MADE UP MY MIND [irritable]

Jun 14, 2022

✵ ღ ☾ I'LL LET YOU DOWN - She was simply going through the motions now. Though her grief had begun to numb, her nights were still restless, and her brief dreams were a replay of the worst moment of her young life.
Still though, she put on a brief face, the raw emotion she had shown that fateful day were now concealed with a unreadable expression, border-lining coerced content, she was ready to get back into her routine, her life- keeping her trauma safely tucked under the nights dim light.
She pushed her way through the camps entrance, two lizards dangling from tense jaws, she made her way to the prey pile, dropping them and moving to turn back towards her nest when a voice piped up from behind her.
“Cloudy! Hey!”
She only vaguely recognized the voice, not even an acquaintance, merely a clanmate.
She pondered not waiting up, but that would be rude.
Mind your cues.
She turns her head to look at them, curiosity sparking in her dual optics.
“Good morning! I was just wondering if you’d like to share this rat with me? It’s huge-“
❝ No thank you. ❞ Cloudy cut them off, keeping her tone light and polite. “Oh c’mon! I bet you’re hungry-“
❝ I said n- ❞ Cloudy began again, feeling her usual tolerance ebbing, and her patience wearing thin. The thought of sharing a meal with another made her unexplainably queasy. Yet, they cut her off. “I’ve been worried about you! Just share a meal with me, you won’t regret it!”
Now, she could feel herself become overwhelmed, she wanted to walk away now. Beginning to shake her head, they opened their mouth to press further, and Cloudy felt something snap. ❝ I already told you no! Please leave me alone already!❞ She snapped, a bit more audibly than she had intended, and unexpected reaction from the usually quiet molly no doubt. Regret would soon follow after as the others facial expression dropped, offended, they stalked away with their tail low. Cloudy pondered the idea of calling out after them, but her voice had lost itself. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she stood there.

❝ Speech. ❞


Tantomile had not expected such a pretty she cat, with fur that looked as soft as cloud cotton, to snap with such vehemence. Seeing the other feline stalk away, clearly taken aback- well, that was impressive, wasn't it? She had thought all cats to be pushovers compared to dogs before she had come here- but this she-cat, and many others of the marshes, could certainly hold their own against a canine! Lantern light against the shade of the marsh, Tantomile was easily noticeable as she bounded her way over. Despite her display of bravery, there was an uneasy look upon the alabaster molly's face that the girl noted as she closed it. Why would she feel guilt? Perhaps she just needed encouragement.

"Hey, nice one. Sometimes people just don't-get-the-hint." Tantomile rolled her eyes playfully, tossing her head from left to right. Still, she didn't quite find herself comfortable enough to take a seat; she knew not yet if the ivory molly had abhorred the company of just that one cat, or simply wished to be completely isolated.
There's not a cat in this camp she cares to share prey with any longer. Moth is gone, as are nearly half of the friends she'd once had. She watches Cloudy through half-lidded flaming eyes before smirking to herself. She agrees with Tantomile--some cats don't understand. Maybe Cloudy doesn't want to talk about her feelings. Maybe Cloudy knows it's stupid and pointless.

She offers her commentary lazily. "Lotsa nosy cats in the Clan. Cats who can't mind their own business." She sneers. Not so long ago, she hadn't minded, had joked about it--but she does not have it in her any longer. She flicks her gaze to Tantomile for a moment before stating, voice flat, "Better get used to it."


You should really try to befriend someone, having a friend is so much fun!. Was the words his older brother had said but Bleak didn't get it still. He didn't need any friends, not when he had big brother!. The rest in the clan didn't get him only his big brother did. But after everything that had happend lately Bleak had decided to give in at final last but only to make his brother proud. The best thing he knew was when Shadow patted him on the head, praising him. For that he would do anything no matter how pointless in the end he thought it was. Now, how was he suppose to succeed with this mission?. There was only one thing he could think about in the end to do and that was to give someone one of his precious worms!. Not only where they fun to play with but you could eat them too if the stomach growled at you!.

Perfect. That was how he was gonna do this.

The blind kit had picked one of the worms up he had collected in a lil hole in camp before going out on his mission to make his brother proud, uhm, he meant, making a friend of course. It should be easy enough. Anyone would be happy to get a worm as a gift. It for sure was the best idea he had ever thought about. Bleak was a true mastermind and for sure he would have a houndred friends by now if he had truly wanted to. That was how confident he was up until the point he found someone to try this out on. Unknown to him the one he had sniffed out was Cloudy. Sometimes it was difficult for him to tell apart his clanmates scents, it was still something he was learning the same went with telling apart voices. While it was easier Bleak had this bad habit of just stop listening when a conversation bored him. Because of this he had no real clue who Cloudy actually was beside she was a clanmate for sure. Yeah for sure.

