private I COULDN'T SAVE YOU \ stormywing

[iciclefang]

The camp is boisterous after the meeting, the air ringing with confusion and elation. Hazecloud is mysteriously stripped of her deputy rank, and in her place, the Clan is force-fed yellow-bellied Snakeblink. Meanwhile, in her place, in her brother's place, are three warriors still shedding kitten fur. She finds it more amusing, than anything; she had earned Smokestar's respect after she'd returned from the harrowing journey through the mountains to save the Clan from yellowcough. That had been what had distinguished her from her Clanmates, despite her youth...

But that's all gone, now. These warriors barely, if at all, remember the yellowcough epidemic. Her Clanmates had watched her return with her mouth laden with lungwort, but they can't see that version of her anymore, bright-eyed and confident. They only see a traitor, a mother of half-Clan kits, and though she struggles daily to come to terms with that, she knows she must.

Lungwort. The sticky sap coats her tongue like some ancient residue; she sinks through snow on her solitary walk, and the crunch of it underpaw reminds her of better days. Days where love had tasted like spiced, moonlit air, where fate had trembled on the tips of her whiskers. Those days haunt her now — and that is why she starts as if she's seen a ghost as the foliage opposite the Twoleg Bridge trembles.

Iciclefang's fur bristles along her spine. "Show yourself, ThunderClanner," she spits, but Stormywing's scarred chest precedes her, and the starlight dances in her square amber eyes. The tortoiseshell's mouth flattens into a thin line. "Oh. It's you."

She forces her fur to lie flat, though the anger does not die from her blue gaze. "What are you doing out here by yourself?" Her words are stilted, unwelcoming, but she cannot pull herself away. So much lays between them, unsaid, shouted, trampled — and Iciclefang knows she should run in the other direction. Imagine if someone had caught her out here with Stormywing after hearing her tawdry history with the ThunderClan warrior...

But she does not run. She sits, her tail curling around her paws, and she stares.

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: @STORMYWING
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 30 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​

 

[STORMYWING]

Stormywing's golden eyes narrow as she steps through the undergrowth, her muscles taut with tension as the scent of RiverClan washes over her. The snow beneath her paws is crisp, untouched by the usual frenzied pawsteps of patrolling clanmates. Her movements break it up in moments as she rushes to confront whoever lingers at the border. Iciclefang's voice reaches her before she sees her, sharp and laced with venom, and the bitter taste of old wounds rises in the warrior's throat. She sees her form soon after, the familiar flash of her night-and-ember fur just beyond the bridge. The anger in her blue eyes is a familiar sting, one Stormywing has felt many times before, at this very spot. She bristles instinctively, but her paws move slowly, purposefully, closing the distance between them. She has to face this, even if she doesn't want to.

"Alone?" Stormywing repeats with a low, rough laugh. "You're one to talk, Icy." The taste of her former mate's nickname on her tongue sends a bittersweet ache through her, memories of moons past flooding her all at once. She can feel the silence stretching between them, thick with tension. It's always been like this with her, ever since they'd split - a tangled mess of what was and what could never be again. The scarred tabby doesn't want to admit it, but seeing her again brings a sharp pain to her chest. The sting of nostalgia is one she can't quite shake.

For a moment, the warrior just stands there, staring at Iciclefang with a quiet intensity. There's no softness in her eyes, but there's something that is reminiscent of the connection they once had - something that was buried long ago beneath this bridge. "I don't know why I'm out here," She mutters, looking down at her paws. Her frostbite has finally healed, and she supposes she just wanted to take a walk now that she's finally able to again. "I should've never come here." Flamestar's warning echoed in her mind. But she certainly hadn't expected to find Iciclefang of all cats here!

Her gaze lifts again, meeting Iciclefang's eyes. She knows she has to address it. "I never wanted to say it, you know. I never wanted it to come out. You have to know that." She swallows hard, regret coursing through her. "I...I just wanted to save her." She's not sure what she wants - to reconcile, to walk away, to scream at her for the mess their lives had become. But in the end, all Stormywing can do is stand there, facing the one cat who once knew her best, and wonder how the distance between them ever became so wide, so uncrossable.
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[iciclefang]

Stormywing's laugh is low. Rough, like the surface of a cat's tongue. "Alone? You're one to talk, Icy." Hearing the nickname sends a pang through her body that she had not anticipated. Iciclefang closes her eyes for a moment, letting the word settle over her like warm water. It's enticing, to let herself be lulled into a false sense of security, but she knows better, doesn't she? Stormywing has not been her mate for many seasons now. Stormywing is her enemy.

