your journey's been etched on your skin | roe

[Dewfrost]

Staying in camp proves to be too painful for Dewfrost. At least at night she as what little escape sleep provides her, but in the day she has no such luck. Her mood had improved a little in recent days but had taken a turn after Frostbite had given birth to his litter of kits. Dewfrost was happy for him of course, as she was all the queens who had given birth recently, but it all took its toll on her. There was only so much she could take of the fake smiles and the assurances that everything was alright and she was fine.

Dewfrost was not alright. And she was most definitely not fine.

She's not sure why she finds herself wandering so close to the thunderpath again, but this feels like the furthest she can get from camp without actually straying onto another clan's territory. Dewfrost can't help but wonder if she'll see Roeflame again. There is something about her that keeps drawing Dewfrost's attention whenever they meet. She attributes it to the similarity to one of the children she had lost, not wanting to admit to herself what she fears is the truth. So when a cat does appear on the opposite side and it turns out to be Roeflame she freezes, eyes going wide, and the words struggling to come. "You," She finally says, her voice carrying across the thunderpath. Luckily, the monsters had been quiet that day, so she doubted any would interrupt them should they have started to speak. "I hope you're not going to throw accusations out at me because I'm really not in the mood."

@Roeflame . ​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
After her tussle with that owl, one might think the cinnamon molly would be more careful with going out so close to nightfall, and alone nonetheless.
Nope, she needed sometime alone- right then. Moonpaw’s comment had sent Roeflame down an unexpected rabbit hole.
She knew what the other had been insinuating, even if only towards her with that sneaky little wink.
No, she and Burnstorm were strictly friends, they couldn’t be anything else- not when everyone Roeflame seemed to truly love either died or left her. She wouldn’t lose Burnstorm.
As that though bounces in her brain, the acute awareness of another’s gaze on her is only registered after a moment.
The warrior almost jumps when hazy eyes meet Dewfrosts. That woman was truly ghostly, only made more frightening under the dimming light.
You. The spotted queen calls, earning a quizzical expression from Roeflame.
Yet, that quickly morphs into defensiveness and the Thunderclanner scoffs.
"Look lady, you’re the one being all lurky over there again." The tabby retorts with a roll of her eyes.
"In fact, you were staring at me- again!" Perhaps that wasn’t exactly true, but Roeflame had actually been minding her own for once, only for this batty old queen to pop out of the bushes -again- and accuse her!
Roeflame doesn’t even realize she is still glaring over the Thunderpath.

//IC OPINIONS IM SO SORRY ABT HER

"speech"

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[Dewfrost]

She's not really all too surprised when Roeflame responds defensively. It wasn't like her own greeting was particularly warm, basically antagonising the poor young warrior before she'd had a chance to speak. "I was not staring," Dewfrost corrected, speaking with a sharper edge to her tone. "I happened to be looking across the thunderpath and then there you were. I cannot help that you were standing where I happened to be looking."

After a moment, Dewfrost tears her gaze away, looking at the ground with a huff. As she had said before, she was still not in the mood to be arguing or shouting accusations. "This is getting to be a bit of a habit, you know," She mused, her tone seeming to imply this was more Roeflame's fault than her own. "Don't you have anything better to do? A mate to curl up with? Parents to bother?"​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
When the marsh cat first begins speaking, she would only be met with a small series of scoffs and eye rolls from Roeflame.
"Don't you have anything better to do? A mate to curl up with? Parents to bother?"
The words were most likely meant to be a harmless tease, but something would strike at Roeflames expression, doe-shaped eyes creased together as if the Thunderclan warrior had just been met with something vile.
"No, but I do have a promise to fulfill." She’d spit, a buried fire lit that the young molly did not know how to control.
Suddenly, there is no longer a deadly path between them, as Roeflame stands on the edge of the other side, whisker-lengths away from the silver warriors face the warrior would aim to use her head to shove the other back.
"Still feeling brave, marsh rat?" Roeflame challenges, nose twitching as she is pummeled with the overwhelming scent of marsh.
In the moment it would take Dewfrost to reply, Roeflame would discover a new scent, one that was almost foreign, but sickeningly familiar.
"Who the hell do you think you are?"

"speech"

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[Dewfrost]

The words weren't meant to draw the other's ire too much. A bit harsh perhaps, but Dewfrost had not meant to cause true offense. So when Roeflame barrels across the Thunderpath, and uses her head to shove Dewfrost back, she is more than a little stunned. "What in StarClan do you think you're doing?!" Dewfrost hissed, once she had regained her composure.

Oh, she had known this young cat was stubborn, but now she was certain she was downright idiotic. "Who do you think you are?" Dewfrost snapped, finally losing her temple with this wayward ThunderClan warrior. "Crossing the Thunderpath, attacking a ShadowClan warrior on ShadowClan territory? I have half a mind to report you to Chilledstar." As she waited a moment to see the other's response, Dewfrost was suddenly aware of the same sensation Roeflame felt when picking up the new scent. One that was foreign but achingly familiar. Dewfrost's expression wavers, the anger that had clouded her features starts to recede, replaced with a grimace.

