sensitive topics mirror, oh mirror, is it true? ♡ death/birth

[Halfshade]

TW Stillbirth, sickness, death…

Halfshade can not even lift her head lately, feels as though she is sinking into the earth. The nest under her, no matter how much padding Starlingheart added, it feels so hard and uncomfortable; or it did before she stopped feeling anything at all.
She remembers her first litter. Not the one with Smogmaw, but the very first one she’d ever had so long ago that all she can really recall in her hazy memories are tiny bundles of white, three of them, so little and defenseless. She had not been a very competent fighter back then, it wasn’t until later in her time with that group did she develop the skills to combat others, to hone her claws on cat flesh. But when her first kits were born, white as snow and looking nothing like the tom who thought he sired them she had paid for it in blood and tiny lives. The scar on her belly burns at the recollection, she once thought that she was going to die then and there but she’d survived; now she got to die somewhere else much later, leaving behind a family she loved.
It had all seemed too perfect, she supposed. A tom who loved her unconditionally, cherished her even, kittens all so precious and beautiful even the more homely Garlicpaw was endearing; the sort of thing she dreamed about while trapped in the loner colony.
When she had left the place it was with red steps and puddled wakes of crimson, she had left it in the pieces it tried to tear her into and confidently though exhausted she had strode forward on her own and left it all behind, stumbling into the marshes and meeting Briarstar’s patrol.
Catherine, she introduced herself as, a few sneers at the obviously kittypet name but not quite so: she’d never been one, it had just been the name of her mother’s mother who once was.
She would’ve made a fine kittypet, lived a life of comfort and safety in some two-leg nest, but instead she was named Halfshade for her split coat, her silent and confident strides.
She stayed in ShadowClan through its darkest hours, through its struggles, she didn’t need to. She could’ve left at any time and been better off, this place was filled with hate and despair; not a cat among them she could claim cared for another at the time and then she met Smogmaw and she felt she could find some kind of happiness - if even a little.
In the fog of illness she stares off into space, seeing shapes twisting and warping around her, a distant voice rings in her head and her head spins; nauseous. A pang ripples across her side, she feels a familiar tightness in her stomach, a warning before the inevitable kitting but it pales in comparison to the dullness of her senses, the sharp scent of blood can not reach her suffocating nose and throat, no pain can pierce the veil of her disorientation.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
The kits are born and she’s barely aware of them, ashen-coated and quiet, if they cry the sound does not register to her. The pain did not even register to her, she feels weightless and drifting and the mouth of the den fills with shadow as a figure steps forward. Mismatched eyes bleary with fear and unease soften, widen into black pools.
“...Smogmaw? You’re back…” She sees a halo of blue backlit against the tom that was not actually there, but the realization she was to be saved now that the journeying cats returned was comforting. The blissful ignorance of hope drifted upward. She was saved and she felt no reason not to close her eyes finally, not to slip into the heavy sleep she had been desperately wishing for since she’d gotten sick, one where she could breath and not wheeze up dust from her lungs. It was peaceful. It was peaceful at long last and she would be fine.
He came back, they brought lungwort. She would get to see her kits grow into warriors, sit at their ceremonies, she would get to see her mate rise to be the leader she always knew he was, she would stand at his side proudly, she would…

She would…

She..was suddenly so terribly cold. Why? Why was it so cold? Leaf-fall had only just begun..

The torbie’s head lolled to the side, still, open eyes still fixated upon the mouth of the den though their sheen gradually dulled into opaque gems. There were four kits at the edge of the nest, no attempt made to pull them in close or lick them clean, three squealed and cried and wriggled to the still warm body and the other remained where it had come into the world; motionless in mimicry of its mother.
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[Ooc]
PAFP - @STARLINGHEART
Kit Tags - @Birdkit & @Halfkit & @TANGLEKIT
Older Kit Tags - @Garlicpaw & @swanpaw & @APPLEPAW & @/Ashenpaw
​

 

[Starlingheart]

The days tick past. Halfshade is not getting better. No matter how many herbs and no matter how much prey she tries to coax into her friend it is not enough. Starlingheart tries everything though, refuses to give up. She does not sleep and she barely even eats for herself. At night, she stays as long as she can next to Halfshade’s nest, green eyes fixed on the queen to make sure she is still breathing. "Please StarClan please don’t take her from me" she pleads with tear filled eyes. But the sky doesn’t listen and her prayers fall upon deaf ears because every day she is forced to watch as her friend gets worse.