She opens her eyes, the brilliant blue a shocking contrast to her fire-and-shadow face. "I don't know why I'm here. I should've never come here." Iciclefang agrees. "That makes two of us."

Stars, it's awkward. They had met like this once, moons ago, much younger, different. Stormywing's eyes had bled tears. Iciclefang had been round with kits. The stars had twinkled above them, silver and cold and merciless, judging them far before their Clanmates ever had.

Stormywing breaks the silence first. "I never wanted to say it, you know." Iciclefang stiffens. She leans forward, her ears flicked to attention. "I never wanted it to come out. You have to know that. I just wanted to save her." The tortoiseshell glowers at her former mate for a moment, but when she speaks, her voice is almost soft. "I know." She exhales bitterly. Smokelike breath wreathes around her face. "You did what... what any mother would do."

And this is the first time Iciclefang has acknowledged Stormywing that way. As Pinepaw's mother. As Crabpaw's, Cragpaw's. It's the first time she's even allowed herself to think that way. The self-admission feels hollow inside.

"They aren't taking it well. I hid it from them the best way I knew how to." She stares bleakly across the border, her gaze faraway. "I never wanted them to hate... I just wanted them to be loyal to their Clan. To never have any doubts." She blinks. Her eyes fill with sorrow like water. "I only made them hate themselves, in the end. Hate that part of who they are."

She meets Stormywing's golden eyes for a moment. It is tempting to lose herself there, in their fire, but she refrains, holds onto whatever shreds of dignity she has left. Whatever sense of self remains. "Lichenstar had her council interrogate me. And then, once they'd had their fill, she dragged me out before all of RiverClan. A public trial." The smile she smiles then is poisonous with cold, residual anger. "All the Clan had their say. About what should happen to me and my kits. I am a lead warrior no longer."

Iciclefang shakes her head, as though to clear it from thoughts that stick like burrs. "But it's not that that bothers me the most. It's them. To have to see that, and listen to that... to have to know their whole Clan is pitying them, and making decisions for them..." Her smile dies. The anger burns in her gaze. "They will not speak to me now. And I cannot blame them."

It feels almost treacherous, to be spilling this much to Stormywing, but who else would understand? Who else would know what it is like to feel the searing glare of your Clanmates' eyes on your fur? To know your leader had lost all trust in you, your friends, your children? Iciclefang looks at her and mews, "And you? What happened... when the battle was over?"

『 out of character. 』 ✧･ﾟ:* 『 about. 』

• ooc: —
• 
• Iciclekit . Iciclepaw . Iciclefang, she/her w/ feminine terms.
  — "speech", thoughts, attack
  — 30 moons old, ages realistically on the 17th.
  — mentored by Smokestar ; mentoring Pinepaw ; previously mentored Cicadaflight
  — riverclan warrior. mudpelt x icesparkle, gen 2.
  — former mate to Stormywing ; current mate to no one.
  — penned by Marquette.
  
  
  sh tortoiseshell and white she-cat with ice-blue eyes. confident, capable, proud, dry, conceited, condescending, distrustful.

​

 

[STORMYWING]

Stormywing shifts on her paws, the crisp snow crunching softly beneath her weight. The words Iciclefang spills hit her like sharp thorns, dragging over old wounds she thought she'd grown numb to. Mother. The word had always felt foreign, something that could never describe her, but hearing it now from the other mother of her kits nearly steals her breath. She bites back the lump forming in her throat, forcing her focus back to the present, to the pain etched across her former mate's face. She doesn't move closer. The distance between them feels both unbearable and necessary, a fragile tether that could snap with the wrong word. She tells her all about what has happened back in RiverClan and her jaws part in shock. Shes been stripped of her place on the council, dragged before the entire clan for an interrogation, a public trial. Her gut twists at the thought. She and Iciclefang will never be what they used to be, but stars…she never wanted that for her. She doesn't hate her. "I'm…I'm sorry," She mews genuinely, trying to meet her gaze. If she'd been silent…

