sensitive topics BRIGHT EYES, BURNING LIKE FIRE | vigil

[FERNDANCE]

She didn't want to do this. To host a vigil was to confirm what she had been told and what she'd had to come to terms with since the moment her Bug fell on that fateful day. Weighted and weightless was how she'd described her mate upon her shoulders, now, with the grey cat before her, she had hoped the feeling might change, that she might be able to feel something other than despair and rage. Her emotions were stuck in a neverending limbo, a clanmate had convinced her that this would let her start to heal... but she knew too much about life and death - no one could recover from such a wound, Ferndance would just have to hope she would survive it long enough to see Needledrift's death repaid.

Strong herbs concealed the smell of death before her. Before she called her clanmates over, the she-cat worked her tongue one last time through the fur on the warrior's neck, doing her best to hide what had killed her, using whatever flowers ShadowClan still had left in this bitter frost to craft a pillow for her. As the last remnants of blood faded from her taste buds and Needledrift's hairs began to catch in her teeth, Ferndance paused to bump her head against Needledrift's own, purring. 'I thought I'd grow old with you.'

She wasn't ready to lift her head, to announce what had caused the pit on her belly and hole in her chest. She did so anyways, fearful of how cold Needledrift had become. "ShadowClan... allow our hearts to join as one... for our friend now hunts in the Stars." Ferndance couldn't look at any of them; the leader who had asked them to fight, the cats who had promised her things would be ok, her own children. If she did, she knew she would break down.

"Let this be a time to..." She tilted her head slowly, words lost on an aching maw. "Remember... remember Needledrift... remember... how she was the best of us." A hiccup choked her and Ferndance pressed a paw to her own neck to try and soothe it. 'You saved me...' She would not have remained a ShadowClanner if not for Needledrift, she would not have seen how amazing her clanmates could be. It was a precious gift Needledrift had given her, one she'd never gotten the chance to thank her for. "And share any last words you'd have..." She swallowed a lump in her throat. "Wanted to share."

She listened as others shared their eulogies. She should join in... she knew she could interrupt and no one would dare say otherwise... but nothing felt good enough. Every declaration of love felt empty when it'd been love that killed her. Needledrift had given her everything, for a time, been her everything - perhaps Ferndance would have to be content with silence, the weight of it often stronger than any put-together sentences. All she could think to do was send her spirit along.

"Go now, to where the wind carries every whisper and the birdsong is as clear as a greenleaf stream. Go to where you will never be hurt again and the prey falls into your mouth, where you m-may live as you deserved in life. But please... please... don't forget me." She hid her head in the bundle of ashy fur to conceal her sobs, apologising between suffocated sounds for ruining Needledrift's fur. "I w-w-will see you a-a-gain, my heart."


​

 

[MARBLELEAF]

Marblepaw had worked hard to wrench the sap from pine boughs, had taken painstaking effort to secure marshflowers to Needledrift's stiffened pelt. There is just enough to do its job, and for that, she thanks StarClan — for if any ShadowClan warrior deserved to go with dignity, it was Needledrift. The she-cat had, before Marblepaw had been born, journeyed to the mountains to ensure the forests' survival. She had given birth to kits and mothered others, all of them (save one) loyal ShadowClan cats. She had been loyal to the end, fighting for her Clan, and Marblepaw's eyes are round with grief as she listens to Ferndance's eulogy.

The medicine cat apprentice pads forward on trembling paws. "You deserve to let go, now," she whispers. Needledrift had seen pain — the pain of losing Chittertongue, Snowypaw, their leaders, their many warriors and apprentices who'd succumbed to the nameless curse wraithed about their paws.

But even in her worst, most self-doubting moments, Needledrift had been... she'd been kind. She had never turned Marblepaw or her brother away, had always tried to welcome them into the warmth their family shared in the nursery. Had she always obliged? No... Marblepaw remembers the bared teeth, the fluffed-out fur, but Needledrift had never stopped trying, and that had meant everything to her.

The young tabby sits quietly near her body. The spice of cedar rises up, curls inside her nostrils like woodsmoke. "Thank you, for being so nice to me. When I needed it most." She closes her eyes. "I wish I could have helped you more. And I'll... I'll keep looking, too. Because there has to be something that can heal a hurting heart." She knows what Starlingheart has told her — but today, in her sorrow, she clings to idealisms, to fairy tales.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Marblekit . Marblepaw, she/they w/ feminine and non-gendered terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 10 moons old, ages realistically on the 1st.
  — mentored by Starlingheart ; mentoring n/a ; previously mentored n/a
  — shadowclan medicine cat apprentice, formerly a rogue. siltcloud x lilacfur, gen 3.
  — currently mated to n/a.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh fawn tabby with dull green eyes. courageous, curious, introspective, observant, judgmental, snarky.