The next step was to actually approach her and give the worm to her and then run as lightening away from there!. For sure she would get his message if he just gave her the worm. No words was necessery needed here to make his point across. Yes, Bleak thought he had it all figured out. That was until another clanmate started speaking much to his own disappointment. What?. He wanted to share prey with his soon to be friend?. No way!. He was the one who was gonna share his worm with her!. This was cheating!. Bleak was gonna let his big brother know about this and....

Bleak jumped a bit when the she-cat suddenly hissed at the other cat, shooking even him. Bleak had not been prepared for that but his sightless eyes showed nothing. Emotions where not something that easily come to this kit's face after all. With houndred of questions now another cat would join in to answer some of them. Some just don't get the hint. Huh?. What hint, what where they talking about?. Bleak titled his head like he was trying to listen better on the conversation to understand it better. The third and final cat then said something that took all of the confidence away from the kit. Cats who can't mind thier own business. Oh. He understood now.

This cats didn't like to share prey with others. It made them upset and yelling randomly. But why?. Shadow and him always shared preys together and they had never yelled at each other for it. Hmh. He guess...his plan not had been so brilliant after all. He no longer wanted to give his worm away to someone who not even would appreciate it. Feeling a bit blue the kit stared blankly down at the ground still with the worm in his mouth. This was the reason he didn't want any friends. They didn't get him and neither did he.

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✵ ღ ☾ I'LL LET YOU DOWN - She feels rigid, both with frustration and astonishment when Tantomile speaks up, encouraging her behavior. She sweeps her tail close to her as if trying to subtly comfort herself. ❝ Was I too harsh? ❞ She murmured to Tantomile and Flicker, as the latter had joined in only moments prior. She looks for any note of empathy in Flicker's brilliant gaze, figuring perhaps the molly knew how Cloudy was feeling, did she watch her friends die that night, too?
The shuffling of another is caught in her peripheral, and Cloudy turns her head to see Bleak, his head dipped and a limp worm hanging from his jaws. Cloudy knew very little about him, often distancing herself from children, but his sad state, undoubtedly a consequence of her reaction only a minute before, caused her jaw to tighten with her own sadness. The polite thing to do would be to apologize to her clanmates for her outburst and invite the little one over, but Cloudy only sits, trying to shake the emotion from her fur. Taking a moment before speaking once more.
❝ Bleak? ❞ She prompts, her voice a tad bit softer but still not at its usual honey-sweet pitch. She looks once more to Tantomile and Flicker, they weren't the most maternal cats, but they were older than her, so they knew what she should do- right?
❝ Speech. ❞


He'd seen it all go down from afar - Cloudy snapping at the poor soul that offered her food. Bleak's look of defeat, worm dangling from his mouth - as if the kit was to offer such a critter to the white feline instead, as if that would make her feel any better - follows, but only after others gather around Cloudy first.

She's hurting. Ribbit knows this. He's hurting too.

He's lost his brother. Lost a friend. Both within moments of each other.

They shouldn't have been allowed to step foot onto the battlefield - him, or Toad, or Ash, or.... anyone really. But especially not those with their whole lives ahead of them. Not those who still had yet to grow into their paws.

It isn't long before she looks remorseful, and it isn't long before Ribbit finds himself joining the group of cats.

"Harsh? Yes," Ribbit tells her, green eyes looking past Bleak, and towards Cloudy's primary victim, "But was it deserved? Maybe." The brown tabby wonders if he'd do the same if he was in her place, but he isn't too sure. He's hardly sure if he even wants to be left alone right now - isn't sure if the loneliness hurts more, if it makes him more aware of what he's lost or not.
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Only after Cloudy spoke a name that Tantomile did not recognise did the ginger molly's attention flicker toward a kit, who walked away dejected. A puzzled look twisted her features, but only for a moment- because soon approached another, someone she hadn't met yet and someone who spoke a vague judgement about the balance of Cloudy's actions. Fiery paws kneaded the ground in contemplation; had it been too harsh?

This new one- or, he was probably an old one, given that he'd been here longer than she- was wise, Tantomile decided. Following his words the femme offered a nod of her head, smile softening slightly. It seemed there was an aftershock advancing from the action, regret settling into the white molly's demeanour. "I thought it was brave, to stand up to what you wanted." Her verdict was honest, and paired with a reassuring smile, though she intended not to get too close. The edges of her personality softened upon getting a better read of the situation, noticeably so. "If you wanna be left alone, that's up to you, right?"

Niceties were all well and good, but not when you were bothered.