private nothing like me 𖥸 beetlepaw

[mottledpaw]

· · ───────────── ·𖥸· ───────────── · ·

Well after the sun had set, when her den-mates snore through the night in relative peace, Mottledpaw finds herself haunted by her choice... by the gaping holes in her life. She stumbled to her paws, crawling past sleeping figures with lead weight in her paws, not noticing when her tail dragged over one of her nest neighbors on her way out. Red-rimmed eyes glanced around camp, making note of the guards that sit just outside the camp entrance- she couldn't go that way, they'd have too many questions and would offer her their stupid piteous stares if she answered honestly.

Stormywing would kill her if she found out... so she'd just have to make sure she didn't. Quickly, she scurried across the empty camp to skirt around the nursery, looking for the hole in the wall exit to escape through for her nightly ritual. The set of eyes that linger on her back as she disappeared go unnoticed... vanished from his sight in a wink. The outskirts of camp are littered in ferns and brambles that tugged at her fur, even after so many times spent crashing through here to escape camp.

She trailed along a little ways, not trying to get too far from camp before ultimately settling down to lay amongst the fallen leaves like flattened roadkill. To just... lay there... and listen to them decay while jade eyes flick up towards the canopy in search of starlight. "Mind if I hang out with you guys," she asked Silverpelt, begging for two of them to wink back at her. I miss you so much... Are you happier now that dad's there?

Annoyingly, tears prickle at the corners of her eyes. How long would she be forced to mourn them? Did it ever go away? Mottledpaw is starting to think it never does... That she'll be stuck in this nightly routine for as many moons as StarClan will let her live. Or rather, how many more moons until Stormywing wrings her neck for her little 'late night escapades.'

@beetlepaw​

 

[beetlepaw]

His paws were drumming on the ground, running after that of a rabbit- dashing through mud and leaf, ducking under branches and through sun-warmed air. His heart sun and enjoyment was all that followed in his wake. That was, until, a tail dragged over his eyes and nose and snapped him out of a good dream (you know, for once!) Eyes narrowed in the split second they opened, head lifting to turn towards his cousin who had just stepped out after rudely waking him.

Oh, no you don't. He thinks sourly, Beetlepaw pushing to his paws and following Mottledpaw out of camp. The other is so distracted he doesn't need to bother ghosting about the ground as his father has been trying to pin into him, eyes narrowed and ears forward as he followed her. The night guards doesn't seem to turn towards them as he follows her out, but he slows before he gets too close. Ears strained to hear Mottledpaw's words.

Her eyes were lifted as she speaks- hangs out with who? His thoughts run rampant for a long moment before tears prick at her eyes. Annoyance only grew seeing the sight, and it wasn't long before Beetlepaw pushes free from the dying foliage about him to confront her. "Seriously, did you come all the way out here just to cry? Could've done that in camp." Beetlepaw says. He knows those things, at least: one, his cousin being out here alone spelled death in so many ways it spun his head around.

Two: crying alone was stupid. Mourning alone was stupid. Her cousins- ones that he favored more anyways- would be grieving all the same, wouldn't they? Ears flattened as he waited for a response.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ┌── KEEP YOUR APOLOGY ⋅❁⋅ GIVE US MORE DETONATION ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• BEETLEPAW he/him, apprentice of thunderclan, eight moons.
  ⭃ LH black smoke with bright green eyes. growing into a very broad and built tom-cat, mirroring his father's build. of average height, with a shit-eating grin more often then not.
  ⭃ being mentored by burnstorm / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ no romantic interests / / BURNSTORM X ROEFLAME - sibling to dovepaw and littlepaw, adoptive sibling to hopepaw and coalpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[mottledpaw]

· · ───────────── ·𖥸· ───────────── · ·

The mocking intonation of a particularly obnoxious family member is enough to set her on edge immediately... What tears roamed freely grow dried by her frustration, staggering to her feet to stare at him with a glower. "Sh-shut up Beetlepaw," the tortoiseshell hisses, lifting her paw to aggressively wipe at her face. Humiliation washes over her like a strong stormfront, wishing that of all cats to have found her it wasn't him. "No... I can't..." He might be able to wear his feelings openly on his paws but someone labeled a snake could not be afforded that emotional space. She would not grieve in the public air where she could be ridiculed and told it was only her own fault.

