starclan would i live forever ࿐࿔ nine lives

[lichenstar]

✦　˚ 　✧ ˚　.˚　✦ 　✦

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY ✧

• Their journey had been shared as quiet murmurings of speculation... of uncertainty... Lichentail hadn't expected to be followed. Hadn't expected to undertake this journey with company (ironic, considering the lecture she'd given Smokestar) but it was a welcome surprise. For every brush of pale pelts, it eased some of the weight. It did not have to be dragged there, alone, in the quiet of night with all of Silverpelt watching. It could be a burden shared... An answer for both of them.
  
  In practiced, carefully articulated explanation, a velveteen nose reaches forward to touch a holy symbol... The energy that crackles from its surface makes hair stand on end, holds such tension it feels alike a snake coiled to strike. Her touch is timid... fearful... begging for her version of truth to be the one she finds. Moonbeam had said... she hadn't seen him... that had to mean something, right? With baited breath, eyelids flutter closed and embrace the shivering spark that runs down her spine. It's a reminder of being alive... And a reminder she didn't belong here.
  
  - ✧ -
  
  The soft, reassuring breathing of Moonbeam at her side fades away to nothing... it is replaced by a breath of wind far stronger but just as gentle. The breeze smells bright... heady with prey-scent so bountiful it would make a kit swoon. The sound of lazily babbling stream is familiar.... and its in that familiar she leans to open her eyes. The land here glimmers... faint and shimmering.... tall grasses sway on the breeze like a rippling wave in a sea of green. Silhouettes dot the landscape in lackadaisical reprieve... unbothered, happy... sharing tongues and sharing in an afterlife they had worked so hard to earn.
  
  Her maw hangs open slightly, enamored with fields of untarnished joy. Still... Still the lynx point felt like an invader here... encroaching on this space that wasn't meant for her. Can they... deny me entry? If they had really not welcomed her, would she even be seeing this place... touching it between her toes, staring in wide-eyed wonderment? She's torn from it at the sound of a tiny, familiar mew... one that had surprised her on the bridge to keep her company. Moonbeam lingers as a shining beacon- her coat blending in with star-light crested foliage as if she was always destined to be there.
  
  Maybe StarClan had always had that path for her... Had seen her as a glimmering, tiny moon on the day of her birth. Sun-warm eyes squint at their corners in a reassuring smile, and on legs that had long since lost all feeling, she wanders closer. There are figures here, sitting at attention and though she knows if she looks she might recognize some of them, she stubbornly wishes not to. There is a fear... a nagging fear she will see a face she isn't ready to see. Isn't ready to admit is really gone. But there is no more stalling... there can be no more waiting...
  
  StarClan would give her an answer tonight... even if it wasn't the one she wanted. Her lips feel numb as she turns to address her ancestors, hoping her shaking does not insult them by virtue of terror- "I'm ready..."
  
  
  ooc note here for accessibility; there is no order other than the last... thank u all so so much <3
• about
  speech hex code ✧ #6368A5
  ooc notes ✦
  tagging ✶
  penned by tieirlys
• ˚　　★⋆. ࿐࿔　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 .
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[Snowflakekit]

cw - mention of child loss

Separating from the nearby StarClanners came the small taps of paws as a tiny figure weaved through the fronds of pale grass and aster. A smile was settled on his youthful face, wide and proud and full of love for the cat he was finally about to meet for the first time; his mother, Lichentail.

Snowflakekit was taken too early from his parents, Hazecloud and Lichentail. He felt the warmth of his mother and siblings for mere moments before StarClan escorted him away. But the kitten felt just as proud as his living siblings might have to become the kitten of a true Clan leader, even if the circumstances leading to such an event were grievous. Even if she had not known him, Snowflakekit knew Lichentail, having watched her for the moons since his passing - and loved her just as much as he would if he were still with her in RiverClan's camp.

"Mother!" the kitten squeaks from below, and he thinks he catches a brief look of surprise flash across the deputy's face. Snowflakekit gains her attention with a toothy grin and a high tail curled at the tip, a greeting of warmth and familiarity. He is bigger than he was since she last saw him, no longer the frail snowflake she briefly knew but now a kit of three-moons-old, with a well-fed plump belly and round features; blessed with eternal youth yet allowed to walk and talk, so that he may welcome other kittens that shared his fate with comfort and playfulness. And yet, despite his differences now, he still shares a blend of his mothers' hues and echoes Lichentail's bright blue eyes with striking familiarity. He feels no need to introduce himself thus - any cat would know who's child he is at a mere glance.

