⚛︎₊˚‧ The tight ball that made up the otherwise hollow cavity of his chest continued to protest against him in the form of raking, sharp pains and pulsating aches as the fear of what he couldn't understand continued to consume him ravenously, eating him alive piece by piece with every rise and fall of the obscured sun above the shrouded pine canopy. The uncertainty of the clan and the way their former leader's disappearance seemed to do nothing but drive the remainder of them apart was a phenomenon he could not cope with- change being something he did not take well to, so much so that he would even react negatively to the alterations of the very seasons, something so natural it was like breathing the air.
Smogstar had always been a disconcerting presence to him, foreboding and unpredictable in a way that made Amberhaze's pelt prickle with discomfort and the overwhelming instinct that told him to run, but that in itself was something he had grown accustomed to, the familiarity of what he couldn't pinpoint about the daunting presence of Smogstar one that he had learned how to coexist with and numb himself to so that it became what was right and what should be. Now it was gone, and it was no longer as it should be, the vacancy left behind, although perhaps much less stressful in comparison, was undoubtedly new- and what was new was just as hard to navigate as the entity that he had looked at with potent hesitancy.
He had been pacing, his breathing shallow as he struggled to keep his muddled mind from running itself in circles to the point of no return- he had been breaking down much more often lately, the eyes of those surrounding him bearing witness to such pathetic behavior something that he almost couldn't care for anymore. No amount of attention could ever amount to the anguish that he felt when he floundered in the waters of his ocean of thoughts so real to him he could not break the surface for an ounce of peaceful consolation. His only saving grace this time was the presence of one who was just as desperate as he was, though her ability to conceal it feigned composure and sensibility- at least to those unlike Amberhaze, who could detect the same doubt and helplessness inside the eyes which bore into his own. Their emotions a mirror to each other.
"You — you got a plan for this one? Code: Our-Leader-just-disappeared-into-thin-air? ...Cause I- I'd love to hear it, right about now..."
It was a surprise to hear that someone as callous as Sharpshadow would willingly subject himself to the incoherent ramblings of Amberhaze, the way he would drone endlessly on about what could be in the near or far future enough to drive even the most sane individual mad- but he was always prepared, what was left of sound mind perpetually in motion in order to cultivate anything and everything possible to keep its bearer and those who he desired to remain with safe from catastrophe. Perhaps Sharpshadow was simply humoring him, or doing what she could to occupy herself with something much more mind numbing than mulling over the endless possibilities of what misfortune, or perhaps fortune, may have befallen her former mentor who she clearly held with high regard and perhaps unhealthy amounts of attachment. Whatever the reason, it mattered little to Amberhaze, who would take this opportunity with zeal in an attempt to keep himself grounded.
"Oh! Um, yes. W-well, no- actually, uh-" He would struggle to formulate his desired sentence for a moment, still clearly frazzled from his prior panic stricken rumination. He did have a plan, he had a scene in his head that he could play out with ease if he only closed his eyes, however it was without question that not every decision that would need to be made in order to see it through to fruition was within his control. A disappointment for sure, but beyond that, a liability. He was unsure if it would be what Sharpshadow hoped to hear, if he was capable of holding any form of hope at all.
"I do." He allowed a labored breath to escape him before continuing on with shifting paws.
"I-It's just...There are s-some kinks that still n-need to- uh- be...worked out. Or rather- um- others need to w-work out." His hollowed gaze would begin to shift then, optics frantically flicking every which way until they lingered on the frame of Mirepurr, though not long enough for it to be noticed by those who lacked proper perception.
He would lean closer to Sharpshadow then, allowing his trembling voice to lower so that it was meant for his ears alone.
"The plan would uh- go much smoother if- if our deputy...actually stepped up to uh- to lead. F-Formally, I mean." Although potentially insensitive- of course it was a difficult transition for them, having been named deputy so soon only to be cast straight into the limelight without the leadership experience to match- and that wasn't even touching on the emotional turmoil that had rained down on the clan as a result of it's leader's mysterious disappearance, his concerns came from a genuine place. They could not go on without a proper hierarchy in place, and as it stood now, what was once whole and as stable as it could be was now naught but ash, and it would only be a matter of time before the strain of it began to take hold and show itself not only within their own ranks, but those neighboring them who would surely relish the opportunity to stick their noses into places they had no business being in. But beyond that, and what was of the highest concern to Amberhaze, was what they might do if they were to discover their hidden turmoil- would they use it to their advantage? Strike them down when they were at their most vulnerable? Try to take control of what was left of them while they were weak? Their information, resources, land, prey, their very souls could be snatched away in the blink of an eye and at any point should only a sliver of what was a private affair found its way gliding into the ears of one with malicious intent and ambitions strong enough to actually take action. He felt defenseless and barren even in the heart of his own camp, and sleep was something that he realized had become increasingly harder to come by as of late.
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AMBERHAZE — HE/HIM ･ 20 MOONS ･ WARRIOR OF SHADOWCLAN ･ PENNED BY SLOANE
a short but lengthy black cat with a boney build and striking ocher eyes filled with unveiled trepidation. black oriental shorthair.
