- Jun 22, 2023
- 438
- 94
- 28
I SEE A SONG OF PAST ROMANCE — As the days and nights begin to grow cooler, Hailstorm wanders throughout the lush territory taking the time to look around at his surroundings and notice how the greens were beginning to shift to bright yellows and oranges. He’s more rested than he has been in the last few days having finally found the time to sleep in his nest without the fear of dogs chasing after them or an eagle swooping down for either of his clanmates. The burly tomcat had gone out with a few other cats to hunt for the queens, kittens, and elders of their clan and he took this duty quite seriously despite how his snowy coat stuck out amongst all the thick foliage and gave him away to any prey that may be around.
It takes a few hours but he returns to camp with a squirrel and mouse hanging from his jaws, both of his ears pressed against his skull, and forest debris littering his plush coat even if it doesn’t bother him in the slightest. Hailstorm dropped his catch onto the fresh kill pile, spending the rest of the afternoon plucking out small leaves and twigs from his longhaired fur with his teeth or claws. Some point later in his day does he share prey with one of his friends offering a tired smile and dodging any questions of “how are you feeling lately?” seeing that it’s clear he has not moved on from the death of his late mate, Little Wolf.
His eyes are not as dull and hollow as they had been when she had died up within the frigid, cruel mountains and he had been there for her final breath yet his dark copper gaze lack the liveliness and warmth they once held before the journey had taken the one person that meant the world to him, the one he wished to spend a lifetime with yet it had been tragically short lived. It's later when Hailstorm has finally settled down for the night curled up in a tight ball with his nose hiding beneath his legs that it has been a moon since Little Wolf had given her life to save a Skyclan apprentice.
His paws twitching, claws unsheathing in his sleep, and whiskers twitching as his body unfurls slowly while he dreams or rather… Forcefully remember what had happened within those damned mountains as flashes of crimson painting the snow, a broken body of an ebony molly, and several blurred faces surrounding her. Surrounded them. All of their words fall on deaf ears as Hailstorm brings Little Wolf’s broken body close to his own, holding her in his arms, and sobbing before his breathing becomes heavy.
He jolts up from his nest in a cold sweat yet his breathing remains heavy and rapid, he feels as if he’s suffocating and moves out of the den hastily wanting to get out and his paws lead him out of the camp entrance not daring to look behind him. His mind panicking at the fact that it's uneasy to breathe, his clumsy paws cause him to trip and fall forward onto the ground with a clumsy thump where he lays not bothering to rise from where he had collapsed. His claws unsheathe digging into the cool soil below him and he tears at it while trying to regulate his breathing, Hailstorm’s eyes dilating as he stays on the forest floor. The mountain of fur can start to feel his eyes stinging as his breathing slows and his body trembles for a few moments before it becomes more intense.
Fat, salty tears begin to blossom at his eyes, slipping down his face and his body shaking completely as his broken sobs break the silence the forest once had. A few hiccups escape him and remembers how he had foolishly tried to hold himself together unwilling to let himself break in front of those he cared about and how he struggled in doing so. How he had tried to keep himself occupied at all times in hopes that he would not dwell on the painful thoughts and realization that his best friend, his lover, was truly gone from the land of the living having ascended to their star pelted ancestors that scattered the night skies.
His paws tremble as they settle onto his head and he hunches over, unable to stop himself from sobbing, the dam that held together the strong currents having finally broken. Hailstorm completely disregarding that he’s potentially vulnerable being out here by himself and in such a state yet he hadn’t wanted to wake anyone within camp with his sobbing. He didn’t want to see him becoming a mess, a hollowed out husk of what he used to be… A warm, caring individual that cared for everyone that had a lot to live for and showed promise.
When he had gone on the journey it had been for his clan to save them from yellowcough so no more of his clanmates would succumb to it and meet an early grave, he didn’t care of the thought of becoming a hero or well known throughout history. He did it out of the kindness of his heart and wanting the best for Thunderclan and despite the long, treacherous journey… It took a lot from them and it was taxing. It took their energy, it tested their ability to cooperate together, and it took their sense of safety, and most importantly, it had taken Little Wolf.
His memory fades to a time where he had found her curled up and crying, how he had gone to comfort her, and offered his shoulder for her to lean and cry on. How he told her that holding it in would only cause the emotional wounds to fester and hurt even further to let herself mourn for her daughter and the one she lost or rather someone that she could no longer love, someone who wouldn’t be able to stay at her side forever. He’s a hypocrite, he thinks in that moment as he wipes away at the tears that continue rolling from his cheeks and sniffles, unable to stop the way his body racks from the ugly wailing that rips from his jaws. All the raw emotion finally being released and allowing himself to grieve, to mourn, and sob for his dead best friend.
