private YOU TRY BEING COOL || JOHNNYFLAME || YOU FEEL LIKE A LIE

[Chickbloom]

Amber eyes flicked back and forth as he padded across camp, folded ears flicking up to try and parse out his name and any combination of insults among innumerable half-heard conversations. In Chickbloom's mind, everyone in Skyclan knew about Butterflytuft rejecting him. Come the full moon, it would be the whole forest. That was the worst of it; not the rejection itself (the tomcat had actually taken it extremely well), but the idea of others making fun of him for it.

Well, the whelp knew one cat who wouldn't be so harsh on him. "J-Johnnyflame!" Chickbloom called (a little too loudly), greeting his friend with a warm yet desperate smile. The Scottish Fold had been turning the other's words over in an anxious mind since his heartbreak-that-wasn't-a-heartbreak, confused about what he truly wanted.

An egg-battered pelt pressed against the other as the coward ushered him into a more secluded corner of camp, wanting privacy for a matter he believed was public knowledge. "Um-" There was so much to say that Chickbloom didn't know where to start. The boy's head had been filled with his own thoughts to the point that it threatened to spill out, flooding Johnnyflame's ears with endless rambling. The warrior wasn't sure he could stop himself completely, but he could at least stem the tide into half-understandable chunks.

"I need - w-when Butterflytuft t-turned me down, I - I - I'm really confused - I mean, I didn't feel bad - Er, I d-did, but-" Chickbloom was off to an amazing start, casually revealing information he assumed everyone knew, rushing to get to his real question. "I don't - I d-don't think I want a mate! Well, m-maybe I do, but…ugh!" The warrior cuffed himself lightly on the cheek, trying to get his head on straight. "W-When we last talked…what you said…d-do you remember it?" The whelp was shaking now, far too in his own head to calm down.

// @Johnnyflame​

 

[Johnnyflame]

THE SOUND THAT LEADS ME HOME AGAIN​

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He was quick to turn his head at the rather loud call of his name, instantly recognizing the voice and feeling a small protective flare at the idea of there being some kind of trouble. But it was quick to settle when he found Chickbloom in tact and no worse for wear, quickly coming toward him. "Everything okay, lad?' he asked, raising a questioning brow with cautious amusement as he was promptly steered to a more secluded corner of camp, wondering what this was all about.

"I need - w-when Butterflytuft t-turned me down," Johnnys eyes widened a bit in surprise at the confession– or perhaps more accurately the ease of which it was confessed, not even getting a chance to properly react to the news before they were flying ahead. "I - I - I'm really confused - I mean, I didn't feel bad - Er, I d-did, but-"

He nodded as he processed, forcing himself to stay focused and encouraging the other to continue, listening with attentive ears as they explained they might not want a mate.

"Aye, I remember- and I still stand by what I said. There's no shame in not taking one. Just like there's no shame in having more than one- like Crowsight has. To each their own." he replied confidently, willing to stand by those words. He'd happily cuff any cat that tried to tell his friend otherwise.

"But slow down for just a second, Chickbloom. You confessed to Butterflytuft? When was this?' he asked, in a more casual tone that was akin to friendly gossip among friends. Johnny was dying to know the details, especially when the last update had seen the butter-furred tom barely knowing how to express himself to her.
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[Chickbloom]

Johnnyflame's request for details was easy to fulfill. After all, the conversation had been playing on repeat since Chickbloom walked the queen back to camp. Like an eagle-eyed detective, the warrior had been reading between every line - spoken and unspoken - trying to make sense of his own feelings. Letting the daylight warrior into that tangled web of tones and social cues was trivial, the difficulty came in not overwhelming him with useless fluff.

"N-Not too long ago. I - maybe h-half a moon? I - y'know - I thought you knew. um - I tried. I t-tried to follow your advice - y'know - treating her like a f-friend. I helped her out, t-talked to her, I made her a g-gift, too, a f-flower necklace, b-but-" The baby bird stopped, invisible brow furrowing as he tried to articulate his feelings.

"It felt…fake. Like - l-like I was lying to her. I mean, I did all that stuff b-before the…crush…b-besides the necklace, I guess, but it felt l-like I was just using her…or m-manipulating her…or something…" Folded ears pressed further against a buttery skull, trying to block out his own thoughts. Dinner plate eyes screwed shut for a moment as Chickbloom took a shuddering breath, silent for a few seconds before continuing.

"So, I…I told her. I t-thought - I thought it would make me f-feel better, y'know? But wh-when I confessed, I thought of her being my mate, and it made me feel…awful. W-Worse than anything, really." A single butter-stained paw was shuffling back and forth against the frost, fearful eyes watching it with intensity. "I - t-to be honest, when Butterflytuft rejected me, I was…relieved…"

Suddenly the Scottish Fold's eyes snapped back up, wild with worry and doubt. "B-But I love her! I l-love being her friend, and she said that's what we could s-stay as. It made me happy, but s-shouldn't I be sad? Is there something wrong with me?" Chickbloom hoped there was, some defect that a few herbs could cure. It would be much easier than the alternative. "Or do I…I think I…I d-don't want a mate…"​