"Guess what? Amber told me I'm going to give you a life today! I've been practicing!" A merry purr enters the kitten's voice as he speaks, and once he's concluded, Snowflakekit steps forward with his toes and reaches up with his nose outstretched until he meets his mother halfway. He closes his eyes and grins from ear to ear before speaking with a voice loud and clear. When their noses touch, a sense of calm and relief would wash over Lichentail, freeing and light as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders and dissipated into the rays of light - as if in that very moment, she could fly.

"With this life, I give you forgiveness." Soon after his arrival, Snowflakekit learned how to see his parents from above. On their faces were grief and sorrow, and in there minds hid blame and guilt. Snowflakekit's smile dwindles for a moment as he shakes his head. "I know you and Hazecloud were hurting when you lost me.. and that's okay - it's okay to grieve. But I also knew that a lot of that hurt came from doubt. You thought you failed.. you thought you didn't do enough, you thought you could do more." He opens his eyes now and leans back on his paws. His smile is returned with comfort and knowing. "But you did your best, Lichentail. Both of you. Sometimes, we do our best and make amends - and that's the best anyone can ask. Use this life to inspire forgiveness in others, and most importantly, yourself - for that will give you the strength to move forward to a brighter future."

With that life given, Snowflakekit feels the waiting eyes of his Clanmates on him, beckoning him to return. But first, he moves towards his mother's legs and weaves between them, brushing his soft fur against hers with a resonating purr. "Will you tell Hazecloud I said hi?" He asks, before somewhere in the crowd his name is softly called, and Snowflakekit parts from Lichentail with the same warm smile he always held, waving 'goodbye' with his tail as he fades into the body of StarClanners.
​

CHARACTER INFORMATION ♡ ☆ ♡ OUT OF CHARACTER

• SNOWFLAKEKIT - penned by ixora
  - KITTEN of STARCLAN
  - AGELESS ;; appears 3 moons
  - HAZECLOUD xx LICHENTAIL
  - SIBLING to HORIZONKIT, TWINKLEKIT, and EVENINGKIT
  - HEALTH ♡♡♡♡♡ | Snowflakekit is in perfect condition held in StarClan's caring embrace.
  ​
• 
  
  
• speech is #97c5d8
  i cried a little writing this
  ​

 

[Halfshade]

—————————————————————⊰♥⊱————————————————————
She is an unfamiliar cat to the blue RiverClanner, but in StarClan she is not part of an opposing group; she is a piece of something bigger. Clan boundaries and rivalries die when you do, cats stop being enemies and start being kin; she has taken in many a kit and wayward apprentice under her wing in the landscape of dappled lights and lost souls, where they come from doesn't matter anymore. What mattered was that here you got the peace you earned through your devotion in life. Cream and blue spotted fur ripples as she moves, glittering lights dancing over curled ends and her mismatched eyes mischievous and delighted as she squints forward at the molly, she briefly bumps into the shoulder of the amethyst hued tom next to her as she passes. A brief nudge of her nose to the kitten cheerfully padding back to the crowd after bestowing the first life. She can only assume a child, it is one thing she was grateful for: having not had to see any of hers perish. Dying before your kits was the one blessing she'd been given.

“Welcome to StarClan, Lichentail. You do not know me, but here we see everything and you I have seen plenty.” The benefit of death was being able to observe the living, even those she was unfamiliar with, she knew every bend in the river now, knew every tunnel beneath the moors and tree hollow in the pine forest, knew the paths the kittypets walked from twolegplace to SkyClan. “My name is Halfshade, once I was devoted to my clan. Devoted to my mate, to our kits, to what I hoped ShadowClan might become. Your sense of diligence and dedication will be tested as you move forward, you will be tempted to make choices out of selfishness…” She thinks of the herbs that could have saved her life, given to Starlingheart’s child in a double dose to ensure they lived above all others. She remembers Smogmaw leaving without a word to her in her sick state, so determined to save her out of love he would leave her and the clan behind when there were others who could have gone in his stead. “No matter what your heart wants, it is your mind that must guide you-the knowledge of what your clan needs above your own. The tough decisions are only just beginning, Lichentail. With this life I give you duty. May you strive to put your clan above all else, even yourself, even your heart, it is the burden of a leader.” Her pink nose touches gently to a white splashed muzzle, a crushing and sudden weight seeming to crush the RiverClan deputy as her limbs are stricken with a paralysis of indecision and the heaviness of one’s own heart. Her long plume of a tail flicks, curls behind her as she turns and the torbie rejoins the other StarClan cats.

♥ ———— I like turning heads, breaking necks. ♥ ————— Highheels in the morning.

