private your the one that i um- your the one that i uh- your the one that i er- your the one that i- i-

Periwinklebreeze.

Periwinklebreeze.

— history hates lovers ❀
ABC Prompts [WC '24] Controlled Burn [WC '24] Spring Prompts [WC '24] WindClan Lead Warrior Fall Prompts [WC '23] Journey [Sitewide Event '23] WindClan 10K Unity [WC '23] Hawks [WC '22]
Sep 9, 2022
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❀​❀ I AM SORRY THIS IS ALWAYS HOW IT GOES ❀❀​
periwinklebreeze & 14 moons & demi-boy & he/they & windclan moor runner​
Uncertainty clouds his mind when he enters the den - all his bravado fleeing from him the moment reality hits him properly. He- he is leaving. On a journey with patrols from all four of the other clans, to a place only starclan knows of. He... he isn't even sure he'll make it back - a pale frame, dark circles beneath his eyes, frail and flimsy even for a windclan cat. Has he really made the right decision?

He doesn't know - and perhaps, that is the most terrifying thought of all. The thought that perhaps this is not what he's meant to be doing - that he is wrong, and that this will not lighten the burden of his sins. That starclans eyes will turn away from him, that he will be left behind once more - abandoned. And then blue eyes land upon an all too familiar frame, and as one black-and-white tom stares at another, something settles. The weight of the burden no longer so unbearable. Because Hyacinthbreath had been right - and so had Gravelsnap. If he wanted to become a proper windclanner, he'd have to fight - for this, for them. The ones he loved.

He almost says something then and there - thoughts of an ill advised conversation with bluepaw, of realizations and aknowledgements he'd rather not have made. Because he does - love him, he thinks. But bitterness floods him, that certainty of his emotions being unrequited, being undeserved. And so he pastes on a smile that doesn't reach his eyes no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he pretends to be brave. "G-gravelsnap," he say softly - ever so gently, as though perhaps the weight of his tone can convey what he cannot put into words. "I'm g-g-going - on this journey, on this search th-that starclan has s-s-spoken of, to get more lung-wort,"

He doesn't want to lose anyone else - and he certainly can't bear to watch others suffer the same fate, loved ones withering away as the yellowcough drags them straight into starclans waiting paws. "So- So I, uh, wanted t-to say g-g-goodbye, I suppose," he sounds pitiful to his own ears, something choked up and hysteric slipping into his tone. He wants to cry, in spite of his certainty that this must be done. Blue gaze is all but pleading when it meets hazel, as though the older tom might say the words peri wants to hear - as though gravelsnap will say he's made the right choice, that it will be alright.

Even if it's a lie.

— the wind blows loudest when you've got your eyes closed ❀
  • Actions && "Speech," && ' Thoughts/Quotes '

    ooc: @GRAVELSNAP
    tw/cw: —
  • — a lithe figured black and white tom with a false-pointed pattern and clear blue eyes that gleam periwinkle in the right lighting. he seems perpetually worn and exhausted, with heavy bags beneath his eyes and a slouched figure. he has a speech impediment which leaves him with a stutter and sometimes even completely non-verbal, and his fluffy tail is adorned with daisies.

    — physically medium && mentally easy && pacifist
    — non-violent powerplay allowed && healing powerplay allowed && minor injury powerplay allowed
    — please attack using [b][color=#ccccff]action here[/color][/b] and tag account

 
  • Love
Reactions: GRAVELSNAP
They were given what Wolfsong called the cure for their yellowcough a few days ago, and Gravelsnap has felt themself improving with each passing day, but it isn’t fast enough. Their chest still rattles with a cough that makes them horribly lightheaded, and their throat still feels full of thorns, scraped raw and red and painful. They have been resting more than anything, and still haven’t quite found their appetite, but there is hope, at least, that they will not die. There is hope that they will get to race the moors with Firefang again, or show their newest rocks to Bluepaw.

He can have visitors now, without the risk of passing along his sickness to others, and Gravelsnap had never before thought he would he would be so grateful to see the face of even the irritating apprentice who brought his meal to him early in the morning. And speaking of visitors—a familiar figure comes into view, and hazel eyes meet blue with a fond stare. The smile that shows on the other warrior’s muzzle looks false, but Gravelsnap is glad to see him all the same. "Peri," they say, voice uncharacteristically soft. They cannot help the vulnerability that they show in this moment; this is real, and they know that for certain. There have been no more phantom Periwinklebreezes for days now, not since the worst of their symptoms had subsided.

