All Your Love Overgrown [Twilight]

Jun 14, 2022

✵ ღ ☾ I'LL LET YOU DOWN - Was there a difference between grieving and mourning?
Cloudy had been thinking about it lately, about him, lately.
The sadness came in waves now, no longer clutching to her like a burr to a pelt, though the waves only truly came when she was alone, or in the den they used inhabit together. A half-moon has passed since it all, and Cloudy couldn’t help but wonder;
Will it ever go away?
This evening, she finds her gaze latching onto Twilight as the molly crosses camp when the thought passes through her mind once more.
Truthfully, she cannot fathom the grief the Queen must be going through, then and now, and the guilt on Cloudy’s shoulders had not only sunk her down, but kept a hard distance between her and Twilight.
It’s my fault! It was my fault!
Her sobs echoed in her mind and Cloudy grimaced, it was her fault. If only, if only…
The presence of someone next to her causing her gaze to flicker upwards to meet theirs, and she feels her heart almost chip.
❝ Twilight? ❞ She says meekly, finding frustrating difficulty in the fact that she cannot seem to keep a facade of quiet content now that she was here, next to her. She blinks once, and the cool sensation that blossoms from her water-line tells her that tears have begun to form a sheer gloss over her gaze. She bites the inside of her cheek to keep herself somewhat in-check.

❝ Speech. ❞

She's trying. Oh, stars, she's trying. Every day she thinks she's getting a little better. Able to leave the nursery, hunt for Sandra now that she is mateless and going through a bout of depression herself. Able to think about her friend's kits, soon to arrive, and how they'll need someone to watch them and care for them on occasion. It's something small to keep her going. She can be useful again, though it's in a small way, in her mind.

As she prepares to leave camp, a shroud of blinding white fur catches her eye. Cloudy avoids Twilight's eyes when the queen looks her way. Her heart clenches in pain--remembering the way she'd walk side by side with Ash, her fur luminous in its purity while his was almost gray with its dappling.

She doesn't intend to go towards the young molly, but her paws bring her there as if she's sleepwalking. Cloudy acknowledges her, and Twilight looks into the leafy depths of her eyes and is startled to find them jeweled with tears.

"Oh, Cloudy." Twilight's voice is raw. She has not thought about what the loss of Ash would be like for Cloudy. She's been so preoccupied with her own grief that she's left all sense of what others may be dealing with.

Twilight moves closer to the young girl and uses a paw to pull her head towards her chest. "How... how are you dealing with things, Cloudy?" Her own voice stays steady, for once, but the ache in her heart is almost enough to tear her in two.


✵ ღ ☾ I'LL LET YOU DOWN - Oh, Cloudy.
Her cheek begins to taste metallic as blood blossoms from beneath her still clenched teeth. A paw reaches, and she is pressed against the queens chest. All it took was three words, and she could feel her throat begin to burn as her teeth finally let go of her cheek.
❝ It was all my fault... ❞ She admitted, ashamed. She finds herself extremely grateful for the fact that she could not see Twilight's face at the moment, not wanting to look at the disappointment that may be wavering in Twilight's gaze. ❝ He saved me, I promised him I wouldn't let anything happen to him, and he saved me. ❞ Her confession was nothing more than a coarse whisper and a small shake of her head, her ears flattened firmly against her skull. She lets silence hang in the air for only a moment, taking it to revel in Twilight's embrace before mustering the courage to lean back up, tears still threatening to spill down her sharp cheekbones when she finally meets the molly's gaze. ❝ I'm so sorry Twilight, I'm sorry. ❞ She rasps, almost bracing herself for a complete 180 from the Queen, for her to turn her back on Cloudy, now that she knew the truth of her sons death.
❝ Speech. ❞

Cloudy allows herself to be drawn close, but she won't look at Twilight. She can feel the girl shake against her chest. "It was all my fault..."

The dappled queen looks down at her with a grief-stricken expression. Oh, stars, how could I have let you think that...

There are a thousand cats Twilight could blame, but Cloudy is not one of them. Neither is Salamander, wherever she's gone to after her breakdown against Bone and Cicada in camp. Not Briar, not Rain.

His blood soaks his killer's paws. And her own.

Cloudy continues, her voice becoming raspy with her struggle not to cry. "He saved me. I promised him I wouldn't let anything happen to him, and he saved me."

Twilight closes her eyes against the tears that burn like acid beneath her lids. Her boy, so timid and fearful before he'd met Cloudy, had saved her life. Given his own for hers. Had made himself into a hero.

"He loved you," she murmurs. It's probably not the right thing to say, but she can't think to reply with anything else. "He used to... used to t-talk about you all the time. He was so proud to be your friend." Wetness dampens the white fur on her cheek. "He died saving the cat he loved."

Twilight shudders, using every fiber of her being to hold herself together, prevent herself from having a breakdown like she had in the moors with Bone. Cloudy turns to meet her eyes, and her voice is so hoarse. "I'm so sorry Twilight."

"No, I..." She lets the tears stream down her cheeks, but she does not lose composure. She leans forward to rest her cheek against Cloudy's, a gesture of love and forgiveness. "You made his last moons alive so happy, Cloudy. So good. He was such a sad and timid boy before he met you. You... you did so much for him." Her voice wavers. "I would never blame you. Never. So please... please don't blame yourself. He would... he would hate that..." Her jaw trembles.


✵ ღ ☾ I'LL LET YOU DOWN - He loved you.
The dam breaks, and tears are falling before she can help them.
Really? She cannot help but think, a shuddering gasp leaving her maw as she truly began to cry, for the first time since he passed, and she did not revel in the cold that now blossomed against her cheekbones.
As Twilight continues, Cloudy struggles to not lose her own composure. She accepts the gesture from the queen, and in turns lets her own head lean in. ❝ He changed my life, I only wish- ❞ she broke off, not wanting to continue her sentence. It was all too painful.
Twilight’s reaction is not one Cloudy had expected, in the very few vulnerable moments the angora has had in her lifetime, they have been met with anger and violence, this? This was unfathomable to her, especially as the queen reassures her that her sons death is not her fault, and her teeth clench together as she cries. ❝ Thank you, thank you ❞ she whispers, turning her face to rest in the crook of the mollys neck and shoulder blade, finding an odd comfort. ❝ He meant so much to me, he always will ❞ she promises then, though her light voice is muffled by Twilights fur, her tone is genuine, and heartbroken.
❝ Speech. ❞