- Oct 23, 2023
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She is racked with guilt. It crushes on her clavicals, on her shoulders and spine and demands to be free from her tendons in the same breath. It writhes in her stomach like fire bubbling and burning and boiling. In her maw, a twig snaps. Splinters scatter into the far corners of her thin, skeletal nest. Paws fly out on instinct, clearing the bits of wood away lest she harm another of her kin.
Stars, is it always this painful? Perhaps she would have an easier time in the pine forest - safe from coyotes and clan mates alike. Perhaps Duskpool would be there, whole and warm and calm but in his worried way. He always could play off any emotion - how callious she had been, then, to think he did not harbor guilt in the pain his paws wrought.
And maybe Flora - just Flora - could be there too? Maybe Sorrelsong and Kitestorm could share the nursery, laughing and teasing Flora for the care she would undoubily give. She could almost taste it now... the fresh kill Flora would bring for them. That would be, if Duskpool let her. He'd likely fight her if she tried to feed me before he did.
Tears spring to her eyes, burning their way down her checks and still-healing wounds. Muscles tensed and teeth flashed and something in her gave.
The world began to dull and pull away at the seams. The grass-nest around her seemed softer, it's blades dull against her pelt. Please not yet, please not yet, Teeth dig into another stick. What would Orangestar say if she were in Sky Clan? Would the estemeed leader even care? Fireflyglow seemed to flutter around the nursery when the war queen had kitted. With a sharp, barley extinguished cry, another round of contractions ram through her. The stick sputters and crackles in her maw. Why don't they care about me the same way?
...
It's just barley day break on the second day when her contractions give something more then pain.
A small kit bathed in Sorrowthroat's hues. Sorrowthroat can hardly bring herself to touch the child, her mewls becoming more like curses on the ears of their mother. Save for the splash of white over the kit's fourm and the longer hair, this kit could've been her reborn. Why? Large paws hover over the child, their intentions undecided before another wave hits.
This time, Sorrowthroat cannot keep her cries quite as another kit is born. Exhausted, she turns to see the child and time once again freezes.
"Star Clan, you have to be teasing me..." The kit beside the one that looked like her was one that looked like Duskpool. The tom that loved her. That had sheltered her through so many storms and who she had... She is quick to lap at the child, warming and loving them with licks and nuzzles. This child was soft and furry, like the first one, and bore the strange white splotches that the other one did as well. A small star was placed on her forehead - a threat or an omen?
"I will love you either way," She whispers to the kit, her forehead grazing its'. Frowning, she pulls away as another wave begins to build. Cold. Why are you cold? Had she simply not cleaned the kit enough? Gasping and gagging Sorrowthroat forced herself to warm the child, shaking paws scrambled to find purchase in the nest as the wave of pain disipated. Her kit was still cold. But you're breathing,
Tucking the kit into her chest, she begins to shelter for another wave when a tiny mewl brings her attention back to the first kit, still untouched. No! I won't let you hurt him again! But the kit simply keeps crying, squirming. It's little paws reach out, grabbing and desprate. The little cold one shifts, and Sorrowthroat watches with a sinking heart as they both wiggle, grasping at the air.
Causiously, she brings the first closer to the second, gasping as another wave shoots through her. Between tear-stained eyelashes she watches the two kits mewl, first at random times then closer and closer to harmony. Their little paws pull them inch by inch closer. Sorrowthroat gives a experimental lick to the first kit, then the second.I see. I understand.
By time the third- and thankfully final kit - came, Sorrowthroat held both kits close to her chest. A tired purr echoing in her ribcage as the third kit was quickly brought in with the others. She had learned now, and the third child began to mewl and wiggle with it's siblings as soon as it made contact.
...
It midday when Sorrowthroat decides on names.
The first, the one that looked like her, was Sunlitkit. A hopeful name, but one that warned of hubirus. Sorrowthroat had thought herself a just cat, one in which the sun roveled around. Perhaps, in naming her, she could save this son the pain of learning on his own.
The second, the one born of love incarnate and all it's doubts, was Moonkit. The tiny, cold child cloaked in safe shadows. While Sunlitkit's name betrayed a worry, Moonkit's bore hope. Sorrelsong had always thought herself second best. That Duskpool was her sun and she his moon, reflecting his light and leading others through the dark. She hoped for a simple life for the kit. One full of love and patience and just enough strife to make for a good elder story.
The third, the one who took breaths so light and airy Sorrowthroat had to check on them frequently, was Daydreamkit. While their siblings were reflections of her kin, Sorrowthroat could not find herself in this kit and thanked the stars for it. Their pelt was creamy and highlight with cloud-like whites, they were small and dainty and looked to be kind. She named them for the things inbetween duty and love, between the sun and the moon. For everything Sorrelsong had wanted to be, everything Sorrowthroat ran from.
You're meant to be together, She thinks with a pang of envy, eye lids sliding closed. Maybe she could raise them better - maybe they would be happy in the end.
Tommorow they would be shown to Dusk Clan, introduced and begin their lives away from the protection of a mother's care. But for now.. now they were hers. And Sorrowthroat would never let anything happen to her family again.
I promise to give you a better life. I promise, I promise,
Stars, is it always this painful? Perhaps she would have an easier time in the pine forest - safe from coyotes and clan mates alike. Perhaps Duskpool would be there, whole and warm and calm but in his worried way. He always could play off any emotion - how callious she had been, then, to think he did not harbor guilt in the pain his paws wrought.