Their friend says that he’s going on the journey into the mountains that Sootstar spoke of, and despite the danger of it all Gravelsnap isn’t surprised in the slightest. A sense of urgency tugs at their heart, but they understand why Peri needs to go. He’s fought so hard to stay in this clan that hates him; of course he would be among the first to jump at the chance to sacrifice himself for the greater good. And of course he would say it to Gravelsnap with the most awful look in his eyes, pitiful and sounding as though he’s cracking apart as they speak.

It’s heartbreaking.

The younger tom says goodbye, sounding like he doesn’t plan on returning, and the thing that’s been cracking within their chest finally splinters. Gravelsnap turns their head in an attempt to smother a dry, heaving cough, and uses what little energy they have to pull themself into a sitting position. "You don’t have to… you can’t just… Peri." You can’t leave me. What will I do without you? His voice borders on begging, fear coursing through his veins as he thinks of what could happen to his friend. He can’t bear the thought of facing his own recovery while Periwinklebreeze is out there, somewhere StarClan may not be able to reach them, possibly dying on a perilous journey surrounded by cats of enemy clans. They pant for a few moments before managing to catch their breath, but they manage to force their breathing back into some kind of normal rate.

At last, they sigh. They won’t change his mind. They can’t go with him. The only option is to remain here, recovering from this illness and waiting for their favorite cat to return home—to return to Gravelsnap. They can’t keep him safe out there. They won’t know if he’s died until the rest of the WindClanners return. If any of them return. "This is… goodbye," they repeat, attempting to ignore the way their chest feels tight. They can hardly get their lungs to expand enough as it is; they don’t need panic restricting their air, too. But the thought of saying goodbye forever, of seeing Periwinklebreeze for the last time and yet not saying what they’ve wanted, needed to say for months now—it settles as an ache in their chest. They need to speak up, and now. Before it’s too late.

They can’t meet the other warrior’s eyes, hazel gaze trained on Peri’s dark tail, flowers strewn through the fur. "Can I… tell you something? Before you go?" His voice is small, but his gaze seeks out clear blue eyes, trying to convey what he can’t quite put into words.​
[ you put the fun into dysfunction ]​
​
 
❀​❀ OH HOME, LET ME COME HOME ❀❀​
periwinklebreeze & 14 moons & demi-boy & he/they & windclan moor runner ​
Periwinklebreeze moves with a jolt, stepping forwards when his friend begins to cough - though paws still, falling uselessly. There is nothing he can do - he is no medicine cat, and even if he was what can one do when they've already been given the cure? They can only let the illness run its course, recovery just round the bend - at least, he hopes it is. ears fall back flat, and shoulders drop - why, why does he have to look so hurt? It almost feels as though his heart is breaking - but that can't be it, he thinks, because it'd shattered long ago.

"I- I have to - I c-cant, not again-," his words and please hardly make more sense than gravelsnaps own, frustration and fear rising once more - he'd thought they'd understand, he has to understand. There is no snailstride to confess to, and neither nighty nor azaleafrost have ever born witness to his inner turmoil. Gravelsnap is all he has left, his last tether to his flickering sanity. And then he does, and the boy stills - frozen. He's not - he's not arguing, not chasing him out. Only saying goodbye. Like he'd wished.

Relief, awe, contentedness - a whole tangled jumble of emotions he can't really sort out flicker through him, joining his nerves and leaving his belly squirming. He slumps, sitting down because he fears his paws will no longer support him, shaking as they are. 'This is goodbye,' he says, not even a question, but the boy nods stiffly. Goodbye, farewell, see you soon - the phrasing matters little anymore. He is leaving, and he... he might never come back.

They don't expect what comes next, head jerking - pale gaze wide and startled as they blink. "Of c-course," he agrees easily - though he's tense again now. When has the older tom ever had to ask for such a thing? And what could he possibly have to say? The cynic he is, he can't help but fear the worst - even when he doesn't know what that worst could even be.