"Why'd you even follow me...? Just to make fun of me for being sad?" Her lips pull back in a sneer, trying to come across far more prickly than she felt. Anything to return to her porcupine-esque reputation, untouchable and independent where there was no love or patience to spare for her.

Even if he did care, what could he do? He had both of his parents to run to for any trouble he might encounter. He'd chosen the kin who'd won the war... and so she was left with nothing but her siblings, suffering the same weight from the same foolish choice. Burnstorm would not offer his sympathies to her (she assumes, and doesn't bother to find out if it's correct for fear of it being true). Her cousins loathed her (Beetlepaw's constant need to contest her proved that, right?). Every apprentice that yet remained in that den had openly crowed how much they hated her under Skyclaw's reign.

Being in ThunderClan felt like a prison... but at least a prison that kept her head dry... and her belly full.​

 

[beetlepaw]

His tail flicked, more irritated then before, at her words tossed back. She was on her feet in an instant, though the sway wasn't lost to him, ears shoving forward and eyes narrowing at her. His stance was that of defensive, paws spread and shoulders squared. "Not gonna shut up." He tossed back at her, Beetlepaw's vision near offended. What right did she have to tell him to do that?

Why'd you even follow me? Beetlepaw sniffed briefly, mouth opening to tell her to come back to camp again, that it isn't safe out here this late at night, but her second question made something inside of him shift uncomfortably. Like metal grating against cobblestone, a stone sliding slowly against another stone, a feeling best left alone. One that grit the teeth and caused pins and needles over his shoulders- but here she was, tugging at any way to irritate him. And boy, it was working.

"No, I didn't initially, but I can start now, if you want." Beetlepaw fired back, stepping closer. He's eye to eye with her now, even if it meant leaning his head down. "I came out here to drag your sorry ass back into camp, because there's predators out here that can kill us both. But fine, you end up like him, see what I care." His words are out before he can stop them, fueled by vitriol and fire. Acidic- thats how his tongue tasted.

Eyes widened briefly at the realization of what slipped from his mouth- but then he was doubling down, eyes narrowing again, anger quick to return and square his shoulders once more.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ┌── KEEP YOUR APOLOGY ⋅❁⋅ GIVE US MORE DETONATION ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• BEETLEPAW he/him, apprentice of thunderclan, nine moons.
  ⭃ LH black smoke with bright green eyes. growing into a very broad and built tom-cat, mirroring his father's build. of average height, with a shit-eating grin more often then not.
  ⭃ being mentored by burnstorm / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ no romantic interests / / BURNSTORM X ROEFLAME - sibling to dovepaw and littlepaw, adoptive sibling to hopepaw and coalpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[mottledpaw]

· · ───────────── ·𖥸· ───────────── · ·

Of course he's not... Her glower stays transposed upon her face in the way it replaces a grieving mask so quickly. What intimate, quiet moment she could share under the gaze of her parents is dashed... any relief she might get squandered by a nosy, dark-furred tom. It was hard to believe they were kin sometimes... his penchant for fighting with her and hating her- because she was sure that was what it was. They'd been born rivals... Maybe StarClan had planned it to be that way. His steps are rigid with frustration as he approaches her, towering a small height above her despite her will to not be shadowed like a tiny kit. To be made to feel weak.. helpless.

"I'd rather you-" she thinks to ask him not to. To leave her alone when her blood already drips from her eyes and down her chest... She'd been spilling it in private, exposing ugly wounds to the moonlight as if it might bathe and cleanse them. But he sees that same wounded animal and lunges to gouge his claws in deeper- "You end up like him..."