When the kits do finally come she can only feel a sick sense of dread. Halfshade was not strong enough, the kits would kill her and even worse it was likely they wouldn’t even make it themselves. She thinks of how many bodies she will have to bury, how many lives she will have to watch be extinguished in front of her and for a moment she closes her eyes, wills this to just be a sick dream and when she woke up someone would tell her that she herself had caught yellow cough and was in a fever induced haze. But when she opens her eyes and the world is blurry she knows what she has to do. She has to push her feelings aside and at least try to ensure the kits made it into the world. She owed Halfshade that much, at least.

So she gets to work, she brings Halfshade a stick to bite down on if she can, she tells the queen to breathe. All things that she has done before and she finds that it is easier to deal with the crushing weight of her emotions if her paws are steady with work.

One by one the kits are born. Steadily, Starlingheart licks each one of them clean but when she gets to the last one she can see that the poor little she-kit had stopped breathing. She presses her nose to the top of the blue tabbies head. And while she is doing so she sees that Halfshades voice pipes up. Starlingheart turns and at the mention of Smogmaw instinctively searches the mouth of her den. Foolish foolish hope. It was far too soon for the journeying cats to be back. It only takes a brief moment to register that Halfshade is hallucinating.

It is in an even briefer moment that she takes her last breath.

Just like that Halfshade is gone. "At least your little girl didn’t have to go alone" she says quietly. There would be time to mourn later but right now she needed to be strong. Tears fill her eyes but she turns to the kits who still nurse at their mothers belly.

The first born was a kit who looked exactly like their mother, a girl. Blue and cream fur swirls together like an eddy and the way it runs halfway down her back is all too familiar. "Your name shall be Halfkit, in- in honor of your mother" she says, pressing her nose to the first kit, nuzzling her softly despite her protests.

The second kit is the first ones twin, blue and cream also mix together and as the kit cries out, Starlingheart thinks of the perfect name "And you shall be Birdkit" she says, voice quiet. It was also in honor of Halfshade, reminiscent of the nickname the vibrant she-cat had called her. She presses her nose to this kit too.

The third kit takes after their father but in the form of a she-kit. Blue tabby fur covers her small frame. "Tanglekit, your name will be Tanglekit aft-after your father" it is one of the names Halfshade had told her she wanted to name her kits. Like the others before her, Starlingheart’s nose meets the top of the kittens head.

The last one, the one who had been born not breathing is also a blue tabby. She deserved to be sent off to StarClan with a name as well. Something comforting she thinks. "And you little one, you shall be Dreamkit. May you find peace in the stars" all she had known was peace and love in her short life. No hunger, no pain, no suffering. She presses her nose once again to the newborns head before she looks up to see if any cats had gathered at the front of the den to see the new arrivals. If they had she would wave them in with her tail.

For a moment, she watches the kits suckle at their mothers belly. She would have to find a queen to take them in, would have to take Halfshades body to the middle of the camp for a vigil and later to be buried but for now she allows them this moment of peace and warmth. Allows herself this moment of rest. Today was going to be the kind of day that has her yearning for her nest, she can already feel it.


​

OOC NOTES . ✦ . CHARACTER INFO

• ooc : — sorry this post is so dang long ;-;​
• 
  

  

  
  

  ➵ she / her
  ➵ shadowclan medicine cat
  ➵ mates with granitepelt
  ➵ heterosexual
  ➵ scrawny and small framed black and white she cat with short fur and green eyes
  ➵ toyhouse [ ✦ ]
  ​

 

[Garlicheart]

She was becoming quite the hunter, all fueled by her desire to bring her mother and brother back to health. Her other sick clanmates too, of course, but she loved them much more deeply. This is all she can do, make sure they're fed and check on them every day. The air is cool, the sun is rising into the sky, a beautiful day is running its course and Garlicpaw leaves on her hunt with Dogfur in high spirits.

She checked on Halfshade and Swanpaw before she left, the state that her mother was in worried her. It was like she wasn't there. Garlicpaw feels helpless as she watches her mother deteriorate by the day... But she has to be strong for her. Smogmaw will come home with the cure and everything will be fine.

And so, she goes on her hunt with determination to do her best.

It's midday when she returns to camp with a frog in her jaws. The first thing she notices is....The smell of blood. It was coming from the direction of the medicine den. Gripped in fear, she rushed to the den, dropping the frog to the side and peering in to see a scene that turned her blood cold.