— home is wherever I'm with you ❀
  • Actions && "Speech," && ' Thoughts/Quotes '

    ooc: —
    tw/cw: —
  • — a lithe figured black and white tom with a false-pointed pattern and clear blue eyes that gleam periwinkle in the right lighting. he seems perpetually worn and exhausted, with heavy bags beneath his eyes and a slouched posture. he has a speech impediment which leaves him with a stutter and sometimes even completely non-verbal, and his fluffy tail is adorned with carefully woven daisies.

    — physically medium && mentally easy && pacifist
    — non-violent powerplay allowed && healing powerplay allowed && minor injury powerplay allowed
    — please attack using [b][color=#ccccff]action here[/color][/b] and tag account

 
Of course, the pointed tom says, and Gravelsnap fights to push down the awful panic clawing at his chest. This is just something that he needs to get off his chest before it’s too late, he tells himself. Whether or not it goes well—he doesn’t care anymore. What does he have to lose, if one or both of them may die soon? "When I first met you, I hated you." He winces at his own words, ears flattening against his head. This is not how he imagined this conversation to begin (and yes, he’s imagined how it would play out a good few times), and he blames the cursed illness for his scattered thoughts.

"I don’t anymore, though," he scrambles for the next words, eyes blown wide with panic as he seeks out his friend’s gaze. The sight of those pretty blue eyes calms the fluttering in his chest, and he manages a deep breath before starting again. "I thought I hated you—or I was supposed to, at least. You always annoyed me, because I wanted to ignore you, pretend you didn’t exist. But you were always there, and you always looked so… happy, even when you shouldn’t. Even when everything was going wrong and I hurt your feelings, you just smiled at me." He thinks back to that conversation, the one that feels so long ago now. Don’t worry. I’ll try harder. Periwinklebreeze’s words echo in his ears, guilt washing over him.

They realize with a start that they’ve let a pause linger for too long, tension hanging in the air between the two warriors. "I could never look away from you, no matter how much I wanted to. I didn’t want to be your friend—but you’re you. And you’re…" You’re perfect, he doesn’t say. Oh, but he wants to. The words get caught, though, stuck in his throat and rearranged into something else. "I still can’t look away from you, sometimes. I like the way your eyes light up when you play with the kits. I like the way you aren’t afraid to stand up for others, even if they don’t deserve it." He thinks of himself, how he is far from deserving of Periwinklebreeze’s friendship. And then he steels himself.

"I like you. More than… way more than a friend." Gravelsnap sucks in a breath that only rattles a little bit, clearing their throat to fend off another bout of coughing. They want to look up, want to look their friend in the eye. But they can’t—they feel panic flaring up in their chest once again. What if they’ve said all this, and Peri hates them? What if he hopes he’ll return from the journey and find a grave instead of a friend? Their jaw clicks shut, and a dull bite colors their words as they finish with, "You can leave now, if you want. Stay safe, out there."​
[ you put the fun into dysfunction ]​
​
 
❀​❀ OH HOME, LET ME COME HOME ❀❀​
periwinklebreeze & 14 moons & demi-boy & he/they & windclan moor runner ​
Peri isn't sure what he's expecting when gravelsnap speaks, but he's certain it's not that his friend hated him. Well - it's not that shocking actually, he's well aware now that he's grown that what he'd thought of as kindness and friendship as a child had been nothing more than tolerance from his clanmates. He'd been an annoying insect they couldn't be fussed to get rid of, but one they didn't really want around. All because of his mothers choices.

Of course, things had changed - and the next words only confirm that, the boy giving a stiff nod of understanding when the other warrior scrambles to explain himself. He doesn't hold it against him after all - besides, he'd chosen to be his friend now for real, had stood up for him. That's- well, it's more than periwinklebreeze deserves, honestly.

Things don't go where he expects them too though - where had he been expecting this conversation to go actually? Because there's a shift - 'but you’re you. And you’re...' Peri can understand, sort of. That feeling of searching, of being drawn towards each other without meaning to. Because gravelsnap is gravelsnap, and periwinklebreeze is periwinklebreeze. There aren't words, or at least, he's never found them either.

"Oh" - OH!

For a moment, it feels as though time has frozen still, because the young warrior has forgotten how to breathe. Vision blurs for a moment, heartbeat pounding so hard that it drowns out all the other sounds - the usual humming buzz of the den, of the camp, all of it now rendered silent in his shock. Had... had he heard that right? Gravelsnap... likes him. Not as a friend, but as - as something more. A lot more.

