pafp I'm too scared to stay the same 𖧧 Apologising

[Florabreeze]

Leaving her twoleg nest has been difficult these days. She only travels with groups of other daylight warriors in the mornings, if only so she can keep her head down when they travel beyond the thunderpath and towards SkyClan’s border. Even then it doesn’t help much, she can swear that she spots a still paw out of the corner of her eyes. Dandelionwish and Applefrost, she has committed these names to memory, two warriors she never had the pleasure of conversing with but two that she had seen around camp. Two who had very deep ties to the clan, whenever she looks at the loved ones of them she can only see the pain that they carried that day. Cherryblossom was no exception to the rule, if anything she only sees the determination the deputy had that day, that fury she carried at the injustice, trying to blanket that sorrow.

Though, it was hard to tell just where that anger the calico carried was aimed. Florabreeze has thought about that day, being corrected on not announcing their names by her. The patrol follows her like a shadow, guilt clawing at her whenever she thinks about that particular part of the day.

"Just because it's a fun mystery to you and not someone you love dead doesn't make it good."

She didn’t intend to upset her but she had realised that intentions didn’t really matter in situations like that. Guilt was a weird feeling, it wasn’t one that Florabreeze carried often. It took some time to sit with this, to understand why she felt guilty, she realised at group therapy that she should apologise but how does one apologise for something like that?

Inaction wouldn’t start it, seeking out a familiar calico pelt across camp the maine coon padded so she was walking beside Cherryblossom. “If I could steal a moment of your time, I have something I would like to say” this wasn’t exactly the most private space but she didn’t want to pull the young deputy from her duties. Florabreeze wasn’t sure what her duties entailed but she imagined that there must be a large workload for her. There was a moment where she debated not looking her in the eye for this conversation, that felt disingenuous though so in the end she looked up at her. Trying to push past the fact that these days she could only see that rage masked sorrow haunting Cherryblossom’s features.

“I would like to apologise for my actions and behaviour the other day.” They didn’t interact often so she hoped that she understood what day Florabreeze was referring to. Who knows, maybe she had forgotten all about it, she had already started her apology though so she couldn’t exactly abandon it. “I didn’t mean what I said back at the border to be as callous as it was, nothing about that day was good.”

It was hard to find the balance between keeping a professional tone and not sounding not upset about it, she wasn’t sure if getting over emotional would hinder her apology but she couldn’t help but find a tremor in her words. “This wasn’t, and isn’t, a fun mystery to me. I was trying to see something positive in the situation, but I realise that I must have trivialised it. I can’t take back what I said, but I’m sorry Cherryblossom. I feel horrible about the idea that I upset you even more at such an upsetting time, I hope you can forgive me.” The daylight warrior bows her head slightly to show respect, before looking back up to look her in the eye. She had made peace with the concept of Cherryblossom not forgiving her, she just wanted to let her know that she was sorry about it.

‎‎ ‎From far away 𖧧 Stays for a day ‎

• 
  please wait for @Cherryblossom !
  
•  
• 
  SkyClan Daylight Warrior⏐ She / Her ⏐ Info
  ❥ A large black tabby maine coon with low white and bright green eyes, always wearing her mushroom print collar if she can.
  ❥ 32 moons old { Ages realistically on the 12th per month }
  ❥ Mentored by Sorrelsong
  ❥ “Speech”, thoughts, attacking
  ❥ Penned by Juice ⏐ouijeejuice on discord {open to being dmed for plots}

​

 

[Cherryblossom]

Even after the patrol, Cherryblossom rarely thinks of Flora. More like she actively avoids the Maine coon, both in the dark recesses of her mind and beneath the sweeping gaze of the sun. Deputy duties have left this characteristic inconspicuous enough. It was too easy to send Florabreeze out to the clear other side of the territory most days, and she hardly had to worry about bumping into her in the night, where inhibitions tired and grim reared its head. She assumes the feeling is mutual. Like friendships and relationships, this too would fade with time.

At her scarred flank, a sienna shape looms. Surprise flickers across her face like a stray firework, unable to hide in the vast white night, before being smothered by a wrinkle of her nose. Cherryblossom angles her nose up towards the towering oak of a tabby. "...okay?" Politely baffled, dismissive: things a very busy deputy would embody when approached with such a frivolous request. If you have something you'd like to say, just say it instead of telling me you'd like to say it. She doesn't exactly think it, but the sentiment gleams in the golden flash of her gaze.

Reading Florabreeze past her apology proves a little difficult with unfamiliarity. A faint twinge of embarrassment on the warrior's behalf creeps up on her. The whole situation reminds her of a similar Leaf-bare scene, with Edenpaw's lovestruck guts spilling through their maw to land at a blindsided Cherrypaw's feet. (When did she start looking back on it with embarrassment? Has she always?) The guilt of being reminded of her mate to-be placates her, just enough to take the edge off of whatever cruelty would've vaulted out of her mouth.

Still, Applefrost's presence continues to infect the confrontation. Florabreeze's apology trundles on, shuddering a little on the tracks, as though going too fast now to stop. It... annoys her. And despite it, it doesn't feel all that bad. The daylight warrior bows her great head, and with a minor start she realizes it's her cue to respond. "It's fine." The words come out awkward, too stilted for her sweet, serpentine tones.

"I forgive you," she adds, because she's supposed to. She feels nothing for it. Forgiven or not, Applefrost and Dandelionwish remain in the earth, breathing the stars and dirt, veined with moondust and earthworms.

She would like to stop talking about it now. Nor was this the place or time to talk about it, if she wanted to. This was a conversation Lupinesong was more fit to handle, or Fireflypaw, or even Butterflytuft. None of those cats would've snapped at her in the first place though. Returning the apology doesn't occur to her, though it should; it almost does. The notion passes undetected in the hive of her mind, a larval idea lost in the honeycomb, one among the many budding.

Applefrost would probably make a joke about it, defuse the tension. She was good at that. Maybe she had to become good at it to balance out Orangestar's uptight-ness. Eggbounce and Tawnyclaw inherited it from her, but the eldest sister never received the same blessing. "Soooo..." Cherryblossom returns her gaze to the wider world, tail flicking. "Are we gonna, like, keep walking?"

skyclan deputy | "speech." | tags​

​