private DOOM AND GLOOM - stonepaw

[AGATEPAW.]

Today was a bad day. A very bad day. Puddledusk actually showed something towards her, and it was negative! Agatepaw had known it was going to be a bad day before that, but being scolded for not walking fast enough, for watching her paws and then told to just go back to camp, that she wouldn't be worth her time like this. It was something, yes, but it hurt worse than the usual ignoring.

Stonepaw was probably doing better than her. Stonepaw would probably pass his assessment on time, probably even early despite his mentor seemingly not being the greatest. Where would that leave her in regards to her partner in crime?

No. He probably didn't even need her now anyways. Was he changing, while she stayed behind? Probably. Why wouldn't he? Stonepaw was everything she wanted to be.

She caught sight of herself in a puddle, once again, tears slowly falling down her face this time. Anger, sadness, loneliness, and a feeling she doesn't quite understand.

Her brother, a son. A tom.

Herself, a sister, a daughter. A she-cat. And yet every time she heard those words, every time she viewed herself, Agatepaw wondered why she could not be more like her brother, moreso than just looking up to his confidence.

In the midst of her gloomy emotions and tears, Agatepaw did not notice the approaching form, did not hear the pawsteps getting closer.

/// @STONEPAW - retro to the event starting! ​

"Speech"​

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STEP FROM THE DARK TO THE LIGHT​

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[STONEPAW]

Stonepaw had wondered what was going on with his sister lately. She used to be so ready to join him in his antics. Followed him around like she was stuck to him, sometimes. And maybe he missed it a little. They'd been busy lately. He wanted to tell her about the squirrel he'd caught earlier. They weren't as common in ShadowClan and it was a rare moment of praise from his mentor.

As he approached, his excitement dimmed a bit. Agatepaw was... not doing well. "Uh, hey, what's up?" he asked. He hoped he hadn't startled her. There wasn't too many cats he held this level of empathy for. Not even Plumpaw, though that might be a bit of jealousy on his part.

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• omg pretend this isn't late and it doesn't suck
  
  "speech"
  

• 

• STONEPAW ✩ he/him, apprentice of shadowclan, eight moons
  ⭃ pretty lilac with low white and blue eyes. very driven, wants to be the best, pushy. has built up a bit of muscle but is still agile.
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Twitchtail ↛ @iliawonders on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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[AGATEPAW.]

"Wah!" she let out a cry as she was started, head swiveling to look at her brother. Agatepaw shook her head to try and dry up her tears, and took in a deep breath. Then more. The cat she wanted to see her like this the least, Stonepaw. Of course. Just her luck. It was always bad. Never good.

What did she want to say to him? How did she want to answer his question?

Agatepaw, for the first time in her life, turned to the lilac tom, eyes narrowed, voice cold. Her expression was more frustrated than angry, but... still. "Nothing's up. Just another failure to add to the pile," she muttered. "But that doesn't matter. I'll live. I always do."

How could she stand next to him, he who was so great? He who didn't need her anymore. Did he ever need her at all? She, who wanted to be someone different. She who...

"You don't have to try so hard anymore," Agatepaw finally forced out, words bitter. "We're not kits anymore. We're getting older. We should... focus on training. You'd be better off without me weighing you down anyways."​

"Speech"​

---

STEP FROM THE DARK TO THE LIGHT​

 

[STONEPAW]

Stonepaw only got more confused the more she talked. "Another failure...?" he muttered under his breath. Her rambling made him anxious. A pressure in his chest appeared. All he'd wanted was to come talk to his sister and she was... What was she on about? Not needing him anymore? Focusing on training? He looked away. Eyes stinging, chest tight, he wanted out of this. He had no idea the struggle she was having, and would've much rather been a confidant than an enemy, but that's what she'd decided, apparently.

"What are you talking about?" he snapped. Anger was easy. He could control anger. The lilac tom faced her fully, meeting her eyes once again. "Fine, do whatever you want, Agatepaw. See what I care." his voice cracked, betraying him. What was he to do? Force her to want to talk to him? Be close to him? Clearly she didn't want him around.

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‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── ooc ⋆⋅☾⋅⋆ info ──┐‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

• 
  
  "speech"
  

• 

• STONEPAW ✩ he/him, apprentice of shadowclan, nine moons
  ⭃ pretty lilac with low white and blue eyes. very driven, wants to be the best, pushy. has built up a bit of muscle but is still agile.
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Twitchtail ↛ @iliawonders on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​