• OOC can go here.
• 
  
  
  Halfshade
  —⊰⋅ StarClanner | Former Warrior of ShadowClan
  —⊰⋅ She/Her
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ Blue Torbie w/Blue & Orange Eyes.
  —⊰⋅ Please note her colors are very exaggerated and should not be referenced for future coat palettes.
  
  

​

 

[pumpkin]

Pumpkinpaw wasn't alive when Lichentail had been made deputy. Hell- Pumpkinpaw hadn't been alive for nearly two whole turns of seasons... But she's been watching, thats for certain. And orange eyes trail each body that steps up to give a life; she sits peacefully, waiting for her turn. She holds no heavy damper in her heart this time, she feels lighter, though upset for those long gone...

"Lichentail," she greets, her voice softer than it had been in life. There is no rough edge that used to be held so tightly in her chest that it bled in to her tone. There is something sad, melancholic in the way that Lichentail stands before the apprentice. Smokestar is gone. Cicadastar, lost to times- Smokestar, lost to times. Lichentail, the bearer of the thorny crown. Lichentail, the newest one to take the mantle. Lichentail, ever hopeful... "I'm Pumpkinpaw." theres a wise twinkle in her eyes, she has done this twice before... One for her predecessor, one for the Shadowclan leader. She's almost a professional at this, you know! "Wish we could have met on better terms, but..." she trails off with an odd grin on her lips.

This feels weird. Giving a life feels weird.

But it's time to begin. Pumpkin draws in a breath. "With this life," she murmurs, stepping forwards to touch her nose with the other, straining her neck so she can be tall enough to do so. "I give you freedom. Though there are borders, there are conflicts, tensions... You and your clan are free." the life is a stark contrast to Halfshades. It is the feeling of wind in your fur, of water swirling around your paws, of warmth on your face. It is invigorating, and it is free. This marks the third leader to be given the life of freedom from her and something in her chest swells. "Untethered, free, you can do anything you put your mind to. Never let anyone else take this from you." her voice drops to a playful warning, head tilting.

Pumpkinpaw steps back to join Snowflakekit and Halfshade in the starry bodies, gaze never leaving Lichentails form.​

"speech"​

 

[LILYBLOOM.]

When Pumpkinpaw steps back another cat emerges from the ranks of those chosen to give Lichentail her nine lives. This cat is both a recent member of StarClan and one more familiar to Lichentail. Bright green eyes look upon the soon-to-be leader with fondness and familiarity. "Greetings Lichentail," Lilybloom mewed softly, bowing her head in acknowledgement. "It is good to see you again, even if it was not expected so soon."

Carefully the tortoiseshell queen leans forward, touching her nose against the other softly. "With this life, I give you a mother's love." After the invigorating sensation Pumpkinpaw's life had left her with, this life would be warming at first, but the warmth gives way to something shocking and fierce - a true testament to the strength of a mother's love. "As a mother yourself, I doubt this sensation is new to you," Lilybloom intoned. "As a mother, you would do anything for your children. Nurture them, guide them, protect them from any harm. Share the love and care you might bestow upon your kits, upon your clanmates. You will be the leader now Lichentail. It is your responsibility to ensure they thrive."

With her life given, Lilybloom begins to step back. "Watch out for Lakemoon and our kits for me," Lilybloom requests softly. Her heart aches to no longer be with them but it brings her some modicum of comfort to be able to watch them all from the stars. "Farewell, Lichentail. And good luck."

Once more Lilybloom rejoins the ranks of the star-touched cats present, watching and waiting to see who will come forward next.​

 

[CLAYFUR]

✦✦ Well, Smokestar is dead. It feels like just yesterday the tom was given his nine lives, and just like that, they’re all gone. Clay hadn’t expected him to last as long as Cicadastar, but it was still a surprise that he’d died in such a… sudden way. It’s telling, really, of just how vulnerable each and every one of them are, no matter the amount of lives they have. This world is harsh and cruel—he glances at Snowflakekit, whom he’d never met in life, and Pumpkinpaw, slaughtered ruthlessly and without reason—and even leaders are not protected from the unfair reality of an untimely death.

The tom paces upon starry paws, muddy brown tail brushing occasionally against whirlpool blue fur as he tracks back and forth waiting for his turn. Hazel eyes watch eagerly as his niece steps away, and finally he makes his way over to stand before the most important cat of the day. With a bounce in his step and eyes shining with excitement, Clay stands before the next leader of RiverClan. "Lichentail, hey. I didn’t figure I’d be seeing you again anytime soon." He greets her with a grin, tail flickering with a joy that only recently had been found once again. His expression remains joyous for only a heartbeat longer before it fades into something sober, more becoming of a StarClanner. Straightening to his full height, the tom murmurs, "You’re gonna make a great leader. Just wish I was there to see it." He looks over his shoulder, and the grin is back on his face. He’s glad to be here, to have some kind of support to give her, even if he can’t be there physically to watch her ascend to the position she’s destined for.