Halfshade lay limp, unblinking. There were kittens by her... Were they... Were they hers?

"M-mom....?" Garlicpaw calls weakly.

There was no response.

"N-no...." Her eyes, widened with terror, began to spill tears as she looked into lifeless eyes. "NO...." She feels herself falling apart. She tried so hard... Did her best to take care of her mother and sibling....

And it meant nothing.

Smogmaw left to find the cure, and it meant nothing.

"N-NOOO!! PLEASE- P-PLEASE WAKE UP!! I NEED YOU- W-WE NEED YOU!!" She cried out, legs buckling and leaving her settled at eye level with Halfshade at the entrance of the den. She needed to go to her, but if she got sick, then what? But she...Her mother lies there dead. She needs to be over there, not outside.

"Y-YOU CAN'T GO!!! STARCLAN, GIVE HER BACK!!" She wailed before finally letting her head fall to the ground, her tears streaming and moistening the dirt below. The cries of kittens catches her attention once more and she looks at them. She doesn't understand.

Where did they come from? Halfshade had been pregnant this whole time? She never said anything.... This was too hard to process right now. She doesn't know how to feel. She feels trapped with no one to run to, and its tearing her apart.

She feels only sorrow, no anger at the stars, no anger towards Starlingheart. Starlingheart always did her best, It's not her fault. Halfshade had been growing weaker by the day, and now knowing she was pregnant on top of it.....

She stares at her new siblings.

She can't find it in her to hate them. They're just mewling infants, it's not their fault either. Garlicpaw has no one to point the blame to, and it makes her even more upset and frustrated. She just wants her mother back. She wants her father back right now.

Her world is crumbling apart and she doesn't know what to do.​

 

[APPLEJAW]

She is not content to hang around her sister lately. Maybe it had something to do with the frog that hangs heavy in her jaws, meanwhile Applepaw was stuck facing the greatest extent of her apparent mediocrity. Her crouch did not come perfectly, yet. Birds and lizards were skittish, and annoying. Perhaps there’s a reason that Garlicpaw only ever appeared with lazy frogs and toads. Discomfort crawls its way upon Applepaw’s back. She trails behind Garlicpaw, regardless, unwilling to speak. It’s for the sake of their mother, and brother, that Applepaw shows her face at all, lips pressed thin.

They are met with dead eyes. A tortoiseshell pelt, more disheveled than Applepaw has ever seen it, slumped lifelessly across the cold ground. There are three mewling kits at Halfshade’s belly, and the fourth does not say much of anything at all. It’s a sad look, that Starlingheart looks them over with. A blink. And then two. Halfshade was dead.

Garlicpaw is quick to shed tears. Her wailing rings in Applepaw’s ears as she can only stay straight - faced, limbs locked. Halfshade had been everything she wanted to be, and here she sat, dead. What did that say about either of them? It is unreal, in every aspect of the world. In maybe, the last remnants of her kittishness, Applepaw had figured her invincible. What’s a little cough? She doesn’t believe that it killed her, even if they’ve all seen what it has done. Heavy Branch was old and frail.

The kits killed Halfshade. Her… siblings. Applepaw's stomach twists.

More brothers and sisters is something she never would’ve wanted. Hadn’t it been enough, with Swanpaw to dote over? With Garlicpaw, the shining star? This was something no one needed. Something that Halfshade should not have died for. She does not care about their names — about the soft murmurings from Starlingheart, as she does the job Halfshade should have been able to herself.

She cannot look at Garlicpaw. And she wonders, if she could’ve chosen who of her family would die, who she would have been the most okay with. That was probably evil, distantly, she thinks.

What if sickness took Swanpaw, too? He was prime for it, small and weak. What if Smogmaw did not return? What would be worse — to leave to save someone, only to find out it was all for nothing when you return? Or to die for that someone, and find them with you in the stars?

It is a long moment of silence before Applepaw is turning tail, without a word.

ooc ༊ 𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓆𝓊𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂

•  

• 

• ( I'M OBSESSED WITH THE MESS THAT'S AMERICA. ) APPLEPAW. kit of shadowclan. eldest sister to swanpaw, ashenpaw, and garlicpaw. ( + birdkit, halfkit & tanglekit )
  —— she / her; confused by the use of others.
  —— currently 6 moons old as of 9.27.23. ages every 17th.
  
  longhaired blue torbie with a white chest, paws, and underbelly. A young cat you would describe as " bossy, " Applekit is quick to take charge of any situation she sees herself as the probable head of. A rule - follower to a T, and thinks herself better than the majority of her clan for this. Not ignorant enough to think herself above a warrior, but seeks to gain that status as quickly as possible. Intensely self - motivated to be the best in a mixture of blind, childish desire, and never wanting to be afraid of anything ever again.

