It's hard not to smile with her friend's nose pressed gingerly against her cheek. The bitterness could melt away just then, and naturally, she feels a brief purr rumble in her throat.
Cottonsprig's demeaner seems sickly, aligning with what she said earlier - but if it's as bad as it looks, she can't help but feel concerned. Junco searches her gaze, but finds it unreadable. A small sigh escapes her jaws, followed by a shrug. "Okay. Don't mind if I do." She wouldn't pass down a piece of prey, but.. she finds her appetite slowly waning, the more this conversation drawls on. There is a sort of tension in the air, something Cottonsprig is not speaking on just yet - letting it linger, letting it grow. She's making Junco . . . nervous.
But then, abruptly, she blurts out her answer. There is no dancing around, no sugarcoating - it is out now, resting between the two like a fresh, festering wound. Junco's mouth hangs agape, stunned for a moment - but then, callously, she laughs. Almost hard enough to bring tears into her eyes, she barrels over with a rapid giggle. "Pregnant- hah! You - you almost got me there, whew . . you -" But as her laugher slowly stalls, she sees the grave expression on the medicine cat's face. Folded ears and a hardset frown with searching eyes.
"You're not joking," Junco says again, quietly. She understands, now. The temper, the loss of appetite, the so-called 'business' and 'sickness'. She feels her throat swell with sorrow, but her brows crease into confusion and disbelief. Claws dig into the dirt below, threatening to unleash - it the only way she knows how to manage such emotion, after all. But, she does not give in - as much as she'd like to slap the molly in her face and tell her to never visit again.
"You -" she stammers, scouring her mind for the right words. Inside, she is a plethora of emotions, thoughts and memories. Cottonpaw's inclusion of her, despite Junco being such a troubled child; her few meetings to her at Horseplace, never harboring ill will; Cottonsprig's daily visits to the burrow Junco is held, where they would share a meal and sometimes share tongues, gossip, talk about her day . . always with the promise of the next. And, now, her friend's nose gently pressed to her cheek, mere moments ago.
"You're . ." another hesitation. She thinks of the way Cottonsprig defends her so avidly to Sunstar and the others. The way she looked at her when she announced she wanted to stay. A dedication so pure, so true - to a fool. Did she imagine the longing and hope in Cottonsprig's blue eyes, or the genuinity to her pleasant smile, her heart-full laugh?
And what of her own feelings? Junco had looked forward to every little meeting of there. She was comforted by her presence, she always wanted more. She wanted to know her - what she enjoys, what she thinks, who she is. The more she knew, the happier she felt. She longed to pull her into the burrow, to wrap herself around the medicine cat's soft-furred body and dream together. Stars, she risked her life and pride for her!
In a moment, Junco feels her jealousy - which had just been proven true - come back tenfold. A small shuffle sends her only half a tail-length away from Cottonsprig, for the burrow is not that big, but it's clear she makes an effort to keep the molly at an arm's length. "No. Tell me you're joking." Denial and bargaining - the melancholic siblings of grief. But Cottonsprig continues, affirming her statement in such a hopeless-sounding way that makes Junco's blood boil.
"You don't know what to do?" she echoes. Her voice is still and cool, like a frozen stream sheltering itself from the harsh elements of winter. "So that's why you're here, huh? You want me to like.. fix this for you?" Just like when Junco pleaded for Cottonsprig to talk to Sunstar - except that time, she actually meant what she said about wanting to stay with her. That's what this is, isn't it? Their relationship, at its root, is transactional. Is that what it's always been?
Well, in that case, Junco supposes she does owe her one. Her instinct is to spit, to kick, to break free and run away. From from her love, her faith, and her heartbreak as she always did. The recognition that she is being used is both a blessing and a curse - it keeps Cottonsprig in her favor, as does it keeps Junco in hers. "I don't know. Give them away, I guess. What do you want me to tell you?" The venom that laces her voice is undeniable now. It is envy, it is rage, it is sorrow - and unlike before, it comes from the heart, not from the spiteful, diseased mind.
Junco shakes her head. She doesn't believe her own ears. Selfishly, she wants closure - and for once since she's arrived, she will bend to her basic wants. "So - whose are they?" she inquires - a question that is innocent and curious by word, but malignant by the bite of her grating voice. "I'm sure they must be real important to you - for you to. . . to . ." To go behind my back. To lie to my face. To break your own code - to break my heart. But they are not mates, are they? Perhaps they are far from it, even - perhaps the way her heart flutters and the looks of warmth Cottonsprig gives her were all delusions. She doesn't even know if what she believes is true.
That just leads to the next question. "What am I to you? Dirt? Insignificant? You think you're better than me, huh? You think you're - you're above my feelings? That you can just.. just walk all over me and pretend there's nothing between us and.. j-just do things and I will just help you?" The hurt rises in her voice now, and stars, if it weren't for the fact that the source of this argument could cost Cottonsprig her job, maybe even her Clan - if it weren't for the fact that she cared - she'd have been shouting by now. But for her sake, despite every vindictive fur on Junco's pelt begging for self-justice, she keeps her voice just quiet enough. It is heavy, though, with feeling.. but stars be damned if she lets herself cry now.
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juncokit juncopaw JUNCOCLAW "JUNCO" ━━
penned by ixora
━━ BARNCAT
━━
14 MOONS,, ages every 21st
━━
CASSO xx
BUDGE
━━ MATE to
none | PARENT to
none
━━ MENTOR to
none | FORMERLY MENTORED by
mockinggrin
━━ HEALTH
♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎ | junco is healthy.
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speech is #6a7d8a
