

[sunlitpaw]

shadow of the moon
—————— ( ☼ ) ——————

A new problem had been knocking against Sunlitkit's thoughts the past moon cycle. Scuffles and tiffs amongst kits wasn't uncommon, and for Sunlitkit's avoidant nature she certainly wasn't exempt either - but a recent screaming match between her own littermates and Brightshine's bunch had made something abundantly clear: she... didn't like being called a sister. It was always something that settled a bit strangely with her, but she hadn't known of any other name to be called. It was what she always had been, so it HAD to be the only right thing to call her. Was that strange of her? She was a girl, right? And girls had to be girly things? Sunlitkit had to be a sister, a daughter, a her and sometimes she really hated it! But she wasn't a boy, either. At least, she didn't think she was a boy? She didn't feel very son-ly, or brother-y. But... she didn't know if she just couldn't be them. She knew Downykit wasn't a boy, nor were they a girl - they were just Downykit. But the concept applied to herself felt... impossible. What if she was wrong? What if her feelings were fake? What if she didn't know what she was talking about? What if she decided she was actually a girl, or a boy? Would it be bad if she was wrong? Anxiety gnawed at her, frightened of what her peers would think of her if she wore a false label. If she called herself something she might not be.

She knew she would always be able to ask her parents such questions, but approaching them felt so terrifyingly daunting when Sunlitkit hardly had her thoughts in order. But her stomach grew more sour with each day that passed that she swallowed her thoughts - it was time to vocalize it, and to someone she trusted. Someone who might even understand what she was feeling best of all - because Featherkit wasn't her sister or her brother, but both! How'd he even come to that conclusion, anyways? How did he know it was right? What if Sunlitkit still ended up being wrong? What if Featherkit thought she had caught the cough with the weird words she spoke?

Despite her fears, Sunlitkit sat next to their shared nest in the early morning, having woken up with the sun while Featherkit had likely struggled with another fretful night. Or maybe he'd finally got to sleep, Sunlitkit couldn't tell - but her guilt for waking Featherkit up was overshadowed heavily by her need to talk to someone. A snowcap paw gently nudges at Featherkit, leaning in close to her ear to whisper, "Featherkit? Are you awake? I... Can I ask you some weird questions?"

@FEATHERKIT

​

 

[FEATHERSPINE]

Featherkit's dreams had tormented her, even in their briefness. He watched the shadows with half-lidded sunlight eyes, thoughtful and hunched, unable to dwell on any thoughts except his tiredness, and yet unable to fall asleep. The coos of nocturnal creatures outside slipped by her, and instead she just let her mind stray elsewhere, trying not to let her mind play tricks on her. Because if she stared at that darkness for too long it would contract, unravel- it'd become some monstrous shape, and it would be even more difficult to fall asleep.

Despite the effort he had made to keep his mind in place, Featherkit felt utterly defeated when he saw the morning light begin to spill over the horizon. His arrow-tipped tail twitched impatiently, and his scowl kept its place- all until he felt a gentle prod against his shoulder, and turned slightly-softer eyes to Sunlitkit. Weird questions. Ill-temper was replaced with momentary bemusement, but if Featherkit was anything he was patient with his family. He could count on his toes the cats who inexplicably did not get under his skin, and he was as-of-yet not intelligent to work out that comfort was much to do with familiarity.

"Yeah, I'm awake," he said, slowly nodding. Even being awake at this time was uncommon for many, but... to ask questions? She nudged her form a little closer to Sunlitkit's. "Ask away." Featherkit's voice was imbued with a subtle tenderness past the cold exterior, usually reserved for his family. Though her gaze was expectant, there was warmth within it. ​

✦ penned by pin​

 

[sunlitpaw]

₊ ⋆ * ⊹ ₊ ☾ —— 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣

• keep scrollin
  "#9b7143"
  
  

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• Sunlitkit

  
  Is questioning their identity​
  
  
  

  kit
  skittish
  inquisitive
  experience: untrained
  backstory: royalty
  biography: [HYPERLINK]
  credit to punk for the clangen code :3
  

  nonbinary [they / she]
  eyes: green
  pelt: chocolate torbie
  fur length: long
  parents: wolfsong and sunstride
  3 moons
  