​

 

[Gigglepaw]

Gigglepaw has known grief, but none like this. The loss of a mother was something that was incomparable to anything else, especially when Gigglepaw had been as close to Needledrift as she was. There were still so many things she wanted to ask her, wanted to know, and now those were things that she'd never have the chance to ask and share with Needledrift. She'd watched her mother be ripped away from her during the battle, and now all Gigglepaw felt was grief and a rising anger. Anger at Roeflame, at ThunderClan, for making the choice to take Needledrift away from her and the rest of their family.

Standing quietly at Ferndance's side as she gave Needledrift's eulogy, Gigglepaw tried her best not to sniffle too loudly lest she interrupt what were beautiful words coming from an otherwise quirky feline. She didn't like seeing Ferndance so down, not when she'd grown so used to the mom that would call others gross nicknames and make jokes - all of this was just too different for Gigglepaw to feel right about, even though she could feel herself changing too. Maybe that was the worst part of all of it, that she would never be the same again. And then it was her turn to speak, and she did.

"I wish you could come back, 'ama," Gigglepaw murmured, a stray tear rolling down her cheek as she stepped forward and pressed her forehead against Needledrift's cold form. It seemed like it hadn't been so long ago that she'd been so warm, keeping Ferndance and their brood warm in a cuddle pile. "They're sayin' you died like a real warrior, so that's good. I'm really proud of you. And I'm gonna make sure that when I grow up, I'm someone that you can be proud of, too." She let out a sob into her mother's pelt, and then pulled back, sniffling. "I love you bunches, 'ama. Please keep an eye on everybody."

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎OOC ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎ .ᐟ.ᐟ INFO ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

• !

• 

• GIGGLEPAW ✩ apprentice of shadowclan, eight moons
  → blinks incessantly & uncontrollably.
  → peaceful and healing powerplay permitted.
  → penned by Archivist → .archivist on discord.

​

 

[Bonechill.]

*+:｡.｡ Bonechill had always been the emotional sort. Hard to believe, I know, considering how apathetic the man typically holds himself. Boredom is a luxury only afforded to the truly happy, however. A prize won by those lucky enough to have a family to be there when the anger grows too strong, too loud, too hungry.

But now, his family is missing one of its greatest pieces.

And with Needledrift gone, there's no one to protect Bonechill from the monsters digging gnashing, violent teeth deep into his patience.

Bonechill refuses to get close to his mamma's corpse. Instead, the young man hovers at the edge of the crowd, trembling so hard the ground practically shakes beneath his feet. He feels like he's teetering on the edge of a cliff, and he can't tell you why he doesn't just jump. The thought leads him to dig his talons deep into the ground, anchoring him - though futile - to this side of reality.
It's hard to think straight.

As it stands, too much is eating away at his thoughts. Too much, too damn much. Like how the scent of flowers makes him want to howl with disgust! Starlingheart and Marblepaw fragrances the air too thick with lavender and herbs - it's covering his mother's warm, pine sap scent. He can't fucking smell her through the foux life of withering flowers! The disrespect drives him up a wall, but he's stuck in place with those useless claws of his, so he only trembles.
He wishes to scream at the medicine cats for their incompetence. At Ferndance, for not being strong enough. At Gigglepaw, for daring to promise Needledrift that she'll grow big and strong - threatening to continue life without her.
As if that were an option.
As if there could ever possibly exist a world where the time goes on and Needledrift isn't there to experience it!

Blood. It fills his mouth from where his teeth have punctured his lip, his inner cheek, pooling from teeth clenched so tightly he's certain they're breaking.
Is this what Mamma's murderer tasted?
He wants to throw up.
He wants to scream.
He wants to wail until Starclan themselves hear his cries and fucking does something!

You deserve to let go, now Marblepaw's kindly words are nearly enough to warrant Bonechills claws down her throat. What gives her the right!? What gives any cat the right to tell his mamma where to go? To tell her to leave? What gives Marblepaw the right to send Needledrift on her way when Bonechill still needs her?

Starclan, he still needs her.
He needs that warmth that secures him in place, that banishes the confusion and the loneliness that now yawns for his soul. He needs her to laugh. Needs to still see her grow stronger after her moons of depression. He wants to hear more stories. He wants her to be one of the first cats he eventually talks to about love and hatred and friendships finally forged. He wants her to be there when the little ones earn their warrior names. He wants to hug her when she's sad. He wants her to chide him on whatever new wounds he's earned. He needs her to tell him to calm down.

To tell him that it's going to be okay.

To tell him that she loves him.

Starclan, he needs her to say it one more time - he needs one more chance to tell her that. When the fuck did he last tell her? When did he last tell her!?

He needs her so bad, it's unbearable.

So the warrior bares it no longer, and jerks to his feet. Silent as ever- unchanged from the useless son that did nothing to keep her safe, even before the battle - Bonechill leaves.

The mounting hatred does not.

