private LOVE IS A DOG FROM HELL — SUNSTAR

──ᨒ↟↟ᨒ↟ᨒ↟↟ᨒ── It is an ill ambience in the badger set. Though many are recovering, sniffles, coughs, and wet breaths rise to the den's ceiling and join the dying gasps of last yellowcough's victims. Somewhere in the dirt is Quietcrow's final whisper, and each lung's creaking exhale before then. Is it simply the wind on the moors that Wolfsong hears, or the collective knell of every WindClanner to die in this badger's pit? He wonders, too, if any winds from the distant mountains of his birth travel far enough to reach their wayward children here, if it is only during leafbare that they are strong enough to remind Wolfsong of the world he left.

He would follow Sunstar over and through every horizon if he asked— and even if he didn't. Ever a loyal shadow, but one that has failed too often. His sickened, fatigued mind sinks deep into a miasma of smoke and writhing flame, recalling in agonizing color the whites of his son's terrified eyes as he died. His Bearflight, his moss-hearted boy who lives in the stars and forgets pain and expectation.

Wolfsong shifts uncomfortably. The grasping vines that wind his ribs tightly closed may simply be the yellowcough, or perhaps the thorny, questing reach of a tired medicine cat's many regrets. Once, he was a formidable creature, wasn't he? He stalked battlegrounds with a free laugh, tossed his head in the face of every warrior that sought his pain. Now he bends over heaving chests, packs bleeding sides with herbs and cobwebs, dulls the points of his claws with every dandelion offered to ease the ache.

Precious, invaluable knowledge. It does him little good now, shivering in a deepening dark that blots out every silhouette sharing this dismal space with him. He must fight, but he realizes with the horror of a mouse waylaid by a swooping owl that he has forgotten how. Weak, contemptible creature, an insult to the generations that lived and died so that he could be born, to the many nights a young Sunnvar kept watch over a fevered Ellisif. Pathetic.

StarClan would take him all the same if he died. They would not mind his fragility— but they should. But if they did, where would his son's spirit have gone? Who would take such a gentle soul, incapable of harm? Certainly not the spirit peaks where Wolfsong's mother hunts.

He turns over again and curls into a tighter shape. Somehow, Sunstar has forgiven his failures. He doubts that wisdom. Forgiveness may bring peace, but what has peace ever done for Wolfsong but caused complacency? Without peace, perhaps he would not have doubted the omen of the fires. Perhaps Bearflight would still be alive. Perhaps Wolfsong would not have amused his coddling, and he would be a formidable warrior guarding their home.

His sole eye squeezes shut tightly. He knows that would not have been his son, but it does not soothe the chorus of possibility that torments him, the endless futures that may have been. What a miserable scrap of fur Sunstar has tied himself to. He does not know what remains of the warrior who boldly followed without fear, but it was not yellowcough that killed him.
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WOLFSONG of WINDCLAN FORMER ROGUE TURNED MEDICINE CAT. 46 MOONS, HE/HIM, NPC X NPC. MATES WITH SUNSTAR (07/05/2023). BIOGRAPHY, PINTEREST, & PLAYLIST.
  • ★★★☆☆ WOUNDS: You're (mostly) in safe paws. You'll know if he's less experienced if he asks for your permission to try a treatment. No wound can scare him away from knowledge.

    ★★★☆☆ INFECTION: He can prevent most infections. If you feel feverish, let him know; he'll hum thoughtfully over herbs and sniff your wound before saying, "With your blessing..."
  • ★☆☆☆☆ ACHES & PAINS: If you complain to him of pain, he'll ask where. If it's a headache, you'll likely feel a bit better. For anything else, "Try this, if you'd like, and tell me how you feel."

    ★☆☆☆☆ BROKEN BONES: At best. he can ask you to remain lying down in the den. He may try to distract you with conversation while he considers what herb to feed you.
  • ★★★★★ TRAVELING HERBS: Going somewhere? No worries; Wolfsong knows just what you need to stay hale and healthy during your journey. The rest is up to you.

    ★★★☆☆ KITTING: Thanks to Starlingheart and his own pregnancy, he's better prepared for the arrival of kits, but any complications will need a little faith and a lot of luck.
  • ★☆☆☆☆ POISONS: It's best if you avoid eating anything unfamiliar to you— it's probably just as unfamiliar to Wolfsong. The best he can do is offer you yarrow and sit with you.

    ★★★☆☆ ILLNESS: If it's white or greencough, you'll likely recover. Otherwise, prepare for odd concoctions and the usual request that you consent to a little trial-and-error.
 
  • Crying
Reactions: ken_Unot
✧₊⁺ ️️️ ️️╱ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ Wolfsong is not the only one who has changed. The three tired paws that carry Sunstar towards the badger sett do not hold the confidence they once had. Each step comes with weight — not scarring wounds he could grow to be proud of, but a quotidian ache and a low, hanging head. Too many of them had spent their moons at the lowest they have been. And with each day the world turns past them, it becomes binding truth. Who could they be, but who they have been? What could they feel, if not what they have been mired in?