​

 

[ASHENFALL]

TW: BRIEF MENTION OF THOUGHTS OF SELF-HARM

˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 It is only by happenstance that Ashenpaw trails after his sisters today, not wanting to be left out of the impromptu family visit to be seen as some sort of vapid, uncaring son contrasted with Halfshade's filial daughters. In all honesty, he'd been avoiding the medicine den more than he'd like to admit. He couldn't stand the sight of his brother and mother suffering like that, weak and incoherent and so... unlike themselves. Well, finding Swanpaw sleeping the day away in his nest was a common enough sight even before he caught the -cough, but not Halfshade.

She lived in his head as a large, shining figure of awe—an idol he clung to when he needed some semblance of peace while battling a disquieted mind. Ashenpaw had convinced himself that it was only out of respect that he'd been repelled from the sick den, an atavistic lowering of gaze from witnessing their adored matriarch in such a sorry state. The past few weeks he'd seen her only in glimpses, he would duck his head in to flit his eyes toward her sleeping form, if only to make sure she remained where he last saw her, and would flee before he could take a second breath. His stomach turned now as he skulked behind them, when was the last time he'd even spoken with her? Ashenpaw couldn't remember anything more recent than an entire moon, and if it was sooner than that, it must have been only a couple of words, if any.

The world ends when he breaches the den's entrance.

He only vaguely registers the piercing wail of grief that Garlicpaw emits over the roar of blood within his own ears. The body before him is nearly unrecognizable, gaunt and sunken and limp-furred. Yet, he knows who it is immediately. Ice grips his chest and breaths come as shallow gasps as his eyes twitch between the horrifyingly lifeless face of his mother and the writhing, squealing little shapes of the life-drainers themselves. He does not react when Garlicpaw falls to the floor, instead inching closer to the gory scene himself. He cannot offer her any semblance of comfort. No, not when his claws stabbed into the earth below, only barely stifling the compulsion to bring them upward to scratch out his eyes and rid himself of the sight he could not tear his gaze away from. "Wh-wh-w-wha...d-did..." Ashenpaw attempts to speak, to ask what happened, anything, to no avail. The flood of ice and burning acid within him prevents any approximation of coherent speech. That is until he notices her.

The medicine cat hovers dark and quiet like the grim reaper she is, her murmurs and soft movements wriggling into his brain and setting it ablaze. Venom fills his veins and leaks out of his eyes to drop searingly onto the ground, and it fills his mouth with a bitter taste of poison. Bristling like he's met a murderer—he has—Ashenpaw spits his venom toward the executioner herself, "Y-Y-YOU DID THIS!!! YOU-YOU LET HER DIE!!! his voice is not the roar he wishes it was, it trembles and breaks and screeches out roughly past tears. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!" The shaking apprentice assaults her with words, and through the unfocused haze of water he cannot see her expression. Ashenpaw hopes she's crying.

He can no longer stand to remain there, not as the walls close in on him and he's drowning from the inside out. Ashenpaw turns from the scene and rushes out of the den, stumbling roughly past some body that he does not fully see. "Don't touch me!" he hisses weakly at them before darting to leave not to follow his sister, but to find somewhere to be alone completely.

FOLLOW THE TIDE ˚⊹₊‧ 𖦹 ‧₊⊹˚ WITH THE MONSTERS ON YOUR SHOULDER

• OOC: OUT! feel free to be the cat he shoves past on his way out
• 
• 
  — ashenkit . ashenpaw
  — trans male. he/him. 6mo apprentice of shadowclan
  — ??? ; single
  — longhaired muted blue torbie with heterochromatic pale blue and amber eyes
  — smells like rainsoaked ferns and chilled stone
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — fullbody by tropics
  — penned by eezy
  — currently in an era of grief and anger, approach with caution

​

 

[TANGLEKIT]

She takes her first breath, greedy and selfish, tiny lungs expanding for the first time in her life. She reaches out with her claws, needle-sharp against her mother's chilling form. Underneath that fevered grey coat lies her helpless blind and deaf body, a body that had already wrought destruction with her first breath.