Her ears ring suddenly, loudly... a tinny sound that hurts her head, she can feel the fur along her spine stand on end, the burning around her eyes that betrays her hurt even though she wants nothing more than to snarl at him and bark like a dog; to be a threat, to be untouched by his malicious slip-up. But the cuts just bleed more with his pressing, and though she grits her teeth like she means to growl at him, all it does is hold back a strangled sob. "Say that to- to me again," she spits with a heavy breath to divide her warbling. "Did that make you... you feel good? You finally get your licks in?"

Grief fuels rage so readily, she is a coal warmed and engulfed by sudden flame. "I'm going to make you eat those words... you... you stupid, ugly-mouthed... piece of... foxdung!" Her paws shoot up to try to grapple him, a thoughtless move to just throw them both to the ground so they could roll around and scrap the way she wanted to. His height taken away from his advantages, in the mud they were both just disgusting rats... In the mud, the crimson could be painted over.​

 

[beetlepaw]

He interrupts her- and that's fine, it only fuels his conviction. Eyes narrow as he awaits her response, and he doesn't have to wait long after his words. Those words, they were damning- would haunt him for his days. Dead like him. Like Lightstrike, who fell at the cost of defending his clan. All things considered, he should be considered a hero in death, but here Beetlepaw was, throwing it in Mottledpaw's face like acid.

Beetlepaw didn't have any regrets about that.

His stance is shifting, unconsciously standing straight and stronger against what might be coming next. His ears shoved forward, green eyes glowering at her. "What if it does?" He snaps back. "He's dead, and he's not coming back." He finalizes, barely aware of his lips moving. There was a pattering of his heart, blood boiling underneath the surface. Why was he doing this? That thought was overwhelmed by anger as she threatens him.

Her threats were made good, and quick at that. His own paws shoot up at the same time hers do, grappling for a moment. But her body twists and they tumble into the mud, dampening his pelt and grit settling against his skin. It was irritating, so he aims to roll on top of her, slamming her body against the ground and pinning her there. Fangs were bared at her, tail lashing in anger. "Are you STUPID?" He shouts, voice sure to rouse anything in a hundred foot distance. He pulls back and slams her down again, mud splattering if he was successful.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ┌── KEEP YOUR APOLOGY ⋅❁⋅ GIVE US MORE DETONATION ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• BEETLEPAW he/him, apprentice of thunderclan, nine moons.
  ⭃ LH black smoke with bright green eyes. growing into a very broad and built tom-cat, mirroring his father's build. of average height, with a shit-eating grin more often then not.
  ⭃ being mentored by burnstorm / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ no romantic interests / / BURNSTORM X ROEFLAME - sibling to dovepaw and littlepaw, adoptive sibling to hopepaw and coalpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[mottledpaw]

· · ───────────── ·𖥸· ───────────── · ·

The repetition is a poisoned dagger slid between the weak flesh between her ribs, twisting painfully where it grinds into bone and begs not be scraped at. Her teeth threaten to break apart in her mouth with the force of her grimacing as the blade cuts deep enough to nick her lungs. "He's not coming back." And she knows. She knows that. She knows it. "You think I need you to tell me that!?" Every morning waking up hoping it might be a bad dream... every fitful sleep spent begging her parents not to go... She'd been stupid enough to ask her mother to get up. Stupid enough again to beg him not to leave her. They'd both refused... they'd both laid there with their eyes closed... unmoving. No amount of pleading had changed it.

Tears like molten lava stream down the planes of her cheeks, dampen her face even as they tumble through the muck at her behest. She'd started this much... she'd make sure he hurt just as much as she did. She'd make him understand. Mottledpaw would kick him so hard it would sink into the pit of his stomach just how much she ached.

Or at least... she hoped she would. In the temple of her own mind she predicted herself the stubborn winner. It was never the case with Beetlepaw. He'd always been better at fighting and even now still tossed her like a ragdoll onto the ground to loom over her again. Green eyes stare like knife points up at him in defiance, listening to his screeching insult while he dug her shoulder-blades uncomfortably into the dirt. It's hard to see him, even as she blinks furiously to expel the tears that blind her, "Only half as stupid as y-" What little give he pulls back on encourages her to try to fight back, only to feel the hard press of his weight thrown back into her chest- the back of her head smacks into the ground again, her half-cooked retort now her own teeth dug into her tongue.