Gently, he lifts a paw and taps it to her nose. "Five. There ya go! Now, I hope I don’t see you again anytime soon." With a flicker of his striped tail, the tom turns to leave, but only makes it a few steps away before he freezes. He whirls around to face the she-cat once more, and corrects himself quickly. "Oh, yeah! With this life, I give you perseverance. If you fall, I give you the strength to get back up again. If you struggle, I give you the determination to keep going because it’s what you have to do. I know you’ll use it well." A starry hazel eye winks, and then Clay is gone, melding back into the group of the other gathered StarClanners.​

​

 

[brookstorm]

She wavers. Brookstorm follows the uniformity of the parade, first with ease, and then with discomfort. The stars have mended her lungs despite her lack of necessity to breathe, and yet her chest still hurts. Her paws still themselves as she pulls from the throng of starry cats, looking on with excitement, and she stands apart from Lichentail for one beat - two... Before she presses on as if she's never stopped at all.

"I shouldn't be seeing you here," she says, and there's mourning in her tone. She should be with her family, waiting for the deputy to return with nine lives in tow, a star to be honored as. Yet she is among the many who will send off Lichentail instead. Brookstorm's unbeating heart trembles but she remains stone-still, ever the unyielding child, the steadfast apprentice, the hearty warrior. Ever her mentor's pupil, following dutifully in pawsteps even if they were misplaced. Brookstorm smiles a rare, sorrowful smile. "I'm glad, however, to be seeing you at all."

She closes the distance between them, "Lichentail, with this life, I grant you devotion," their noses touch, and though Brookstorm thinks of her youth as a plucky newly made apprentice, holding fast to the moment she's granted a mentor, Lichentail should feel much different. Panic, lungs that beg to deflate and expand once more, claustrophobia causing the starry fields to darken impossibly. Drowning, as one's throat dastardly opens with a sharp pain and the lungs fill, fill, fill - "It hurts, doesn't it?" she mutters as she pulls away, and her smile has become her natural frown once more.

"You must devote everything that you are to your Clan. Every breath you take, every drop of blood that spills, it is for RiverClan. Your role as leader has compounded your necessity to live and be for every cat within your care. It will be hard work, but know that your family will always be there for you... just as you should be for them." She swallows, shuffling a half step back. Her maw opens, and she's tempted to ask Lichentail of Robinheart, of their shared kittens - like others have, of their living family members.

Her lips press close once more. She shifts her weight as she turns to rejoin the crowd, keeping her gaze on Lichentail only long enough to say, "Don't let this get to your head. We're all watching, now." And soon enough, she slips into the reeds and crowd once more.​

 

[S A B L E T U F T]

can we leave it behind? — A pair of amber sights fixed on the way starlight bounced with the gentle curl of white, reds and blues. For several beats, his heart pattered while he stood among the rows of StarClans ranks. Countless sets of paws had stilled in their eternal hunt to spectate and much to the former Lead's surprise, he was of the few selected to bestow a gift.

Like his closer counterpart, he quickly understood how star-kissed lands held no barriers. Clan mingled with Clan, kits without their mothers joined the number of queens ready to embrace them until their family fatefully reunited. Sabletuft lacked such kin, as his former mate had been the only soul his heart longed for. He had thought the stars did not differ from the living world, and yet he was proven wrong in such wondrous ways. While the softness of familiar fur awaited at his side, he had grown to equally enjoy the company of another- who joined him in Lichentail's journey to receive her nine lives.

Her nudge is a reminder to focus, to ready himself for his turn as the lynx point was given gift after give. Forgiveness, duty, freedom, love, perseverance, devotion- ah, and so it's his turn. A noble gait led him away from the gentle souls at his side and to stand across Lichentail, bearing dark honey against ice.

"You might remember me..." Sabletuft greeted the molly with no warmth of a friend, but the respect of a former peer. A fellow colonist, in days past. "You might remember the long moons spent hungry, and cold. Squabbling for prey and power before we knew any other kind of potential." Times he had once thought were the glory days of his lifetime, only in death did he discover the truth.

"You know to keep your wits sharp, still. Not everything can be won with brute force and strength, but with tact and stealth- and it is with this wisdom I share with you the life of cunning." Sabletuft leaned forward to connect his nose to hers. The pointed molly would feel her chest flare as her heart race with the speed of the rivers strongest current. Ears roaring as adrenaline pulsed through her veins, beating beneath the skin of her pads. Her lungs squeeze tight for air and just as she's ready to collapse from the dizziness, the tom would pull away. "Don't forget those days from the marsh so quickly."