And all she can think is how hungry she is.

She whines and cries, kneads and claws, and now christened Tanglekit, she feels the imposing presence and disturbance of peace through the paw steps of her older brother. Tanglekit cries louder and writhes with greater ferocity; and not purposefully does her tiny body roll away from Halfshade's body in her fright and frustration. She crawls blindly to the white-tipped paws of Starlingheart.

​

 

[GHOSTMASK]

✶ | the clang and crash of wails and screams emitting from her mother's den has become such a regular occurence since her last sunrises of kithood that it hardly deters ghostpaw as she pads towards the mouth of the medicine den. a proudly caught lizard is pinned between snow-white jaws as she steps doe-legged through the muck of camp, self-satisfaction glowing like banked coals in her dark eyes as she carries her gift to her mother towards the rocks that mark the den's entrance. ghostpaw has little space in her hollow chest for pity, but she is a sharp-eyed creature, and she has noticed her mother's hollow eyes and shrinking figure. it wouldn't be to her taste or her comfort for starlingheart to waste away tending to the sad lumps of flesh that lie sick in her den, so she's made it her duty to bring her occasional catches to her mother.

"mother? i have some—" her girlish voice is cut off by the swing and slam of another cat shoving roughly past her. preoccupied as she is with keeping her gift mud-free and clean for starlingheart, perhaps she hadn't been keeping her eyes entirely ahead, but still. the dark she-cat is affronted and as she turns to fix the other cat with a blue glare demanding of apology, he hisses at her and darts away, leaving ghostpaw standing with gritted teeth as she stares at his receding back. it's all she can do not to let her lip curl in a snarl of offense—how dare he.

"i have some prey for you....?" she murmurs, speaking slow in an attempt to keep herself in check, turning to search the den for starlingheart. it's the first time she properly looks at the scene within and pale eyebrows raise in surprise. it's quite a dramatic vision; halfshade lies cold and dead, evident from her dull eyes, with mewling kittens at her belly. garlicpaw (here ghostpaw must choke her distaste into silence once more) is bent over her and wailing for starclan like a child; her sibling must be the offender of earlier, ghostpaw registers with gritted fangs.

"oh, i - i'm so sorry," ghostpaw mews, calculating her inflection to the sorrow she doesn't feel as she draws closer to the queen's limp body. she is sorry, in a way; sorry halfshade's rotten brood had run into her, sorry her mother must undergo garlicpaw's screeching. it's not as though all that crying is going to bring her back, she thinks as she eyes garlicpaw with faux pity and glances back at her own mother. setting the lizard down, ghostpaw leans to press her small pink nose to her mother's cheek if she'll permit it. the apprentice murmurs, "it's not your fault, mother. you did everything you could."

these are the right words to say, she knows, and once she's said them she steps back. she wants nothing to do with the wriggling thing that crawls to the paws of a mother not her own.

OOC ✶ A MONSTER IN THE SHAPE OF A GIRL 𓆩⟡𓆪

• OOC:
  

• 

• 

  ( GHOSTPAW ) ✶ APPRENTICE OF SHADOWCLAN.
  x she / her ; 4 moons.
  x daughter to starlingheart and granitepelt ; sister to nettlepaw & flintkit. apprentice to her aunt lilacfur.
  x a small, serpentine black she-cat with a white mask & pants and unusually dark blue eyes ; a coldly self-centered cat with a careful facade of charm.
  x currently in an era of organizing her misaligned priorities and fine-tuning her ability to manipulate.

• disclaimer: it's important to note that ghostkit is an immoral character with a warped worldview, and her actions and thoughts do not reflect my own opinions as a writer. the way she behaves and thinks is morally reprehensible, and i do not condone these actions outside of roleplay in any way. she may refer to other cats in demeaning ways, including as "things", and this is not an attempt to oocly dehumanize anyone's character, but a reflection of her unfortunate outlook on the world.

​

 

[GRANITEPELT]

He has chosen a fortuitous time to visit his mate, the presence of the dreaded she-kit aside. Granitepelt does his best to ignore the little fiend, instead focusing on the distraught Garlicpaw, his own apprentice and her littermate leaving the area in a fury. Starlingheart perches over a cream and gray-patched figure, limp, kits feebly attempting to feed from her corpse. He grimaces in a manner very similar to his daughter—kits born like this are nothing short of cursed, he has to imagine, and now they try to feed from the very mother they killed.