They became what was demanded of them. Was this not the truth of children in their entirety? But he thinks, then, of Bearflight. His journey to the stars and the life that had led him there. Nothing had been burned into his child's bones. Everything that pushed them towards the life of a warrior had ended with WindClan — who sought kind-hearted kittens, forgiveness, and an understanding Sunstar himself could so scarcely offer. Whatever they were taught here, it seems the guilt of what could have been remained.

He was not any one thing. Neither was his mate.

He comes to his darkened side with a fish between his fangs. Another offering. It had been too long. Which souls does he beg for health this time? StarClan does not seek ceremony, nor do they demand sacrifice. Unquestioning obedience. They stand with timorous benevolence and ask to be understood; they promise love without showing it upon their faces, and this is what he struggles with. Time and again, Sunstar cannot find a balance. What is love if StarClan would not defend them? How can they care if they offer nothing but silent judgment? At least in the mountains, it was known that your worth was nothing. Lionization was to be earned. Death must be too.

If their spirits sought your soul, they must force it from your grasp.

It does not matter if he thinks himself weak. Still, Wolfsong fights.

Deep within the shadows of this shadow-mired den, he settles himself into the dirt and the wheaten fur. "Eat," he commands, nudging the scaled creature closer.

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  • 68618436_niWt9hIm1ktdzou.png
    ✧₊⁺ ️️️ ️️╱ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ OOC.
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    ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑. SUNSTRIDE. SUNNVAR.
    ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ MASC ️️️ & ️️️ AMAB, ️️️ HE – HIM – HIS.
    ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ SECOND LEADER OF ️️️ WINDCLAN.
    ᯓ✧ ️️️ ️️ ️️️ NINE LIVES: ️️️ ️️️ ️️️ ️️️ ️️️ ️️️ ️️️ ⋆̴͖̻̌͛ ⋆̵̼͈̐̿̓̏͝ ⋆̶̬́̀
  • 82190121_9CSsSGfEk2LJ5dF.png
    a large chocolate and white rosette tom with seaglass eyes. the first thing many see when looking at sunstar now is not his proud posture or boxy build, but the scarred stump that remains of his front left leg. a wound that would have killed most other cats took one of his lives; not even starclan could repair it.

    a rogue brought to windclan in a search for greatness, one of sootstar's most loyal warriors turned into her downfall. with a mate and kits to worry about, and now nine lives from starclan with a missing limb, windclan's leader has much to prove.
 
  • Love
Reactions: WOLFSONG
──ᨒ↟↟ᨒ↟ᨒ↟↟ᨒ── He is not quite aware of time's passage, but the next occasion that he drags his eyelid open, there is a new figure in the den's mouth, standing tall and bright like fire, resplendent. And then the figure moves, stepping deeper inside, gait immediately recognizable to Wolfsong. He is no longer some otherworldly silhouette; windswept and weary, he is a king of the moors and the people who live here— but as he draws closer, he becomes...smaller, even as his height briefly looms over Wolfsong's tightly-coiled body. Weary is so paltry a word for what he sees through his malaise-hounded vision, for his mate who sinks low to the ground with a fish appearing between them. His lifelong love, his leader, beautiful and burdened.

His breaths rattle as he shuffles, attempting to shift closer. The fish entices his mind, though his belly struggles to hunger, and through his sluggish bleariness, he comes to wonder how his mate obtained such a thing.

"Sunnvar," he exhales, and he is too tired to correct what is a mistake only to their clanmates. He dips his head, nose brushing over rough scales. His teeth attempt and fail to make purchase, his motivation waning. An exhausted frustration closes his eye for a moment (or perhaps more). "There is...no thing too large or small for me to fail." He sighs. His chin settles in the dirt.
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WOLFSONG of WINDCLAN FORMER ROGUE TURNED MEDICINE CAT. 46 MOONS, HE/HIM, NPC X NPC. MATES WITH SUNSTAR (07/05/2023). BIOGRAPHY, PINTEREST, & PLAYLIST.
  • ★★★☆☆ WOUNDS: You're (mostly) in safe paws. You'll know if he's less experienced if he asks for your permission to try a treatment. No wound can scare him away from knowledge.

    ★★★☆☆ INFECTION: He can prevent most infections. If you feel feverish, let him know; he'll hum thoughtfully over herbs and sniff your wound before saying, "With your blessing..."
  • ★☆☆☆☆ ACHES & PAINS: If you complain to him of pain, he'll ask where. If it's a headache, you'll likely feel a bit better. For anything else, "Try this, if you'd like, and tell me how you feel."

    ★☆☆☆☆ BROKEN BONES: At best. he can ask you to remain lying down in the den. He may try to distract you with conversation while he considers what herb to feed you.
  • ★★★★★ TRAVELING HERBS: Going somewhere? No worries; Wolfsong knows just what you need to stay hale and healthy during your journey. The rest is up to you.

    ★★★☆☆ KITTING: Thanks to Starlingheart and his own pregnancy, he's better prepared for the arrival of kits, but any complications will need a little faith and a lot of luck.
  • ★☆☆☆☆ POISONS: It's best if you avoid eating anything unfamiliar to you— it's probably just as unfamiliar to Wolfsong. The best he can do is offer you yarrow and sit with you.

    ★★★☆☆ ILLNESS: If it's white or greencough, you'll likely recover. Otherwise, prepare for odd concoctions and the usual request that you consent to a little trial-and-error.