It can't be, right - this is too good to be true? And yet, his pulse is racing so fast as gentle blue gaze finally snaps back into focus. A steady thrum of heat flushes his features, burning with his embarrassment - with his joy, and he really can't contain his reaction any longer. A half-choked sob, an innocent laugh - a lopsided smile that all but lights up his features, bright and childlike. "I- I like you too," he says finally, breathless as he finally lets that weighty sentiment free, lets that slippery fluttery feeling out of it's place caged deep within his chest.

He want's to cry, he thinks - not from sorrow this time, like before, but from relief. And oh - he already is, he realizes, because sure enough cheeks are damp by tears he hadn't even known he was holding back. As a paw swipes across his face in embarrassment, he wonders just how long they've been dancing around this, around each other, pining away and never knowing the other felt the same. When had they become more than just friends, when had this feeling shifted and sunk it's claws into them, dragging the two warriors into it's thrall? Should he ask? Does it even matter? He almost does, but in the end he stays silent - this is enough, he thinks, this knowing that he is not alone.

He could die happily now, he thinks - starclan could strike him down then and there with their bolts of lightning, and he's certain he'd not have a single regret. But they don't, and so his mind turns elsewhere, pupils dilated and eyes going wide. Because, if- if they both feel the same - what does it mean? Suddenly, he is utterly out of his depth, whickers trembling and caws kneading the ground nervously. A quiet clearing of his throat, head turning away in embarrassment - oh starclan, he's made a fool of himself again.

He has not had many examples of this sort of 'like' in his life to reflect upon - parents who'd been just friends, not unlike badgermoon and scorchstreak. A brood made not of love - in fact, he'd not even know hyacinthbreath was his mom until he'd fallen until that day in camp. Perhaps they'd never have known. Then, of course, there is sootstar and weaselclaw - a strange pairing, most will agree. Their loyalty and devotion is astonishing - but the moorland queen clearly holds all the power in that dynamic. Peri can't help but wonder what it must be like, to fear demotion and banishment for even petty arguments. Or does that thought never even cross the toms mind?

Or should he look to Sunstride and Wolfsong instead - a pairing closer to their own he thinks, except - well no, his mind shouldn't wander to thing like kits just yet, that's a bit much for even him. In all honesty, he'd never once thought to question the pairs care for one another had been caught utterly off guard by their declaration of love and new status as mates, because he'd been under the assumption they already were. Is that what it was like for the two golden furred felines - a sense of knowing and trust, so much so that the next move was an utterly simple decision, not even a question?

But... but periwinklebreeze is not like them. He doesn't know, not any of it. He knows not what he is supposed to do now that he's been faced with such a declaration, what gravelsnap might wish of him - nor what this means, or what comes next. And it's as terrifying as it is exhilarating.

Gravesnap tells him to leave if he wants, and heart shatters. Does he mean leave now, on this journey - or is he throwing him away too? "Leave?" he echoes absently. He's already told sootstar he will go - so why? Why only now must he find out, when there is no choice left in the matter, no changing what has been done.

"But wha-" voice cuts short, throat and mouth suddenly too dry to speak. A careful swipe of his tongue, a heavy swallow - "What d-does this mean th-then? If... If I l-l-like you, and.. well, y-you know, you l-l-like me to, and n-now that I kn-know you j-j-just want me to- to leave, and I- I have to-" has it always been this hard to speak? Periwinklebreze doesn't think its his body that is struggling to get the words out this time - no, it is his mind and his heart that are left scrambling like a trapped rabbit. And well... he can't help it if he finds himself getting his hopes up just a bit. Wishing that the answer he hears from the warriors lips is the one he wants, rather than the one he fears.

Because he wants to live the rest of his life with gravelsnap - wants to come home from the journey, safe in the knowledge that gravelsnap will be here - that he'll be waiting for him to come home.

But when has he ever gotten what he's hoped?

Perhaps, it would be better to not hope at all. Perhaps it would be better to turn tail and flee, like he always does - to run away and pretend like his problems never existed at all. To just stay as friends, who only like each other as friends, and never anything more. This time though, he's not sure he can. This not knowing, this terror - it hurts worse than any wound, and he thinks he might break.