Granitepelt hears Starlingheart murmur names to them, and for a sickening moment, red flashes behind his eyes. “Frostbite must raise them. Him or some other queen.” He would never consent to his mate—who is their only medicine cat now—nursing the deputy’s cursed kits. What bad blood would they fester within them, what discord would they create between himself and his beloved? She had only just weaned their own litter… no, he will not permit it. He stalks closer, gently coming between Starlingheart and the she-kit.

After a heartbeat, he forces his anger away, and he says, “She’s right. It’s not your fault.”

ooc ✧ 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖎𝖙'𝖘 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖊, 𝖎 𝖍𝖚𝖗𝖙 𝖙𝖔𝖔 - 𝖗𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗, 𝖎 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖉 𝖞𝖔𝖚?

•  
•  
• 

  — granitekit . granitepaw . granitepelt
  — he/him ; warrior of shadowclan
  — heterosexual ; taken by Starlingheart
  — short-haired gray tom with white and green eyes
  — “speech”, thoughts, attack
  — penned by Marquette
  — chibi by Meg

​

 

[scalejaw]

—————————————————【 she/her | menacing 】————————————————

【◈】Grief was potent in camp.

She felt it like a heavy blanket before the screams and cries began. That of a dead mother, that of a grieving medicine cat, that of lost children. Scalejaw's ears twitched, head turning towards the den. A breath inhaled sharply. The warrior pushed herself over, ears lowered as she stood outside of the den. Apprentices burst free and rush out of the den- Halfshade's children. A soft noise left her, vision turning inside the den. And oh, what a gruesome scene.

She did not know Halfshade, but she knew Smogmaw. They were friends. And just like she had cared about Smogmaw, she cared about Halfshade- and by extension the kits that now lay squirming in the den. Her ears were flattened as she stayed at the mouth of a den, a shadow with eyes pinned upon the situation. She watched for a long moment, then her tailed flicked sharply. Her expression was unreadable as she lifted her head, speaking firmly but softly. No need to spook the kits, who were not at fault here. They did not ask to be born, and Scalejaw could almost ensure they did not want to kill their mother.

"Is there anything, or anyone, you'd like me to retrieve, Starlingheart?" Her tone was that of business- her emotions would not entangle what she was finding her job now. Perhaps Chilledstar should hear of this, she thought briefly, but she would allow Starlingheart to make that decision. The wails and shouts of Halfshade's children were like fleas against her pelt, gnawing and wriggling at her heart.

"yuh"

[penned by dallas].

​

 

[Halfsun]

"SPEECH" Halfkit is unaware of the damage her coming into the world has caused, is unaware that her life had come at the cost of another. She is even unaware of the siblings who sob at her mothers side, the ones who bristle with anger and storm away. Her eyes and her ears remain sealed to the world and all she knows is the warm bodies next to her and the one that is growing cold before her.

She opens her mouth and she wails loudly, a demanding cry for more, for what her small mind knows that it deserves. More warmth, more food, more of that nose that pressed itself to her head. Like her sister, she crawls closer to the medicine cat, blindly seeking out warmth and comfort. Stability. Tiny paws churn desperately as she drags herself along the ground blindly, calling out while she does.

​

OOC NOTES . ✦ . CHARACTER INFO

• ooc : — worm momence ​
• 
  

  

  
  

  ➵ she / her
  ➵ shadowclan kit
  ➵ single
  ➵ sexuality undecided
  ➵ a long legged she cat with long blue tabby, cream tabby, and white fur and mismatched blue eyes
  ➵ toyhouse ✦
  ​

 

[Starlingheart]

When she hears a noise at the entrance of her den she is not expecting to turn and see Garlicpaw. Immediately, her ears pin to the back of her head and she turns her attention to the kits as the tortoiseshell apprentice wails for her lost mother. She is familiar with the pain she is going through and as sad as it was she knows there is nothing she can say that would make it better. Applepaw, her sibling is not far behind her but she only stares at Halfshade's body - at her new siblings - with unblinking eyes before she turns and leaves. Ashenpaw - their brother - quickly takes her place but it would not be for long.

Harsh words fly in her direction but the medicine cat doesnt even blink. She had heard it before, after all. With no one else to blame they had to put it on someone's shoulders and she was the most convenient. She does not react to the things that Ashenpaw says but she does hear them and as much as they sting she does not dare to say anything as Ashenpaw turns and leaves, bumping into her daughter on the way out.