He wishes that he didn’t have to mourn for her when she should be here watching Duskpaw recover from yellowcough and become more alive than he currently feels. Here with her family that missed her so much and a little more selfishly thought but here… With him. He misses the sight of her forest kissed eyes and how the sides of her eyes would crinkle at his silly remarks and jokes, he misses how much she loved newleaf and hated leafbare, and he misses the way her dark shorter coat pressed against his own. How the moon kissed the dark sky, melded together perfectly, as if meant to be.
Yet how tragically it had ended for the both of them, he took a shaky breath focusing his gaze onto his paws knowing that they were still sore from the journey, his eyes closed as a few more tears rolled down his face. “It’s been a moon,” The large cat mumbles to himself with a shake of his head rising to his paws shakily as if taking his first steps, he stills before casting a glance over to the inky sky overhead and blinks once more to clear his vision. The silence surrounding him interrupted by a sniffle, his mind dwelling on Berryheart’s offer and how he had taken it to help his own clan but also the slimmest chance of seeing his love once more. He’d do right by his clan, by those he cared for, and by Little Wolf.
He feels his paws leading him away from where he had collapsed heading in the direction where he remembers walking through once, it’s familiar despite how everything is shifting and getting ready for the cooler season, and Hailstorm finding an area where a few flowers bloomed. “Will you help me get flowers for Morningpaw’s grave?” The memory is enough to bring a sad smile to his maw as he carefully parted the soil to gather the blooms not wanting to ruin them, he took extra this time as he made his way to where the young molly had been buried. He wonders how long it has been since someone had visited seeing the wilted remains of what he and Little Wolf had gathered before they had gone on that journey, Hailstorm places the flowers down delicately and next to it gathers a few smooth rocks and pebbles to form a grave of sorts for his dearly departed where he puts the other bundle of flowers.
“I miss you but you’re reunited now. It won’t be long before I see you again, Big Bear.” Or so he hopes, it's his wish to see her again, whether it be when he goes to Highstones to dream of Starclan or when he draws his final breath and she’s there to lead him to endless hunting, warmth, and eternity just as he had promised her where they would live with one another in the stars. Only time would tell and he’s nervous about it in the slightest, this new chapter of his life would be beginning and he would need to learn more than being a warrior. He’d learn to heal the wounded, mend broken bones, and bring forth newborns from the several bonded pairs within Thunderclan.
Looking upon the moon, the night sky, and its stars, he has a newfound confidence in himself when he returns to camp… He would begin to move his belongings into the medicine cat den, Hailstorm would miss the warriors den but he couldn’t will himself to stay when he felt that her ghost still lingered there beside him. He’s far from moving on from her but this would be the first step of him getting out of this depressive stupor he has gotten into since her death. He breathes a cloud into the cold air…
“I love you, my dear.”
It takes a few hours but he returns to camp with a squirrel and mouse hanging from his jaws, both of his ears pressed against his skull, and forest debris littering his plush coat even if it doesn’t bother him in the slightest. Hailstorm dropped his catch onto the fresh kill pile, spending the rest of the afternoon plucking out small leaves and twigs from his longhaired fur with his teeth or claws. Some point later in his day does he share prey with one of his friends offering a tired smile and dodging any questions of “how are you feeling lately?” seeing that it’s clear he has not moved on from the death of his late mate, Little Wolf.
His eyes are not as dull and hollow as they had been when she had died up within the frigid, cruel mountains and he had been there for her final breath yet his dark copper gaze lack the liveliness and warmth they once held before the journey had taken the one person that meant the world to him, the one he wished to spend a lifetime with yet it had been tragically short lived. It's later when Hailstorm has finally settled down for the night curled up in a tight ball with his nose hiding beneath his legs that it has been a moon since Little Wolf had given her life to save a Skyclan apprentice.
His paws twitching, claws unsheathing in his sleep, and whiskers twitching as his body unfurls slowly while he dreams or rather… Forcefully remember what had happened within those damned mountains as flashes of crimson painting the snow, a broken body of an ebony molly, and several blurred faces surrounding her. Surrounded them. All of their words fall on deaf ears as Hailstorm brings Little Wolf’s broken body close to his own, holding her in his arms, and sobbing before his breathing becomes heavy.
He jolts up from his nest in a cold sweat yet his breathing remains heavy and rapid, he feels as if he’s suffocating and moves out of the den hastily wanting to get out and his paws lead him out of the camp entrance not daring to look behind him. His mind panicking at the fact that it's uneasy to breathe, his clumsy paws cause him to trip and fall forward onto the ground with a clumsy thump where he lays not bothering to rise from where he had collapsed. His claws unsheathe digging into the cool soil below him and he tears at it while trying to regulate his breathing, Hailstorm’s eyes dilating as he stays on the forest floor. The mountain of fur can start to feel his eyes stinging as his breathing slows and his body trembles for a few moments before it becomes more intense.
