sensitive topics you could lose everything - gentlestorm

[Flamestar]

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ No physical wound could begin to touch the pain that radiated from her heart. She felt empty, as if her heart had been torn out. The pain from her mother's death had dulled over time, but she had had Flycatcher there to help her get through it. Now, she had nobody. Little Wolf, Sunfreckle, Batwing, Berryheart, her mate...everyone she had deeply befriended and loved were gone. Never before in Thunderclan had she ever felt so alone. Her kits were old enough now to notice her withdrawal...her absence. Even though she was physically there, her mind was in another place. Sparrowkit was jealous of her new kits...just the other morning she had found Scorchedkit curled up in a ball inside the nursery, unwilling to go out and play. It pained her every time she watched the other queens outside playing with her kits, but it pained her even more realizing that she couldn't.

Today was a beautiful, sunny day...probably one of the warmest days of green leaf so far. Flamewhisker was sitting outside the nursery, trying her best to watch her kits play...but she couldn't take her eyes off of one spot in the clearing. The sun beat warmly down upon two mated elders who were sharing tongues. Just a few moons ago, she and Flycatcher had laid in that very spot, talking about their kit's futures. She knew the pair well...her kits visited them often. They had raised kits of their own, and had been together for most of their lives. It's not fair... That was supposed to be her and Flycatcher. They were supposed to grow old together, to meet their grandkits, and eventually their great-grandkits. After accepting the deputy position, she had assumed there was a likelihood that she would outlive him, but she hadn't expected his death to come so soon...so suddenly.

She hadn't realized it, but her claws had sunk into the dirt again. Her legs were trembling, and her heart was racing. Another panic attack was coming on...Her gaze whipped to the nursery, but Moonwhisper was in there with Batwing and Leopardtongue's kits. The last thing she wanted was to be scolded by the other queen. Roeflame wasn't too far away, and she was already watching over the kits. Because I'm no help... Flamewhisker leaned down, and grabbed the mouse that had been placed in front of her paws. She couldn't stay in the camp, she needed air...fast. It was too much, too overwhelming.

Flamewhisker burst through the camp's tunnel with a gasp. It had been moons since she had been out in the forest. The queen had refused to leave after the kits had been born, out of fear that something would happen to her. Not that it would matter. Quickly, she padded off to the right of the tunnel, so she wouldn't be in the way of any cats returning or leaving. Her back slumped backwards against a boulder, and she leaned her head against it, lifting her chin to the sky. "I'm a horrible mother." her words were silent...cold. "I can't do this without you." What mother hadn't been able to stand to look at her kits when they were newborns? What kind of mother had refused to name her own kits? You are no better than Baying Hound. Fallowpaw's deranged mother that she had helped chase off...a rogue. The very type of cat who had killed her mate. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her shoulders buckled as the weight of grief came crashing down once more.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── I WOKE UP IN TEARS ⋅✩⋅ WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE ──┐‎

• 
  
  
  

• 

• FLAMEWHISKER ✩ she/her, deputy of thunderclan, 31 moons, ages on the 20th
  ⭃ LH red tabby with low white (masks black tabby, carries dilute, solid)
  ⭃ formerly mated to flycatcher / / mother to: falconheart, stormfeather, sparrowkit, sunkit, mothkit, scorchedkit, and squirrelkit
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ will start a fight, will finish fights, will kill (case depending)
  ⭃ link to toyhouse
  ⭃ penned by Icey ! ↛ @icefang65 on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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[GENTLESTORM]

'CAUSE SOMEWHERE DOWN THE BANK — The pain that Flamewhisker feels now is one that Gentlestorm's very familiar with and the agony of loss had lodged itself into his heart, it remains but only hurts every now and then whenever he sees anything that reminds him of her. It's been several moons since Little Wolf had died to the talons of an eagle while saving Orangestar's daughter yet that alone isn't enough to dull the occasional heartache and envy he felt whenever he saw happy pairs of cats together. He had the same thoughts as his red tabbied friend, it should've been him sharing tongues with her in the clearing, their coats pressed together throughout the day, and his arms draped around her every night instead of the sad mound of moss that lay in his nest. It's selfish he knows and that's what normally extinguishes his thoughts, his main focus now being those that lived and walked in/out of camp every day. His duty to serve the clan and heal them of any ailments being his priority despite how it seemed unfair in the slightest.

