private you don't see me anymore // pebbletail

[splashdance]

Getting used to the copse was easy, admittedly. Whilst she hadn't experienced a flood before this one, she experienced displacement by her very own paws. Moving camps twice over in her life is not a big deal, admittedly, though she does hold sorrows for all that may be lost to the river. One thing that she particularly does mourn, however, is the sudden distance between herself and her friend.

Splashdance isn't dense. Ever since excepting the flower-adorned stone from Midnightash, her best friend has grown distant. Maybe the details are unknown to her but the defined line between then and now is clear to her. Midnightash isn't... the nicest she-cat in the Clan, surely, but Pebbletail's own sister isn't that kind, either. Surely he does not detest their union based on personality alone, given the sickly she-cat he's related to -

She clenches her jaw at the thought. Splashdance didn't realize how detrimental her thoughts had become - maybe she had become the problem. Maybe her own existence is reliant on others, adapting to their lives and personalities. Maybe she emits the same tattered aura that her partner does, and thus Pebbletail fears maintaining closeness with her. It's a silly thought, but who is the black furred molly if not a little airheaded?

"Pebbletail -!" she calls to him, interrupting whatever he had been doing before. Her tail twitches as she tries to share a smile with him, "Wanna go hunting? I heard some frog song recently - they'll be hiding soon, and you have to catch one before they do!"

@pebbletail
​

 

[pebbletail]

(☼) he can't help the guilt that churns in his gut every time he peels away to avoid splashdance. he's just been so busy, he reasons, curling up with his younger siblings for a nap in the sun. he's been helping put together their temporary camp, he justifies, wandering the flooded territory with careful paws amongst a patrol he's specifically requested not contain a specific pair of cats. still, every time he sees her, that good old guilt pushes up from where he's shoved it down, sends word vomit tumbling up towards his maw. he has to flee to prevent it from spilling.

so here's the thing - pebbletail isn't mad at splashdance, nor is he truly mad at midnightash. he's more upset at himself, foolish young man that he is, for not acting sooner, for not being able to tolerate his best friend's newfound joy. he has never allowed himself to put a name to the feelings he feels for the snow-speckled she-cat, but ever since owlpaw's observations, since hazecloud's gentle teasing, he's made the realization. he has a crush on splashdance, although crush feels very juvenile and soft. he is a warrior now, not some foolhardy apprentice with a kid infatuation.

so is he in love? he's not sure. it's not like it matters now. ember eyes flick about their makeshift camp, tentative paws carrying him through the reeds and tangled briars that have overgrown this place since its vacancy two seasons-turn ago. his shoulders ache from lifting and breaking branches, from weaving new dens into creation and overseeing moss gathering among other things. exhaustion hits him to his very core, and usually he would find his best friend and secret her away into their own world of soft teasing and good hunting. today, he finds he can't bring himself to do that.

so it is her voice and solid presence that drags him from his misty demeanor. sunspark eyes light up at her presence, even after his secretive heartbreak, and he allows a guarded smile to grace his maw. "hey splash," the tom will greet his best friend, allowing the smile to match her own. she begins to coax him into a hunting trip, something he had adored doing in the before. he supposes not much has changed, only that he doesn't think midnightash would like him to twine his tail with her mate's, as they'd previously done so many times.

you've gotta be okay with this, he thinks to himself, and the voice in his head might be foxtail's or lichenstar's. she's happy with someone, so be happy for her. "okay!" pebbletail finds himself saying, brightening his face in an attempt at normalcy. "i bet i'll catch one before you!" despite the shadowclan in your blood, despite the frog-hunting you had to do in those marshes, his playful tone seems to say. "didn't wanna ask midnightash to hunt with you? i'm," he coughs, "honored you chose me to come instead." and there's the rough jealousy peaking through, no matter how light his tone is. stupid boy, she's in love with someone else.

LET ME BE YOUR OWN ☼ ICARION CARRION

• // " #848DAE"
• 
• PEBBLETAIL ☼ HE / HIM, WARRIOR OF RIVERCLAN. 11 MOONS OLD, PENNED BY LAVS
  
  
  a large blue tabby with low white and vitiligo. pale blue fur covers the length of pebblepaw's stocky body, sliced through with darker tabby stripes and spots. baleful orange eyes peer out of heavy set sockets, and his muzzle, paws, and tail tip are dashed with white.