It hurts... that ringing sound of anger is more earnest now, a pounding headache and bleeding mouth to join it in its unrelenting nature. "HMMMMH!" She swallows and it tastes red around the muffled cry of pain. Speckled forepaws flash out to swipe at his muzzle, forgetting in her fury to keep her claws sheathed. Maybe it would sting less to share it... maybe giving the pain to someone else might make it easier to bear.​

 

[beetlepaw]

Mottledpaw's eyes are filled with tears, and for a ragged wounded second, Beetlepaw knows he has done wrong. He recognizes in the red of her sclera, in the way her breathing was sobs and how he, if for a plain second, put himself in her paws, he'd feel much the same. Angrier. More deadly then her wounded cast looks to Starclan, but he wasn't her, and he wasn't a good apprentice, a good cousin. He wasn't a good son.

He is satisfied as his blows land true, but the way she's dazed give him pause. Has he done damage more then he intended? More then just to keep her still for but a moment, to try and smack sense into her? Her declaring noise tells him otherwise, and his eyes snap close as unsheathed claws make dagger marks on his muzzle. Beetlepaw doesn't inhale or screech in pain, simple stumbling off of her and, with ragged and stung breathing, slowly lifted a paw to his muzzle.

Moonlight cast upon his body as pawpads touched to the wound on his muzzle, sure to scar with the shorter fur there. Green eyes shifted and turned towards her. And when he speaks, with a twisted tongue and voice dripping with bitter rage, he is direct, snappy. "Do you feel better now?" He asks, slowly starting to approach her again. "My blood on your claws? Does it justify you?" His voice is getting louder again, tail lashing. "This won't bring them back either." He snarls out, standing up straight again as blood drips down his muzzle and joins the mud.

She was right- the mud would wash away any crimson tonight.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ┌── KEEP YOUR APOLOGY ⋅❁⋅ GIVE US MORE DETONATION ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• BEETLEPAW he/him, apprentice of thunderclan, nine moons.
  ⭃ LH black smoke with bright green eyes. growing into a very broad and built tom-cat, mirroring his father's build. of average height, with a shit-eating grin more often then not.
  ⭃ being mentored by burnstorm / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ no romantic interests / / BURNSTORM X ROEFLAME - sibling to dovepaw and littlepaw, adoptive sibling to hopepaw and coalpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[ROEFLAME .]

-ˋˏ ༻ ☀ ༺ ˎˊ-

While restless nights had become a less frequent occurrence, Roeflame had not become immune to a bout of bad luck every now and again, even now that Burnstorm was back in his rightful place next to her.

After only earning a few, teasing drifts to the deputy’s dreams, Roeflame finally removes herself from her midnight-hued companion's comforting hold. A moment in the evenings chill might do her mind some good.

The warriors den shields the sleeping ThunderClanners from many things, falling leaves, rain, the stray holler from an apprentice where they shouldn’t be. The outburst wasn’t clear, cushioned with the breeze and a thorny barrier; only noticeable enough to catch Roeflame’s attention.

Carefully picking her way through the camps entrance, the stray outburst gradually bleeds into a series of angry noises.
My blood on your claws? Does it justify you?
The sound of her sons voice drives Roeflame fully forward, stepping into the ravine with a wild glimmer in her eye.

The duo drip with a mixture of blood and mud, and Beetlepaws last words feel like ice in the mothers ears. “Beetlepaw.” Roeflame growls, voice lowering to a deep, daunting pitch, giving away her presence. “What in StarClans name are you two doing?!” Seething was not the right word, not when confusion measured in equal parts with the she-cats shock and anger.