Once his thoughts had subsided, the pale tom steps out from the elders den having finished removing ticks though from the corner of his eye does he catch movement and notices a red pelt. His first assumption was Flamewhisker going to the dirt place yet he has this uneasy feeling in his gut and follows after her seeing how she moves out of the way from the warriors that are slipping back into camp, she's sobbing and he feels sympathy for her. The cold words that tumble out from her mouth is enough to make the fur on his body prickle, the pale tom approaches her and presses his nose to her shoulder then meets her green gaze with his own. He's silent yet his eyes speak for him to show that he knows what she's going through, he feels her pain, and he's here for her just as he had been when they had gone on the journey together.

"You're not a horrible mother." He states firmly yet just as his namesake, his voice is gentle, and sadness pools in his dark honeyed gaze "I'm here, dear friend." A soft murmur as he offers his shoulder to her and presses his nose to her head carefully hoping that his prescence will provide some comfort even if he knows that her sorrow would only wash away if Flycatcher dipped down from the heavens to be at her side once more.

WHERE THE DOGS ROAM ✿ POR LA CALLE QUE TE LLEVA A CURICÓ

• 
  MEDICINE CAT IN TRAINING;
  — ✿✿✿✿✿ FLESH WOUNDS
  — ✿✿✿✿❀ INFECTIONS
  — ✿✿✿✿❀ ACHES & PAINS
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ ILLNESS
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ BREATHING ISSUES
  — ✿❀❀❀❀ TRAVELING HERBS
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ BROKEN BONES
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ KITTING
  — ❀❀❀❀❀ POISONS
• 
  ✿ a longhaired blue sepia tom w/low white and brown eyes
  ✿ gentlestorm is a very warm individual and friendly to those who he meets, he's very social and willing to lend anyone a paw if they need it. he's very patient, caring, and it's usually rare to earn his ire.
  ✿ 54 moons old; ages the 27th every month
  ✿ widowed mate of little wolf
  ✿ easy to befriend/interact with ; hard to anger/upset ; peaceful powerplay allowed
  ✿ "speech", thoughts, attacking

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[Flamestar]

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ tw// suicidal thoughts

The undergrowth rustles beside her, and her clouded gaze lifts up to meet Gentlestorm's. She met his silent gaze with her own pained, distant gaze. You're not a horrible mother. At his words, she tore her attention away, returning it to her front paws. She felt him settle beside her, and without realizing it she pressed against his shoulder. Before, she would have pulled away, isolated from another's attempt at comfort...but she couldn't shoulder the grief anymore. It was pulling her down, like she was suffocating in the river once more.

Her ears pinned against her head, and her she dug her claws into the soil to keep her front legs from buckling. All of the tears she had been holding in after the kits were old enough to realize that their mother was upset came bursting out. She couldn't keep them in anymore, not now. "I can't do this..." the words came out weakly between streams of tears. "I can't do this...I can't live without him" It still seamed like a horrible nightmare, but each morning she was reminded that he would not be coming to visit her or the kits, they would never take walks together...would never tease each other about their ages, or who would beat who in a race. He would not be there to watch their kits become apprentices, or to cheer for them when they earned their warrior names. He would never get to experience becoming a grandparent...to see their kit's kits grow and become members of the clan.

The selfish thoughts crawled into her mind once more. They often kept her awake at nights...but the presence of her kits at her belly kept her from acting upon them. She knew how to reunite herself with him. A late night walk in the forest alone, an accidental trip into the river...even a misplaced step onto the Thunderpath. Her body stiffened as the tried to push the thoughts away again. As desperate as she was to be with him, she refused to leave their children behind with no parents. She had to experience life without either parents, and no matter how much pain she was in, she would do anything in her power to keep them from feeling that pain.

She took in a deep breath, and pulled away from his shoulder. The tears had subsided for now, but she wasn't oblivious to the fact they could return in a blink of an eye. "How...how do you keep going?" He had experience this pain before, but he was still strong. She had gotten to bury her mate just outside the camp...he had to leave his in the mountains. If her pain was this bad, she couldn't fathom his own.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── I WOKE UP IN TEARS ⋅✩⋅ WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE ──┐‎

• 
  
  
  

• 

• FLAMEWHISKER ✩ she/her, deputy of thunderclan, 31 moons, ages on the 20th
  ⭃ LH red tabby with low white (masks black tabby, carries dilute, solid)
  ⭃ widowed mate to flycatcher / / mother to: falconheart, stormfeather, sparrowkit, sunkit, mothkit, scorchedkit, and squirrelkit
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ will start a fight, will finish fights, will kill (case depending)
  ⭃ link to toyhouse
  ⭃ penned by Icey ! ↛ @icefang65 on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[GENTLESTORM]