Sabletuft exhaled as if the life had taken all the air from him as well, and he turned with a noticably eager pace to return at Halfshade's side. — tags​

 

[✧ Stalkingpaw.]

˚⊹ I DON'T WANNA BE ANOTHER ONE ⊹˚

---

stalkingpaw & 12 moons & polygender & any pronouns & starclan apprentice​

---

"Hiya lichentail!" comes a warm, cheerful voice - green eyes glittering with warmth as star-speckled molly makes an appearance, peeking out from behind her fellow starclanners. This meeting is a far cheerier one than the last - surely, she will mourn smokestar as they all do, but Lichentails arrival had not been met with pain and bloodshed and instant loss of life. The molly looks the same as the day she died, if a bit healthier and.... well, starrier, as she pas forwards on graceful limbs.

"Didn't expect to be doing this so soon - but you'll make a great leader, I bet," she says. Unlike her fellow starclanners, the molly never shies away from conversing with their living visitors - perhaps a hold over from her own whimsical dreams before she had succumbed to yellowcoughs clutches. "With this life, I give you honesty," she says, familiar words falling easily from her lips as countenance suddenly turns serious. "To be honest is not easy - sometimes lies can be gentler than the truth. Easier even. It can be hard to accept, painful even.... But you can't let that stop you - be honest with yourself, with your council, with your clan. Say what must be said, do what must be done - pave the way for yourself and your clan, and may you make your choices without regret,"

For all that Stalkingpaw had been an emotional creature, full of life and whimsy, it was always her honesty that she'd struggled with - warring with herself over what she felt and what she said for all that she wore her heart on her sleeve. She'd once had regrets, shied away from mending the relationships with her family over the hard truths, nearly missed her chance until the very end. She does not wish to see any follow in her paw steps, leader or otherwise. Wry grin is fleeting as she gives the molly a gentle boop - ignoring the strange sensation of sharing life.

And then she steps back, dancing away to make room for the last.

— paying for the things I never done ⊹˚

• Actions && "Speech," && ' Thoughts/Quotes '
  
  ooc: —
  tw/cw: —
  
• 
  — a beautiful white and black she-cat with a starry coat and emerald eyes
  
  — previously an apprentice of riverclan
  — succumbed to yellowcough at 12 moons old [50 posts]
  

 

[SMOKESTAR]

—————————————————————⊰★⊱————————————————————
Even in an endless sea of stars he finds a means to blend in, black as the ink spill of eternal night that stretches across the ethereal fields; his markings a visage of stars staining black pelt in mimicry of the sky. He always walked with a heaviness to him, but his paws do not thunder as they once did and his movements are silent as his head dips and he breaks away from the shadows to stand head raised before Lichentail with an expression tight with grief. Smokestar says nothing at first, his single orange eye narrowed in thought and his throat clenching with a thousand words all vying for the rights to be the first to spill forth from black curled lips. After what felt like countless lifetimes, his maw parts, “I’m so sorry.”
An apology bursts from him, he has never been one for sincerity in face of regret so prominent before and yet all he can muster is three words amidst the torrent of others things he wished he could say, countless stories, messages, he is bursting at the seams with tales that will never have an ending, strings that will continue to unravel eternally with no way to wind them back up. He is everything that could have been and nothing that should have, a pyrrhic victory to have his chance of peace at the cost of leaving Lichentail to carry onward, to leave his kits with no parent and not even the names he had been mulling over proudly for so many moons to bestow upon them. He would not get to see Beepaw, Cricketpaw and Cicadapaw become warriors, he would not get to see his clan continue to flourish from beneath Cicadastar’s looming shadow. How many kits would be born that he’d never know? How many of his old clanmates would he find himself greeting here in moons to come? Did he leave a legacy that would be remembered fondly or would he join his former mate in darkness and be cursed for years to come? Smokestar wishes he was granted clairvoyance upon death, that he could see the life he might have continued to have if misfortune had not befallen him, but despite it all…
“I don’t regret it. I don’t want you to blame yourself, there is nothing that would have changed my decision because to me, Lichentail, you mean so much more to me than you could know.”
It was not the glorious end in battle he had wanted, he did not fall to an opponent in defense of his clan, he did not bleed out beneath curved claws and sharp teeth yet somehow this felt more proper. What better way to go than to ensure the future, to save one you cared for, to fall knowing that what you left behind was in good hands. And he trusted, more than anything, that RiverClan would be fine.