Celadon pools once again brush over the duo’s shallow wounds, and Roeflame shakes her head. “Gentlestorms den, now. You two can explain yourselves there.” It was unlikely her restless friend was sleeping at this hour, but that did little to soothe Roeflame’s irritation and concern. What happened here?
Whether her question was answered tonight or not, Beetlepaws words wouldn’t be so easily forgotten.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎┌── I GOT A POCKET ⋅✴⋅ A POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE ──┐‎

• 
  
  
  

• 

• 
  ROEFLAME ✩ she/her, Deputy of Thunderclan, twenty-seven moons.
  ⭃ petite cinnamon silver ticked tabby with murky green eyes & a small scar over her left eye.
  ⭃ mate to Burnstorm ☀ mentor to Dovepaw & Dwindlingpaw
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted ☀ underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by Noor ↛ @toyangel on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

​

 

[mottledpaw]

· · ───────────── ·𖥸· ───────────── · ·

Regret tingles from the edge of of claws all the way up her legs... to a sore neck until it gets caught in her head, a cage for a terrified bird that slams against the bars wildly. He stumbles off of her, a much needed freedom as her heart beat picks up with the adrenaline of her choices- she stumbles, wincing against the throbbing in her head, to get to her paws. He yells... and keeps yelling and never shuts up.

If you were anything like your name you'd be a quiet pest instead.

But he crows about his blood... about the way it must satisfy a dark itch in her that horrifies her. It isn't true. Every time it grew reinforced... this nebulous idea that she was a monster, growing more savage and senseless by the day. Though it still tastes of saliva-thinned blood, she opens her mouth to speak, "You-"

Her rebuttal that he pushed her to this point dies in her chest, one more dart sent from his mouth to pierce her throat. Just one more gouging reminder that they were dead. And he had everything he could ever want. Envy bubbles like an uncomfortable poison... spurs such hateful thoughts they frighten even the sour-toned tortoiseshell. I hope it hurts when your dad dies. I hope it leaves you a shell of who you thought you were.

-"What in StarClan's name are you two doing?"

Roeflame's voice sends a crackle of fearful electricity down her spine, abruptly reaching up to wipe at her eyes to hide the fact she'd been crying. She was just going to pick Beetlepaw anyways, no use being a bigger loser by admitting it stung. "I was just-" But their deputy has no interest in hearing her answer out here... A sharp command to tuck their tails and walk themselves to Gentlestorm's den. Her ears flatten, trying to swallow past the swell of a bitten tongue as she sulks towards the camp. Seeing her now felt like a guilty judgement call for her thoughts, reminded too what it would mean for Roeflame for that to come true.

I didn't mean it... And she sincerely hopes she didn't.​

 

[beetlepaw]

His words are left to scathe the air- and they burn. But he does not feel regret. Not when she cast the first physical blow. Not when she marred his face. She is silent as his heart thunders, words echoing off the trees. It isn't the echo that gives him pause- no, it's the scent of his mother finding him just before her words- his name is called- snap through the tension in the air. Green eyes widen like moons, shifting towards her.

Guilt. That is what stings his heart and tongue like acid, the knowledge that his mother heard the cruel things from his mouth. Ears flatten against his head, and he has the good graces to remain silent as Roeflame questions them. Not a question that he or Mottledpaw was meant to answer. He licks the blood from his lips briefly. Instead of arguing, his paws dully trace the ground after Mottledpaw. Well, shit.

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ┌── TELL ME DOCTOR WHATS THE CURE ⋅❁⋅ FOR THE WICKED MANS BLUES ──┐‎

• "speech"
  

• 

• BEETLEPAW he/him, kit of thunderclan, nine moons.
  ⭃ LH black smoke with bright green eyes. is growing into a very broad and built tom-cat of average height, mirroring his father's build. has a nick in his right ear and a new scar on his muzzle.
  ⭃ not mentored yet / / mentoring no one
  ⭃ no romantic interests / / BURNSTORM X ROEFLAME - sibling to dovekit and littlekit, adoptive sibling to hopekit and coalkit
  ⭃ peaceful and healing powerplay permitted / / underline and tag when attacking
  ⭃ penned by dallas ↛ dallasofnines on discord, feel free to dm for plots.
  

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