When Iciclefang asks about the aftermath, Stormywing hesitates, her tail flicking sharply behind her. Her claws scrape against the icy ground - her punishment hadn't been anything close to the same level. Her clanmates were furious, but…her friends, her family, they'd shown her understanding and empathy she couldn't have ever expected from them. Tipping her chin up, she keeps her voice steady as she tells the truth, "Everyone knows now. They're all disappointed in me, some are angry with me. Flamestar wanted to be sure that…I wouldn't see you anymore. I assured her it was all very far in the past." Memories of heartbroken sobs and pleads on this very bridge threaten to resurface, but she shoves them back down as she stares evenly at the tortoiseshell. "Now I'm supposed to just...keep going, I guess. Be the loyal ThunderClan warrior, train my apprentices, work hard to earn back everyone's trust." She drops her gaze to the ground, her eyes blazing with despair. "But everything's changed."

The fire in her gaze dims as she lifts her eyes again to study her former mate, the tension in her shoulders softening just a fraction. "At least you still have them. Pinepaw, Crabpaw, Cragpaw - they're still with you. You can still try." A chance Stormywing will never have. Her voice drops, her expression unreadable, "You don't get it, do you? You can still fix it. You can..." She swallows hard, shaking her head as her words trail off. The things she'd give to be able to have the opportunity to earn back the love and trust of her own children. What she'd sacrifice to know them. The silence that follows is deafening, stretching between them like the Twoleg Bridge itself. A striped tail lashes once, twice, before she murmurs, almost too quietly to hear, "I envy you, Iciclefang. I envy you."
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[iciclefang]

Stormywing flinches from the word mother, and Iciclefang does not blame her. That word has teeth, even to her, now; she had failed her children in a way she does not know if she can make up for. The ThunderClan warrior, though, had had no choice; Iciclefang had stolen that choice from her. The tortoiseshell studies her as the gray tabby offers her condolences for all Iciclefang had lost in RiverClan. "I'm... I'm sorry." She shrugs, flicking droplets of water from her marbled fur. "Don't be." She blinks back at Stormywing and murmurs, "As angry as I'd like to be, you still saved Pinepaw's life... and nothing matters more than that. No title, no reputation, nothing." Her tone is quiet, but fierce.

The ThunderClan warrior tells Iciclefang about the reception she'd received upon returning to her own camp. "Flamestar wanted to be sure that I wouldn't see you anymore. I assured her it was all very far in the past." The tortoiseshell returns her former mate's gaze. She can see conflict in the tabby's golden eyes; she can see pain, old and mostly-healed, but there, like a bruise refusing to fade. "I told Lichenstar the same," she responds after a moment. "I told her the truth... that we... that I cut you out of my life seasons ago. But for all the good it did, I wonder..."

Wonder what? Iciclefang flicks her blue eyes away, toward some distant horizon. There was no what ifs anymore; she'd killed them like the dreams she'd shared with Stormywing under this same sky, near this same river, their fur fluffed against the leafbare chill, their mouths spilling fantasy.

She had moved on — with nothing but sheer will and determination to protect her kits — and now, it is clear that Stormywing has followed suit. That's only to be expected, she reasons, but some unreasonable part of her feels an unexpected sting at the realization. She doesn't love me anymore. And why should she? Iciclefang had delegated her to a member from a rival Clan, to an enemy warrior, the moment she'd walked away from Stormywing. Did I expect her to continue pining, all this time later? How fair is that?

Iciclefang blinks as Stormywing's tail lashes behind her. "You don't get it, do you? You can still fix it. You can..." The scarred warrior trails off, and Iciclefang's gaze softens. "I know. Even if they never forgive me, I have my memories. And you never will. I stole that from you." She chuffs, her breath misting before her muzzle. "And I can't even say I'm sorry I did. Those kits lived ten moons in peace, confident in their places in RiverClan. I wouldn't trade those ten moons for anything."

Her mouth twitches into a half-smile. "Since when did you become so wise, Stormy? Where'd my headstrong warrior go?" It's sardonic, light-hearted, even in the face of all they have been through together. We will endure. Both of us will. There's nothing else we can do. Stormywing will make a life she can be proud of in ThunderClan, and I...

I will do what I can to fix what I broke. I swear it to you, StarClan.

… ❞​

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