*+:｡.｡ Updated 10/4/24

• //In and out! IC opinions I'm so very sorry </3
• 
  
  GENERAL:
  ☠ Shadowclan — warrior
  ☠ DMAB— He/Him — Unsure
  ☠ 12 moons — Ages 1 moon every month real-time
  ☠ Son to Ferndance x Needledrift
  ☠ Littermates with Bloodwing, Shadewhisker, Splashdance
  ☠ Half-brother to Gigglepaw, Morelpaw, Branchpaw
  
  
  
  
  
  COMBAT:
  ☠Physically hard | mentally hard
  ☠ Attack in bold #738171
  injuries: None currently

​

 

[Ternstar.]

FROM COFFIN TO THE CRADLE
I GOT DEMONS, I GOT ANGELS​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ternfrost ♛ 24 moons ♛ female ♛ she/her ♛ shadowclan queen ​

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It is a strange thing - to see Ferndance so sober, to see the molly not with a smile stretched across her maw, but choking back sobs, and it leaves Ternfrost feeling uneasy. Though face remains unexpressive, she shifts from paw to paw where she sits - tail whipping back and forth as she listens to the grieving mollies speech. There is nothing Ternfrost can say to add to those who speak - she is not an expressive cat, and the thought of having to say something meaningful is... unsettling. Instead she gives silent prayer - glancing into a grey sky to ask that starclan guide her cousin safely home.

━ actions & " speech, " & 'thoughts/quotes' ━

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I - S H O U L D- H A V E- B E E N- B O R N- W I T H-
A -W A R N I N G- L A B E L

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[SMOKYKIT]

This is something new, this sort of gathering; the somber, dulled atmosphere in the air is oppressive, threatening to engulf every last one of them, and it has Smokykit squirming in place, even sitting so far removed from those grieving Needledrift. Death is not a foreign concept to her, though it's also not quite something she's fully grasped outside a basic understanding. It goes something like this — you are full of life, up until the point when you aren't, and that's not something you can ever just get back, save for the lives ripped from star-blessed leaders. Death has touched her own family line in ways that she can hardly comprehend — Halfshade and Applejaw, never forgotten, and Smogstar, a wraith disappeared into the night — but this is the first time it is there for her to face, quivering lip and all.

Listening to those sharing their own pieces of Needledrift, Smokykit can't help but lean into her closest family member without any consideration, only seeking a comforting weight to match her own. It's all so...dreary, and sad, and she — she doesn't like it, not one bit. They had all loved Needledrift, all of her family, they still loved her, and what did they get in return? Was grief the price of such love? It's a startling thought, and not one that she can truly wrap her head around — not yet, at least. One day, perhaps, she would understand in full, this moment recalled in scattered feelings, but today her hurt is shallow, only half-formed. Needledrift had been kind to her, yes, but she hadn't had the capacity to know the molly in such fond terms as those gathered today, sharing their griefs and laying to rest their unspoken words.

As kin and friends speak in turn, Smokykit thinks of her own short time with Needledrift — such inspiring tales she had woven, holding her audience enrapt. It wasn't much, in the grand scheme of things, but it had meant something to Smokykit to hear Needledrift speak of Smogstar so highly and to recount the struggle that she and others had gone through to help ShadowClan. Maybe that was what Ferndance meant, saying that Needledrift had been among the best of them all. She'd given so much for ShadowClan in the past, and she had kept giving until the very end, fighting tooth and claw for that strip of land that must surely feel barren in the wake of the skirmish.

Plenty of cats speak up, in the end — Marblepaw, expressing her gratitude and a vow to continue chasing an answer; Gigglepaw, promising to make Needledrift proud under the light of the stars; Ferndance, of course, guiding them all alongside Needledrift's spirit — and plenty more do not, overcome by cloying emotion. From her safe position, tucked in beside her living, breathing family members, Smokykit listens quietly, somberly, to the shared grief among family and friends. She thinks of Needledrift's kindness, of her vibrancy, of everything that she had given and all that she still had left to give, and remains silent, softly giving into the chilled sense of mourning permeating deeper than the frost ever could.​

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ THE RADIO PLAYS A FAMILIAR SONG 𖤓 AND YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE LOVED ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

• OOC: -
  ​
• 
  
  
• SMOKYKIT —. She/her, kit of ShadowClan
  — .Flintwish x Ashenfall, littermate to Promisekit, Tinykit, & Mercykit
  — . 3 moons old, ages on the 1st
  — .An ill-proportioned, smoky molly with bright amber eyes and an exceedingly curly, tangled pelt.
  — .Enthusiastic and vibrant, easily distracted, prideful & caring - friendly within reason
  — .Peaceful & healing powerplay permitted - brushing up against her, shoulder bumps, etc.
  — .Penned by Hijinks - feel free to DM me on Discord to plot! ^^
  ​