pitchstar's head snaps towards cicadastar so fast, he's surprised it didn't snap clean in half. the other tom speaks of shadowclan and windclan as if they're devils, branding them as shady, untrustworthy, evil. first, sootstar, retelling the crimes of her lead warrior, who supposedly crossed the riverclan border over a rabbit and attacked the riverclan patrol who'd stolen it. and could anyone blame weaselclaw? riverclan didn't need that hare, look at them! getting fat off of fish from the river while the other clans struggle. as for smokethroat, who'd been sent to the medicine cat's den... well, it's funny how they're making such fucking fuss over their precious little warrior, who'd taken prey from windclan's mouths, when they'd hardly cared that two medicine cats had attacked bonejaw unprovoked.
that's enough, cicadastar had told pitchstar, yet he stands here with the same speech divulged about the so-called injustices of another clan. pitchstar wants to spit it back into his stupid face. he wants to make cicadastar bleed for his hypocrisy.
pitchstar's teeth grind against each other, a headache bursting behind his eyes. but it is nothing compared to when cicadastar turns to him with a smile as friendly as a fox's with the accusation that his words had been nothing but fables. "you think that-" pitchstar begins with a lip curled, only to be interrupted as cicadastar launches into another tirade. this time, revealing that bonejaw had come crawling to riverclan. pregnant, cicadastar adds, and it is a punch in pitchstar's already bruised gut. pregnant, bonejaw- he hadn't known. how long had she known? did she not tell him purposefully?- and she chose riverclan over her own kin. over him.
he tells himself that he doesn't care what that rat does, after her betrayal. but anyone could see it is a lie, in the way that he flinches away from cicadastar as if he'd been burned. over him, over her family, she chose riverclan. (never him, never him, never him. why does no one ever choose him?)
cicadastar insinuates that pitchstar hadn't sent search parties. as if everything the rosette tabby says is a lie. does cicadastar not think that pitchstar cares enough for his clanmates to send a search patrol?! is that what everyone thinks of him?! "you don't think shadowclan tried to bring back wolverinefang and fogpaw?!" pitchstar all but screams at cicadastar, rising onto his shaking legs once more. the world's spinning faster now, and he teeters on unsteady paws. "we searched high and low for them! but we couldn't keep expending our already-limited energy on two cats who had seemingly dissipated into thin air, no matter how much we wanted to. we have queens and kits we have to feed, and in case you've forgotten, cicada-" pitchstar spits the riverclan leader's former name. "-the marsh is not particularly kind to us, especially in leaf-bare. you must've forgotten that, after leaving us for the river where you can get fat off of fish without worrying about when you'll eat next. prey's already hard enough for my clan to find without half of our warriors exhausted from search patrols that keep coming back with nothing to show for their work."
cicadastar sides with bonejaw, of course he does. they've always been close. it wouldn't have been hard for him to become entangled in bonejaw's web of lies she'd supposedly spun about shadowclan. accusing them of not sending search patrols, and apparently, of smogmaw attacking poppypaw. funny how that's not how most of shadowclan recounts that day; it'd hardly been more than a superficial scratch, not even bleeding more than a drop. and poppypaw had 'attacked' smogmaw, first! too ashamed to admit that you're disloyal, aunt? you have to pin the blame on us to make yourself look good so that you can worm your way into riverclan like the snake you are?
"we couldn't afford our medicine cat leaving us for who knows how long! starlingheart is a child, and you expect her to look after an entire clan by herself for days on end?" well, now she has no choice. "would you let your medicine cat leave for an unknown amount of time? put themselves in danger by leaving alone, possibly to never return themselves? would you put your clan at risk, without a trained healer to take care of the injured and ill? or is this a case of double standards to make shadowclan look bad?" you'll fit in well with riverclan, bonejaw. i hope you can choke down fish while your family starves in the swamp.
pitchstar's claws scrape against the great rock, and he imagines it is cicadastar's face instead of cold stone. cicadastar goes on to call him a mad man, for doubting starclan's choices. for branding a she-cat who'd abandoned her clan and left them helpless in the dead of leaf-bare, as disloyal. "funny how i didn't see you siding with cinderfrost and honeytwist, two more of starclan's chosen, a few moons ago!" pitchstar spits. "and, might i remind you, starclan gave me nine lives, too! i'm starclan's chosen, too; you're not special or holier-than-thou, cicadastar!"
it might've escalated, pitchstar might've lost what little self-restraint he's forcing and actually sank his claws into cicadastar, if it hadn't been for blazestar speaking next. huffing and heaving, pitchstar turns wild eyes onto the skyclan leader. the large flame point speaks of a terrible loss... an apprentice, blazestar's daughter, killed in a skirmish. there it is, the sympathy he has to choke down. why should i have sympathy for those who outcast us? pitchstar reminds himself. shadowclan is on their own, and the other clans have made that abundantly clear. for the amount of shit they talk about sootstar, she's been the only leader who've offered shadowclan their support. you can't trust anyone else but your own. the others? they don't give a shit about you.
he doesn't offer blazestar his condolences.
emberstar's the last to speak. she proposes rules for the clans to follow, a code. and the first law she lays down? utmost loyalty to one's clan. pitchstar almost laughs, given the events of the gathering. for once, emberstar's read his mind perfectly. "i agree!" pitchstar howls, casting cicadastar a murderous glare at his next words that are lowered into a snarl. "a warrior code, that everyone must follow. no double standards, no biases!"