She lets out a loud sigh as the kits clamor at her feet, crying out for a mother that is gone before they even knew her. Her eyes soften for a moment before she looks up, drawn out of her haze by her daughters voice followed quickly by her mates. She wants to collapse into Granitepelt the moment she sees him, to wail her grief to the stars. Instead she smiles sadly at her daughter, lets her press her nose to her cheek and says "Thank you my love I-I know" it is her fault but saying so would not make it any better. She did not need to put that weight upon Ghostpaw's shoulders. She nods in agreement with her mates words. "We will find someone" she says.

"Yes, please, go and tell Chilledstar bu-but please be-be careful. If you go into their den wash your paws after" she could not bear it if another cat got sick, if another cat died.
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OOC NOTES . ✦ . CHARACTER INFO

• ooc : — ​
• 
  

  

  
  

  ➵ she / her
  ➵ shadowclan medicine cat
  ➵ mates with granitepelt
  ↪ mother to nettlekit, flintkit and ghostkit
  ➵ a scrawny and small framed black and white she cat with short fur and green eyes
  ➵ toyhouse [ ✦ ]
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[Garlicheart]

She is left to weep, her siblings arriving and leaving shortly after. Ashenpaw spits venom at Starlingheart, and she wants to protest that it isnt her fault, but she's too choked up to get the words out. She trembles, staring at Halfshade's face as if afraid she'll forget what her mother looks like as she progresses through life without her. She wants to scream to the stars about how unfair it is, that they need to give her back. Her outburst wasn't enough, she needs to scream until her voice gives out.

She watches Halfshade as if expecting her to start breathing again, to start blinking and moving. She can't accept this. She barely registers Ghostpaw, hearing her words through the haze of her mind. She never blamed Starlingheart. She is frozen where she is, eyes drifting to the kits squirming at Starlingheart's paws. Those are.... Her siblings, she reminds herself. Family.

She manages to choke her sorrows down to look up at Starlingheart through tear filled eyes. "Its not- It's not your fault.... I don't blame you for what happened...Y-you... You didn't have the cure...S-so of course...Of course something like this happened...." She managed before more tears fell and she had to choke back more sobs. "I j-just... I want you to know I'm not mad at you...." She adds. She knows Ashenpaw's words must have cut deep, and she wants her to know that she doesn't hate her too. Halfshade was good friends with Starlingheart, and Starlingheart was always so kind and sweet...Garlicpaw couldn't be mad at her.​

 

[scalejaw]

—————————————————【 she/her | menacing 】————————————————

【◈】Hesitation was brief across her face, vision sweeping to the distraught apprentices. Motherly instincts, she supposed, and waved them off heartbeats later. A dip of her head followed towards Starlingheart- other matters had to be taken care of, now. "I shall let them know." She murmured. Instructions of how to approach Chilled brushed over her and went far beyond. Other matters were more important right now, she supposed.

Turning on her heel, Scalejaw padded from the medicine den directly to the leader's den. The news was murmured to them, giving the sick leader ample space. She'd remain momentarily, until she was either shoo'd or they lay back down.

@CHILLEDSTAR.

"yuh"

[penned by dallas].

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[Swansong]

( ☁︎ )　 Swanpaw has been in the medicine den with his mother for so very long now. He'd chosen the nest closest to hers, naturally. It's almost like being in the nursery again, if he ignores the way his throat feels like it's trying to tear itself apart. It's almost comfortable.

It's not, though. It's a strange thing, to feel yourself dying. Honey and feverfew can only do so much. Holding out until salvation comes, his father soon to return he hopes. Every day, Swanpaw can feel himself grow closer and closer to the stars. He thought it'd feel like sleeping, and in some ways he is right. It is a half-dreaming state that he exists in, mind perpetually clouded by the hazy delirium of the just-woken or nearly-sleeping. Half here and half in another world.

It'd make sense, were he thinking clearly, that Halfshade would be taken before he would. The thought makes him too sad, so he doesn't think much of it. He can't grasp onto the idea for very long, anyway. Everything keeps slipping from his mind, getting mixed up with dreams and delusions.

It is through this same dreamy haze that Swanpaw registers his mother's death.

There are four kits at Halfshade's belly. Starlingheart names them, he thinks, but trying to hold the words is like grasping at mist. Strange that she should name them, and not Halfshade. Her voice is so soft. He likes her voice.

The kits. Yes, the kits. Four of them. What are their names? Starlingheart said them. Halfshade isn't even looking at them, her eyes are closed. Ah, maybe she was too tired after that... It did look very draining.

