i just pinched myself | intro



She's been tearing up the ground in front of her nest for a while now. Mind running through many different issues that she feels need to be handled. Like Sootstar for one, she murdered her and Squall's brother. She wants to do something about it on her own but she knows how that will play out. Anger lashes angry tongues at her pelt and it bristles up as she stares daggers at the torn up ground, fresh dirt churned and no longer holding much greenery. And now on top of that she's supposed to have a different name now. She isn't just Drizzle anymore but Drizzlethroat. What is that supposed to mean? Huffing she shifts her limbs from the broken ground and she shakes her head a little. "I need some air..." Her gaze has lost some of its fire as she forces herself up onto her stilt like legs. Ears pulling back she advances toward the den entrance hoping not to be caught when someone calls out to her, asking her if she needs help.

She doesn't mean to snap but her voice comes out with emotion. "I'm just going for a walk, stop worrying so much." The look on their face makes her feel immediately apologetic and she parts her jaws to say sorry but the other feline has already turned away from her. "Tsk...whatever. I didn't mean it like that..." Her voice a soft grumble she makes her way to the edge of camp and then she starts to pick her way out into the territory, slender frame easily slipping through the foliage. Already she feels tired but she refuses to go back now. She just wants some fresh air.

Though Drizzlethroat may not know it, Blazestar's mind has been whirring with endless possibilities concerning Sootstar, and all of them end in pain. His pain, her pain, but more importantly, the pain their Clanmates must endure based on whatever actions they take. They've only come out of war, and that had ended with many of their cats dead. Rain, Onceler, Char, Marigold, Gorse. So many cats had died for nothing, had killed for nothing.

And Sootstar has done her damndest to force it to happen again. StarClan divided two groups into five, distributed them away from one another, gave their leaders nine lives and gifted each Clan a cat to heal their sick and interpret dreams.

And yet it seems it isn't enough.

He can't imagine the pain Drizzlethroat and Squallmist are enduring. He can't imagine the pain any of Rain's children are going through, but the dead tabby's littermates especially have lost their blood sibling, the cat they'd been found with on the streets of the Twolegplace moons ago.

He can see the discontent in Drizzlethroat's eyes, and his throat closes up. Why does it matter to him whether Rain's kits are pleased with him or his decisions? He doesn't know why it especially matters. Perhaps because he knows he shouldn't be SkyClan's leader, because part of him wishes Rain had turned him away at the Moonstone.

"Drizzlethroat, I..." She looks back over his shoulder as she leaves camp, and her eyes are full of resentment. "Stop worrying so much." He stops, one paw lifted, and a glassy veneer of sorrow coats his blue gaze. "... I know." He watches her go, exhaling slowly. He doesn't follow her. He can't comfort her, and if he tried, would it not be a mockery to all she's lost?


He's always been closer to one littermate than the other, but, in the wake of Haze's death, Squallmist finds himself hanging around Drizzlethroat a bit more.

And though Drizzlethroat's always been a bit sickly, the silver tom can't help but to worry for his sister a bit more than usual. He can't lose another. He can't be the last one left in his litter. Their younger siblings can't take another loss either.

So, despite still healing from his own injuries, he keeps a watchful eye on Drizzlethroat. Whether she likes it or not, of course. His sister had always been stubborn, always insisted she was fine. Perhaps Squallmist didn't know the extent of it. Perhaps it was worse than what Squallmist knew. The tom wasn't sure.

His eyes open at the sound of his remaining littermate's voice. She needs air.

"I can go with you, if you --" He's already sitting up from his resting position, bones aching from his trek back to camp. But, alas, Drizzlethroat snaps back before he can finish his offer to join her, a remark thrown at both him, and Blazestar - who he'd only just realized was there. She's just going on a walk, she insists. They need to stop worrying so much, she says. Squallmist nods, ears folding back.

How can he not worry, when he's lost so much as of late?

The tom knows not to bicker with his sister - knows it will be of no use against her stubborn nature. But she turns to look at them, an apology following. She didn't mean it like that. Of course she didn't.

"Right," he responds as she departs the camp. He just hopes she'll return home in one piece.
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