i won't make this easy [lilac]

[Copperkit]

"A LITTLE BIT FERAL"​

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OOC- This thread is retro to just before the frost hit. At this point, Copperkit has been in camp for about three days now.

It didn’t make any sense. She was always back by now. Always.

Boy– or ‘Copperkit’ as they called him here– was used to generally being left to his own devices. It was as normal as the sun coming up each day for him to spend hours on his own, entertaining himself with only his imagination and surroundings. But for all the time he spent alone, there was a routine to things as well. His Dam always came to drop off food or to freshen up his nest, forcing him to sit still for a bath while he loudly complained and swatted at her.

Their relationship was distant and methodical in the eyes of outsiders, a queen ticking off all the boxes but lacking the maternal instinct– it wasn’t ideal by any means, but it wasn’t neglect in the traditional sense. Just emotional.

To Copperkit though, it was just the norm. Adults were there to bring food and to make your nest soft and to clean your fur. And to give you stupid rules you had to follow because you were ‘too young to make your own decisions’. He’d often thought about how happy he’d be to finally be free from her, but now..?

As the russet tomkit hunkered down in his messy, poorly made nest (he’d stubbornly insisted on making his own instead of sleeping with one of the queens) he did his best to try and cope with whatever it was he was feeling. Why was he so sad? He was used to being on his own a lot of the time anyway. And he’d been looking forward to finally being the maker of his own rules, too.

It shouldn’t have mattered that she never came back for him. And it didn’t matter– or at least, that’s what he kept telling himself as he lay there, curled up and trying to stifle his sniffling. He didn’t need his Dam. He was strong without her.

And yet, there was still that small voice in the back of his head asking ‘why’?

To make it all worse was, his ego had taken a hit, too. He’d been so confident in front of all the river cats, telling them that this was nothing new and that he knew what he was doing. Now he’d look like the stupid little kit they all thought he was, as if he didn’t know what he was talking about. What if they never trusted him again because they thought he was just some huge liar or something?

Curling up a little tighter, he tried not to imagine the ridicule he’d face from the others once they realized his own dam had tricked him into being left behind.

@Deidre

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[Lilacbird]

Lilacbird was not new to being a mother. Maybe new, if you consider that she held one litter of her own, but they coming to be eight moons already. Or was it more? TIme felt like it was flying, as she sat bundled to those that were not hers. But, that didn't mean she didn't still pull a tongue over their heads as they sleeped, or cood to them as they cried, or encouraged them as they played.

Whether they were hers, or from a litter of Riverclan and windclans mixed love, she cared for them, and offered the maternal instinct she gladly gave to children who needed it the most. Even warblerpaw, whose mother slunk in her nest- always tired, always distant since her childs death.

She felt the pain, the hole in her own heart as she thought of Cottonkit, who walked now in the clouds of starclan, gracing their presence with her innocence...

Her stubby ears perked, her head lifting softly as she heard a newcomer whimper. So stubborn, so fierce, his demeanor making her hesitant, making her feel as if he may outlash if she merely noticed. But she couldn't help it, carefully pulling from her nest, nuzzling the kits and softly putting in hoped to coax them to continue to sleep.

"Copperkit...darling.." She whispered so lightly, gently placing a fluffy tail over his pelt. "Care. .. to tuh-talk? I p-promise I won't int-intervene if y-uh don't want-" she added, lowering her head to his level behind his shoulders as he lay curled in on himself.

"I know.. you're g-going through a lot right now... And everything duh-doesnt feel fair, " she murmured softly, ears tugging to flatten against her head.

​

 

[Copperkit]

"A LITTLE BIT FERAL"​

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His little body tensed up at the sound of Lilacbirds voice, paws wiping furiously at his eyes and cheeks in an attempt to hide the evidence of tear tracks. It was embarrassing enough that he’d been so confident that his mother was coming back for him, even boasting to the River Cats that he was used to being on his own, but now one of them was going to see him crying, too! She’d definitely tell the others, and then the other kits would think he was a big crybaby!

”No! I don’t wanna talk!” he snapped as he scrambled to his paws, fur fluffing up as everything he was feeling came to a head, translating into the only thing he really understood; anger.

Your just a dumb grown up! Why should I trust you or any of these River Cats!?” he demanded, voice raising to an alarming pitch, causing some of the other kits to stir.

In a panic that they might see him in such a pathetic way, he quickly turned and dashed out of the nursery, only to be greeted by a cold wind coming off the water and ruffling his short kitten fur, causing him to shiver and pause just outside.

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[/i]​

 

[Lilacbird]

do you wanna know how it feels ​

She would've expected a outlash, she really did, actually- but the words the kit said kind of burned her, her head snapping back a little, eyebrows raising in what appeared to be physical damage. It was emotional, she knew. But it was probably the first time she'd been screamed at, and it made her lips quiver in a slight sadness.

But she should've expected this, even if it hurt. Copperkit just joined. And he was right- he had no reason to believe he was safe yet. Especially when his mother gave him false premise and hope she would simply return. That's what she could only assume.

So for a moment, she was stunned, taking in sharp inhales, and exhaling foggy breath. Before the lilac hued queen would follow after. But even now, she was more hesitant, lifting a paw to leave the den, only to pause. Peering instead to see him shivering.

What... Could she even do? Was there anything she even could do?

"I-it... Mu-mu- must b-buh-be," she cursed her own stutter, worse now, nervous over a child. Her stubby ears flattened, and her short body lowered a bit. "C-c-cuh-cold.... I d-don't want you t-to get sick. I- I'm sorry I upset you," she murmured softly, always a gentle voice and kind soul. Lilacbird wore her heart on her shoulder, and she seemed to feel like she let a lot of others down.

And now, kittens were squirming inside and queens were trying to hush them asleep, and she felt even more like she was bothering them. Stupid insecurities, it would be the death of her one day.

The queen watched, and a heavy sigh left her. "I-i was j-just- t-t-trying t-to help m-make you feel b-better... B-but I'll luh-leave you b-be if you p-promise to come in here out of th-the c-cold. B-but my n-nest is always open, and my ears m-may be small, b-but they'll always listen." She tried to light the situation with bad humour, wrapping a fluffy tail around her toes. Though her smile did not show, brain wrapping around words the kit (hopefully) didn't mean.

She has introduced herself already as Lilacbird, but she'd lower her head a bit in a gentle manner. "Its my j-job here... T-to take c-care of any k-kitten, like you. I was alone once .. me and m-my b-b-bruther. And the clans... Th-they took c-care of us." She had never told a soul that. She hasn't even thought about it in a long time... But... Maybe, something the kitten could relate to...

Or... It would piss him off. He believed his mother was coming back... But she didn't know how to reassure him she would- not if... She didn't want to lie to the already tender kitten.
​

do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me
she/her ⋆ 30 moons old ⋆ lilac tortie with blue eyes ⋆ information