Garlicpaw is yelling. When did Garlicpaw get here? "Shhh," he murmurs absentmindedly, but he's not sure if she hears. Why is she yelling? Her words slip from his mind as they are said. Ashenpaw is yelling too, and it's loud, too loud, and he's angry and Garlicpaw is sad and Swanpaw shrinks into his nest, confusion clouding his mind. What's wrong? He should ask, he doesn't like seeing his siblings so upset. "'S okay," he murmurs, trying to convince himself more than anything. "'S okay, 's okay..."

Ah, but Ashenpaw is gone now. Applepaw, too. When had Applepaw gotten there? Did she say anything? The questions slip from his mind as soon as they come.

There is so much talking, and Swanpaw is so tired. His eyes return to the kits. A smile curves across his maw, blissfully unaware to the chaos around him.

"He - llo..." comes the pained rasp from his throat. "'M your... big brother. You're so small, ah, stay close to - to mama, she's -" still not moving. There's a weight in his chest that he can't name. His mind is not fully lost to delirium, but denial is nearly as strong.

He's lost his train of thought. "Ha - ah, you're - you're all ashy. Just like your brother... or, his name. Mm, like your other brother. Not me. Younger big brother. I'm older... Ah. Hm. 'S okay. Don't be scared of 'm. Your brother. 'S nice... Hm, look a lil like your dad, too. You'll meet 'm soon, promi--" he breaks off into a hacking fit, throat dry.

"Promise..." he finishes, voice weak and eyes filmy with tears. He creeps closer, lays his head down and stares at the kits. Presses his side against Halfshade.

...She's so cold. Isn't she supposed to be keeping the kits warm? Ah, that won't do. His brow furrows, and Swanpaw curls a feathery tail protectively over his new siblings. He'll watch over them, he decides.

The thought slips from his mind as quickly as it came, and his eyes slip shut.

I WANNA BE HAUNTED ☁︎ I WANNA BE LOVED ! 【 10.1.23 】

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• "SPEECH"

• ☾ 　⁺　₊ 　⋆　SWANPAW.　APPRENTICE OF SHADOWCLAN.　HE / HIM / HIS.
  6 MOONS & AGES ON THE 17TH.　PENNED BY SATURNID.
  

  

  ☾ — A PALE, ELEGANT CREAM TABBY WITH PERIWINKLE BLUE EYES.
  An unusually pretty tom draped in near-white. Ghostly stripes curl across his fine-boned form, fur remaining always clean and well-groomed despite the muck of his home. Swanpaw bears a distant look to his eyes, a smile just a touch too vacant. He carries a weight far too heavy for one so young.

  
  HALFSHADE xx SMOGMAW. LITTERMATE TO APPLEPAW GARLICPAW && ASHENPAW. OLDER SIBLING TO HALFKIT BIRDKIT TANGLEKIT && DREAMKIT​

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[CHILLEDSTAR.]

DON'T YOU GIVE ME UP, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP​

---

the leader wasn't sure that they expected company, but given the amount of times they've been visited by scalejaw... maybe they should have. their eyes are glossy and tired, sleeping more than they have but not getting rest. their body is slowly breaking down, and every breath they took was painful... but perhaps that's what made this worse. the look on scalejaw's face could not be mistaken. something bad happened, and they're just too sick to properly deal with it.

"wh-what's g-going on... is... is everyone... okay?"

if they stars were nice, everyone would be okay. but rarely has shadowclan been afforded such kindness from the star-pelted felines.
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[scalejaw]

—————————————————【 she/her | menacing 】————————————————

【◈】Scalejaw's eyes softened upon their leader. They were far from fit to lead, and the guilt ate at her stomach for putting any kind of burden on their shoulders. News was news, however, and nothing could change or soften the blow of what she was about to say. Another soul, gone. Starclan lays claim to them still. Her thoughts churn as she clears her throat, trying to piece together words. Chilledstar had asked her a question- it was time to answer.

"No. Halfshade's kits are born, but Halfshade did not survive." Scalejaw spoke earnestly, voice devoid of emotion. She had placed those in her nest this morning before she left- she never wore them on her shoulder, and thus, they'd never be damaged, right? "Starlingheart requested I make it known to you." Scalejaw's voice had softened from that cold chill she normally wore, but her eyes were just as piercing as before.

"yuh"

[penned by dallas].

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