​

 

[splashdance]

He looks to her and though something in her flutters, she ignores it. Splashdance revels in the normalcy he presents her. The grin, the agreement for some time for just her - everything. Although she's gotten used to the copse, she still holds fast to the tethers of what used to be simply because... well, maybe she cannot stand change as much as she thought she could. Displacement, even done by one's self or other forces, is still displacement.

She holds to her shared smile as Pebbletail cheers an, "Okay!" back to her. Frog hunting with her best friend... perhaps moons ago she'd deny the effort, fearful of his ridicule, but she feels so safe with the tom now - now that he knows her mom, knows her born-name. Frog hunting with him makes her happy, even if she acknowledges the vulnerability that admittedly comes with it. She bumps her shoulder to his with a quickness as he makes a challenge out of it, spouting, "I'd like to see you try," with a laugh.

Normal. In all of their hesitance and distance, they're... normal.

She does not read into it. She tries to not think about it. But with a cough, he says her mate's name, and she turns slightly with the first step towards their adventure. She weighs the pros and cons of discussing her relationship with him, tackling the nuances of navigating romance and affection with a tom who doesn't have someone for himself is a little... odd. But he knows her best out of everyone here, and hiding the trials of her mateship with Midnightash seems wrong. (Why does it hurt, then, when she starts to talk again?)

"We're fighting," she murmurs, and though her voice holds to a playful hilt, the hurt is just as evident as his jealousy. She catches the hilt of it but does not brandish it like a sword - instead she tries to morph his emotions into something she understands, tapering it to a point of protectiveness instead. Surely she'd have the same bite if he found a lover of his own. (Pain, pain. Why does her chest pain?)

"I... I don't know if you saw. But when the flood waters got bad, I tried to help Loonpaw and Duckpaw, and -" her teeth grit as they leave the copse. "Midnightash told me not to. A lot has happened since then but it's... still a hot topic between us, y'know?"​

 

[pebbletail]

(☼) a grin filters the anxiety from his face, and the tomcat falls into easy step beside his best friend. it feels good, feels normal to be walking beside her like this, even if their fur doesn't brush, even if their tails don't flick against each other. "oh i will try… and i'll win too!" he chuckles, and bumps her with his hip, careful to not linger on the touch. the territory is muddy and still half-damp with receding floodwaters, and so the two pick carefully down the banks and through sodden reeds, leaving the copse behind.

splashdance takes a moment to speak, and when she does, pebbletail's white-tipped ears flick in understanding. they're fighting, her and midnightash. "ah," he will murmur, sunspark gaze turning upon her with nothing but gentle encouragement. there is pain in her voice as she speaks, a soft thing of confused acceptance, and it stings. how could any cat find something wrong with the girl before him?

river blues flicker with hurt, an emotion he fears from her - he hasn't seen it since early in their apprenticeship, since the apprentices' den was split between those willing to accept a newcomer, and those whose prejudice banned them from it. midnightash had been of the latter. things change, he supposes. as splashdance carries on, pebbletail will listen, nodding slowly. "i, ah, didn't see, i think you left the den before i did. but, wow," he says, eyebrows furrowing. "because they were drypaws? or..?" his voice trails off, confusion tapering it.

in the late afternoon haze, frogs croak mournfully, trading secrets only they will know. pebbletail's eyes sharpen, gazing into the gloom of the mud as he tries to spot an opportunity. "i was almost a drypaw," he will admit quietly to his friend, now that his gaze is averted. "in kithood, i… well me and my siblings were found in leafbare. nearly died from the cold. i guess the water reminded me of that, or something." he can recall time and time again stumbling into the river with hazecloud's gentle encouragement, the feeling of new-leaf chill creeping into his bones. "it's cause of foxtail that i even tried to learn as an apprentice. heh, and now look at me. as good as a fish," the boy punctuates his point by tapping his paw down in a shallow puddle, sending droplets flying.

quiet overtakes the duo, eerie but for the chirps and croaks of the frogs. pebbletail turns back to his friend, eyes seeking her own, maw partially open. why are you with her? what do you see in her? she hurts you. he snaps it shut after a moment, clearing his throat. "so, frog hunting. how do you do it? you're the expert here, snowy," a teasing smile.

