*+:｡.｡ Talking to Betonyfrost is like treading the line along a cliff's edge. It's dangerous. One false move and
splat, all efforts to get to the other side wasted in an instant. But my, how exciting it is! Normally when she plays so careful with her word choice it's to ensure a cat sees her as a delicate flower rather than a fragile mouse to be snapped up in a single bite. Today, the goal is simply to befriend the woman. A hard-edged, weathered down, withered husk of a woman. A boulder that has broken in two. A little, beautifully green weed blossoming through the cracks.
She can sense the other's eyes on her, the contemplation. As of late, Betonyfrost has been nothing but a snarling, biting mess - a wolf with its teeth stuck in a bone, cowering in the shadows. Why? Because she bit down too hard; because the bone wouldn't break? Her doing, the world's doing, did it really matter? Betonyfrost was angry, hurt, pitiable, and all so unnamably charming. Despite all that, she sticks around. Every chance she could've had to throw Duckshimmer off that cliff, she didn't take.
However, Betonyfrost does manage to finally hit a nerve.
Hurt flashes oh so briefly in Duckshimmer's soft blue eyes. There's a sudden, desperate need in her to disagree with the woman. To explain it all carefully so that even Betonyfrost speaks to her with a soothing kindness she inexplicably, hungrily needs. Dewy eyes glance at Betonyfrost's sullied feet and reflect with a twinge within her chest how there is not a care in the world for which part of Shadowclan she treads. She was welcome anywhere. She enjoyed all of it.
It felt suddenly all too silly of her to care so much where Betonyfrost walked, attention shifting to her own feet. Duckshimmer's paws, in contrast, were carefully dry. Each step had been calculated to ensure it. Moons of practice - far too many - made her aware of each step; the give of the ground, the right way to sidestep without looking clumsy- silly things, but they gave her results.
To avoid the mud was, of course, impossible, and Duckshimmer wouldn't waste her time on such efforts if she were hunting or fighting. But on a casual, relaxed walk, when she had no excuse
not to care, the thought spiked through.
It'll be too difficult to groom out.
What if you stopped being
Duckshimmer?
A prim and proper creature, so perfect that mud and grime slide off her pelt like water. One can't help but envy her. They
have to. Her efforts ensure they look upon her as something to envy, to admire, to protect. A delicate flower to be plucked and treasured.
That's Duckshimmer.
Anything else would be a mouse with its twig of a neck exposed, laughably easy to snap in two.
She flicks her paw.
Shaking off some of the mud - and with it, the hurt - with ease. Oh well, it was an odd topic she shouldn't have started anyway. However, in a way, Betonyfrost's lack of understanding only enforces Duckshimmer's envy - her admiration - for the other woman.
Her eyes twinkle when Betonyfrost responds again. She reads the sarcasm, of course, but she's now picturing this snarky, scarred woman bending over herself, cackling for the first time in a long time. The mental image makes Duckshimer's smile grow just a little wider. "
You're making me want to earn it, then" she shifts a little closer to the stony woman, eyes mischievous as she tempts fate, "
If I call you 'my dearest darling', would that do it?"
But the moment grows quiet, and Betony's green stare weaves around Duckshimmer like a rope of vines. The woman senses the shift in the atmosphere and allows the playful gleam to fade. She lifts her head, meeting Betonyfrost's gaze. Studying her back, she considers the source of this suddenly heavy inquiry. Does Duckshimmer expect cruelty without reason from Betonyfrost?
Cruelty, sure.
Without reason?
She thinks about Lilacfur's kits, about Frostbite trying to comfort her, about her quick snap at Duckshimmer's efforts today and... "
I've seen how cruel you can be, and I've seen the reasons behind them. Many of them I can agree with" She speaks matter-of-factly, almost with a dismissive shrug. But wonders, then, about Betonyfrost's view of herself. Did a boulder care about who saw it's cracks? Did that little weed loathe those who did not take the time to water it?
She smiles once more, lifting her slightly muddied paw, she purrs, "
But this? Throwing me in the mud? I wouldn't label it cruel if it's in play" Glittering eyes dancing, and she
aims to lightly dab at Betonyfrost's shoulder, "
Right now, it's just you and I, no one around to stare or judge. Can't it be a clean slate? " Her attention trails, focusing past Betonyfrost to stare almost longingly at the puddle of mud. "
Do you remember being a kit, Betonyfrost? When throwing each other into the mud had nothing to do with anything or anyone, only us and...just mud" she asks, almost afraid of the answer. Afraid that Betonyfrost still holds any memory of the past. Afraid, perhaps even more, that she doesn't.
She feels her age, then. These walls built of her pristine fur and carefully timed sparkling eyes - she feels them press inwards. Betonyfrost's irritated gaze, and the imaginary yet oh-too-real eyes of all-too-hungry cats pushing in from the outside. More than ever she feels so painfully childish. About the mud or the teasing, she isn't sure. But she finds herself licking clean her muddied paw, an itch of discomfort running up her spine.
This...
she was acting improperly.
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//disclaimer, it was 2am when I first wrote this, and 1:30am when I edited, so forgive me if nothing makes any sense aaghggh
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GENERAL:
⚜ Duckshimmer
⚜ DFAB— She/Her — Bisexual
⚜ 30 moons — Ages 1 moon every month real-time
⚜ Mother to Singepaw, Swallowpaw and Sneezepaw
⚜ Shadowclan — Warrior
COMBAT:
⚜Physically hard | mentally hard
⚜ Attack in bold #ffa98f
injuries: None currently