“With this life, I give you…trust. It is something fragile, a heart shattered by countless pains and betrayals, a fledgling leaping from it's nest for the first time. I once thought power and strength the most important virtues of a cat, but I’ve seen now they mean nothing when you can not put your faith in them. The clan will trust you, as they trusted me and as I also trusted you..and so you must also trust them.”
Charcoal nose presses tenderly to her forehead almost like a queen nudging their kit to slumber, it is gentle at first but the jolt of pain that resonates from it outward like a ripple is so sharp it is as though one is being torn apart by countless claws but it ebbs after several seconds, soothed by warm rain droplets spilling from a single fire and brimstone gaze. Smokestar lifts his head, pulls back roughly and tilts it upward, “StarClan welcomes you under your new name! Lichenstar! LICHENSTAR!”
His tail lashes behind him, he hears the echoes of the other spirits rising into a chorus of resounding noise to chant the newly named leader’s title with an enthusiasm only the dead could muster. As it fades his head jerks back down, lips tightening into a thin line as his expression twists into a grimace, “Cicadastar is not in StarClan. He never was, he did not give me a life as I had hoped he would and I do not know where he is.” It was knowledge no cat knew but him and Ravensong and with the other tom missing he bestowed it upon his once beloved deputy in the hopes that it was meaningless but she would be aware regardless.
“Lichenstar, there is something unnerving happening here, something strange. Look to Moonbeam for guidance in the coming days, the stars will grant her whatever knowledge we can bestow.”
That even StarClan did not know what was happening was jarring in its own way, he exhaled deeply and shook his head, his expression wavers once more, twisting as he restrains himself from falling into grief once more, “I hope my kits like the names I chose for them, even if I am not able to give them.” Smokestar wonders if they hate him for leaving them as well, he only hopes they will remain strong and healthy nonetheless. The lights begin to fade as cats withdraw, star-shining pelts sinking back into the warm glow of their peaceful afterlife. He lingers, for a moment the realization that this is perhaps the last time he will ever see her again washes over him, the last time he might see any cat at all for countless moons and he does not wish to see them too soon but he also feels the gripping loneliness of StarClan with no one at his side, a promise that had been broken by his former mate.
“I love you like kin, I picked you for a reason.” There are so many more things he wants to say, wishes he could say, can not find the words to do so, but there is no time left to linger on regrets. Smokestar inhales deeply, allows a finally tentative smile to flicker across his expression, ”Goodbye Lichenstar, safe travels on your return…” He does not want to go, he never wanted this, but the dark tom turns with a sharp pivot and begins to make his way back into the lightless shroud that his coat so cleanly blended into and he is gone in the blink of an eye.

✘ I've got a reputation and a name to uphold. ✘ Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves.

•  
• 
  
  
  Smokestar
  —⊰⋅ Leader of RiverClan
  —⊰⋅ He/Him
  "SPEECH", 'THOUGHTS', ATTACK
  —⊰⋅ Black tom w/vitiligo & one orange eye.
  

​

 

[lichenstar]

✦　˚ 　✧ ˚　.˚　✦ 　✦

CLAIM THE BURIAL I SEEK IN DREAMS FLOWING RIVER CEMETARY ✧

• The faces here loom around her like a council come to pass judgement... she feels their gazes, stoic and dripping with mystic knowledge far beyond her grasp. It is humbling... if not for the abysmally small feeling it leaves behind.
  I'm not ready, hangs on cowardly tongue, already prepared to back-track and give up and pretend this hadn't happened, that it didn't need to, that maybe, maybe she'd made a mistake and if she hurried home right now-
  
  "Mother!"
  
  Rapidly fluttering heart seems to stop in that moment... Twin pools of refreshing blue waters stare up at her like a reflection... A freckling of snow-dusted smile, where pale eyes squint at their corners. He is so healthy... full of light and love... a stark difference from the tiny, winter-frail tom that she'd held between her paws and beseeched not to be angry with her. Legs trot confidently forward and a craning neck reaches out to touch her... Lichentail hesitates, if only because a fear gnaws at her belly that says touching him might ruin the illusion. That he might crumble apart to a hundred tiny pieces and be gone again. Ever so slowly, she reaches down to press her nose against his, drawing in a shaky, nervous breath to be overwhelmed by his star-crested scent. It is not of RiverClan... it never had been... but it is an air of calm and peace and freedom. "Hello... my sweet boy..."
  
  A selfish part of her wants to wrap him up tightly, snuggle him close all the ways she never got to and insist her stay. Just for a bit longer...
  