And maybe Flora - just Flora - could be there too? Maybe Sorrelsong and Kitestorm could share the nursery, laughing and teasing Flora for the care she would undoubily give. She could almost taste it now... the fresh kill Flora would bring for them. That would be, if Duskpool let her. He'd likely fight her if she tried to feed me before he did.
Tears spring to her eyes, burning their way down her checks and still-healing wounds. Muscles tensed and teeth flashed and something in her gave.
The world began to dull and pull away at the seams. The grass-nest around her seemed softer, it's blades dull against her pelt. Please not yet, please not yet, Teeth dig into another stick. What would Orangestar say if she were in Sky Clan? Would the estemeed leader even care? Fireflyglow seemed to flutter around the nursery when the war queen had kitted. With a sharp, barley extinguished cry, another round of contractions ram through her. The stick sputters and crackles in her maw. Why don't they care about me the same way?
...
It's just barley day break on the second day when her contractions give something more then pain.
A small kit bathed in Sorrowthroat's hues. Sorrowthroat can hardly bring herself to touch the child, her mewls becoming more like curses on the ears of their mother. Save for the splash of white over the kit's fourm and the longer hair, this kit could've been her reborn. Why? Large paws hover over the child, their intentions undecided before another wave hits.
This time, Sorrowthroat cannot keep her cries quite as another kit is born. Exhausted, she turns to see the child and time once again freezes.
"Star Clan, you have to be teasing me..." The kit beside the one that looked like her was one that looked like Duskpool. The tom that loved her. That had sheltered her through so many storms and who she had... She is quick to lap at the child, warming and loving them with licks and nuzzles. This child was soft and furry, like the first one, and bore the strange white splotches that the other one did as well. A small star was placed on her forehead - a threat or an omen?
"I will love you either way," She whispers to the kit, her forehead grazing its'. Frowning, she pulls away as another wave begins to build. Cold. Why are you cold? Had she simply not cleaned the kit enough? Gasping and gagging Sorrowthroat forced herself to warm the child, shaking paws scrambled to find purchase in the nest as the wave of pain disipated. Her kit was still cold. But you're breathing,
Tucking the kit into her chest, she begins to shelter for another wave when a tiny mewl brings her attention back to the first kit, still untouched. No! I won't let you hurt him again! But the kit simply keeps crying, squirming. It's little paws reach out, grabbing and desprate. The little cold one shifts, and Sorrowthroat watches with a sinking heart as they both wiggle, grasping at the air.
Causiously, she brings the first closer to the second, gasping as another wave shoots through her. Between tear-stained eyelashes she watches the two kits mewl, first at random times then closer and closer to harmony. Their little paws pull them inch by inch closer. Sorrowthroat gives a experimental lick to the first kit, then the second.I see. I understand.
By time the third- and thankfully final kit - came, Sorrowthroat held both kits close to her chest. A tired purr echoing in her ribcage as the third kit was quickly brought in with the others. She had learned now, and the third child began to mewl and wiggle with it's siblings as soon as it made contact.
...
It midday when Sorrowthroat decides on names.
The first, the one that looked like her, was Sunlitkit. A hopeful name, but one that warned of hubirus. Sorrowthroat had thought herself a just cat, one in which the sun roveled around. Perhaps, in naming her, she could save this son the pain of learning on his own.
The second, the one born of love incarnate and all it's doubts, was Moonkit. The tiny, cold child cloaked in safe shadows. While Sunlitkit's name betrayed a worry, Moonkit's bore hope. Sorrelsong had always thought herself second best. That Duskpool was her sun and she his moon, reflecting his light and leading others through the dark. She hoped for a simple life for the kit. One full of love and patience and just enough strife to make for a good elder story.
The third, the one who took breaths so light and airy Sorrowthroat had to check on them frequently, was Daydreamkit. While their siblings were reflections of her kin, Sorrowthroat could not find herself in this kit and thanked the stars for it. Their pelt was creamy and highlight with cloud-like whites, they were small and dainty and looked to be kind. She named them for the things inbetween duty and love, between the sun and the moon. For everything Sorrelsong had wanted to be, everything Sorrowthroat ran from.
You're meant to be together, She thinks with a pang of envy, eye lids sliding closed. Maybe she could raise them better - maybe they would be happy in the end.
Tommorow they would be shown to Dusk Clan, introduced and begin their lives away from the protection of a mother's care. But for now.. now they were hers. And Sorrowthroat would never let anything happen to her family again.
I promise to give you a better life. I promise, I promise,
-
-
— A chocolate point tabby molly with icy blue eyes and a slightly uneven pelt. In her age, some of her pelt has begun to turn white or silver white. She has small scars on her back, her shoulders and a slightly crocked tail. Her frame is lanky and sharp, boney even. She has a large, healing wound on her left eye and seemingly forever heralded by her three sickly but loud kits.
— 63 moons old; ages the 1st of every month
— aro/ace. ; currently not looking
— child of NPC and ANWIR :: sibling to Duskpool, Shadowfire and Smokefang
— Mentoring NONE && Mentored Flora
— loyal to Flora, Moonkit,Daydreamkit, Sunlitkit
— hates Orangestar and Duskpool
— "speech", thoughts, attacking
— peaceful powerplay allowed
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