private no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin ☀️ stormywing

[ROEFLAME .]

-ˋˏ ༻ ☀ ༺ ˎˊ-

There was anger, Roeflame couldn't deny it. The emotion felt almost feverish the longer the deputy had to process, Stormywing had an entire litter of Half-Clan kits. Though, even after sitting and trying to find somewhere selfless to place her anger, Roeflame couldn't, not until it morphed into selfish hurt and she could think of the question; why didn't she tell me?

Of course, there was an endless list of reasons, but all the logic in the world couldn't reel in the warriors' bitterness, the hurt feelings. It wasn't until she had gotten to bury her nose within her own kittens fur that awful morning when a new perspective had come to light, the perspective of a mother.

The sun sets on the following day, and Roeflame's gait is unsteady as she approaches Stormywing in camp, free from Thundergleams presence or Flamestar's.

The deputy settles carefully with a wince, staring ahead for a long moment before letting out a ragged exhale. "You did the right thing, in that moment you were a mother." It hurts to say, it feels surreal. Imagining Roeflame in her friends pawsteps is all she can do to keep from returning to the anger.

Aiming to gently lean her shoulder against her friends, Roeflame would finally turn to look at Stormywing. "What happened?" It's an intentionally vague question, she would ask for every detail if she could. Yet, the best she can do is give Stormywing the chance to pick whatever she wanted to share, anything.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── I GOT A POCKET ⋅✴⋅ A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE ──┐‎

• @STORMYWING
  

• 

• 
  ROEFLAME ✩ she/her, Deputy of Thunderclan, twenty-seven moons.
  ⭃ petite cinnamon silver ticked tabby with murky green eyes & a small scar over her left eye.
  ⭃ mate to Burnstorm ☀ mentor to Dovepaw & Dwindlingpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted ☀ underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Noor ↛ @toyangel on discord, feel free to dm for plots.

​

 

[STORMYWING]

She didn't really expect Roeflame to approach her. And she? She'd been too scared to go to her friend first. Ever since the secret came out, Stormywing spent much of her time alone or with Thundergleam. Thundergleam had not judged her. She has been nothing but a support, loving and sweet as always. Perhaps it was wrong of her to think so, but she doesn't think any of her other friends would spare her the same kindness. I don't deserve it. So when the deputy sits beside her, she holds her breath, ready for the scolding, the onslaught of anger.

Instead, she offers understanding, and Stormywing blinks wide, shocked eyes at her. A mother. Like she has any idea how do be that. She just knew she couldn't let her kin, her blood, be killed. Call it instinct or whatever.

But then Roeflame asks her simply what happened and suddenly Stormywing feels as if the flood gates are cracking open. Her lip trembles as her eyes begin to water yet again. Stars, this whole fiasco has made her quite the emotional one, hasn't it? "I wanted to tell you. Burnstorm, too. I just…I was scared you'd look at me differently. Think I wasn't loyal or something, I don't know." She shakes her head, gaze dropping to the ground. Drawing in a shaky breath, she mews, "It…never should've happened. But I fell in love with Iciclefang on the journey to the mountains. Things got…so confusing, Roe…there were no borders, we were like one big clan working together, and…I don't know, we got close. We became more than just friends. We- she…tried to stop it when we got home. I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't say goodbye. I was in love with her."

She turns guilty eyes back on her best friend now, ears pinning with utter shame. "I kept seeing her. At Sunningrocks, at night. Lightstrike…he knew. He caught us one time. But no one else did and I thought it would be fine but I was wrong. And when she found out she was carrying my kits, she ended things then and there. At the time, I couldn't understand why. I didn't want to, but now…I know better. Their lives were easier without knowing they had ThunderClan blood." More tears gather in her eyes until finally one spills over her cheek. "And I just ruined that for them."​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

-ˋˏ ༻ ☀ ༺ ˎˊ-

Stormywings wide-eyed gaze staring back at her makes something twist in Roeflame's chest. It was likely that the warrior was expecting sometime entirely different from the fiery-tongued warrior; perhaps if the revelation had been shared moons ago, that's what would have happened. It's empathy that bleeds over Roeflame's anger; in some small way, it's the ghost of pale fur across a pine-laden border.

Like a pine nut, her friend cracks. Her fear of rejection, the journey- where borders did not exist. Roeflame's gaze is unreadable as Stormywing continues, pangs of understanding and disappointment beating within her chest at the same time. Lightstrike knew, that discovery makes Roeflame's eyes widen in a moment of fleeting surprise. It was the RiverClanner who ended things, not Stormywing. Roeflame feels cold air bathe her tongue as she takes in a sharp inhale. "Oh, Stormywing…" the deputy begins, words lost on her for a moment.

Feelings of betrayal and disappointment make Roeflame's spine prickle, those feelings the deputy cannot deny. "If Iciclefang had not ended the relationship…how far would you have taken it?" The question spills from the warriors lips tentatively, well aware of the weight she now placed on the others shoulders.