A distant memory of a younger Dewfrost, watching over three newly born kits, her expression tinged with love and fear. She had already named to first two - Creek after a friend who had helped her parents many moons ago, Sylis after one of her mate's kittypet friends. And then she came to her young daughter, struggling for a name until one popped into mind, another close friend of her former lover. Toraline. My darling Toraline. Your mother loves you very much.

"No," Dewfrost says, shaking her head. Although she's looking at Roeflame she seems to speaking more to herself. "I will not do this. I will not fight you."​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
There’s a crack in the silvery mollies demeanor as she snaps back at her, repeating her own question back to deaf ears, Roeflame was too focused on answers.
"Go ahead, report me. I haven’t crossed any borders, I haven’t done anything you shadowclanners haven’t." Despite her disadvantage in size, her tone is fierce, her glare made of daggers.
I will not fight you.
In hindsight, a future Roeflame may silently thank the other for her level-head, but as of now that answer only adds more fuel to the flames.
The tabby had managed to chip away at something, and now with the two only being inches from one another, she knew she needed to dig more.
"You’ll stare, you’ll yell questions you have no business asking from across the Thunderpath, but you cannot fight now that I’m within reach?" as she spoke Roeflame would attempt to give her another shove, though much softer this time, and with a spare forepaw.
"Where’s your mate to curl up with? Your children? Your family? Or is all your spare time reserved for gawking at strangers?" Her questions are firing off one after another, and she knows that Dewfrost is simply collateral damage, that the anger that she faced is not all of hers to take accountability for.
Yet, Roeflame doesn’t care, Shadowclan has screwed with her life enough haven’t they? Can she not retaliate just this once?
Everything is so much better in hindsight.

"speech"

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[Dewfrost]

She will not fight. She will not. No matter how hard Roeflame pushes, Dewfrost cannot bring herself to fight back. At least not at first. Dewfrost tries her best to keep a neutral expression, to not let Roeflame's words get under her skin any further, but even she has her limits. As soon as Roeflame questions after her own mate and family, there is a notable shift in Dewfrost. Her eyes widen and her fur bristles. Strangely, despite the yells that were soon to follow, she was not angry.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Dewfrost begs, shaking her head in frustration. "You understand nothing! Do you hear me? Nothing!" She knows Roeflame only says these things because she does not understand because she does not know Dewfrost truly. All she is to her is another mangy ShadowClanner, stirring up trouble from across the Thunderpath. "You do not understand the pain I have endured," Dewfrost hissed, this time jutting her own head forward. The action isn't meant to hurt, just to get the ThunderClan warrior out of her face. "You have no idea of the sacrifices I made all my life! You have no idea of the sacrifices I made for you!"

Dewfrost does not intend for that tidbit of information to slip out when it does. For a moment she seems startled, almost as though her tongue had gotten away with her, but then a strange sort of relief washes over her. Finally, the truth had been revealed - to a certain extent. Finally, somebody knew her dark secret, the great pain she had carried with her since she left her kits on the ThunderClan border. Silence falls between the two and Dewfrost's expression softens and a sad look flashes in her eye. She is saddened by the time she has missed with her daughter, for the hours of mourning she had done over a missing child. But most of all she is sad because if she knows Roeflame as much as she thinks she does, she is about to lose her all over again. "Toraline..." Her voice wavers as she speaks the name she bestowed upon Roeflame long ago. "Yes, I'm certain it is you. A mother never truly forgets her kits."​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
There is a small twinge of satisfaction when the other is finally screaming back at her, matching the warriors energy but not her emotions.
The feeling is a fleeting one however, when the next thing to leave the Shadowclanners maw claims Roeflame knows nothing of the sacrifices Dewfrost had made for her.
There’s a visible freeze in the tabbies demeanor, and only silence hangs in the air for a moment.
Roeflame doesn’t even realize her head is slowly shaking when Dewfrost speaks her birth-given name- a name she had pretended to have forgotten.
A mother never truly forgets her kits.
It is then the others previous words strike her like claws to a soft underbelly.
"No. You are dead." Her reply at first is blunt, denial as she continues to shake her head.
"Because if you are not dead, then you are a mother who willfully left us. If you are alive, that means you chose to leave us, all alone in a dark forest." While her voice trembled lowly at first, it had now risen, just shying from the volume it had been when she was pressuring Dewfrost moments earlier.
I don’t want to know anymore. I don’t want answers.
She deserved to know though- she deserved to know what she had done.
"I was found three sunrises later, barely alive. I was saved all alone. You signed their death sentences!" She has to stop, to breathe before she chokes.
She can’t.
"That pain you claim to have endured? I felt it tenfold! I felt it all!" Now she’s screaming, a subconscious forepaw swinging towards the other- the enemy. Though, it’s unlikely unsheathed claws would actually reach anything.
"I am not Toraline, I am Roeflame, and I earned that all on my own, so don’t you dare!"
Finally, she would step back, but only because she had finally run all out of air.
"Tell me why, tell me why you left us for dead and maybe I won’t send you to the stars- where you should have been!"