'CAUSE SOMEWHERE DOWN THE BANK — As she presses into her shoulder does he rest his nose on her head gently and speaks in a quiet voice "You're not a horrible mother, you could never be such a thing." He repeats so that she's reassured and that she knows that all of Starclan knows what she is... A terrible mother is nothing that Flamewhisker ever become even now as she's been distant to her recent litter due to the loss of her mate. "You are the most loving and fierce mother I've ever met. The same one who searched for Stormfeather, you took initiative and asked who would stay to help get her home while the others went ahead. She was wounded badly and the only reason she's here now is because of you." Gentlestorm focused on her only to pull away briefly when she begins to speak once more and how she can't do this nor live without him, it feels like the dagger lodged in his chest has been twisted reminding him of his own love that had been buried away in the mountains. A shaky breath escape his throat despite the way it tightens with the emotions he's feeling now but nods silently trying to figure out what to say especially since she pulled away.

Admittedly, when Little Wolf had died from the eagle and near him... A big part of him had wanted to stay behind and freeze up in the mountains turn as cold as the endless leafbare that reigned beyond Highstones. He feels her pain since he has been there but unlike Flamewhisker, Gentlestorm still has a way to see Little Wolf within his dreams whenever he visits the moonstone. The red tabby doesn't have that opportunity unless Howlingstar passes anytime soon and she goes to recieve her nine lives yet he isn't certain that the reunion would last long until the new cat came to give the deputy a life. He's pulled from his thoughts when she asks him how he keeps going and its enough to make him flinch in the slightest, a small frown on his maw only to turn his gaze away from her.

There was several things or rather individuals that had kept him going, the pale tom clears his throat only to turn his copper gaze back to her. He parts his jaws to speak as a dry chuckle slips from his throat and his ears lay flat against his skull "It... It was hard at first and it hurt so, so much. I had wanted to stay up there and believed that there wasn't anything worth fighting for anymore." He can feel his chest hurting as he dug up the memories and a sad smile forms on his face with a shake of his head, "I hated my own name... It reminded me too much of the cold mountains and the snow where I had lost her. But... I remembered why I had gone on the journey for my clan and my clanmates. Little Wolf had gone for Duskbird and I silently promised I'd get it back to them... To all of them. Batwing and Magpiepaw helped me a lot... Then when Stormfeather had gotten hurt," A shaky breath pushes pass his scruffy mouth and he closes his eyes for a heartbeat.

"I had to help her and its what Little Wolf would've wanted. I found a purpose and an offer had been extended my way to become a medicine cat apprentice. It's still hard, I still miss her everyday... But its easier to keep going for myself and my clan. Helping others has been rather therapeutic for me." He explains the best he can not realizing the tears that had slid down his face, his ears still pressed flat against his head, and he lets out a dry laugh hoping that he's helping Flamewhisker with their talk. He decides not to mention how he keeps himself busy with his work or organizing the herbs multiple times a day, she would find her own coping mechanism that's potentially healthier than his. "You'll see him again one day, dear." Gentlestorm murmurs quietly to her and he offers her a comforting bump of his shoulder, he perks his ears forward trying to read her expression.

"Until that day though your kits need you now." A gentle reminder but he's in no rush to get her back to the nursery more focused on making sure that she's going to be alright that she'll live just like him despite the sorrows of lost love.

WHERE THE DOGS ROAM ✿ POR LA CALLE QUE TE LLEVA A CURICÓ

• 
  MEDICINE CAT IN TRAINING;
  — ✿✿✿✿✿ FLESH WOUNDS
  — ✿✿✿✿❀ INFECTIONS
  — ✿✿✿✿❀ ACHES & PAINS
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ ILLNESS
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ BREATHING ISSUES
  — ✿❀❀❀❀ TRAVELING HERBS
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ BROKEN BONES
  — ✿✿✿❀❀ KITTING
  — ❀❀❀❀❀ POISONS
• 
  ✿ a longhaired blue sepia tom w/low white and brown eyes
  ✿ gentlestorm is a very warm individual and friendly to those who he meets, he's very social and willing to lend anyone a paw if they need it. he's very patient, caring, and it's usually rare to earn his ire.
  ✿ 54 moons old; ages the 27th every month
  ✿ widowed mate of little wolf
  ✿ easy to befriend/interact with ; hard to anger/upset ; peaceful powerplay allowed
  ✿ "speech", thoughts, attacking

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