oneshot MOCHA KISSES && panic attack

Jun 16, 2022

The night is quiet and the camp has finally fallen silent, retreating to dens to sleep after a long day. It seems everyone has slipped in to dreamland, everyone but Pumpkin who is on her second night in a row of absolutely zero sleep. She was shaken by the meeting, shaken by Cicada coming home with wounds, angry with having to share Cicada with the other kids now. Life wasn’t fair! Pssh, yeah, she learned that life wasn’t fair a long time ago when her eye was nearly taken out. She wrinkles her nose at the thought, inwardly heaving a sigh of grief for the lost vision.

Dying is an awful construct and she shivers as thoughts of bleeding out on the ground, helpless and afraid, flash in her mind. They’re quick enough that she does not have time to suppress them and her breathing quickens as she remembers the flash of claws. She’s fighting to keep it down, gripping her head with her paws and thumping it, please, please go away. It’s no use and christ there is blood everywhere, its on her paws and in her mouth and it makes her head feel heavy, her heart is racing faster than she can count the beats.

Cicada. She needs to go to Cicada, despite what happened, she needs a rock because shes loosing her marbles out here. The world buzzes around her, a red haze and she can physically taste the iron tang. She rises to her paws with great effort, a hollow expression settling on her face, stumbling towards Cicada’s den while barely holding in a sob. She gets to his entrance and pushes her head in, letting her gaze adjust as her eyes begin to burn with the strain. Please, please, she’s so close to losing it. Shes searching for him, desperately before her eyes land on a being she wished she did not see. A face that Pumpkin would have been better off forgetting. Mother. Mothers stone cold face is staring back at her and her ears flattened as her heart stops, reeling back out of the den as she rushes out, in to the camp and out the entrance.

Her tiny legs carry her far, far away from the terrifying experience. She was not ready to go home, not with mother. She had a new family here, mother couldn’t- she, she can’t take her back. Her lungs burn with the exhaustion but she keeps going until her legs physically buckle beneath her and she starts heaving quiet sobs. The river is cold, the stars are unforgiving and cruel. Paws slam desperately against the riverbed, the sobs growing shriller as she does so. "Just leave me alone!" she cries out, voice carrying on the wind and her head hurts so bad. Her throat is growing hoarse with the effort it takes to heave and cry out. Shes buried in a growing pile of sand, a ticking time bomb and shes not sure how much longer she has until she totally explodes, not able to self soothe.

Eventually she somewhat calms from her attack but not without a growing discomfort in her heart. Theres a voice in her head that calls for the heads of those that wronged her and its growing louder and louder as the days go by. The sobbing quiets as she falls in to a dreamless sleep, exhausted with the effort it took to run and run. Stupid, silly Pumpkin.
  • Sad