— home is wherever I'm with you ❀
  • Actions && "Speech," && ' Thoughts/Quotes '

    ooc: —
    tw/cw: —
  • — a lithe figured black and white tom with a false-pointed pattern and clear blue eyes that gleam periwinkle in the right lighting. he seems perpetually worn and exhausted, with heavy bags beneath his eyes and a slouched posture. he has a speech impediment which leaves him with a stutter and sometimes even completely non-verbal, and his fluffy tail is adorned with carefully woven daisies.

    — physically medium && mentally easy && pacifist
    — non-violent powerplay allowed && healing powerplay allowed && minor injury powerplay allowed
    — please attack using [b][color=#ccccff]action here[/color][/b] and tag account

 
The black-patched warrior’s face lights up when Peri smiles, laughs, all joy and relief in one. And Gravelsnap returns it in kind, hope rising in their chest and unraveling some of the fear that’s always resided there. "You…" he nearly bites his tongue when the other says those words. I like you too, he says, and, oh—Gravelsnap could cry at how sweet that sounds. If only they had been able to tell one another before this terrible situation. Tears wet Peri’s face, but they’re not sad. They’re happy tears, Gravelsnap thinks, and if they were less certain that their legs would give out upon trying, they’d drag themself to their paws and swipe away the tears for him.

But then they make a mistake, they know they’d gotten too caught up in thinking that nothing they felt was returned. Periwinklebreeze’s face falls, words growing jumbled and difficult to understand, but Gravelsnap can figure out the meaning—and perhaps they have made a mistake. Perhaps they’ve been too hasty, too quick to assume that their feelings aren’t returned. They’ve hurt Periwinklebreeze’s feelings again, but this time they understand how. They grimace, shaking their head. "No. Of course I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay—but you can’t. You have to go. So you should." His gaze drifts to the flowers twined throughout the other tom’s tail, and for a moment he can think of nothing more than standing up and pressing his face into his fur. But he can’t be the reason that Periwinklebreeze stays. He can’t ask him to stay.

"But can you…" they gesture to the space beside their nest with a black-dipped paw. It is an invitation, but the unspoken plea hangs in the air. Can you… what? Can you promise you’ll come back? That’s an impossible promise to make; they can’t ask Peri to make such a vow. Can you stay with me, just for now? They know that whatever time they may have will be cut short by the encroaching journey, but shouldn’t they make the most of what little time they have? They sniff, fighting off the urge to cough. They’re getting better. They have to. "You’ll come back. Right? You have to."​
[ you put the fun into dysfunction ]​
​
 
❀​❀ OH HOME, LET ME COME HOME ❀❀​
periwinklebreeze & 14 moons & demi-boy & he/they & windclan moor runner ​
Peri feels relived to hear that it's just his mind playing trics again - calming so quickly it is almost as though he's been slapped, snapping sharply back to his senses. Of course - of course, he just means on this trip, not forever. He's not telling him to go he's - he's telling him to come back. Periwinklebreeze is ecstatic, really, but he thinks his poor heart has just about given out by the end of this conversation, mind lanking white-hot. And so he gives a shakey nod instead as words fail him, something hardening in his heart and his gaze as he takes a deep breath. "I- y-yes. I'll come back," He has to now after all. Ears twitch, and suddenly he knows his time is up. He needs to go, really, before he is stupid enough to beg to stay. And so he carefully pulls himself to his paws, hesitating - before taking a risk - he knows it will probably annoy the other warrior, but he brushes his tail against theirs one last time, for good luck he thinks, and then he leaves. He'll go on this journey, like starclan wishes, but he won't die for them - not anymore. He wants to live.

— home is wherever I'm with you ❀
  • Actions && "Speech," && ' Thoughts/Quotes '

    ooc: —
    tw/cw: —
  • — a lithe figured black and white tom with a false-pointed pattern and clear blue eyes that gleam periwinkle in the right lighting. he seems perpetually worn and exhausted, with heavy bags beneath his eyes and a slouched posture. he has a speech impediment which leaves him with a stutter and sometimes even completely non-verbal, and his fluffy tail is adorned with carefully woven daisies.

    — physically medium && mentally easy && pacifist
    — non-violent powerplay allowed && healing powerplay allowed && minor injury powerplay allowed
    — please attack using [b][color=#ccccff]action here[/color][/b] and tag account

 
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