private wish i could breathe [howlingstar]

[FALCONHEART]

Since the clan’s last meeting, Falconpaw has been conflicted. It feels as though everything in his life has gone wrong all of a sudden, as though the world has tilted sideways and he’s just barely clinging onto the dirt to stay upright. His mother and sister have returned from the journey into the mountains, but Stormfeather is grievously injured, and is also a warrior now. He’s old enough to be a warrior now, but he failed his assessment and now everyone knows. Everyone knows that he’s a failure, despite being the son of a deputy and a lead warrior. He’s meant to bring it up with either his father or Howlingstar for a while now, but every time that he’s tried he’s lost his nerve. But not this time. This time, the boy manages to gather every drop of bravery in his body and call out to the leader. "Howlingstar…?" He approaches her with hesitation, pale paws padding gently against the dirt. He can only hope that she isn’t bothered by his presence, tail flicking as he settles near the tabby-striped leader.

"I didn’t get my warrior name when Stormfeather did." It’s a simple statement of fact, said in a voice teeming with dejection. There’s no reason to hide his disappointment from the older she-cat; he’s been told that all his feelings show on his face, anyway. Dual-toned eyes remain fixed on his paws, but he follows up his words with a question: "Am I… a bad apprentice?" As soon as he asks the question, dread twists uncomfortably in the boy’s stomach. He shouldn’t have asked—because what if she says yes? What if she says he is a bad apprentice, a terrible one? But she’s… she’s Howlingstar, she wouldn’t say that. One of the first memories he can recall is her smiling face, from back when he and Stormfeather were kits in the nursery. Even if she’s disappointed, she’ll be nice about it, he attempts to reason with himself to no avail. His heart still flutters nervously in his chest as he finally lifts his gaze to hers, searching for some kind of sign in her eyes.

// @HOWLINGSTAR​

[ find me way out there ]​

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[HOWLINGSTAR]

Howlingstar isn't busy when the apprentice approaches her. She is grooming leaf-litter out of her thick tail; with leaf-fall nearing its end, the forest floor is more cluttered than ever which makes staying clean quite the task. Her ears prick when she hears her name, eyes lifting to spot a nervous-looking Falconpaw settling beside her. The son of Flycatcher and Flamewhisker, he has always been a favored one by the tabby; she remembers visiting the nursery often to see him and his sister as kits and keeping a close eye on their training.

But Falconpaw had failed his assessment, something that clearly bothered the young tom a lot. Her ears fold back, eyes softening. "Of course not, Falconpaw," She mews back to him, voice gentle. She sighs, settling into a comfortable crouch before looking back to him, head slightly cocked. "You are a very good apprentice actually, and I'm so proud of how far you've come. I know you're going to make a wonderful warrior, one who is undoubtedly loyal to his clanmates and one who cares about his clan so much. I see so much in you, as do your parents. Assessments are hard for a reason, and you're certainly not the first apprentice to not pass his first time. Tell me, what skills do you need to work more on before you take it again?" ​

 

[FALCONHEART]

He’s glad that Howlingstar is so kind. She doesn’t judge him when he asks her for reassurance, and only regards him with a gentle gaze. The cream tabby feels the smallest of smiles curling across his muzzle when she speaks, telling him that he’s a good apprentice. It’s a really nice thought, and he isn’t sure whether he believes it—but that’s why he asked in the first place. He’s always relied on others to tell him that he isn’t making too many mistakes, to tell him that what he’s doing is the right thing. But then Howlingstar tells him that assessments are meant to be hard, and the boy can’t help but pout, just a bit. Of course his assessment was meant to be hard, but if that’s how all the assessments are, then how will he manage to pass his?

He straightens up a bit, trying to seem less bothered than he is. "Thank you… I was just really hoping I’d become a warrior last time, with Stormfeather." He’s proud of his sister and relieved that she was able to return to ThunderClan at all, but he feels jealous of her as well. He doesn’t feel slighted, only wishing that he could have been in her place instead. When Howlingstar asks what he needs to work on, his shoulders slump once more. "Well, uh… I’m not good at fighting. Burnstorm told me that I had to track him down and then beat him in a fight—like if a rogue was trespassing." He’d managed to track down Burnstorm, but he was no match for the fluffy-furred lead warrior. Burnstorm had been made a warrior early; of course he’d defeated Falconpaw without much trouble. "I’m really fast. And I found him, but I’m not strong enough." He’s been climbing trees whenever he gets the chance, hoping that the exercise will help him become stronger. But will it be enough?​

[ find me way out there ]​

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[HOWLINGSTAR]

She cocks her head gently, noticing the pout that touches his lips before he seems to shake it off. His shoulders straighten and he sits up, thanking her. Her expression softens and she nods in understanding, knowing it must be hard to watch a littermate earn their name and being unable to join them. He comments that fighting is not his strong suit and she tips her chin up. "That's alright, there are even warriors who struggle with it. But you know Burnstorm is only making it hard on you because he wants you to be prepared, right?" She mews, to him. It can be scary, going from a student to a self-sufficient warrior, being expected to carry all of the skills that yesterday you were only expected to learn, and now you have the entire clan's safety on your shoulders. It's pressure.

"Strength isn't everything, though. A strong, big opponent can be taken down by someone who's faster, or smarter. And I know you're both of those things." The right strike in the right moment by a smaller cat can turn the tide on any battle. She's seen it time and time again!​