Fat, salty tears begin to blossom at his eyes, slipping down his face and his body shaking completely as his broken sobs break the silence the forest once had. A few hiccups escape him and remembers how he had foolishly tried to hold himself together unwilling to let himself break in front of those he cared about and how he struggled in doing so. How he had tried to keep himself occupied at all times in hopes that he would not dwell on the painful thoughts and realization that his best friend, his lover, was truly gone from the land of the living having ascended to their star pelted ancestors that scattered the night skies.
His paws tremble as they settle onto his head and he hunches over, unable to stop himself from sobbing, the dam that held together the strong currents having finally broken. Hailstorm completely disregarding that he’s potentially vulnerable being out here by himself and in such a state yet he hadn’t wanted to wake anyone within camp with his sobbing. He didn’t want to see him becoming a mess, a hollowed out husk of what he used to be… A warm, caring individual that cared for everyone that had a lot to live for and showed promise.
When he had gone on the journey it had been for his clan to save them from yellowcough so no more of his clanmates would succumb to it and meet an early grave, he didn’t care of the thought of becoming a hero or well known throughout history. He did it out of the kindness of his heart and wanting the best for Thunderclan and despite the long, treacherous journey… It took a lot from them and it was taxing. It took their energy, it tested their ability to cooperate together, and it took their sense of safety, and most importantly, it had taken Little Wolf.
His memory fades to a time where he had found her curled up and crying, how he had gone to comfort her, and offered his shoulder for her to lean and cry on. How he told her that holding it in would only cause the emotional wounds to fester and hurt even further to let herself mourn for her daughter and the one she lost or rather someone that she could no longer love, someone who wouldn’t be able to stay at her side forever. He’s a hypocrite, he thinks in that moment as he wipes away at the tears that continue rolling from his cheeks and sniffles, unable to stop the way his body racks from the ugly wailing that rips from his jaws. All the raw emotion finally being released and allowing himself to grieve, to mourn, and sob for his dead best friend.
He wishes that he didn’t have to mourn for her when she should be here watching Duskpaw recover from yellowcough and become more alive than he currently feels. Here with her family that missed her so much and a little more selfishly thought but here… With him. He misses the sight of her forest kissed eyes and how the sides of her eyes would crinkle at his silly remarks and jokes, he misses how much she loved newleaf and hated leafbare, and he misses the way her dark shorter coat pressed against his own. How the moon kissed the dark sky, melded together perfectly, as if meant to be.
Yet how tragically it had ended for the both of them, he took a shaky breath focusing his gaze onto his paws knowing that they were still sore from the journey, his eyes closed as a few more tears rolled down his face. “It’s been a moon,” The large cat mumbles to himself with a shake of his head rising to his paws shakily as if taking his first steps, he stills before casting a glance over to the inky sky overhead and blinks once more to clear his vision. The silence surrounding him interrupted by a sniffle, his mind dwelling on Berryheart’s offer and how he had taken it to help his own clan but also the slimmest chance of seeing his love once more. He’d do right by his clan, by those he cared for, and by Little Wolf.
He feels his paws leading him away from where he had collapsed heading in the direction where he remembers walking through once, it’s familiar despite how everything is shifting and getting ready for the cooler season, and Hailstorm finding an area where a few flowers bloomed. “Will you help me get flowers for Morningpaw’s grave?” The memory is enough to bring a sad smile to his maw as he carefully parted the soil to gather the blooms not wanting to ruin them, he took extra this time as he made his way to where the young molly had been buried. He wonders how long it has been since someone had visited seeing the wilted remains of what he and Little Wolf had gathered before they had gone on that journey, Hailstorm places the flowers down delicately and next to it gathers a few smooth rocks and pebbles to form a grave of sorts for his dearly departed where he puts the other bundle of flowers.
“I miss you but you’re reunited now. It won’t be long before I see you again, Big Bear.” Or so he hopes, it's his wish to see her again, whether it be when he goes to Highstones to dream of Starclan or when he draws his final breath and she’s there to lead him to endless hunting, warmth, and eternity just as he had promised her where they would live with one another in the stars. Only time would tell and he’s nervous about it in the slightest, this new chapter of his life would be beginning and he would need to learn more than being a warrior. He’d learn to heal the wounded, mend broken bones, and bring forth newborns from the several bonded pairs within Thunderclan.
Looking upon the moon, the night sky, and its stars, he has a newfound confidence in himself when he returns to camp… He would begin to move his belongings into the medicine cat den, Hailstorm would miss the warriors den but he couldn’t will himself to stay when he felt that her ghost still lingered there beside him. He’s far from moving on from her but this would be the first step of him getting out of this depressive stupor he has gotten into since her death. He breathes a cloud into the cold air…
“I love you, my dear.”
-
✦ longhaired blue sepia tom w/low white and brown eyes
✦ amab he/him ; other pronouns used towards him will confuse him
✦ 49 moons old
✦ bisexual demiromantic; mates withlittle wolf
✦ "speech", thoughts, attacking
✦ semi-difficult in combat; relies on strength, his large size, and wits
✦ peaceful powerplay allowed