// sobbing as I write

"speech"

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[Dewfrost]

For what it is worth, Roeflame takes the news surprisingly well. Or better than Dewfrost had anticipated. At first, she tries to refute her claims, but is quick to return to the defensive, her voice rising, a scream now almost. Demanding to know the answers.

"I do not claim to have felt pain. I did feel it," Dewfrost corrects, her tone sharp but lacking any true venom. "Every single day since I gave you up, since I gave your father up, I have lived with unimaginable pain. You have no idea of the guilt and shame and loss I carried." Her breath catches and she closes her eyes. " I am sorry that Sylis and Creek died. I always suspected...but that was never my intention. I hoped a queen or a passing warrior would find you quickly."

When Roeflame demands to know why, Dewfrost gives a weary nod. "It was a different time then, Roeflame, tensions between the two colonies were not like they are with the clans now," Dewfrost began, launching into the tale of her - their - past. "I was born and raised in the Marsh Group...your father was not. He was part of Rain's group. Your father was charming, handsome, and warm. He loved me dearly and I in turn loved him. We were cats in two different worlds, but somehow we found a home in each other. My parents were very militaristic and disapproved of anything that wasn't from the marshes, they would have never approved, but I could not let him go." A brief wistful smile flashes on her maw before she presses on. "During the height of tensions between the two groups, I discovered I was pregnant. At first I was delighted but that soon turned to fear. There were few cats that looked like your father in the Marsh Group - much less any that I was actually friendly enough to have kits with - and I was paranoid of what might happen if any of you looked like him. I was scared of the cats in my group who spit such hatred towards the Pine Group, who wished them harm and wanted to utterly destroy them and drive them from this forest. I wondered if they would do the same if they knew the truth about my children?"

Painful memories rushed to the surface of Dewfrost's mind. Her joy of impending motherhood replaced with fear and paranoia. "You were born before the Great Battle. When you were a few days old I snuck out to meet your father again. I confess, I was not in a good state of mind...the battle was approaching and my fears ate away at me like some unseen disease. I told him of my fears and concerns and how I could not look after you all properly out of fear. Even then, I had it in my head to give you up, to find a better queen to raise you where you would be safe and happy. Your father tried to reason with me but I was firm in my beliefs." He had begged her to reconsider, to sneak away to the Pine Group to be with him, but Dewfrost had refused to listen. If things were different perhaps she would have. "After the Great Battle, the five clans were formed and I finally saw my opportunity to give you up. I would not send you to SkyClan...I considered it but I do not know if your father even survived the battle. There would have been no one there for you. WindClan and RiverClan were also not an option. But ThunderClan...that seemed safe. Emberstar was young and kind, I knew if one of her warriors found you that you would be safe and would have a good home." Shame that Dewfrost did not know of all the tragedies that had befallen her daughter since.

Dewfrost allowed a long pause to follow, letting Roeflame absorb and process her words. "So now you know," Dewfrost mewed with a sigh. "Judge me all you want, child, but I promise you I have carried all the guilt and shame with me since I gave you up." Dewfrost lifted her head slightly. "I'm not proud of what I did. I was young and afraid and I made a mistake that took a heavy toll on not just me, but on you too."​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

ROEFLAME — break the air to feel the fall.
Despite her thunder, Dewfrost remains eerily calm, sharply reiterating her pain, wearily diving into her story- Roeflames story.
Her gaze is narrowed, growing sharper when Dewfrost claims she suspected that her littermates had passed all along, yet she was unflinching until the moment her estranged kin reveals the other half of her biological equation, that her father was not from the marshes but the pines.
Was the universe playing a sick joke, or was it possible she simply inherited the knack for choosing the wrong cat to fall in love with?
Subconsciously her tail lashes, but Roeflame forced herself to remain silent.
Something bubbles up in her throat as the other continues, telling the tabby that she could have had a completely different life, a life where she would have had a father and her siblings.
A life where she could have fallen in love with Snowpath, and everything would have been okay, a life where she would have been okay.
The bubble pops, and before Dewfrost can even finish a combination of both a sob and laughter bursts from Roeflame.
"That… that was never your intention?!" Her voice is hollow now, her heartbeat racing.
"We may both carry pain, but the difference is you earned yours, I didn’t. I inherited scars that weren’t mine." She takes another step back with a lash of her tail. She knew the tingle in her chest was not emotion, it was a warning that she needed to find Berryheart.
"I’m not judging you, after tonight I will never think of you again and you will get your wish- you won’t be a mother, not mine or Creek’s and Sy’s." Roeflame spits, going to turn on her heel before taking one last pause.
"If I ever see you again, if you ever seek me out again, I’ll show you how sorry you really are, the way my real family has taught me. " Her last sentence is almost a venomous promise, but she does not look at the Shadowclanner once more, simply bounding back across the Thunderpath and disappearing into the undergrowth.


// out ! :,)
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