  Joyous and not as ignorant to her pains as she would've though, he pronounces this first life forgiveness and the flimsy beams of a stoic shell cascades. Tears prickle at the corners of her eyes, relief thundering down like a waterfall dribbling down her back. He explains in words far too big for the age he is in memory... with a wisdom that is deceiving and departs with only a single request. "She loves you!... So much... and I will... I'll tell her." A pained smile pulls at her lips as he disappears back into the crowd and the ache returns again, persistent... stubborn.
  
  The molly that approaches next is not wholly familiar to her... someone that exists in memory made of fog and mud. She speaks with a kindness that is edged with discipline... A harshness of a mother tested, a warrior bound by duty. Her words are harrowing truth.... A demand for unwavering justice... and the burden of setting aside personal biases for the betterment of the whole. A largely more difficult task than it suggests itself to be.
  
  Pumpkinpaw comes forward as dilute curls disappear into the crowd... a familiar face that has long since been gone from the apprentice's den but still remembered... still mourned. She speaks of freedom and like a wind-swept bird she feels it too, itching in her paws to fly across the territory and seek new horizons. To sniff out different paths... to carve a future that is uniquely their own. It is a much needed relief... and a reminder of her roots; a life without clans and borders and stringent rules. One far different from the life led now.
  
  The swirls of sunshine and dark fur is painfully familiar... it is a recent addition and one felt so heavily following the nearness of a father who now rests with her here. At least... she is not alone. At least there is family to welcome her and spend an infinite rest with her. Ears fold back in a silent show of remorse, and the anger of Snowkit's name is near forgotten in that moment. Lilybloom had suffered enough... did not deserve her ire, especially not now, when gentle words offering a special kind of love leave her lips. A mother's love... and though Lichentail could not say she'd felt that warmth blossom in her chest when coddled by her own mother, she knew it fiercely as its keeper. It is without question then... that she'll watch out for Lilybloom's own children, a silent nod the only indication she understood and would keep true to it.
  
  The sea parts to reveal a toothy-grinned friend... one who parrots her own thoughts- that they should not have had to meet so soon. It's startling to see how much brighter his smile is, how light his paw-steps are. He had missed Clearsight so sincerely, with all of his being... and had to suffer no more. Reunited. His joy is infectious, pulling an amused purr from her chest as a paw delicately smacks at her nose, almost forgetting to share just what gift he'd given before ultimately racing back to his love's side.
  
  But the peace is a lull into safety and security that does not prepare her for emerald blades that cut through her messy fur like they are dying reeds. "I shouldn't be seeing you here," and at first she mistakes it for anger. Was she wrong...? Was Smokestar really not here, she'd betrayed him by sweeping into the Moonstone and claiming what lives he had left for herself in a selfish grab for power? Eyes soften, a tone laced with grief, and she says what the lynx point had not realized she was desperate to hear. "I'm glad." Impatiently the blue surges forward, quick to try to grapple around Brookstorm's ghostly form in some sort of embrace, an apology hidden in claws that beg to touch something real, something physical. Maybe she could've done something different... could've said something better... might've been able to keep her safe. She slips right through her paws again... and she is not unlike her kin in that regard. So vibrant and explosive and colorful in life and like the most beautiful rose, snipped at its stem early... Brookstorm's touch feels like panic. Fear and suffocation and a sinking loneliness- her throat tightens, loses her voice in the waves that crash over a feeble heart- "It hurts, doesn't it?"
  
  A part of her mourns that pain... clings to it as a memory of someone lost. It hurts... but it means she's still there. Tearful eyes search a melancholic face as she steps away and she is painfully aware that this may be the last time for many moons... that the next time would be to join her here. "They're perfect... you know?" And she hopes Halfshade was telling the truth, that StarClan knew and could see. That Brookstorm was not sat here in idle wondering, was not entirely helpless to see her children grow. The threat of being watched, though playful, doesn't seem so daunting as it once did... not when there are this many faces she can recognize and more. "Don't blink." If they did... maybe it'd be that split second she needed them most.
  
  The march continues in its relentless, unceasing pace… and it is starting to become less and less a source of fear. The act of touching noses and being given advice isn’t a matter of great worry… but the longer it goes without a familiar starlit sky pelt- Sabletuft, if only for a moment, looks like him. And her breath hitches in her chest to think the moment finally arrived.. But his voice is conniving and smooth, not unlike the hissing of a snake. They had been colony-mates once. He conjures up memory of months of suffering… of hardship far more daunting than even the yellowcough plight had been. At least they no longer question their meals every day… they do not fear for their safety at all hours. Do not fight for tiny scraps of land that are hardly worth keeping. His life is loud despite its intent… it roars and writhes to be witnessed. Do not forget…
  
  It’s a promise that is easy to keep.
  
