SH Red Tabby with high white and hazel (golden brown and green) eyes.
Young as he is, Rosekit has not developed a great opinion of his own personal appearance. But, most of the older cats in the clan would call him, relative to his siblings and others around his age, average. It's likely that in adulthood, Rosekit will stand just shy of his own mother and father's statures, and this is a fact he would be perfectly okay with. If you asked him, in his kittenhood, his favorite part of himself would be the amount of white on him. White that starts at his paws and swoops up his entire body to his belly, up his chest, and smudged across his face. He'd tell you this is his favorite part of himself because when he plays, the white fur stains with grass, the smudges of earth that he digs his paws into, retains the lingering scents of wildflowers that he gets his paws on. It doesn't matter that they stain; the white stands out against the world and he gets to carry it with him. Isn't that cool? If you really,
really asked him, he'd also admit that he likes his orange, because unlike the darker pelt of his dad, he feels like his stands out against the moors. It's bright, and beautiful, when he looks at himself in the reflections in the water. He likes the idea that he's easy to find. That he can't be left out if people can see him.
See, the thing about being young is you don't have a chance to see yourself as anything other than what you are - yet. Doubts, insecurity, fears, those all start later. Usually by other people. Usually by things you begin to notice, begin to wonder. The fears that Rosekit has are not things he will be able to see for himself, for in fact he doesn't see well at all. By three moons of age, he will develop
nystagmus, a condition that causes the eyes to shake. Being young as he is, the extent of how this will affect him later on in life is yet to be seen but one thing is clear: he is
visually impaired. He stands with a little bit of a lean, is more clumsy than most kittens his age, and in many cases struggles with some tasks that require precise depth perception and fine-motor skills. Nystagmus can be a stand alone condition, or in many cases is an indicator of other health problems. For Rosekit, at three months, this is the beginning, but in the moons to come, it is likely that the rest of his vision will be more greatly affected.
*subject to change depending on interactions overtime
Imagine: you're a child, figuring out that you're different from others. Learning that your father has a reputation. Learning more about your family, your place within it, your place within the world around you. Imagine, being a child, trying to learn how to become part of a Clan, a family. Imagine, knowing that something about you is different, and not knowing how to handle it. What do you do?
You become good-mannered. Say please, and thank you. Only complain a little when he's asked to do his chores. Imagine the complaints becoming instant agreement. Because he wants to be good. Because he is good. But where's the line between good-mannered out of the pureness of his heart and the good-mannered out of the sake of knowing that he has to be? See, when you learn about yourself and the world around you there's pressure. Faced with this pressure, of maybe going blind, of trying to understand his father's behavior in comparison to other people's, Rosekit is a good boy. He is, truly, cross his heart. But there's a line of good that becomes destructive, becomes exploitative. He doesn't want to mess up- he can't. Because what will people think of him if he can't see well and he's incapable of something?
He'd sooner grit his teeth and lie straight through them to make people like him, not realizing at all that that's what he's doing. He'd sooner adhere to his father's own personality traits because, clearly, it worked for him. It's not that he's manipulative- he would never do it intentionally, but he is a people-pleaser. Give him a task, a good enough reason to think that it's the right thing to do and he'll do it. He's young; he doesn't have the defenses yet to know whether or not people would make him do something that was bad just because all he sees is a chance to be well-behaved and well-mannered. The perfect kid.
Rosekit is capable. That's what he believes anyway. Because if he assumes that he's unable to contribute to the world around him, then what's the point? There's a great sense within him that needs to feel valued, and to protect the vulnerable part of himself that doesn't want to admit that they could be obsolete- is there a time in which they feel or have reason to believe that their family would think less of him if he can't live up to their, or his own, expectations?
It's not at all to say that Rosekit is a wolf in sheep's clothing, prepared to do whatever it takes to be liked and respected. It's just not true. He would never intentionally manipulate the perception of his own self but subconsciously, there is a part of him that wants to love, and be loved, no matter what it takes- especially for a father that's not the best at showing his own emotions. Whatever is necessary that prevents him being afraid that there are parts of them that will make them so they are irrelevant to clan life. He wants to see other people happy, and is potentially at risk of believing that he can be loved only if he is giving out everything he has to give and not asking for anything back. What he fears most is being obsolete. What he fears even more is being alone.
Windclan preferred please.
Other naming choices, in no particular order:
Violet-, Rose-, Lavender-, Blossom-, Cricket-, Holly-, Sun-, Shine-, Wisteria- However, I am also willing to go with the flow and take whatever you think would be fun for the character!
My current thoughts for this character is that, as a kitten, Rosekit discovers his nystagmus- or more correctly the people around him do because he doesn't recognize his own eyes shaking. As he continues to grow, it affects his fine motor skills and aspects of his depth-perception. It will continue to degrade throughout his apprenticeship and affect how he feels about himself, his role in Windclan, and his place among his own family and people his own age. He will likely get into some amount of trouble trying to feel like he can 'prove' himself- probably by doing stupid things.
When he is young, Rosekit will be able to adapt fairly well to their blindness- hence why it takes even three moons or so for something to be even tipped as 'wrong' with their eyes. They adapt by building themselves systems that allow them to participate in most things to a similar level as other kits his age. But the older he gets, the harder these systems will have to work in order for him to be successful, because the demands on him will be much greater. It's these demands, and his own desire to feel like he's capable of contributing, and how it affects them as a person who feels like they are still capable when others are maybe telling them that they are not and vise versa, that 'having to keep a strong face because if you crack everyone will say, 'I told you so'"
His vision will likely continue to get worse as he gets older, which will continually challenge his perception of himself. I also imagine that he turns out to be a very strong and very self-assured person the more that he grows up due to having to face these things and these constant doubts about himself. It will by no means be easy, but for all the challenges and doubts that he faces, and for all the people he interacts with, he will either have to sink or swim - and sinking's not an option.
Obviously this will all continue to develop and expand as roleplay actually goes on, so I apologize for the repetitiveness!