  
  

  ---

  ​

Featherkit's form shifts in the nest and Sunlitkit's heart jumps to her throat, needlelike claws churning the soil beneath them. Now that she had her sibling's attention, her resolve faltered significantly. Sunbright eyes turn to look at her and Sunlitkit offers a smile smile and a shivering purr that gave her nerves away. Featherkit nudges closer, and Sunlitkit slowly melts in the familiar presence of her sibling. It's so easy to let her worries get the best of her, even when her brain knows she shouldn't. If only it was truly that easy... guilt prickles her paws alongside her sharp anxieties, her face contorting briefly to match Featherkit's own scowl as she rolls over the fact she was scared of talking to her own sister. Sunlitkit opts to not express this worry, hopes that Featherkit doesn't pick it up himself, and scoots herself closer just as he does. Sunlitkit crawls in carefully alongside Featherkit, curling herself up into a tight ball of sleep-bristled fur and dropping her head on Featherkit's flank.

Sunlitkit's voice is barely a whisper, stretching her neck as forward as she possibly could without having to completely unravel herself from where she'd curled up around Featherkit. "You gotta promise to not tell anyone, okay?" Sunlitkit's eyes go wide, tilting her chin down to press into Featherkit. Her tail tip twitches nervously, gaze skating off of her sibling to skirt the outlines of their den before returning and repeating the cycle of roaming. Her chest feels warm, but now Sunlitkit can't decipher safety from nervousness. "Featherkit, how did you know you weren't... only a girl? Or a boy?" The words flow forth in a whisper, and now Sunlitkit has her eyes fixed wholly on Featherkit, tracing the details of her face instead of making eye contact. She feels sensation return to her toes as she begins to speak, and lets loose a tense sigh before shuffling herself further into Featherkit's fur. "I'm not... I'm not a girl. But I'm not a boy, either - at least, I don't think I am? How can I... tell? And - and sometimes I feel like a girl! But sometimes I feel like neither, sometimes I just want to be me and not a she-kit or a tom-kit. But I never feel like just one and I don't..." Sunlitkit gave pause between her sentences but didn't bother to breathe as she spoke, finally allowing air to return to her lungs in a deep gasp.

She glances over to the rest of their family resting, checking to make sure none of them had stirred, before looking back to Featherkit. "How do I know if I'm right? And what if I'm wrong? And what if -" She shakes her head to interrupt herself, huffing in frustration. "I... I don't wanna be a sister anymore, but I'm not a brother, either. Can I just be... your sibling, instead?"


​

 

[FEATHERSPINE]

"I p... p... I p... I p-promise." Despite her issues with pronunciation, Featherkit spoke as plainly as if the obstruction wasn't there. It wouldn't be fair to give away a secret, would it? Especially if it was apparently serious enough to rouse her from slumber... if Sunlitkit had managed to enter slumber at all. What an affliction, this... thing that kept her awake! She hoped she hadn't somehow spread it.

He leant his weight against his sibling, supporting her physically as she spoke. In the low light, the stained glass of narrowed eyes watched Sunlitkit's mouth. The more words that spilled from it, the softer his eyes got. Past the natural crinkle of his nose, the resting irritation he couldn't ever really get rid of, Featherkit's expression was one of as much understanding as he could muster.

"You can b-be my sibling," Featherkit confirmed, the cogs turning in her brain to try and come up with some sort of answer. Sunlitkit's questions had flowed as freely as water from her maw, and though some part of Featherkit was proud that he was there to support her, that she'd chosen him... there was a spark of concern within him about how long she'd been bottling it all up. "Sunlitkit, it's okay. I just... I worked out what I d-didn't like other cats calling me, first." It hadn't taken very long. There were a lot of things Featherkit didn't like, and he remembered all of them. A white tail tip moved to brush against her sibling's own. "So t.. t... t-t-tell me what you don't like. Just feel it." ​

✦ penned by pin​