  It is eight far too soon… and it sends a chord of sorrow ringing in her ears to see Sablemist’s littermate and know just how much of life she has missed. What would she have been named… if she stood in RiverClan today? Would she have found love too? Would she be annoying her sister about her affections for Ferngill, or giving the orange tom a lectured threat to treat her right? Her brows pinch, offering the faintest smile in greeting, leaning forward to embrace this life as she had all the rest. Honesty... and this is one that feels much simpler for her to understand. She’d always vyed for that virtue… to speak the truth and nothing else. It is her hope then, that she may continue that and honor the freckled girl’s memory.
  
  ….
  
  But the tide does not ebb the way it promised… under the light of the moon. It rushes towards the shores, crashing in a great splash as its wild waves crest and fold upon themselves. It is a warning… one felt in her bones long before sky-torn eyes see him. Obsidian brushstrokes paint him before her… and he seems a far lighter version of the tom she’d seen last. His pawsteps are quiet and his voice does not boom in eager greeting. They stare, eyes fixated on each other in silence. A hundred words flood a torrent of futures that are dashed by this reality. The emptiness yawns, time stretches painfully slow and though she knows what she wants to do, what she wants to say… it sticks like tar under her paws… clasps her mouth tightly shut with a vice.
  
  ”I’m so sorry.”
  
  Her lips quiver to hear his voice… to remember in all its clarity the soft baritone of his speech, the way he articulated certain words. ”Don’t-” and it cracks like an egg plummeted from a nest too suddenly, ”Don’t be sorry,” is begged in warbled words, ”Just… just come back.”
  
  Denial grasps painfully at her chest, scratching up her limbs as a childish demand tumbles from her maw. He can’t come back. They both know that… and still she asks him. But he persists, shakes his head outright in the gentlest refusal he can offer. He can’t. They both know that. She swallows pitifully past the lump in her throat as he continues, imploring her to find some sort of relief in knowing his fate to be inevitable. That there was no stopping it. That she could not grip the strings between her claws and twist or tie them in a way that could save him. Buries the final knife into a bleeding heart to say that her value to him is far deeper than can be understood… and would forever go unexplained, because there were not words, or time to explain it with.
  
  The life of trust tastes sour on her tongue before it ever even reaches her… it is a struggle contended with daily and made more and more difficult to adhere to with its repeated betrayal. How many times had they trusted… and come up wanting? She frowns, nose scrunched where fat, pearly tears trail down it, thinks to argue with him like she usually did. That trust was earned and shouldn’t be given freely- but his nose presses like ice on an aching burn… so gentle it is like being nestled in downy feathers in the harshness of winter. It crackles in sharp edges and jagged cuts, leaving only the warmth of those fresh wounds behind and the heat of the tears that trickle freely down scruffy cheeks. It is like a storm, saying goodbye to its darkened sky.
  
  And to part from it is agonizing, to be ripped from that last moment so suddenly… it isn’t any different from the side of the cliffs, to have had him so close you could feel his warmth and then just as suddenly, nothing.
  
  The cacophony of caterwauls of a new name scream the finality of the act… the seriousness of his tone a sharp contrast to the affection given moments before. Cicadastar is not here… and there is something brewing in the heaven-sent skies. It is a daunting revelation… and judging by the tight-lipped frown that her medicine cat wears… it is just as hauntingly uncertain for her.
  
  But the formalities have ended… the song comes to a close… the conductor waves the last few notes into silence as Smokestar offers his sincere and final farewell. He hums a hope for the future, one he will now be forced to watch rather than enact himself and she remembers with a bitter smile the names he’d shared. Ones lovingly picked by a father overwhelmed with pride and hope… ones she would now be responsible for giving. ”Make sure… you’re watching…” Maybe they might feel his hearth-fire gaze on them in a few moons time when it would be their turn and know that they are loved. Know that these were destined to be theirs since before they’d ever dreamed of ascending to warriorhood.
  
  There is one last affirmation of friendship, a promise of familial love that stings just as much as it eases the heartache. An assurance they are but a few blood-drops short of being kin. That his choice was no foolhardy mistake. Before he steps back into light to disperse as starlight above, she reaches forward one last time, to press her cheek against his despite the humiliating dampness of her fitful crying. One last goodbye.
  
  ”Until… next time…” A nebulous time in the future where they would not have to part again. That… that would be a day worth celebrating.
  
  Tired, tear-reddened eyes blink… and there is nothing but the soft hum of the Moonstone and the gentle shuffling of a pale pelted she-cat beside her. StarClan is out of reach once more, as it should be.
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