LET ME BE YOUR OWN ☼ ICARION CARRION

• // " #848DAE"
• 
• PEBBLETAIL ☼ HE / HIM, WARRIOR OF RIVERCLAN. 11 MOONS OLD, PENNED BY LAVS
  
  
  a large blue tabby with low white and vitiligo. pale blue fur covers the length of pebblepaw's stocky body, sliced through with darker tabby stripes and spots. baleful orange eyes peer out of heavy set sockets, and his muzzle, paws, and tail tip are dashed with white.

​

 

[splashdance]

She laughs, something simple and breezy, bouncing forward a few steps - "Oh, you...!" she starts, her teeth clicked together in an easy grin. If not for the conversation that follows, she would've teased him further, would've accepted the game with the caveat of a prize. Maybe first to catch a frog gets to eat it, or maybe they will have to take a cold plunge after the first snow fall. Splashdance almost wishes that she hadn't been vulnerable with him, simply for the fact that they could've had fun with no dampened atmosphere to hang over them.

But he looks at her. His bright eyes soften and he listens, his ear twisted towards her and no ounce of judgement lingering in his form. There's a twinge of regret in her expression as he puts forth the gentle acknowledgement - "You left the den before I did." If she knew the severity of the situation, would she have launched to action into ensuring her friend woke quickly, too? Could she spin a tale that she trusted he would be fine - a tom born of the river would never be conquered by it, she thinks. (And then a slightly painful thought of his lost kin, swept away by the hungry rapids. Her ignorance of him was her folly, not her grace, she decides in silence.)

"Exactly that, I think," she finally says, pressing past her ruminating guilt. "One of them cussed me out as the water took them - I don't..." Splashdance chokes on her own voice, her pace stuttering as she has a sudden wave of emotion. She forces it to pass, again forcing herself to move quicker as she obscures her emotions with a cough, "I'm glad they were found. I'm not sure where I would be if they... if they weren't." There's finality in her statement, but Pebbletail speaks on, and just like her friend did her, she listens for him.

She ignores the frog song not far from them in favor of the tom's anecdote. There's some comfort in knowing that her friend had a trembling start to life, too, though the image of him being swept away now plagues her mind. She moves without thinking, pressing her cheek to his as his eyes search the shallows for hiding frogs. "Foxtail trained you well, I think," she murmurs, "I don't think I could imagine you still a drypaw..." The word tastes bitter on her tongue, for the connotation that Midnightash bears into it. Quickly, she swipes it over her chest fur, adding, "If you were, though - I think I'd just have to be twice the fish to make up for it. Imagine me - with gills and fins...!" She pauses, sticks out her tongue, and laughs.

After she quiets, she simply listens to the wetlands. The squelching beneath their paws, the chirping of lingering birds, the splashing of the river beyond them. It's not far off from her memory of the marshlands, though she finds that the comfort she has here is incomparable to that of her former home. She never felt settled there. But here, especially with Pebbletail, she's... serene.

Splashdance doesn't notice how he looks at her, how he gapes in finding words. She finds a frog beyond them, the goal of their mission, and halts just as he speaks, eeking out her birth name with a cracked grin. Her eyes widen in surprise and then crease with childish glee as she presses a mud-soaked paw into his shoulder and pushes.

"First, y'gotta get dirty. Frogs don't like clean, pretty boys like you, Pebble." Had he a name any different when he was found, had she known it, she would've tossed it his way. Instead she giggles his informal moniker, dwelling in the moment for seconds longer. Whether or not he decides to tussle with her, the she-cat takes a tentative step back, offering the air a proud, giggle-littered, "Do y'wanna know why -" a pause, to catch her breath as she waits for his impact, "- I was named that? It's... It's a story, that's for sure." She tries to tempt him with a tale of her past, to distract him from whatever mud-onslaught she just instigated.​