private you're writing lines about me, romantic poetry // lilacfur

[✧ Siltcloud.]

" I'M AN ANGEL " ?
TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT​

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siltcloud ♕ 17 moons ♖ female ♘ she/her ♙ shadowclan warrior ​

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There are far to many cats in the camp now - even with all but the kits and queens of the other clans shuffled off to the burnt sycamore, siltcloud cannot shake the unease that prickles across her pelt. Even the territory no longer offers an escape from the masses, her peace interrupted by familiar faces that shouldn't have been there, each moment creeping closer and closer to getting caught. Every little noise sends her jumping, every brush of a pelt against her own has her flinching, every stupid question directed her way has her snapping. All except for one.

She's long stopped questioning it, her answer found in the midst of midnight wanderings, battle scarred tom at her side. She does not know the how or the when, but she certainly knows why. She's always been like this, she thinks, walking that fragile line between friendship and something more. It'd happened with poppypaw - wide eyes and loud voice shoving it's way into her icy heart before she'd even known it. It'd happened with loampelt, witty snark and stuttering confessions etched into her very bones. And now, it's happened again - and she'd only noticed too late, when she's fallen too far and too hard for the charms of playful gossip and righteous morals.

She has no intentions to cat on her newfound infatuation - at least, not at first. Green eyes were content to simply follow the grey-furred feline from a distance, carefully crafted smiles upon her face with every passing conversation. But it'd shattered the moment she'd gotten sick - the fear that had flickered across her face all to easy to read. With den walls between them, it'd been easy enough to hide the heat that burned in her cheeks, the pain that echoed in her chest.

Now that they are face to face, there is no hiding.

She only means to bring fresh-kill, the frog she clutches tightly in her jaws her hard earned efforts of the day. But when she sees @lilacfur laying there, something softens - the painful hurt that had lingered this past moon fading with only a glance. "For you... you need to eat well, stay strong. Until they come back," words come out gentler than ever, and she almost goes to touch her, to brush dust-hued muzzle against nearby ear - a gesture even Siltcloud things she cannot explain away as meaningless.

But she then she remembers, and she stops, pausing only to shy away - gaze averting awkwardly. Uncertain. Lost.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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I ' M - A - N I G H T M A R E ?━ I - K N O W - W H A T - Y O U - M E A N - B Y - T H A T

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[lilacfur]

While Lilacfur fought against feverish chills and joining the starry cats in her dreams, the frequent visits from her friend in muffle chatter between ferns had kept her fighting. Her symptoms had become beyond mitigating now, no amount of honey soothed the irritation in her throat anymore. Feverfew was a wasted effort against the heat that felt boiling under her pelt. She was just as relentless in the fight, though, refusing to give up.

The weight of this sickness hung heavy in her chest, growing in size every morning and Lilacfur would be lying to say she didn't have any fear at all that her fighting would be for nothing. There were plenty night she prayed twice, thrice more to the stars to allow her to wake the next sunrise. For now they answered her pleas and for now she was still graced with the company of her closest friend.

She hadn't expected for Siltcloud to break their trend of conversations behind the safety of barriers but when the cinnamon furred cat appeared before her, prey presented for her to eat, she felt breathless. Even in the dim lighting she could see the gentle shine of green looking into gold. Lilacfur is sure she appeared like a messy puddle of fur in her nest. Her legs held over the round edges of moss, her head too heavy to clean her own fur as now she had to save her strength just to eat.

The gifted frog is pulled closer to her with a grateful dip of her head. Lilacfur contniued to stare up at Siltcloud, her gaze warm. In the she-cats presence she can nearly forget the sorry state she rest in, tempted to meet the brush of her muzzle but she withheld. She already felt guilty enough thinking she spread the yellowcough to Chilledstar. She would never forgive herself if Siltcloud joined a nest beside her.

"It's been... A moon. Since I got... yellowcough." Her chest is heavy enough that a few simple words need a full breath in between. She doesn't dare risk irritating her throat into a coughing fit again. "The sick... They aren't... Living long after." Lilacfur turned her sights down at the frog underneath her paw, almost guilty, almost. She promised she would keep fighting, she would do everything right in her power to overcome.

"Siltcloud... I had a dream. Loampelt. He visited me." Her voice rasped, but recalling the dream made her feel airy. Weightless, just like she had been there.​

[ sad hello's and mad high low's ]​

 

[✧ Siltcloud.]

" I'M AN ANGEL " ?
TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT​

---

siltcloud ♕ 17 moons ♖ female ♘ she/her ♙ shadowclan warrior ​

---

Whatever it is she expects to hear from lilacfur, that certainly isn't it. Eyes widen without her say-so, pelt pickling uncomfortably as she cries out - voice louder than she mean's it to be. " -!? What?!" Loamelt... her loam had visited lilacfur? Fear and anxiety send tremors through her limbs, but she forces herself to still.

She feels... guilty, to be honest. Does he know? Has he realized, as she did, that he'd not been the only one in her heart? Had he seen it - the things she's done since he'd died. The choices she's made, for shadowclan, for lilacfur, for caterpillarpaw, for granitepelt. It's all for them she justifies... and yet, she is terrified.

"... what- what did he say? Is... he doing well up there in the stars?" she almost doesn't want to know. Why, even now, must his ghost haunt her? She's already found her closure - taken it for herself in the form of bloodshed upon twolegplace streets, found comfort in battle scarred golden fur and the silver-tinged feline laying sickly beside her. He is dead - siltcloud is not.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

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I ' M - A - N I G H T M A R E ?━ I - K N O W - W H A T - Y O U - M E A N - B Y - T H A T

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[lilacfur]

In her delirium Lilacfur can't even tell Siltcloud was distressed. Her shock was perceived differently in the fog of feverish sickness, believing the molly was more surprised than anything else. A purr rumbled in the rosette's chest while Siltcloud pressed with questions.

I knew you'd be happy to hear about him.

She could only think of the morning she had found Siltcloud beside Loampelt when it was already too late. How close they had been, the nest they shared. She hoped to survive long enough to see herself beside Siltcloud in such a way, enjoying the shared warmth against the winter's breeze.

"He's happy." Lilacfur confirmed with a tired nod. "He told me... it wasn't-wasn't my time yet. After tricking me the opposite." A laugh that sounded more like a hiccup interrupted her purring. "Real funny, that one. But I'm not... I'm not dying yet. S'all he had to say, I guess." No special wisdom from StarClan to share, no prophecies or visions, that wasn't for her to know. ​

[ sad hello's and mad high low's ]​