- Jul 15, 2022
- 72
- 2
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CONTENT WARNING: derealization, self hatred
Part of Inkylotus still burned for acceptance. Wanted to be seen as part of something greater than himself, but how could he do that when his trials and tributes where largely ignored? When it felt like Sootstar was against him just solely based on being too nice? Or whatever her reasoning may be? Inkylotus gave a soft sigh, perhaps he just wasn't meant for clan life? Maybe it would be best to not take up a spot when a well abled cat would be better fit for this? Duskfire could find someone who could see and Ferret didn't have to deal with him any longer than he had too. The thought ripped at his chest; Duskfire and Ferret. One cat he has come to enjoy the company of, looking forward to what might lay in store for them. The other a tom who has been at his side for months now. Someone he trusted to lead him to the ends of the Earth and back. Was he truly a burden upon them? Being so helpless? The cat could feel his face start to tense up as his body wanted to start to cry, but alas he couldn't with no tear ducts in sight.
It was a cruel joke. His whole existence, just one on going joke. Claws extended out into the dirt below him and he gave a small, little shudder of breath. Don't cry, it'll only make things worse. What worse could be done though? Sootstar see him as weaker than before? She seemed to think anything less than hostile was a bad thing, and her choice of lead warriors spoke volumes to that notion. Hycainthbreath was one of the most aggressive cats hes ever come to know and while he didn't know Weaselclaw, he had to have the same mentality as her. Sorrow burned his cheeks and his ears flattened to his head; but why Duskfire then? Someone who seemed so kind and endearing? Someone who hardly shared the same hostile nature as the lead warriors? That question had been asked a thousand times in his head and he knew he'd never get an answer.
"Why did I have to be born blind?" He mumured softly to himself, face pointed down at his paws as if he could see them. Flexing his claws, touching his own chest with a paw as if to see if he was indeed real. He was real, so that was established. Though part of the cat wished it wasn't true. That he was as capable as any other cat, but yet he couldn't help but feel so burden-like. A burden to Windclan, a burden to Sootstar, a burden to Ferret and Dusk. Just someone who needed constant looking after cause he might fall in a hole or off the gorge or something. Inkylotus sighed and laid his head down onto his paws, the deep rooted hatred of himself seeping colder into his bones. Useless little Indi.
The thought practically yeeted him backwards into before the travels. Before he had met Ferret and left with him; back when he was but a simple house cat named Indigo. Runt of the litter, sickly and weak, always the basis of a bully for many cats. His siblings ruthless and unyeilding to mocking him, tripping him and anything they could do to make things harder for him. Freak They'd hiss, claws raking his sides as they where tiny and sharp. Playtime because a death match between him and any other sibling. If it hadn't been for Ferret- Inkylotus wasn't sure if he'd be alive by this point.
The black cat curled up on himself, wanting to be as small as humanely possible, and gave a small sniffle into his striped tail. All he was was some freakish being huh? All he was was something to be used and tossed away, a play toy with now thoughts or feelings of his own. It was like his throat was suddenly closing in on itself as he laid there, hoping for the ground or something to swallow him up. To rid this life of his and just make everyones suffering less than. What else could be done? What else was there? Nothing, just a void that never changed. A void that hardly shifted or showed any color- empty. "SPEECH
a long hair black ghost tabby with anophthalmia || Windclan Warrior || tags