Again, the figure of Snowpath flashes behind celadon hues; and Roeflame almost parts her maw, though able to stop herself. Their relationship had been nothing like Stormywings and that RiverClanners; their young, foolish love unspoken and buried with his death, untold. What good would sharing that meager thread of empathy do for her friend now other than open the door for the appearance of condonement where there was none? Roeflame holds her tongue, leaving Stormywing with nothing else but her previous question.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── I GOT A POCKET ⋅✴⋅ A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE ──┐‎

• 

• 
  ROEFLAME ✩ she/her, Deputy of Thunderclan, twenty-seven moons.
  ⭃ petite cinnamon silver ticked tabby with murky green eyes & a small scar over her left eye.
  ⭃ mate to Burnstorm ☀ mentor to Dovepaw & Dwindlingpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted ☀ underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Noor ↛ @toyangel on discord, feel free to dm for plots.

​

 

[STORMYWING]

The prickle of Roeflame's words cuts deep. Stormywing flinches, her ears flattening as her gaze darts away. How far would she have taken it? She knows the answer, but admitting it feels like pouring salt into an already festering wound. For a moment, the warrior is silent, her tail curling tightly around her paws as if to shield herself from judgment. Finally, she lets out a shaky breath. "I don't know," She murmurs. She swallows hard, forcing herself to meet her friend's gaze. "I…I probably wouldn't have stopped. Not unless she did, like she did. I didn't have the strength, Roeflame. I…I was selfish, okay? I told myself it didn't matter, that no one would find out, but...but that was just me lying to myself. I know that now." Her voice cracks as honesty floods from her maw, and her tail lashes once behind her.

"I never thought about what it would mean for ThunderClan. I just…I was so caught up in how she made me feel." Her throat tightens as she presses on, her raspy voice trembling. "And now look where that's gotten me. Look where it's gotten my kits. I've ruined everything, haven't I?" Stormywing feels smaller than she's ever felt before, shrinking under the weight of her shame, her guilt, and the heartbreak of seeing her clanmates, her friends and family, look at her with disappointment and anger. "I want to do the right thing, but I think it's too late for that. I'm sorry, Roe. I'm so sorry." Her voice breaks on the last word, and she lowers her head, bracing herself for whatever comes next, whatever barrage of scolds her deputy deems fit.
​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

-ˋˏ ༻ ☀ ༺ ˎˊ-

I probably wouldn't have stopped. Not unless she did, like she did. I didn't have the strength, Roeflame. The tremoring words send pangs of disappointment and uncertainty echoing through Roeflame's chest cavity. Perhaps, she had been hoping the answer was something she could justify to herself, to Flamestar. Once, when she thought of loyalty, Stormywing was one of the first cats that could come to mind; now Roeflame was forced to question the distinction between a Clan and a heart- if the displays of loyalty towards ThunderClan had just been a by-product of the latter.

The tabby had approached the conversation as a friend, but now she questioned if that had been the right thing to do; if she was blurring the lines too much.

By the time Stormywing is finished speaking, Roeflame's brow bones have creased, but she is unable to subject the molly to the pressure any longer, unable to continue to watch a cat she held so dearly continue to crack. "Things will never be able to return to what they once were, not for any of you." The kits in question drift to mind, and there was nothing Roeflame could honestly say to soothe Stormywings worries. "You made a mistake, and I believe you when you say you're sorry," I think, Roeflame adds silently; sadly. "But now it's time to atone, that's all you can do." A sharp exhale passes through Roeflame's lips, making a final decision on her stance.

"Look at me, Stormywing." She orders then, though her words are not quite steel. "All you can do is try to make it right, no more and no less. It's not meant to be easy." She manages to keep from speaking on her own emotions, though just barely. "You did what any parent would do, you saved your kit. Now, you won't so much as look across the river, you can't." You have to prove your loyalty to us ten times over again. A painful thought, but reality nonetheless.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── I GOT A POCKET ⋅✴⋅ A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE ──┐‎

• 

• 
  ROEFLAME ✩ she/her, Deputy of Thunderclan, twenty-seven moons.
  ⭃ petite cinnamon silver ticked tabby with murky green eyes & a small scar over her left eye.
  ⭃ mate to Burnstorm ☀ mentor to Dovepaw & Dwindlingpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted ☀ underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Noor ↛ @toyangel on discord, feel free to dm for plots.

​

 

[STORMYWING]

Roeflame's words cut through the fog of guilt and self-loathing in Stormywing's mind, piercing her like thorns. Things will never be able to return to what they once were. The reality of it stings worse than any wound. She wanted so badly to believe that with enough effort, enough apologies, she could fix everything. That maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't have to change. But her deputy's next words make her pause. I believe you when you say you're sorry. Stormywing's ears twitch, and she lifts her head slightly to look at her friend. There's no anger in the silver tabby's voice anymore.

"I'll try," She murmurs hoarsely. "I'll do whatever it takes to make it right. I just…I don't even know where to start." Her tail flicks nervously behind her as she glances at the ground. But when Roeflame orders her to look at her, the warrior obeys. Her golden eyes meet her friend's green gaze, and for the first time in days, there's a flicker of determination behind them.

"There's nothing for me across the river," She promises, and the reality of that statement is hard to swallow. "I'll prove to you, to Flamestar, to the whole clan, that ThunderClan is where I belong. I know it won't be easy, but I'll do it. For my apprentices…for Thundergleam." Her friend is the only one who really knows how she feels about the other warrior, after all. She takes a shaky breath, and hesitantly she leans forward to touch her nose to Roeflame's shoulder. "Thank you…for not giving up on me."
​